


It’s all good baby baby

by anaisanais



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Angst, Banter, Complete, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Even is 23, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Flirting, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Isak is 20, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Past Relationship(s), References to Canon, Romance, Secrets, Sexual Content, Sexual Frustration, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Trust Issues, so many music references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:22:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 127,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22114813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anaisanais/pseuds/anaisanais
Summary: “Cool shirt”. Isak nodded at the guy's chest, where a faded print of Notorious B.I.G.’s face was plastered over the front. "...Very oldschool." he added with a smirk.“Thanks. You're a Biggie-fan?” the guy smiled.Isak nodded. “Uh huh, sure, I like the old stuff, likeJuicy.“ He licked his bottom lip.∙Or, Isak is a first-year biochemistry student at Oslo University and is going through a dry-spell. Magnus thinks he’s getting desperate and dares him to talk to a really attractive guy in the uni cafeteria just for the heck of it.This is how Isak and Even meet and quickly strike up an easy friendship revolving around hip-hop, weed and banter. Within a couple of weeks Isak has developed a crush on Even. But Even has a long-time girlfriend, and he’s straight. Right? And besides, Isak doesn’t do relationships anyway.
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim & Isak Valtersen, Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen, Even Bech Næsheim/Sonja (SKAM), Isak Valtersen/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 520
Kudos: 781





	1. Juicy

**Tuesday 14 January, 2020  
**  
“Ugh, I fucking hate exams!” Isak groaned, as he plopped down on a chair in the humanities department cafeteria at University of Oslo, joining Jonas and Magnus who were already digging into sandwiches.

He aggressively put down a plate with a ham and cheese sandwich and sighed. Running on 4-5 hours of sleep a night for the third week in a row, a 4000-pages curriculum and exams less than a week away was _seriously_ starting to wear him thin. 

“What’s up with you, man?” Jonas frowned while biting into a mouthful of sandwich.

Isak rolled his eyes. “Exams are kicking my ass, and this is just the first semester. Like, how am I going to get through _five years_ of this shit?!” 

“Issy calm down... you’ll do fine.” Jonas grabbed his shoulder and shook it reassuringly.

“Yeah, you’re probably the smartest person I know, so... ” Magnus chimed in. 

Isak's lips curved into a smile. “Thanks Mags, that was actually really ni-“

“...But you’re also the grumpiest, like holy _shit_...” Magnus said with no bite. 

Isak rolled his eyes. “And here I was actually thinking you were being nice to me...”

Magnus threw his arm around Isak.  
  
“You know I love you, bro.” He proceeded to make a kissy mouth at Isak, which Isak dodged with an “ew.”

_Why the fuck am I the only one with dark circles under my eyes?_

Magnus winked at him, completely unfazed, and blew him a kiss. Isak shrugged out of Magnus’ hold.

Magnus then took another bite of his sandwich, his eyes widening mid-chew.

“Holy shit, Isak, that’s why you’re so grumpy!" He said with a mouth full of meatball sandwich.

Isak looked at Magnus, while biting into his own sandwich. "Hm?"

"Oh my God, how did this not occur to me before? You need dick.” Magnus said plainly, swallowing his bite of sandwich. 

Isak almost choked on his sandwich.

“ _What_?!” He awkwardly shrieked before quickly grabbing a water bottle off the table and taking a sip to clear his throat.

Jonas laughed. “Sorry, Issy, but I think Mags is actually on to something here. You’re so fucking grumpy all the time...I mean...” he shrugged.

Isak tucked a stray curl behind his ear and adjusted his snapback.

“I don’t _need dick_ , what the fuck.”

Jonas and Magnus shared a look.

“I’m just stressed out over exams! I’m allowed to be stressed without you two idiots telling me I need to get laid!” He said, voice coming out a little high pitched. A little _desperate_.

Magnus snorted and laughed. “Shit, just listen to yourself, Iss, you’re so pissy!”

Jonas nodded his agreement.

“You know what would help though? Getting laid." Magnus deadpanned. "When was the last time, you had sex?”

Isak rolled his eyes hard. “I don’t know, like last month..?”

Jonas gave Isak a disbelieving look.

Isak shrugged defiantly looking between Jonas and Magnus.

"Fuck if I knew. It’s not like I write this shit down...” 

_When_ was _the last time, I had sex?_

Magnus looked at Isak and cleared his throat. 

“Yeah, okay...Isak, just let me help...I’ll be your wingman.” he offered. 

“You’ll be _my_ wingman?!” Isak snorted. “...Dude, I think you’re forgetting that between the two of us, _I’m_ the one who’s actually got game...” He smirked at Magnus.

Jonas broke into a laugh.

“Nice one, Issy” he said while high-fiving Isak.

Magnus rolled his eyes. “Fuck this! Ok, Isak, if you got so much game, then I dare you to flirt with that guyyyyyyy...” Magnus dragged out the word as he looked around the cafeteria trying to spot the right guy, “...over there! Ha!” He pointed to a tall guy waiting in line for the coffee vending machine.

Isak looked at the guy.

He was tall. Like really tall. At 6’1, Isak considered himself a pretty tall guy, but this dude looked a few inches taller, probably around 6'4. Slim. Longish blond hair curling at the nape of his neck. Grey t-shirt, hoodie, jeans and sneakers. 

The guy was scrolling his phone, while waiting in line for his turn to get coffee. Isak noticed how his full lips quirked into a smile, as he must've seen something funny on his phone. 

Isak swallowed dryly.

_Shit. He’s really hot. Like _damn_._

Isak had a hard time taking his eyes off him. It felt like his eyes were automatically drawn to him, now that he'd laid eyes on him.

“...Isak?” Magnus' voice finally reached Isak. 

"Hm?" Isak reluctantly tore his eyes away from the guy and turned back to Magnus, trying to remember what they were actually talking about. 

Magnus laughed. “Shit, Isak, it’s even worse than I thought. You’re _so_ desperate, bro.”

“Desperate?! What the fuck do you mean, I’m not desperate...” Isak frowned so hard, tiny wrinkles appeared between his eyebrows.

Magnus' eyebrows shot up, “uh, _yeah_ you are, and that’s why you should flirt with him. Live a little! Like, have you even had sex since you broke up with Mats?

Isak glared at Magnus.

Jonas looked up from his phone. “I agree, Issy. You look kinda desperate dude...” he chimed in. 

Isak turned to look at the guy again.

_Who is he?_

_He_ was now getting a cup of coffee from the machine, absentmindedly pursing his lips while waiting for the cup to fill.

Isak let his eyes trail over him for a moment, taking note of his full lips, high cheekbones and the cut of his jaw. Then Isak turned to Magnus. “I don’t know, Mags, he’s probably straight.”

“Oh yeah that reminds me, I’ve actually been wondering...” Magnus said.

“What?”

“Like... how do gay dudes find each other? Is it true you have some kinda radar?”

Isak rolled his eyes hard. “Magnus.....”

Jonas laughed. “Oh my god, Mags, I swear you say the stupidest shit sometimes...”

“ _Yes_ , Magnus.” Isak deadpanned, “...all gay guys have a radar, it’s called Grindr.”

“Really?” Magnus said gullibly.

”No, Mags.”  
  
“Well, how am I supposed to know how you can tell if another guy is into you?” Magnus said.

“Well, how can you tell if a girl is into you? Oh I forgot, that doesn’t really happen to you...” Isak snarked.

“Dick.” Magnus said

Isak smirked.

Magnus perked up. “Shit, Isak, he’s coming this way...” he said, his eyes following _the guy_ and elbowing Isak in the side. 

Isak followed Magnus’ eyes and defiantly mumbled “yeah ok, fuck it.”

_I'll give them a show._

As the really attractive guy was about to stroll past their table, Isak cleared his throat and smirked, looking up at the guy’s face.

“Hey”. 

The guy stopped and looked at Isak, pretty eyebrows raised in slight confusion.

“Um.. hey?”

_Fuck. He's even hotter up close. And shit, his voice._

Isak mentally shook his head and _turned it on_.

“Cool shirt”. He nodded at the guy's chest, where a faded print of Notorious B.I.G.’s face was plastered over the front.

"...Very oldschool." He added with a smirk.

The guy smiled back.

“Thanks. You're a Biggie-fan?”

Isak smiled back and nodded.

“Uh huh, sure, I like the old stuff, like _Juicy._ ” He swiped his tongue over his bottom lip. 

“Cool.” The guy nodded back with a smile. 

Then Isak suddenly became aware of Magnus and Jonas gaping at him, and he stretched his hand out to the guy, “I’m Isak by the way...”

The guy took his hand.

“Even.” 

Isak liked the feeling of his hand in his own. 

“Nice to meet you, Even”. He smiled.   
  
“You too, Isak.” Even said, his hand still clasping Isak’s.

Then he let go and extended his hand to say hello to Jonas and Magnus, who by now were practically _staring_ between them.

Magnus blinked and then pulled a chair out, motioning for Even to sit. Even shot Isak a quick look before sitting down.

“Uh, are you also on your first semester?" Magnus said.

"No, third." Even smiled. "Are you all first years?" He looked at Jonas and Isak.

"Yeah." Jonas replied. Isak nodded. 

Magnus looked at Even, squinting his eyes, thinking hard.

"Hey aren’t you in my English litt class?” he finally said. 

Even smiled back at Magnus. “Yeah, I’ve been to the last few classes...I’m thinking of trying a new elective...”

“Dude, I had this feeling I’d seen you before!” Magnus exclaimed happily. 

Even laughed before adressing Isak and Jonas, “are you guys also taking English litt? I don’t think I’ve seen you before?”

“Nah man, anthropology” Jonas replied. 

“Cool. I have a friend who’s also majoring in anthropology... He's a third year though, so you probably don't know him... Yousef?” He said.

Jonas thought for a second, then shook his head. "No I don't think so."

“What about you, Isak? What's your major?” Even looked at Isak. 

Isak locked eyes with Even. He swallowed drily, feeling his stomach lurching at the way Even said his name.

“Um, biochemistry.” He said. 

Even’s eyebrows shot up. “Biochemistry. Wow, that sounds really...”

Isak looked at him intently, waiting for him to finish the sentence.

Even cracked a laugh “...really nerdy”

Isak frowned and snorted a laugh.

_Who is this guy?_

He looked at Even faux-offended. “ _Nerdy_?! Are you calling me a nerd?”

Magnus and Jonas laughed, “oooh burn, bro!”

“Shit, sorry, no I mean bio chem is cool. Real, uh, sciencey...” Even laughed, 

“ _Sciencey_ , wow...What’s your major then? I hope it's not something with words..." Isak sassed. 

Even pursed his lips. “Film and media studies.” He replied coyly. 

“Of course. I should've known you were a hipster from the moment I spotted your Biggie shirt." Isak smirked.

Even threw his head back laughing.

_Holy shit, he's beautiful._

Then a beep from a phone sounded and Even fished an iPhone with a cracked screen out from a pocket of his zipped-down hoodie.

He looked at his phone, quickly typed something and then stood up, casually slinging a green backpack over one shoulder.

“Well, it was cool meeting you guys” Even said genuinely, as he slid his phone back in his pocket.

Magnus shot Isak a side-glance and then turned his head to face Even.

“Hey Even, are you coming to that start-of-the-new-semester party next week?” Magnus asked. 

Even shrugged, “dunno. I wasn’t really planning on going... are you guys gonna go?”

“Dunno. It’s not really my thing...” Isak said looking straight at Even. 

Magnus elbowed Isak in the side.

“Yeah, we’re going. Come on, it’ll be fun. You should come too, Even!”

Even smiled. “Yeah, ok. Maybe I’ll check it out." 

“Cool!” Magnus replied.

"I guess I’ll see you there then?” Even looked at Isak.

Isak nodded. 

“It was cool meeting you guys.” Even said, zipping up his hoodie.

“Yeah, same dude” Jonas said. 

"See you in English litt, Magnus” Even joked. 

Magnus fistbumped him. "For sure".

Then Even looked at Isak and smiled. “See you around, Isak” 

Isak gave him an awkward wave, as Even turned to leave. Then Isak stared at Even’s back as he walked away from their table.

“Oh my god, I must be the best. wingman. ever.” Magnus said. 

Isak slowly turned his head back to Magnus.

"Huh?” he said eloquently. 

_Why does it feel like I'm coming out of a daze?_

“Dude, did I or did I not just get you a date for the new semester party” Magnus asked.

Jonas shook his head. “Duuuuude.”

Isak stared at Magnus, not quite catching up.

“Who, Even??” He jerked his thumb at Even’s retreating back. 

Magnus looked at Isak. “Yeah, who else, Isak? Jeez get with the program... though I must admit, you actually did have some game there...before I had to bail you out...” He joked.

Isak shrugged, going for nonchalant. “Whatever. Don’t get your hopes up, Mags... I still think he’s straight...”

Jonas joined in. “Uh, dude where the fuck were you? Did you not see the way he looked at you? I’d say there’s a good chance he’s into dudes...”

“Nah, I think he’s just a friendly guy...like outgoing and stuff...” Isak said with a shrug. 

“Whatever. So, I got you a new, good-looking _friend_." Magnus said. "Just talk to him at the party...He actually seems really cool, like-..." 

Magnus trailed off about Even's coolness with Jonas occasionally agreeing with him.

Isak studied the hem of his hoodie, and picked at a loose thread. He smiled.

_Even._


	2. Biochemical Equation

**Monday 20 January, 2020**

Isak absentmindedly tapped his fingers on the keyboard of his laptop with his left hand, while turning the pages of Introduction to Organic Chemistry with his right. He’d been studying for three hours but still felt like he was struggling to wrap his head around the concept of polarity. 

He flicked to page 156, quickly scanning the words while occasionally running a frustrated hand through his longish curls in dire need of a trim. Maybe he could get Eskild to do it.

A beep from Messenger distracted him from his thoughts, and he looked over at his laptop to see a new Facebook message from Sana.

* * *

**Sana Bakkoush**

18:34

Hey bud, bio chem whipping your ass?

How did you know?  
I have an organic chem exam tomorrow And I understand fuck all.

Haha

What? My misery is funny to you??

Absolutely

* * *

Isak smiled at the screen. He missed Sana and welcomed a break from organic chem. Also, Sana being a second year medstudent, was probably the only one who truly understood the workload, he was currently dealing with. 

* * *

**Sana Bakkoush**

**18:41**

What about you? You also have exams coming up right?

Yes. Next week. But i think I’ve got it covered.

Showoff

Hahaha

But seriously I’m so done with organic chem right now...

Need my help?

* * *

Isak’s fingertips hovered over the keyboard before typing.

* * *

 **Sana Bakkoush**

18:43

Nah, I’m good. Besides, the exam is tomorrow, so...

Ok. But study session next semester? I miss you, Isabel.

Aww, miss you too Sanasol. Yeah, let’s do some study sessions next semester.

* * *

Isak closed the chat window. 

He leaned back in his chair for a moment, trying to gather the necessary strength to resume studying. He let his head rest on the backrest of his chair and looked up at the ceiling.

“Fuck it” he muttered to himself and then got up, stretching his tired arms and rolling his shoulders. 

Then he walked out of his room and into the kitchen, nodding at Eskild doing dishes.

“Isaaak! Wow, the troll finally emerges from his cave.” Eskild teased.

“Ha. Ha. You do know I have a pretty important exam tomorrow, right?”

Eskild rolled his eyes. “Exams, schmexams.”

Isak opened the overhead cupboard with a little Dymo-strip reading “isak” and took out a jar of instant coffee. He then went to another cupboard and took out a mug, pouring the instant coffee into it. 

Eskild looked at him and grabbed the kettle, filled in water from the tap and turned it on.

“I’m sure, you’ll do great, Baby J. You’re actually pretty clever in some ways.” Eskild said, leaning his hip against the counter.

Isak smiled minutely. “Thanks Eskild.”

“Though in other ways...” Eskild continued.

Isak rolled his eyes. 

_Why is everyone on my back?_

The kettle clicked and Eskild poured the hot water in Isak’s mug. He then ruffled Isak’s curls.

“You just need to loosen up a bit. Have some fun. Get some...”

Isak glared.

“I swear, if you say _dick_...”

Eskild dramatically placed a hand over his heart. “Isak! I would never...”

Isak gave him a look, raising one eyebrow.

“Seriously though..” Eskild continued, “when was the last ti-“

“Oh my God, why is everyone so concerned with my sex life?” Isak hissed. 

“Jeez, chill baby J...” Eskild said.

Isak grabbed the steaming mug of coffee and walked to his room, almost slamming the door behind him. 

Once inside his room he took a deep breath and put the coffee mug on his bedside table. Then he flopped down on his bed spread eagle and looked at the ceiling. He folded his hands behind his head, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He counted to 6 and let out his breath. As he continued controlling his breathing, he found it more and more difficult to keep his eyes open. Coffee now forgotten on the bedside table beside him, he fell asleep. 

∙  
  
2 hours later he woke up completely disoriented. His hair was damp, curling at the base of his neck, and he felt hot all over. He’d been dreaming. A real strange feverish sex dream that had left him hard and sweaty. 

_Great. Maybe Eskild and Magnus were right after all. I do need to get laid._

Isak unceremoniously opened the buttons of his jeans and reached a hand into his boxers, closing his fist around himself.

It wasn’t long before he came with a shuddered moan, his quick release almost ripped from him. He closed his eyes for a second, trying to remember the dream but couldn’t. He then sat up, feeling slightly dizzy, and cleaned himself up with a tissue from a Kleenex box on his bedside table. With a groan he stood up and walked the few steps to his desk. Then he plopped down in his chair and opened his laptop. 

_21:20. Right. Almost 12 hours until the exam._

He reopened Introduction to Organic Chemistry, cracked his neck and set to work.

∙

It was around 4 am, when Isak finally closed the lid on his laptop. He got a glass of water from the kitchen, quickly downed it, stripped down to his boxers and then crawled into bed. Lastly he set an alarm to 7:45 am. That would give him enough time to take a quick shower, get dressed and pack his backpack with his laptop, books and hastily scribbled notes on loose sheets of paper. 

He fell into an uneasy sleep, even waking up a few times with a feeling like he’d overslept. 

Though when his alarm went off at 7:45, he got up with a lot more energy than expected considering how little sleep he’d gotten. 

He quickly packed his backpack with his laptop, books and notes. He then grabbed a towel from his dresser and headed to the shower. The apartment was blissfully silent, as Eskild had stayed the night with his boyfriend and Linn was still sleeping. 

He quickly showered and then stepped out into the cold bathroom drying off. He dried his hair roughly with the towel and tried to tame his curls. He gave up with a mumbled “fuck it” and grabbed a deodorant off a shelve, absentmindedly putting on deodorant with one hand, while brushing his teeth with the other. He then slung the towel around his waist and went back to his room, where he put on a clean pair of boxers. Then he picked a white t-shirt and dark jeans from his closet and put them on. 

_Maybe if I at least_ look _put together, I’ll get a passing grade._

Lastly he put on a soft grey hoodie and picked up his backpack from the floor. He shrugged into his jacket, put on a beanie and slung his backpack over one shoulder, grabbing an apple, that Eskild must have left out, from the kitchen counter. 

He walked to the tram and walked onto campus at 8:30 am, blasting Hypnotize by Notorious B.I.G. in his AirPods.   
_  
Showtime_

∙

Two hours later, Isak walked out of the lab. He was so tired, he almost felt drunk. 

He put his Airpods in his ears and took out his phone opening spotify and searching for his favourite playlist. He then started walking, quickly rounding a corner heading for an exit, when he suddenly bumped into something. Someone.

_Even._

_What the fuck?_

Even smiled, when he recognized him. 

“Hey! Isak, right?”

Isak took out his airpods and nodded.

“Yeah. Even?” He asked fake-pretend, while fishing out his phone, pausing the music and putting the phone and Airpods back in his jacket pocket.

Even nodded with a smile.

”Were you listening to Biggie?” he winked at Isak.

”Uh, no, Public Enemy…” Isak smiled.

”Oh, really? Cool.” Even smiled back.

Isak gave him a nod, low key struggling to find something intelligent to say, despite his thoughts racing.

_How weird that I’ve never seen him before last week and now I’m bumping into him today when I’ve slept like 3 hours and look like shit like what are the odds I could probably calculate them in my statistics software and fuck he looks good did he just flirt with me with that Biggie comment??_

He eventually settled on “uh, what are you doing here on campus? I mean, classes haven’t started yet...” he smiled at the absurdity of the whole situation, and frankly the lack of sleep and post-exam adrenaline had him feeling a little strange. Giddy almost.

Even smiled. “Study session with a friend… I was just on my way to get some coffee... I have an exam in audiovisual aesthetics tomorrow.”

“Right. The Hipster Program.” Isak smirked.

Even dramatically placed a hand over his heart. “Ouch.”

Isak smirked.

“What about you? You look a little tired. Rough night?” Even shot back and raised his eyebrows teasingly.

”Yeah you could say that. I was up all night cramming for my organic chem exam...I slept like 3 hours... ” Isak ran a hand through clean but messy curls.

“Shit, that does sound rough... When is your exam?” Even said.

“Uh, I just got out of there, actually.”

Evens eyes widened. “Oh! Well, how did it go?”

Isak shrugged like he couldn’t really believe it, “uh, I aced it actually.”

“Wow! Cool, congratulations. So all the studying last night paid off, after all.” Even lightly grabbed Isak’s shoulder and gave it a little squeeze and Isak’s skin almost zinged from the contact.

Isak snorted a somewhat nervous laugh, the feeling of Even’s touch lingering. “Yeah, I guess, but holy _shit_ I’m tired. I’m gonna head straight home and crash..”

Even smiled. “Yeah, you should catch up on your sleep... But uh, I’ll see you at that party on Friday?”

Isak had momentarily zoned out looking at Even.

“Huh, party?” He said dumbly.

Even smiled. “Yeah, the one Magnus went on about...start of the new semester thing...”

Isak squinted his eyes for a moment and then remembered.

“Oh, right. Yeah, I’ll be there.” He said.

“Cool. See you there, Isak.” Even smiled.

Isak nodded. 

Even started walking, then turned around to face Isak. “Sleep tight.”

Isak nodded, “yeah, thanks.”

He couldn’t help a smile spreading across his face, as he headed for the exit. 

∙

At the tram stop Isak congratulated him self on making it this far without falling asleep while walking. He took out his phone to message Sana about getting an A on his organic chemistry exam, but when he unlocked his phone, he saw a Facebook notification on his lock screen. 

**Friend request from Even Bech Næsheim.**

Isak accepted the friend request and almost immediately received a message from Even.

He opened the message.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

10:27

Since you’re such a hip hop connaisseur (and science nerd)

[RZA - Biochemical equation](https://youtu.be/acdtvO-yHqQ)

* * *

Isak smiled and opened the link, turning on his AirPods and placing them in his ears. 

The melodic beat filled his ears.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

10:31

Haha, thanks.

Also, did you just stalk me on Facebook??

Haha

Well, Magnus added me a couple of days ago, so it wasn’t that hard finding you since you’re tagged in like 90% of his pics

* * *

Isak immediately closed the messenger app and opened Facebook. He went to Magnus’ profile and looked through his photos. He was tagged in seven photos from the last months and a handful of photos from their days at Nissen. Nothing too bad, just some pre-party pics and photos of him, Magnus, Jonas and Mahdi hanging out. 

He opened the conversation with Even again to see three dots. Even was writing him another message.

* * *

**  
Even Bech Næsheim**

10:32

So did you like it? The RZA track

* * *

Isak opened the YouTube app again and replayed the song, this time listening intently to the beat and the fast paced lyrics. 

* * *

  
**Even Bech Næsheim**

10:37

Yeah. I really like the beat.. I think I prefer the old school stuff like cream or wu tang clan ain’t nuthin ta fuck with, but it’s still a cool track

* * *

He then opened the Facebook app again and looked up Even’s profile. He clicked on his photos. There weren’t that many photos of him. Isak clicked on a picture of Even with 4 other guys sitting and laughing on a couch. They looked like a fun crew. He then opened a pic of Even sitting at a cafe, wearing a simple grey t-shirt, looking off into the distance. Isak studied the photo.

_Wow. His lips. His cheekbones._

The next picture was from last summer’s Øya festival, Even sitting with a very beautiful blond girl. Her hand resting on his thigh.

Isak closed his Facebook app.

_Of course._

He then opened another message from Even

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

10:40

Wu-Tang <3 You know, for a nerd you actually have a pretty decent taste in music, Isak ;)

👍

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, another unbeta'd chapter. I hope you still like it, though <3


	3. Express Yourself

**Friday 24 January, 2020**

* * *

**Magnus’ crew**

14:26

Magnus: hey guys, we’re going to that start of the new semester party tonite right?

Magnus: pre-party at my place at 1900 

Jonas: deal

👍

* * *

Isak closed the group chat and walked into the living room, where he found Eskild lounging and scrolling his phone in one of the couches.

“Um Eskild, will you cut my hair? I really need a haircut.”

Eskild looked at him and pursed his lips, “Sure, Isak. 500 kroner, takk.”

“Okaayyy a little more expensive than I was hoping for, but...“ Isak played along with a shrug. “I guess it’ll have to do… I’m going to a party tonight…”

“Oh, a _party_!” Eskild sat up. “In that case I’ll do it for free…Or, you know, I’ll accept payment in the form of juicy details.” He winked at Isak as he got up from the couch and headed towards his own room.

Isak followed and leaned against the doorframe, while Eskild rummaged through a drawer to find a pair of scissors.

“Eskild, chill, I’m just going to a party on campus. Magnus practically made me promise to go, so...” he said.

Eskild looked up, “Uh huh, I see. But, what about that hottie you just friended on Facebook? Is he coming?”

Isak narrowed his eyes, “Huh? Who?”

Eskild finally located the scissors, then he padded to the bathroom, returning with a towel and a hairbrush. He lead Isak back to the living room and pulled a chair out, with an exaggerated gesture and a “Mademoiselle”.

Isak did a mock courtesy and sat down. Eskild draped the towel around his neck, ran the brush through his hair combing out tangles, then pulled up the scissor, and began to cut Isak’s curls.

“You know, the _guy_...” He continued, “...really good-looking. Dirty-blond hair...Lips, oh my God...” Eskild said while twirling strands of Isak’s hair between his fingers.

“Oh. Yeah. Even.”

“Yes, that’s the one. Is he a bio chemistry nerd like you? He doesn’t look like a nerd... but then again neither do you…you’re actually quite handsome, Baby Jesus…” Eskild mused, wielding the scissors.

Isak snorted a laugh. “Wow, thanks, Guru. And no, he’s a film major.”

Eskild moved the scissors expertly, cutting off longish curls. “Oh. Well who is he? How do you know him?”

“He’s a friend, I guess. Or, I think we’re becoming friends...” Isak shrugged.

“And how did you meet him? I need more details here, Isak!” Eskild said impatiently.

“Uh...” Isak licked his bottom lip.

“Isak, spill it – or I’ll give you an undercut” Eskild threatened, putting down the scissors.

“Alright, jeez…” Isak rolled his eyes before continuing. “Last week I was having lunch with Mags and Jonas at the humanities department cafeteria, and Magnus dared me to flirt with someone. So, he spotted Even and dared me to flirt with him. And first I thought it was really stupid, but then I was like, _fuck it_ …” He shrugged.

Eskild raised an eyebrow. “So you flirted with him in the cafeteria, but now you’re _friends_...? Did he not flirt back?”

Isak shrugged, “I don’t know, Eskild…I mean, he’s straight so…”

Eskild raised an eyebrow, “is he, though?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Isak said. “Anyway, he’s actually really cool and kinda funny, and he likes hip-hop, so...”

“So, you’re friends?”

“Kinda. I don’t know. I mean, I wouldn’t mind, if we became friends…”

Eskild barked out a laugh. “Yeah, good luck with that. I predict a whole lotta blue balls for you, baby Jesus.”

Isak rolled his eyes. “Shit, it’s not like that. I’m not, you know, like _in love_ with him...”

“I give it three months…” Eskild swayed his shoulders a little from side to side, “...nah, make it two.”

Isak rolled his eyes again, as Eskild finished cutting his hair.

He took a step back to admire his work. “There. Now your hair looks somewhat decent.”

Then he loosened the towel around Isak’s neck, and Isak hopped off the chair and went to the bathroom to look in the mirror.

“Thanks, Guru, it looks good” he yelled from the bathroom.

“No problem, Issy. I hope Even likes it.” Eskild snickered.

Isak didn’t bother to reply. He closed the door to the bathroom and stripped down, turning the shower on.

∙

Half an hour later Isak was in front of the mirror in his room, taking a last look at himself.

He’d chosen a black t-shirt with a Wu-Tang print across the front, black jeans and his favorite Nike p-6000s. About to leave his room, he grabbed a black snapback off his desk and put it on. Then he took it off again; freshly cut, his hair actually looked alright for a change.

He placed the snapback back on the table, put on a hoodie and jacket and yelled a “bye, Eskild” before leaving the apartment. 

On the way to the tram he stopped by a store and bought two six-packs of Tuborg. Then he caught the tram to Magnus’ place in Blindern.

∙

“Isaaaaak!” Magnus opened the door and greeted him with a big smile.

“Hey Mags.” Isak smiled while handing over the beers to Magnus and shrugging out of his jacket. 

“Did you get a new haircut? You look good, bro.”

“Thanks. Yeah, I got Eskild to cut it.”

“Sweet.”

Isak followed Magnus into the living room, where Jonas was chilling on the couch.

“Hey dude.” Isak said walking up to Jonas.

“Hey Issy!” Jonas replied as he got up from the couch to give him a quick hug. “You look sharp, man.”

Isak smiled. “Thanks, you too. New shirt?”

Jonas looked down at his burgundy button-down. “Yeah, thanks.”

Magnus put the beers on the table and opened Spotify on his laptop. “Jonas is gonna pull some ladies tonight!”

Jonas laughed,” I don’t know about that, but I gotta try, y’know?”

Isak sat down next to Jonas. Magnus eventually plopped down in a lounge chair next to them. He opened a beer and handed it to Isak, then opened a new one for Jonas and one for himself.

“So, how did your exams go?” Magnus asked taking a sip of beer.

Isak also took a sip of beer, “uh, I actually aced my organic chem exam. And I got an A minus in calculus.”

Jonas smiled. “Sweet. Congrats, Issy”

“See I told you, Isak, you’re so fucking smart... you don’t have to stress about exams, man.” Magnus said.

Isak quirked an eyebrow, “well it didn’t exactly come easy… I crammed all night for my organic chem exam.”

Magnus shrugged, “still, you aced it”

“I got an A minus in cultural anthropology” Jonas said casually.

“Nice!” Isak high-fived him.

Jonas took a sip of beer, “what about you Mags?”

“I got a B in English litt. It’s chill.”

“Good job, Mags!” Isak lifted his beer to toast.

”Cheers to us and to surviving first semester at UiO!”

They toasted, clinking their beer cans. 

Jonas wiped some beer off his lip with the back of his hand.

“So uh, I saw that you became friends with that dude from the cafeteria, on Facebook.” He smiled at Isak. 

“Yeah, I bumped into him on campus the other day...right after my chem exam…” Isak replied.

Magnus couldn’t contain his interest. “You bumped into Even?”

Isak nodded. “Uh huh. Then he added me on Facebook. He said you’d added him a few days ago…?”

Magnus smiled innocently. “Oh, yeah. I did.”

“Anyway, he sent me this Wu-Tang song...” Isak reached over to the laptop and put on RZA - _Biochemical Equation_. Jonas and Magnus bopped their heads.

“Cool beat. _Biochemical equation_ , is that the title?” Magnus asked, looking at the laptop screen. “Oh my god, it’s like _your song_ , Isak!” Magnus giggled.

Jonas shook his head smiling, “Shit, I can’t believe that stupid dare actually paid off.”

“What do you mean, _paid off_?” Isak said.

“Well I mean you’re friends on Facebook now, and he sends you songs and...” Jonas waved his hand at Isak.

Magnus nodded, “I’m so fucking good.”

Isak shook his head, “uh, no it’s not like that...”

Jonas raised his eyebrows, “what do you mean, it’s not like that? What’s your problem, man? You don’t think he’s hot or..?”

Isak took another sip of beer, “uh, no, he’s fucking hot. But I’m pretty sure he has a girlfriend. He’s straight. Just like I told you that day in the cafeteria.”

Jonas looked at Isak skeptically, “uh, which one is it? He has a girlfriend, or he’s straight?”

Isak squinted at Jonas, processing his words.

”You do know, that it’s possible he has a girlfriend without being straight, right…?” Jonas asked.

Magnus looked at Jonas, ”dude, you’re so woke.”

Jonas laughed at Magnus. ”Wow, thanks Mags.”

Isak thought about it for a moment.

”Yeah well ok, I guess there’s a chance, that he’s not straight… But still, he has a girlfriend.”

”But I mean… he’s flirting with you.” Jonas said flatly.

Isak frowned. “What? No, he’s not. We’re... friends. Ish. I mean, I think he wants us to be friends.”

Jonas took a sip of beer and put the beer can down on the table with a dull thud.

“What do _you_ want?” he asked Isak.

“Fuck do I know. I don’t even know him...but he seems really cool, so...” Isak shrugged. 

Jonas nodded, “ok. And he does have great taste in music...”

“Well, can’t you just ask him at the party? Like _hey Even, do you wanna bang or like just be friends?_ ” Magnus said.

Isak laughed.

Jonas buried his face in his hands while shaking his head, “oh my god Mags...”

Isak tried to control his laughter, “yeah, I’m _not_ gonna do that, Mags…”

“Suit yourself, Issy.” Magnus said.

Isak snorted a laugh. “Yeah, I will. Thanks for the advice, though.”

“Anytime, bro.” Magnus clinked his beer can against Isak’s. 

∙

A couple of hours later, Isak, Magnus and Jonas stepped into the campus building to a massive party with around 500 people from different programs attending.

The party was being held in a huge foyer in one of the main buildings on campus: home of the science faculty. Isak should at least feel a little bit at home, but he didn’t.

He would’ve preferred to have stayed at Magnus’ place, drinking beers and maybe play some FIFA. But the guys wanted to go, and it _had_ been a while since he’d been to a full-blown party; the last month had been hard with long hours of studying. The least he could do was rally and at least _try_ to have fun.

Isak followed Magnus and Jonas inside to the cloakroom, where a girl and a guy took care of depositing jackets.

Isak handed his jacket and hoodie to the girl. She smiled and gave him a little piece of paper with the number corresponding to the number on the hanger with his jacket.

“Thanks” he said, putting the tiny bit of paper in the back pocket of his jeans.

“No problem. Are you a student here, or a guest?” she smiled at Isak.

“Student.” He replied, pulling out his student ID card. 

“Okay, cool. 20 kroner then.” She said.

Isak dug out some coins from his jeans pocket.

“So, which program are you in?” the girl smiled, “I’m Anna by the way.”

“Uh, bio chem... I’m Isak…” he said hesitantly. 

_Is she flirting with me?_

Isak was kind of thankful for Jonas and Magnus, as they came up beside him, and Jonas casually said, “wanna get something to drink?”

Isak happily agreed and gave the girl a salute before turning around and following Jonas and Magnus out to the main room. 

They quickly found the bar, and each bought a beer. 

∙

The music was _loud_.

Magnus bopped his head to the electronic beat and looked into the sea of bodies dancing on the dance floor. He quickly spotted a girl from his program.

“Oh shit, there’s Freja.. She’s so fucking hot. I’m just gonna go say hi…” he said before leaving Jonas and Isak looking at each other laughing.

“That was quick.” Isak said, nodding his head towards Magnus.

“Uh huh. Godspeed, Magnus.” Jonas said, clinking his beer against Isak’s.

Isak looked at Magnus and the girl.   
“He’s _so_ gonna strike out.”

”Yup.”

∙

A couple of minutes later, a girl came up to them and said hi to Jonas, presenting herself as Sara. 

“Hi. Um, we have cultural analysis classes together on Fridays, right?” Jonas said.

She smiled and nodded, and Isak zoned out as Jonas and Sara talked and laughed.

At some point Jonas told him, that he was gonna go dance with Sara.

Isak replied with a nod and a “cool. See you later, man”

He looked at the dancefloor. The bass was thumping, and the mass of dancing bodies seemed to grow larger and larger. 

Isak then took a quick decision and made a quick pit stop at the bar, bought a new beer and walked out the doors leading to a hallway with classrooms.

He found a lounge area next to the cloak room and went in.

The room had pleasant lighting and the music playing was at a considerably lower volume. It was a welcoming change to the roaring party going on in the foyer. The room was dotted with couches and small tables were scattered around the room. There were small groups of people talking, laughing and playing board games. In the corner of the room there was a makeshift dj stand. A mellow song, that Isak didn’t know, was playing.

Isak sat down on an empty couch and placed his beer on a coffee table in front of him. He leaned back and took up his phone, opened Instagram and scrolled through his feed. Eva had posted a story of herself at some campus party. Isak replayed the story and saw, that it was actually the same party.

_Huh, that’s funny. Maybe I should text her._

He was just about to text Eva, when somebody plopped down next to him in the couch, putting a bottle of beer next to his. 

Isak looked up from his phone, expecting it to be Magnus or Jonas, but he was met with a smiling Even instead. 

“Hey, Isak!”

“Uh, hi Even” Isak replied a bit surprised. 

“Cool shirt.” Even said and nodded at Isak’s black Wu-Tang t-shirt.

“Yeah, thanks” Isak snorted a laugh, immediately catching the hint to their first conversation in the cafeteria. 

Isak looked at Even. He wore a fitted white t-shirt clinging slightly to his chest. His cheeks were a little flushed.

_Damn._

“So, dodging the party?” Even smiled.

“Yeah... didn’t really feel like dancing...and the music was... shit.”

Even laughed at Isak’s bluntness.

“EDM doesn’t really do it for you?” Even asked.

“Nope.” Isak replied, popping the p.

Even laughed, his eyes crinkling. 

Isak couldn’t help smiling at him. “Were you dancing?”

“Yeah for a bit... but I had to get some air, there’s like 500 people on the dance floor.” Even said.

Isak nodded.

“Where are Magnus and… Jonas?” Even asked.

“Yeah...I dunno. Probably hooking up with some chicks by now.”

Even nodded and took a sip of beer, “Good for them.”

“For sure.” Isak replied, taking a sip of his own beer.

“How did it go with your exam by the way? The _something_ _something aesthetics_?” he then asked.

Even laughed again.

Isak smiled.

 _Wow. I love your laugh._

“It went really well, actually. I got an A minus.” Even beamed.

“Nice. Congrats on that!” Isak lifted his beer bottle to toast Even, who clinked his bottle against Isak’s with a “thanks”. 

Isak took a sip of beer and side-eyed Even.

“So uh, I think you’ve told me already, but I forgot. What year are you in?” Isak asked.

“Second year. Just finished my third semester here.” Even smiled.

Isak nodded. “Did you enroll right after high school, or did you travel and all that?”

“No, I actually enrolled right after graduating, but at Westerdals.” Even replied.

“That’s some sort of artsy film school, right?” Isak asked before he took another sip of beer.

“Yeah. I did two semesters there, but then decided to transfer here.”

“What made you want to enroll at UiO?”

Even shrugged, taking another sip of beer. “Westerdals was really competitive, and I just didn’t really feel… _at home_? Do you know what I mean?” he bit his plush bottom lip.

Isak nodded. “Yeah. I do.”

Even smiled.

“What about you? You’re a first year, right?” Even said.

"Uh huh.”

“Did you just graduate last summer?” Even asked placing the bottle back down on the coffee table. 

Isak shook his head. “No in ‘18. I applied to NTNU right after school and got in. I did two semesters of bio physics there, but then I decided to transfer here and switch to bio chem instead.”

“Bio physics wasn’t nerdy enough for you, or?” Even teased, rasing his eyebrows.

“Ha. Ha.” Isak said, rolling his eyes.

Even laughed, bumping his knee lightly against Isak’s and eventually resting it there.

Isak looked down at where his knee was resting against Even’s, casually touching. He felt warm.

The moment stretched between them, until Isak picked up his beer and took a sip.

“What made you transfer? Or, what made you want to go to Trondheim in the first place? You don’t sound like you’re from Trondheim...?” Even said.

“Uh, no, I grew up here in Oslo.” Isak confirmed and took a sip of beer.  
Even was still watching him, so he continued, “uh, after I graduated, I kinda needed a break from Oslo. So, I applied to NTNU. But then I ended up missing Oslo and my friends. Also, there was a break-up, that I didn’t really want to deal with...”

“Oh. Sorry. About the break-up, I mean.”

“Nah, don’t worry about it.” Isak shrugged.

The music faded into a mellow hip-hop beat and chilled out lyrics.

Isak bopped his head to beat.

_Fake thug, no love, you get the slug, CB4 Gusto  
Your luck low, I didn't know til I was drunk though…_

“Nice.” Isak said, referring to the music.

Even smiled. “Yeah, you know it?”

“Yeah. Nas, right?”

Even nodded with a smile. “Shit, I used to listen to this album all the time back in high-school…” he smiled. 

“I know what you mean, I pretty much played N.W.A. on repeat all through high-school.” Isak said.

Even laughed a short laugh. “Fuck da police and all that?”

Isak nodded, “Mmhmm.”

Even smiled a crinkly-eyed smile. “Wow, very hardcore, Isak.”

“You know it”. Isak winked.

Even snorted a laugh.

Isak smirked and took a sip of beer.

“Where did you go to school?” Even then asked, still smiling.

“Uh, Nissen.”

“Cool. That was my second choice actually.”

“Where did you go? No, wait, let me guess...” Isak said.

He thought for a second. Even raised his eyebrows in challenge.

“Bakka?” Isak asked.

“Yes.” 

Isak smirked. “Of course. I’m the fucking master of guessing.”

Even threw his head back laughing, “the master of guessing, wow.” 

Isak smiled with a shrug, “what can I say...”

Even shook his head smiling. Then he took a last sip of beer and put the now empty beer bottle on the small table in front of them.

“I’m going to get another beer. You want one?”

“Sure, thanks”

“Cool”.

Even got up from the couch and left the room.

Isak took his phone up again and scrolled his different feeds.

A few minutes later he heard Even’s deep voice in the distance, and he looked up. Even was talking to the dj with a grin on his face. 

Even then turned around and walked towards Isak and eventually plopped down in a lounge chair opposite the couch where Isak was sitting. He placed two beers on the table between them.

“Thanks. What do I owe you for the beer?” Isak said.

Even smiled. “You can buy me the next one?”

Isak felt inexplicably warm and fuzzy at the notion of having more beers with Even.

“Deal.” He smiled.

As Isak took the first sip of his new beer, _Express Yourself_ started playing.

He opened his eyes wide and laughed.

“Whaaat? Was this you? Did you just convince the dj to play N.W.A.?”

Even nodded with a smirk. “Uh huh. He was actually in my audiovisual class, so…I convinced him with a beer.”

“Well, perfect.” Isak smiled.

Even took a sip of beer.

Isak started rapping along to some of the lyrics.

Even cheered him on. Isak laughed.

“A hip-hop expert _and_ a rapper, wow.” Even said with a grin.

“Are you impressed?” Isak quirked an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I am, actually.” Even smiled.

Isak blushed slightly.

_The beers must be getting to me._

“Do you want to get some air? And smoke up?” Even said with a smirk, raising his eyebrows.

“You’ve got weed?” Isak asked.

“Yup.”

“Then, yes.” Isak replied with a smirk.

They were both just about to stand up, when suddenly a petite blonde girl plopped down in Even’s lap.

_Oh. Right._

“Babe, where have you been?” she pouted, as Even’s large hand splayed over the small of her back to steady her.

He smiled at her, “I’ve just been sitting here, talking to Isak…” he nodded at Isak.

The girl turned around in Even’s lap to look at Isak.

“Uh, hey… Isak…” Isak presented himself.

She glared at him.

“This is Sonja. My girlfriend.” Even said to Isak.

Isak nodded. “Hi, Sonja.”

“Hey.” She said flatly. She then turned back around to face Even and planted a kiss on his lips.

“I missed you”, she said while bucking her hips slightly for emphasis.

“I was right here”, Even said placatingly.

“Yeah but…” she said before kissing him again, carding her hand through his hair.

Isak tried not to look at Sonja and Even making out. He really did.

He took a last sip of his beer and decided to leave them to it. But as he sat his beer down on the table, he accidentally glanced up. His eyes were immediately drawn to Even. The way his sharp jaw worked, as he kissed his girlfriend. The long line of his arm casually wrapped around her. The veins on his hand resting on her thigh. Then, as if sensing Isak looking at him, Even opened his eyes and looked directly at him. His eyes hooded and intense.

Isak felt a sudden throb of arousal, blood surging to his groin. He swallowed drily. He had a hard time averting his eyes, but eventually managed to look away.

_Fuck. Just leave. Now._

He cleared his throat, “Um, nice talking to you, Even. And nice to meet you, Sonja.”

He quickly stood up, turned around and walked out the door.

∙

Once outside the door, he pulled up his phone and texted Eva.

“Hey gurl, are you at that start of the semester party at uni?”

He walked down the hallway towards the main room, his phone clutched in his hand. Making a beeline for the bar, he suddenly spotted Eva on the dancefloor with one of her friends.

He walked up to her, “Evaaaa!”

“Isaaaaaaak” she immediately wrapped him in a hug and raised up to kiss his cheek.

“Shit, I didn’t know you were here!” she said.

“I’m here.” Isak smiled.

“This is my friend, Ida” Eva said.

Isak gave the girl a nod, “hey”.

He then looked at Eva, “wanna get fucked up?” he asked her with a smirk.

“Yup.” she replied with a wink.

“Sweet.” Isak replied and grabbed her hand leading her to the bar.


	4. Fingerlickin’ Good

**Saturday 25 January, 2020**

Isak woke up with a pounding headache.

He sat up with a groan, scrunching his eyebrows together, mumbling a raspy “fuck”.

The dull thudding in the back of his head forced him to lie down again.

_How much did I drink last night?_

He grabbed his phone off his nightstand and squinted at the screen. He had unread messages from the group chat with Jonas and Magnus. And one from Even from late last night.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

03:34

It was nice talking to you too Isak:)

* * *

He looked at the message, but didn’t know what to answer.

Instead he opened the group chat with Magnus and Jonas.

* * *

**Magnus’ crew**

10:59

Magnus: Shiiiiit

Magnus: Thanks for last nite, guys. The party was bangin

11:04

Jonas: Yeah, holy shit I got so drunk

Magnus: Me too man...Did you take that Sara chick home?

Jonas: Nah

Jonas: What about you Issy? You disappeared on us, man

Magnus: Did you talk with Even?

* * *

He rolled his eyes at Magnus’ last message, then replied.

* * *

**Magnus’ crew**

  
Yeah I talked with him for a bit.

Then I met his girlfriend.......

Magnus: Dayumm

But yeah, it was a good party

I met up with Eva and one of her friends

@Jonas: You and Sara were looking cozy on the dancefloor

Jonas: Haha

* * *

Isak put the phone down and looked up at the ceiling trying to recall last night.

He and Even had talked. About school and hip-hop and random stuff. They were about to smoke a joint when Even’s girlfriend had appeared and started making out with Even.

_Right. His very pretty girlfriend._

He had then proceded to spend the rest of the night getting drunk out of his mind with Eva.

He closed his eyes and saw blurry flashbacks of himself on a sweaty dancefloor.

He’d danced with some dude. Talked, or rather shouted, over the music. Flirted.

_Did I kiss him?_

Isak closed his eyes and kicked the duvet off his legs. His heart was beating fast. He cupped himself over the cotton of his boxers. Hangovers always made him horny. He knew there was a biochemical explanation, something to do with the metabolizing of alcohol and feedback mechanisms causing fluctuating testosterone levels. His thoughts on this quickly scattered though, his brain clouded with a lazy lust.

He palmed his bulge over the cotton before pulling his boxers down just enough to free his erection. He wrapped a hand around himself and stroked, spreading the wetness already gathering at the slit. He stroked himself slowly, wanting to prolong the pleasure.

He tried to picture some of the scenes from his favorite porn, but they somehow dissolved, his mind jumping back and forth unable to settle on something.

He stroked himself faster, as his foggy brain provided him with glimpses of a lean body, full lips. Sharp hips. Strong hands. Longish strands of blond hair falling over blue eyes. 

His orgasm hit him hard with little warning and left him panting between his pillows.

_Fuck. I’m so desperate._

∙

After taking a quick shower, Isak padded into the kitchen dressed in sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt. He poured himself a glass of water and gulped it down.

“Good party last night?” Eskild passed by him to open the fridge and take out some eggs.

”Ugh.” Isak eloquently groaned while plopping down on a chair.

Eskild snorted a laugh.

”I’m making brunch. You want some?”

”Yeah thanks. A little bit”.

Eskild nodded and started cooking bacon, eggs, slicing bananas and bell peppers.

”Any juicy details for me, Isabel?” he said in a hopeful tone.

”Uh, no. Not really… I mean, I danced with some guy…” he shrugged.

”That Even-guy?” Eskild said.

”No.”

”Then who? Was he hot?” Eskild put a bowl of fruit on the table in front of Isak.

Isak shrugged. ”I honestly don’t remember how he looked. I was shitfaced.”

Eskild clucked his tongue at Isak. ”Isak… you need to put yourself out there. It’s been, what, six months since you broke up wi-”

”I know, Eskild. I’m just not really focusing on that right now. Getting a boyfriend is not a priority in my life right now… Besides, I don’t have time… with all the studying…”

”I didn’t say anything about a boyfriend. Just don’t waste away your youth on your nerdy science books, Isabel.”

Isak rolled his eyes.

”But, what about Even?” Eskild said, whisking a couple of eggs together.

“What about him?” Isak asked flatly.

“Was he there?”

Isak popped a piece of banana in his mouth and grimaced.

”Uh, yeah. And his girlfriend…” he raised an eyebrow at Eskild.

”Oh. Bummer.” Eskild said.

Isak shrugged, ”yeah, well. It wasn’t really that big a surprise, so…”

“Ok.” Eskild said, as he went up to Linn’s door and knocked.

”Linn! Come eat brunch with me and Isak.”

”In a minute” came Linn’s muffled reply.

Eskild shrugged and put the rest of the food on the table before Isak.

”Well, dig in, baby Jesus, you’re looking a little pale.”

”Thanks, Eskild.”

∙

After eating a bit of eggs and bread, Isak retreated to his room, where he spent most of the rest of the day in bed watching Netflix and lazily scrolling his phone.

A few times he opened the conversation with Even and tried to think of a funny or intelligent answer to Even’s message.

When the light faded outside in the late January afternoon, he gave up on answering. His hung-over brain failing to come up with anything, that could be considered remotely funny or clever.

∙

On the first day of the new semester, Isak’s alarm rang at 7 am. He reluctantly opened his eyes. The January morning was almost pitch black with still about a month until the Scandinavian winter darkness relented, and the mornings became a bit brighter.

Isak pointedly ignored his morning hard-on and headed straight to the shower.

He wet his hair and enjoyed the warm water. He grabbed his shampoo bottle, but it felt suspiciously light in his hand. He turned it upside down and tried squeezing out the last remnants of shampoo, but no more than a few meager drops came out. Groaning a frustrated “ugh” for forgetting to buy shampoo, he reached out for Eskild’s citrus scented shampoo and washed his hair and body with it.

As he showered, he started to feel excited about the new semester. Since elementary school he’d liked the feeling of a brand-new school year or semester beginning. It made him feel hopeful, the weight and stress of impending exams nothing but a tiny dot in the far distance. The beginning of the semester was all about learning and Isak loved that. He was good at that.

Isak finished showering and got dressed in his room. He packed his backpack with his laptop and books for his new course and got ready to leave for his first class of the semester - a 2-hour lab on enzymology.

Before leaving, he decided to pack a gym bag and hit the gym after the lab.

_I need to use my body. Blow off some steam._

∙

When his lab on enzymology ended, Isak grabbed his backpack and gym bag and crossed the few hundred meters from the department of chemistry to Domus Athletica, the large on-campus gym. He bought a drop-in ticket in the reception and headed to the changing room.

Stepping inside the changing room, he quickly found a locker and changed into shorts and a t-shirt.

Then he tied the laces on his ratted Adidas Spezials and walked into the gym.

He picked out a treadmill, stepped up, put his AirPods in his ears and put on his work-out playlist - an eclectic mix of pop, hip-hop and some weird russesongs, that Magnus blasted for pregames, and Isak had grudgingly admitted worked to get him pumped.

He completed a 30-minute uphill running program, then traded the treadmill for the free weights area. He picked out some weights and a kettlebell and did squats, lunges, press-ups and sit-ups for 25 minutes, wiping the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand. He ended his workout with some stretching exercises, stretching his, by now, sore thighs, arms and core muscles.

When he stepped into the shower in the changing room, he felt _so_ relaxed. His muscles felt heavy and his mind blank. Like he’d hit a reset button.

_Almost like having sex. Almost._

As he walked out of the gym and was hit by the sun and the crisp air of the January afternoon, he felt a burst of energy and decided to spend a few hours at the library.

Walking up to the library, he spotted Magnus by the entrance doors to the library and walked up to him with a smile, casually slapping his hand in greeting.

“Hey man.”

“Hey, Issy” Magnus said drawing him into a quick hug and then squinting at him. “Dude, why is your hair wet?”

“I was just at the gym.”

“Oh, you finally realized how desperate you are, and you needed to work out?” Magnus couldn’t contain his laughter.

“Yeah, something like that.” Isak said. He nodded towards the library. ”I’m gonna study for a few hours, wanna join?”

“Ehhh, not really. I was just there to pick up a book.” Magnus said.

Isak nodded. ”Okay, man.”

“But uh, I could go for a cup of coffee? At KB?” Magnus smiled.

“Ok, sure, let’s do that. But I need to study. I had a really cool lab this morning and I want to run some models on my data and-“

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll let you study, nerd...”

∙

Isak and Magnus walked through the door to KB with Isak rubbing his hands together and blowing on them trying to warm them.

“Hey dude!” Magnus said as Even turned around behind the counter and caught sight of them.

_What the fuck?_

“Hey!” Even smiled, moving to grab a bag of coffee beans and pouring them into one of the espresso machines.

He then crossed the short distance to the counter, casually leaning his hip against it. “What are you guys doing here?” he asked with a smile looking from Magnus to Isak.

“I ran into Isak at the main library and convinced him that KB’s coffee is better than the library’s.” Magnus said.

Even laughed. ”Shit, I should hope so. What can I get you?”

“Can I have a cappuccino, please?” Magnus said sweetly.

“Sure.” Even smiled. “Isak?”

“Uh, the same. Thanks.”

“I got you.” Even said with a smile, when Magnus drew up his credit card. “You can just find a table and I’ll bring your coffees over in a sec.”

“Cool, thanks Even.” Magnus said hoisting his backpack over his shoulder. 

Magnus and Isak found a table in the back of the café, close to a power socket and sufficiently quiet to get some studying done.

“Did you know Even worked here?” Isak said, while shrugging out of his jacket and setting his backpack and gym bag under the table.

“Yeah, I talked with him Friday at the party, and he told me. Didn’t you know?”

“No.” Isak pulled his laptop up and placed it on the table.

A few minutes later, Even came by their table with two cappuccinos and two muffins.

“Here you go.” He smiled as he sat the coffees and muffins down on the table. “...I figured you could use some fuel for studying”, he nodded at Isak’s laptop.

“Oh. Thank you.” Isak smiled.

”Yeah, thanks man!” Magnus smiled.

“My pleasure.” Even smiled back and then returned to the counter.

Isak watched for a moment as Even moved with ease behind the counter, expertly weighing off coffee and grinding it, while smiling and smalltalking with two teenage girls who were both obviously flirting with him.

Isak finally tore his eyes away and flipped open the lid on his laptop.

“Are you actually gonna study?” Magnus asked, taking a bite of his muffin.

Isak lifted his eyebrows. “Uh, yeah. Like I told you, I want to run some models of my data from lab today... what did you think we were doing here?” He took a sip of his coffee and then a bite of his muffin.

”Uh, I don’t know, chillin’ and drinking free coffee?” Magnus muttered.

Isak snorted and opened his lab notes. “Aren’t _you_ going to study? Or are you just gonna sit there and watch me?” he quirked an eyebrow teasingly at Magnus over the laptop screen.

“You wish, Issy.” Magnus smirked.

“Nah, I’m good. I’m not _that_ desperate, you know.” He smirked back.

”Ha. Ha.” Magnus said. Then he dragged up his laptop and _English Phonetics and Grammar_ from his backpack with a groan and got to work.

∙

Two hours later Magnus stood up and cracked his neck.

“That’s it, I’m done for today.”

Isak looked up at him. “Okay, Mags. I think I’m gonna stay here for like half an hour and finish up.”

“Ok cool. See you, Is.” Magnus put on his jacket and beanie and clapped Isak’s hand. On his way out, he stopped by the counter and fistbumped Even. “Thanks for the coffee and cake, bro.”

“No problem, Magnus.” Even smiled.

Isak watched Magnus walk out the door and then he focused back on his laptop and data modeling.

∙

He was deeply engrossed in a Lineweaver-Burk plot, when Even plopped down in the chair, Magnus had been sitting in twenty minutes ago.

He looked up and caught Even smiling at him. 

“My shift’s over in like 5 minutes, and I was thinking of grabbing a kebab. You wanna join me? There’s a place nearby.”

Isak thought for a second.

“Yeah, sure. Kebab sounds good. I’m really hungry.”

“Yeah, me too.” Even smiled. “Alright, I’m just gonna finish up and get my stuff.”

A few minutes later, Isak was waiting by the entrance door with his backpack and gym bag, as Even was shrugging into a warm jacket and a woolen scarf. He hugged the girl behind the counter, “see you Thursday, Marte”, before leaving with Isak.

∙

Outside the café it was dark and cold, and as they headed towards the kebab place, Isak cursed himself for not wearing a proper winter coat. He crossed his arms over his chest, his hands going under his armpits to try to warm them.

“Holy _shit_ it’s cold today.” He managed.

“Um, didn’t you live in Trondheim for a year or something??” Even smiled teasingly, eyes crinkling a little.

“Yeah, and I actually bought a really warm puffer jacket, but I just didn’t think it would be this cold today.”

Even chuckled, then stopped walking, undoing the grey wool scarf from around his neck. “Here, take this.”

“Uh, well-“ Even was already draping the scarf around Isak’s neck, leaving Isak unable to decline. “Okay.”

“There.” Even’s hand lingered on his shoulder for a second.

“Thanks.”

_Why does his scarf smell so good._

They resumed walking.

“So, uh...great party last Friday.” Even said with a side-glance at Isak.

“Yeah. Shit, I got so drunk. I don’t even remember how I got home...” Isak chuckled.

“I _did_ actually see you on the dancefloor at one point... For someone who hated so intensely on the music, I’d say you were having a pretty good time.” Even teased.

Isak laughed, “I vaguely remember dancing…I _do_ remember doing body tequilas with my friend Eva, though...” he made a grimace, as he remembered just how many body tequilas he’d had.

Even laughed.

∙

Some twenty minutes later they were seated across from each other in a little booth at the kebab place, both eagerly digging into their food.

“Did you always know you wanted to study film?” Isak asked, wiping chili sauce off the corner of his mouth with his thumb.

“Yeah, I guess.” Even nodded. “Or well, at first, I thought I wanted to _make_ movies. But yeah, I’ve been a movie nerd since I was a kid...I took the media line at Bakka and all…” Even smiled before taking another bite of his kebab.

“And you’re calling _me_ a nerd? Jeez.” Isak scoffed.

Even laughed. “Okay, okay. I guess we’re both nerds.”

Isak nodded. “Uh huh.”

“What about you? You said you switched from bio physics to bio chem, but did you always know you wanted to study science?” Even asked before loading complimentary chili sauce on his kebab.

“Yeah. My mom is pretty religious, but I always gravitated towards science... not that it has to be one or the other, but...” Isak shrugged in explanation and took a sip of coke.

Even nodded. “Are you close? With your mom, I mean.” He took another bite of kebab.

Isak stopped chewing and thought for a moment.

“Uh, no. My childhood was kinda... weird. My dad left when I was 15, and I moved out at 16. But that’s a story for another time.” Isak winked, trying to keep it light.

_Let’s leave it at that for now. Maybe I’ll tell him some day. When I know him better._

“Okay. Yeah, of course.” Even smiled softly.

“What about you? Are you close with your parents?” Isak asked.

“Uh, yeah. They’ve always been really supportive. Even back in the day where I ditched school to watch films all day.” Even chuckled.

“Wow, lucky.” Isak smiled. “Do you still live with them?” he then asked.

“No. I moved out about two years ago.” Even replied and took a sip of water.

“Ok. Do you live with your girlfriend, then?” Isak asked taking a sip of coke.

“No, I share a place with two of my best friends, Mikael and Mutta.” Even smiled. 

“Okay.” Isak nodded. “...She seemed nice though. When I met her at the party. Sonja...”

“Yeah, she is.” Even nodded, looking down at the table. 

“How long have you been together?” Isak prodded before taking another sip of coke.

“Uh, seven years. On-off.” Even replied before wiping his lips with a napkin.

“ _Seven years_? Shit, how old _are_ you?” Isak lifted his eyebrows.

Even cracked a laugh. “I’m 22, jeez chill. We just got together really young.”

“Phew. Ok.” Isak joked. “But um... _on-off?_ ” he asked carefully, not wanting to pressure Even.

”Yeah, that’s a story for another time.” Even said echoing Isak’s words. His smile didn’t reach his eyes. 

“Ok.” Isak said, feeling a bit deflated.

“What about you? Do you have a girlfriend?” Even asked with a side-glance at Isak.

“Um, no. That’s gonna be a hard no.” Isak said.

“A _hard no_ , in fact?” Even chuckled.

“Mhmm. I’m gay, so...” Isak smiled unapologetically.

Even’s eyes widened for a split second. He looked down and then glanced up again, meeting Isak’s eyes. His face open, so open. 

“Okay. A boyfriend then?”

“Um, no. No boyfriend either.”

“Okay.” Even nodded with a smile - this time reaching his eyes.   
  
They then went on to talking about tv-shows, school, Even’s job at KB and Isak’s interest in science, jumping between topics, making each other smile, think and laugh for over an hour after having finished their kebabs. 

∙

“Which way are you heading?” Even asked, closing the door to the kebab place behind them and zipping up his warm jacket.

“Uh, towards Løkka. Deichmans gate.”

Even smiled. “Cool, that’s really close to me. My place’s in Tøyen.” 

“Cool.” Isak smiled.

“I usually take tram 3 and walk from Stortinget. Is that alright with you?”

Isak nodded, “Sure. Let’s do that.”

∙

They both got off the tram at Stortinget tram stop and walked together for a few blocks before having to go separate ways. They came to a stop on a street corner, facing each other.

“Thanks for letting me borrow your scarf.” Isak said, unwinding the scarf from around his neck and handing it back to Even.

“No problem.” Even smiled and wrapped it around his own neck.

Isak looked at Even and felt a strange sort of buzzing at the thought of Even wearing the scarf, he’d just worn. Even met his eyes and smiled.

A few seconds passed in silence between them.

“Well, see you around, Isak.” Even said with a soft smile before turning around and walking away. 

“See you, Even.”

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

22:44

I’m glad you joined me for kebab

Me too

[Finger Lickin’ good](https://youtu.be/E_W2WtHOxH4).

  
Haha Beastie Boys? Very old school;)

Sleep tight, Isak.

Thanks. You too:)


	5. Swim Good

**Monday 10 February, 2020 **

Isak walked out of the campus gym wearing his backpack and a gym bag slung over his shoulder. His eyes were glued to his phone, as he texted Even about the tv-show Witcher. After he’d joined Even for kebabs two weeks ago, they’d started texting almost everyday about school, music, random stuff.  
  
Isak smiled at his screen as Even sent him another Witcher-meme, and then he looked up, as he crossed the street,  heading to the cafeteria of the humanities department to meet Jonas for lunch.

When he entered the cafeteria, he  spotted Jonas  sitting at a table, scrolling his phone. Isak walked up to the table and  joined him with a “yo.” He  put  his backpack and gym bag on an empty chair. 

“Hey man.” Jonas smiled, “you’ve been to the gym?” he nodded at Isak’s gym bag.

“Yeah.” Isak replied. “Shit, I’m so hungry.”

Jonas laughed. “Worked yourself hard?”

“Yeah, I guess. Go hard or go home, you know?” Isak winked.

Jonas snorted. “Uh, no I really don’t. I hate working out.”

Isak laughed. “Stick to skating, dude.”

“Check.” Jonas confirmed. 

Isak nodded toward the cafeteria buffet. “Shall we?”

“Let’s go.” Jonas smiled and stood up.   
  
∙

A few minutes later they returned to their table with plates full of food. Isak  fished his phone up from his jeans pocket and put it on the table.

They immediately digged in, Isak stuffing his mouth with pasta salad and hummus. 

“You’ve been working out a lot lately.” Jonas said before shoveling a forkful of chicken in his mouth.

Isak shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Yeah, but like what’s the deal?”

“Uh...”

Jonas looked at Isak. Silently urging him to explain. 

“Honestly? I think you and Mags were probably right. I need to get laid.” Isak shrugged and digged into his food again. 

Jonas chuckled. “Okay, so you’re just horny? Thank God, I was worried about you for a second.”

Isak snorted a laugh. “Nothing to worry about, man.”

“Okay.” Jonas laughed. “Well, working out seems to be doing the trick. You’re not that grumpy anymore.”

Isak snorted at Jonas’ comment before his phone lit up with a new message. Isak picked it up off the table and opened the message. He smiled at the screen. 

Jonas craned his neck  trying to catch a glimpse of Isak’s screen. 

“Who’s texting you?” he nodded at Isak’s phone.

“Uh, Even.” 

“Ah.”

Isak smiled. “He keeps sending me these really terrible Witcher memes.”

“Worse than the actual show?” Jonas said lifting an eyebrow.

“Just about.” Isak replied with a smirk, showing Jonas the meme. 

“Hah. That _is_ bad.”

“I know.” Isak smiled while typing a reply.

“So uh...” Jonas looked up from his plate and caught Isak’s eye. “This thing with Even... does it have something to do with you working out all the time?”

Isak drew his eyebrows together, “what  _thing with Even?_ There’s no  _thing_.”

“Come on, Isak... you guys have been texting like everyday for the past two weeks.”

Isak looked Jonas in the eye. 

“Look, Jonas, he’s straight, he has a  _really_ pretty girlfriend he’s been with for  _seven_ years, and we’re just friends. You and Mags need to drop it. For real.”

“Is, I’m just saying… I haven’t seen you smile like this for a long time.”

Isak quirked an eyebrow. “Well, maybe you need to step up your meme game.”

Jonas shook his head with a smile. “Dude.”

Isak smirked.

_I don’t smile at his messages._

∙

The next day, Isak woke up to a message from Eva.

* * *

** Eva Kviig Mohn **

07:14

Hi Isak, wanna grab coffee at campus today? I have class at 13:00

* * *

Isak checked his schedule on the UiO student intranet.

* * *

07:15

Yeah sounds good.  
I have a lab at 13:00 too. 

Perfect. 

11:00 at the psych dept café? Best coffee on campus. 

Deal.

* * *

Isak rode his bike to campus and hopped off in front of the little café adjacent to the department of psychology. He locked his bike and waited for Eva while scrolling his phone.

He was about to answer a message from Even, still discussing the narrative of Witcher and  the hero-characteristics of Geralt of Rivia, when Eva walked up to him.

“Hey Isak.” She smiled, her cheeks and the tip of her nose flushed from the cold. 

Isak looked up from his phone with a smile. “Eva!” He pulled her into a hug, her cold nose squishing against his sternum.

“Fy faen, you’re so fucking tall.” She muttered. 

“No, you’re just short.” he smiled, as he let go of her and opened the door  for her.

“Pfft.” She retorted lamely as they entered the little café. 

Eva ordered a chai latte and Isak a black coffee, and they found an old, worn couch with soft pillows. They sat down, Isak spreading his long legs, and Eva folding one leg under herself. 

“So...how’s life? Is there a new beau in your life?” Eva blew on her chai and twirled the straw around. 

“Wow, straight to the point, I’ll give you that .” Isak smiled. “...And who even says  _ beau_?!” he laughed, scrunching his eyebrows together. 

Eva rolled her eyes with a smile. “Ugh, Isak, that’s _so_ besides the point.”

Isak laughed, then took a sip of coffee, leaning back in the couch. 

“Have you talked to Jonas?” he looked at her, narrowing his eyes with a smile.

“About you? No.” She sipped her chai. “But is there? Are you hooking up with someone?”

“No.” Isak said. “Why do you think that?” 

“You just...look really happy.” She smiled.  “...And really good, like have you been working _out_?” she grabbed Isak’s bicep, feeling the lean muscle. 

Isak laughed. “I  _ have _ been working out actually, thanks for noticing. But no. No hooking up.” he added.

“Shame. Some lucky guy is missing out on this.” She squeezed his bicep for emphasis.

Isak laughed and shrugged. “Yeah, well.” 

She smiled. “You’ll meet someone, Isak. You’re an amazing catch.”

Isak smiled.  ”Thank you, Eva.”

_I’m really not looking for a boyfriend, though._

He grabbed the coffee cup off the table and took a sip.  “ How’s _your_ love life going? Any hot guys in your class?” 

“Ugh. No.” She pulled the hairband out of her long brown hair and re-did her ponytail. “They’re all so boring.”

“Well, what are you looking for?” Isak smiled.

Eva thought for a second. 

“I don’t know. Someone who’s funny and smart. And cool. And, like, doesn’t listen to fucking russesongs. Like, grow the fuck up.”

“So, not Magnus.” Isak smirked. 

Eva scrunched her nose up. “God, no! Also, Vilde would never forgive me.”

“Seriously? But they broke up like two years ago.”

“Yeah. But I think she misses him. She still talks about him a lot. But, don’t tell him that.”

“Wow, okay. Don’t worry, I won’t tell him. It would only inflate his ego anyway.” He smirked.

Eva laughed. “Exactly.”

She took another sip of her chai. “What about the guys in  your class? No hotties?”

“Uh, not really. Or, I don’t know, actually...” he bit his lip apologetically.

“What, you haven’t _looked_?” Eva laughed.

“I’m really focused on the labs and lectures!”

“God, you’re such a nerd.”

“So everyone keeps telling me.” Isak smiled.

“What about that guy at the new semester party?”

“What guy?” He felt his heart skip a beat. 

_ Even? _

“You danced with someone. He was cute. Dark hair, a little shorter than you.”

_ Not Even. _

Isak smiled. “Uh, no. I don’t think he’s in my class.

“Didn’t you get his number or his insta name or something?”

“No. He wasn’t really... my type.” Isak shrugged. 

“Ok. But, what _is_ your type, Isak? What are you looking for?” She asked with genuine interest. 

Isak distractedly wiped a drop of coffee off the table with a napkin.

_ Hypothetically? _

“Uh. I don’t know. Kinda the same things as you, I guess?” he looked at Eva. “Someone who’s funny and intelligent and has a decent taste in music. Someone I can chill with, and watch stupid shows on Netflix with. Shit, I don’t know.” He shrugged.

Eva smiled at Isak. “You’ll know, Isak.”

“Yeah, I guess.” He smiled back. ”It’s not really that important to me right now, though. I’m focusing on my studies… It’s fine.” He deflected, hoping she’d get the hint.

”Okay, Isak.” Eva nodded, finally dropping the subject. ”But hey, we should go out sometime. To Elsker or something. Find you a hottie. For one night.” She winked.

Isak laughed. “Well sure, _for one night_ , I’m down.”

_Casual sex I can do._

Eva laughed. ”Deal. How’s next weekend?”

Isak opened the calendar app on his phone. ”No plans. Elsker it is.”

”Yayy!” Eva said enthusiastically.

∙

 ** Wednesday 12 February, 2020**

”Good morning.” Isak said to Eskild, while digging into a healthy serving of oatmeal.

”Mornin’.” Eskild answered taking out two mugs from the cupboard. “You’re up early. Coffee?” 

”Uh, no thanks. I’m heading to the pool soon.” Isak answered.

Eskild put one cup back in the cupboard and looked at Isak. “You’re swimming before class? Who  _ are _ you?”

Isak rolled his eyes with a smile. ”I’m not a lazy kid anymore, Eskild.”

”No, I guess not.” Eskild said. ”It suits you.” He nodded at Isak’s chest and arms, which were starting to fill out a bit. ”Are you trying to impress someone?”

”Nope. I’m just… using my body.” 

”Ah. So, I was right about the blue balls because of your _friend_?” Eskild smirked.

”Um, no.”  Isak blushed a bit at Eskild’s assumption.

”Okayyy.” Eskild smiled.

”Yeah … see you later, Eskild.” Isak said, blush still high on his cheeks as he  hurried to  rinse his now empty bowl and walked out of the kitchen, grabbing his bags and jacket and walking out the door.

∙

Isak took the tram to Domus Athletica, the large on-campus gym that also hosted a pool. He quickly showered, changed into his swimming trunks and stepped out into the almost empty pool. Not many students bothered to get up early on a dark February mornings go swimming.

_Perfect_.

He walked up to the edge of the large pool, and dove in head first. He swam quickly to the other end of pool, silently cursing himself for voluntarily jumping into cold water on a Wednesday morning, when he could still be in bed.  
He made it to the other end of the pool fast and pulled himself up at the edge. With his arms wrapped tightly around his upper body, he walked to the equipment room and grabbed a pair of fins. He did a few fast laps with fins to warm up and focus on his flutter kicks. Then he took off the fins and continued with free style, counting laps and perfecting his technique on each lap. He kept up a fast pace, occasionally taking a quick break to stretch his arms and shoulders.

After completing the 30th lap he pulled himself up at the edge of the pool,  returned the fins to the  equipment room and  went  to the changing rooms. 

He showered and scrubbed his body and hair clean with the citrus scented shampoo, Eskild had donated to him last week after he’d borrowed his a few times too many.

Then he towelled off and got dressed in a t-shirt, a soft grey hoodie and jeans. He grabbed his bags and left the changing room, pulling his hood up over his wet hair.

As he walked out of the changing rooms and into the large foyer, he noticed a lot of people entering. He nodded at a guy, he  vaguely recognized from class. 

When he exited Domus Athletica, he ran into Even just outside the building. 

”Hei!” Isak smiled surprised.

”Isak, hey!” Even said equally surprised. “Are you going swimming, or?” he smiled nodding towards the large 50 meter pool, visible through the glass façade.

”No, I just finished.” Isak smiled.

”Okay” Even nodded. “How many laps?” 

”What, is it a competition?” Isak smirked.

Even laughed. “Uh, _now_ it is.”

Isak chuckled. “Okay. 30 laps, 28 minutes. No fins or kick board. You think you can beat that?”

”Uh huh.” Even said competitively.

”Okay. ” Isak smiled. ” I didn’t know you were into swimming ?”

”I love swimming. It clears my head.” Even said.

”Yeah, I know what you mean.” Isak smiled. “Well, have fun.” He added and turned to leave. Then he turned on his heel, looking back at Even. “Um, you wanna grab a cup of coffee when you’re done? I was thinking of going to the cafe by the psych department and chill for like a couple of hours before class.” 

Even smiled. ”Yeah, absolutely. See you there in an hour-ish.”

Isak nodded. “Cool. Let me know, if you make it to 30 laps.” He smirked before turning around.  


He heard Even’s deep chuckle behind him. “Oh, I will.”   
  
∙  


Isak walked the short distance to the little café by the psych department, rain drizzling softly onto his jacket.  
  
He quickly made it to the café and grabbed the door handle, stepping inside. The café had just opened for the day, so he walked into a quiet and almost empty café. He nodded a quick hello at the guy behind the counter and walked to the back of the café, finding a small table with two lounge chairs. He put his bags down and hung his jacket on the back of the chair, and then he went back to the counter  and ordered a cup of coffee.

A few minutes later he returned with a steaming cup of coffee in hand, plopping down in one of the chairs, lazily scrolling his Instagram feed for a few minutes. Then he pulled up his laptop and began reading an article on metabolomics.   


∙

Exactly 50 minutes later, Even showed up with flushed cheeks and damp hair peeking out from under his beanie, holding a cup of coffee in his hand.

He sat the coffee down on the table, shrugged off his backpack and plopped down in the lounge chair across from Isak. “30 laps, 23 minutes.” He said triumphantly while taking off his jacket, beanie and scarf. 

Isak closed his laptop and raised his eyebrows at Even. “Really? Shit, that’s fast.”

“Yeah, it was alright.” Even smiled. 

“What style do you swim?”

Even zipped open his hoodie and pushed the sleeves up to his elbows. “Freestyle. You?”

“Yeah, same.” 

“Well,  I’ve been swimming since I was a kid. I was on a swim team for like five years.” Even smiled leaning back in the chair, stretching his long legs, his feet reaching all the way to Isak’s. He took a sip of coffee.

“Phew,  thanks,  now I don’t feel so bad that you were faster than me.”

Even laughed, his eyes crinkling.

“Why did you quit the team?” Isak asked.

“I just got lazy, I think.” Even mused. “Like I turned 15 and all I could think about was watching movies, smoking weed and getting laid.” He shrugged.

Isak snorted a laugh. “Yeah, I know what you mean. I have this friend who almost turned pro skater, but then at 16, all he could think about was sex and weed.”

“A friend? Or are you talking about yourself here, Isak?” Even joked, eyebrows raised teasingly.

“Do I look like a skater to you?” He snarked back.

Even shrugged with a smile. “I don’t know. Kinda?”

“I honestly don’t know if that’s an insult or a compliment...?” Isak quirked an eyebrow.

“Uh, a compliment.” Even raised his eyebrows, like _obviously_. “Skaters are hot.”

_ What? Did he just... flirt with me? _

“Well, thanks then. I guess.” Isak smiled. “...But no. I was talking about Jonas. I can’t skate for shit.”

Even laughed. ”Okay.”

Isak smiled.

“I was gonna get something to eat, I’m starving. You want something? It can be your prize for beating me.” He sassed. 

Even laughed. “Oh wow, a prize, nice! I’m thinking cake. It’s my birthday, actually...” he bit his lip smiling. 

“Seriously?” Isak smiled.

“Yeah.”

“Okay, cake it is.” Isak said resolutely and stood up. “Uh, what kind of cake do you like?”

“Something lemony, if they have it. Or, your pick.” Even smiled.

“Cool.” Isak said before striding to the counter ordering two slices of lemon meringue pie.

He then returned to their table, set the plates on the table and plopped down in the cozy lounge chair opposite Even’s. 

“Happy birthday!” He pushed one plate towards Even. “And, I bought one for myself as well... because y’know, I’m starving.” He said with an unapologetic shrug.

Even snorted a laugh. “Thank you Isak. So nice of you.”

“I am very nice. Also, congratulations on your win.” Isak said with a wink. 

“Thanks.” Even smiled.

Isak smiled and picked up his plate, taking a bite of the lemon meringue pie. As the sour-sweet taste of lemon and sugar exploded in his mouth, he moaned lowly, licking the meringue off his lip. He caught Even looking at him for a second before he grabbed the other plate off the table .

“Is it good?”  Even said, settingthe plate on his thigh, cutting  off  a piece with his fork.

“Mhmm.” Isak nodded around a mouthful of pie.

Even agreed with him on the first bite. “Mmm, delicious. Thanks for the birthday-slash-victory cake.”

“My pleasure.” Isak smiled. “So...what are your plans for today?”

Even looked up from his plate with a smile. “Uh, I don’t really have any. I’ve got a lecture later and then I’m just gonna chill at home with my friends Mikael and Mutta. Maybe watch a movie.”

“They’re your roommates, right?”

“Yes.” 

“So, no big family dinner?”

“No. I’m not turning twelve, Isak.” Even teased.

“Ha. Ha.” Isak said before taking another bite of pie. “Do you have plans with Sonja today?”  he tested the waters.

”No. She’s in Paris with one of her friends...”

“Oh.  But then what about Birthday Sex?” 

Even sputtered. “What?!” he barked a surprised laugh. 

“Easy there.” Isak smirked as Even took up a water bottle from his backpack and took a sip.

“... _Birthday Sex_... I’m sure it’s like a  _ thing _ ...” Isak pulled his phone out of his pocket, and typed  _ birthday sex _ in the browser. 

“Ha! Here we go! There’s a song...” he showed Even the screen. 

Even looked at the video and laughed. “Oh my God. I had completely forgotten about that song. Shit, my friend Adam used to play it for all his hook-ups. It was like his official soundtrack for fucking.”

“Wow, a soundtrack for fucking. That’s next level.” Isak mused.

“What, you don’t have a soundtrack?” Even asked lifting his eyebrows. 

Isak felt a blush creeping up his cheeks.

“Uh, no. Do you?”

Even smirked with a nonchalant shrug. 

Isak looked at him. “Seriously?”

Even then cracked a laugh, eyes crinkling. “No. I’m just kidding.”

Isak smiled weakly, cheeks still blushing. “Okay.”

_ Why did we start talking about sex? _

He then picked up his plate of pie again and forked up the last pieces to distract himself for a second.

_ Stop thinking about sex. _

“Your hook-up song should be _Fuck da police_.” Even teased squinting his eyes.

Isak broke into a laugh. “Well, that would probably scare some people off.”

“Yeah well, their loss, right?” Even said with a smile, looking intensely at Isak. The moment stretched as Isak looked into Even’s eyes. 

“Right.” Isak finally said. He swallowed thickly, suddenly wishing he’d ordered some water.

_ What the fuck is this? _

Even pursed his lips smiling, as he looked down at his now empty plate in his lap and put it back on the table. 

_ Stop making it weird. Just think of something to say. _

Isak cleared his throat. “Well, um, I hope you’ll have a nice day today, even without the birthday sex.”

Even smiled, tilting his head. “Thanks, Isak. I think it has started pretty well. Cake and all...”

Isak smiled. He looked down at the floor for a moment, noticing how Even's right foot was barely a centimeter from his own left foot. 

He then looked up at Even. “So, what’s your lecture about?”

”Lecture?” Even gave him a confused look, eyebrows drawn together.

_Cute_.

”Didn’t you say, you had a lecture later?” Isak smiled.

“Oh! Right.” Even smiled. ”I’m not sure actually, it’s the first lecture of this new class called fiction theory and analysis. I’m pretty excited about the class, though. ”

“ _Fiction_ _theory and analysis_... Jeez, if there was ever a hipster sentence...” Isak snarked.

Even laughed. “Well , what’s your lecture on then?” 

“Uh first of all, it’s a  _ lab_, you know where we conduct _actual_ experiments...” Isak sassed.

“Oooooh, experiments... what kind of experiments? Enlighten me, please.” Even teased. 

Isak laughed at Even’s sass. “Sure, I’ll _enlighten_ you. Today I’m going to experiment with dynamic molecular interactions using the model plant Arabidopsis thaliana and, like do some-are you even listening, Even?”

Even smirked. “I’m imagining you in a lab coat being all serious in front of your microscope. Please tell me, you wear a lab coat.”

“Duh, of course I wear a lab coat.”

“Sweet.”

Isak rolled his eyes smilingly and continued.

∙

They ended up buying sandwiches for lunch and then ordering more coffee, talking until they both had classes to attend. 

They separated outside the café having to walk in different directions to get to their different departments on campus.

“Thank you again for the birthday cake, Isak.” Even smiled.

“My pleasure.” He smiled back. “..Well, have a nice day.”

_Do I hug him? Is that weird? Whatever, we’re friends. Friends hug._

Isak stepped closer and gave Even a quick hug, registering a faint scent of chlorine, vanilla and Even’s shampoo. As well as something uniquely Even.

“See you around.” He smiled and turned on his heel. 

“See you, Isak.”

Isak walked the few hundred meters to the department of chemistry with a smile on his lips. The smell of chlorine and Even’s shampoo lingering.

* * *

** Even Bech Næsheim **

19:26

[ Swim Good ](https://youtu.be/ic1nhvWBvIo)

I love that song.

Yeah, me too. Well, the lyrics are kinda sad, but the title reminded me of today.

I didn’t know you liked Frank Ocean

I do actually listen to other stuff than  90’s hip-hop, Even 

Du slutter aldri å overraske

* * *


	6. Player's Ball

**Friday 14 February, 2020**

Isak woke up at 7:12, 13 minutes before his alarm, feeling uncomfortably hot and achingly hard.

He’d been having another sex dream right before waking up, but like usually, he couldn’t remember the details even when he closed his eyes and tried to focus on the dream. He only saw fleeting glances of having sex with _someone_.

He reached a hand into his boxers and wrapped it around himself, stroking himself to completion within a minute. He sighed and wiped his hand on his boxers.

 _I_ really _need to get laid._

He then got up, showered and had coffee and a couple slices of toast for breakfast. Sitting crosslegged in one of the living room couches, he balanced his laptop in his lap and flipped it open, hoping to clock in a couple hours of studying before his afternoon lecture.

∙  
  
He’d been reading about steady-state approximation for about an hour, when his phone buzzed with a text from Jonas.

* * *

**Jonas**

09:14

Wanna join Mags and me for lunch later? Mags wanna talk about fifa night...

Humanities dept cafeteria 11:30?

👍

* * *

At 11 am Isak closed his laptop, stuffed it in his backpack and rode his bike to campus.

He walked into the humanities department cafeteria at 11:20 and found an empty table, sitting down and scrolling his phone, waiting for Jonas and Magnus. A few minutes later they walked in together and joined Isak at the table, with Magnus chanting “Liverpool, Liverpool, Liverpool”. Jonas rolled his eyes beside him.  
  
They sat down with Magnus still chanting.

Isak raised an eyebrow. “The fuck?”

“Yeah, he’s excited about the FIFA tournament tomorrow...” Jonas said, jerking his thumb at Magnus.

“Yeah, I’ll say.” Isak deadpanned.

“I’m gonna kick both your asses” Magnus triumphantly announced.

“Well, we’ll see about that, won’t we.” Isak sassed back.

“Hah! No. I’m definitely winning.” Magnus exclaimed.

“Oh yeah, by the way I’ve got bad news and good news.” Magnus said.

“Bring it.” Isak said, taking a sip of his water bottle.

“Alfred can’t make it tomorrow. So with the three of us, Mahdi and Elias, we’re one short for the tournament...”

“Oh. Well, that sucks.” Isak said.

“But!” Magnus smiled wide, “..the good news is though, that I’ve already fixed a replacement.”

“Yeah? Who?” Isak asked.

“Even.”

“Even?” Isak squinted at Magnus.

Jonas snorted a laugh.

“Yeah. Even.” Magnus replied smugly.

Isak raised his eyebrows. “Huh.”

Magnus shook Isak’s shoulder. “It’s gonna be so great. You’re still up for hosting, right?”

Isak looked at Magnus. “Uh yeah, sure.”

“Sweet. I’m psyched!” Magnus sing-songed.

“Yeah, we sorta get that, Mags.” Jonas smirked.

Isak pulled up his phone, shooting a quick message to Even, as Magnus and Jonas kept talking about FIFA. He didn’t expect Even to answer immediately, but he did.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

11:37

So I guess I’m kicking your ass in FIFA tomorrow?

You wish

Do you even FIFA, bro?

Haha

Yeah, sometimes. Not as much as I used to but yeah.

Du slutter aldri å overraske ;)

...

* * *

“Isak...”

He snapped his head up from his phone. “Huh? Yes?”

“Who are you texting?”

“Even.” Isak and Jonas said in unison.

Isak glared at Jonas who lifted an eyebrow in response.

“Hah!” Magnus squeaked. “Anyway, for tomorrow I’m thinking pizza and beers. Weed maybe?”

“Yeah, sounds good.” Isak nodded.

“17:00 at your place, Issy?”

“Yeah, it’s a deal.”

“Sweet. I’ll let everyone know in the group chat.”

∙

After his afternoon lecture in Enzymology, Isak rode his bike home and started getting ready for his night out with Eva. Elsker and the whole club scene wasn’t really his thing, but once in a while, with the right company, the perfect amount of alcohol and fuck-it attitude, he actually enjoyed going out to a club. And he did really need to get laid, so.

He took a quick shower, dried off and tried to make his hair look somewhat presentable. Then he dressed in a dark blue fitted t-shirt and his favorite jeans.

He took the tram to Eva’s place in Frogner, swinging a plastic bag with a bottle of white wine, and a six pack of beer, in his hand.

∙

Around midnight, Isak stepped into Elsker with Eva holding onto his arm, already feeling tipsy due to the amount of drinks they’d had at Eva’s place.

As they stepped into the club and took off their outerwear, Eva trailed her gaze down his body, at the fitted dark-blue t-shirt and tight jeans.

“You look really good, Isak.” She smiled. “Damn, if you weren’t into boys, I’d be all over you right now.”

He snorted a laugh. “Thanks, Eva. If I weren’t so into boys, I probably would’ve made a move on you years ago.” He winked at her. Then he nodded towards the bar. “Wanna get something to drink?”

“Absolutely.” She nodded, and they went to the bar and bought a couple of weird colorful drinks with unpronounceable names. Double up on the vodka.

“Cheers”

“Cheers, Issy.”

∙

Isak woke up the next morning at 6 am after around three hours of sleep. It took his hung-over brain a few seconds to figure out where he was. He was naked in an unfamiliar bed. The feeling of a hard chest plastered to his back registered, and Isak lifted up on his elbow to peek over his shoulder. A pretty, dark-haired guy was still sleeping soundly behind him.

_Right, I picked him up last night at Elsker._

Isak briefly considered waking the guy up for a round two, but decided against it. Instead he crawled out of bed as smoothly as possible and silently put on his boxers, jeans and t-shirt, grabbing his hoodie, jacket and beanie off a chair by the desk.

He quickly scanned the desk and found a pad of post-its next to a stack of philosophy books.

 _Huh, he’s probably a UiO student too_.

Isak found a pen and hastily wrote a _thank you for last night_ , leaving it out on the table.

_I don’t even remember his name._

Then he quietly exited the guy’s room and then his apartment. As soon as the entrance door to the building slammed behind him, he pulled up his phone to open Google Maps, locating the nearest tram stop. He took the tram home and went straight to bed.

∙

He woke up about four hours later with a pounding headache and a bunch of message notifications on his lock screen. He opened the messages from Eva first.

* * *

**Eva Kviig Mohn**

10:23

I’m so hungover  
Did you hook up with that guy?

Haha me too  
Did you get home ok?  
And yes.

🙌

* * *

Next, he opened a new group chat.

* * *

**Player's Ball**

Magnus Fossbakken changed the name of the group to Player’s Ball.

Even Bech Næsheim was added to the group.

Elias Aaker was added to the group.

10:21

Magnus: [Player’s Ball](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFofKGKlWo4)

Magnus: guys I’m excited about tonite

Magnus: cool that you could step in @Even

Even: thanks for the invite:)

Magnus: np

Magnus: @Isak are you alive?

Ugh barely.

Magnus: 1700 still cool with you?

Yes

Magnus: 👍

Dips on Barca btw. Since I’m hosting..

Magnus: Cool. I’m thinking Liverpool

Jonas: @Magnus yeah, Salah is so dope. Chelsea here ✌️

Elias: Juventus ✌️

Mahdi: PSG

@Mahdi: Really???

Mahdi: Nah, fuck it lets go with Real Madrid.

Better

Even: what’s wrong with PSG?

It’s not a real team, just Qatar sponsorship money

Mahdi: here we go 🙄

But sure Even, play PSG if you want......

Even: fuck it, I’ll go with Ajax

Jonas: nice

Good choice

Magnus: excellent. See you tonight guys.

@Even Deichmans Gate 5

Even: 👍

* * *

He put the phone down beside him and considered sleeping for a few hours more.

He tossed and turned for about 15 minutes before giving up on sleep, instead getting up with a groan and padding into the kitchen in sweatpants. He grabbed a bowl, milk and some cornflakes.

Then he noticed Eskild chilling in one of the couches, watching Witcher on Netflix.

”Hey.” He croaked out.

”Fy faen, Henry Cavill is so hot.” Eskild said, eyes on the screen.

“You think so?” Isak said hoarsely, casting a non-committing glance at the screen.

Eskild turned to Isak. “Uh, _yeah._ Don’t you?”

Isak shrugged. “Meh.”

“So, you’re saying you wouldn’t fuck the Witcher?”

Isak shrugged. “Dunno. not really my type.”

“Speaking of fucking...You didn’t come home last night...?” Eskild said casually.

“Uh no, I was at Elsker with Eva.” Isak said, slowly spooning up cornflakes, leaning against the kitchen counter.

“Okay. Did you go home with someone?”

“Yes.”

Eskild got up from the couch and went to the kitchen, putting on the kettle and taking out the coffee.

“Well... was it good? Are you gonna see him again?” he looked at Isak.

“It was alright. I mean, he was nice. The sex was fine. But no, I’m not gonna see him again.”

“Why not?”

Isak rolled his eyes, the hangover making him a little on edge.

“Eskild, I’ve told you, I’m not looking for a boyfriend. I just wanted to get laid. I _needed_ it.”

Eskild nodded. “Yeah, okay Isak.”

“What?” Isak said, sensing that Eskild had something on his mind.

“It’s just that... I think you need to stop protecting yourself.”

Isak raised his eyebrows.

Eskild rolled his eyes. “Not like that, jeez, always use _protection_ , obviously.”

“I do.”

“Good. No I mean, it’s like you have these walls-“

“If you’re gonna bring up Mats, don’t.”

“Isak... you deserve to be happy. Just because you were in a bad relationshi-“

“Eskild, I _really_ don’t wanna talk about it. I’m tired and hungover, and I’m hosting a fucking FIFA tournament later. So please just...” Isak glared at Eskild.

“Ok. Fine.”

“Fine.”

Isak continued eating his now soggy cornflakes.

Eskild poured boiling water over instant coffee. “You want coffee?”

“No thanks.”

“Ok.” Eskild stirred his coffee. “So, who’s coming over tonight?”

“Uh, Jonas, Magnus, Mahdi, one of Magnus’ friends. And Even.”

Eskild looked at Isak, “ _Even_ -Even?”

”Yes, Even.” Isak stared back, silently daring Eskild to comment on it.

“Okay.” Eskild smiled. “When are they coming over?”

“At five.”

“Cool. I’ll stay at Erik’s tonight, so you can have the place to yourself.”

”You don’t have to leave, Eskild. You’re welcome to join.” Isak suddenly felt guilty.

_Stop being such a dick to everyone._

“No it’s fine, I was thinking of staying over anyways. Have fun with your FIFA thingy.”

“Okay. Thanks, Guru.” Isak managed a smile.

Eskild took his cup of coffee, returned to the couch and resumed watching Witcher.

Isak finished his cornflakes and plopped down in the other couch.

“You really don’t think he’s at least a little bit hot?”

“Maybe a tiny bit.” Isak said yawning.

He made it through half an episode before falling asleep on the couch.

∙

He woke up a couple of hours later, drool cooling on the pillow, the tv turned off and the flat empty.

He sat up and rubbed his eyes. Then he picked up his phone. 15:46.

“Ugh,” he muttered before getting up.

He tidied the living room a bit and opened the windows to let in some fresh air. Then he went to his room and cleared the floor of dirty laundry, and took out the coffee mugs collecting on his desk. Next he showered, lathering citrus body wash all over, scrubbing off last night. He dressed in jeans and a soft, slightly oversized long sleeved shirt. He put on a snapback over slightly damp curls and silently cursed himself for getting so drunk the night before having the boys over.

_And Even._

He took a last look around his room and then went back to the living room and plopped down in the couch, turning on the tv while waiting for everyone to show up.

∙

At 16:45 the door buzzed and Isak opened the door for Even.

“Even, hey.” He smiled.

“Hey. Sorry I’m early.” Even smiled back.

“No it’s fine, I was just chilling, anyway.” He said, stepping aside to let Even in.

Even came in and undid his scarf, taking off his sneakers and then his beanie and jacket, hanging them on a peg on the wall.

“So, this is your place.” He smiled and handed Isak a six-pack of Tuborg.

“Yup.” Isak said popping the p. “Do you want the grand tour?”

“Yes. Absolutely.” Even smiled, eyes crinkling.

 _Cute_.

“Let’s start with the kitchen and put these in the fridge.”

Isak showed Even the kitchen, the living-room and nodded at Eskild and Linns’s rooms.

“My roommates’ rooms. Eskild is staying with his boyfriend tonight and Linn is visiting her parents in Bodø.”

“Okay.”

Isak then showed Even his own room. “And this is me.”

Even stepped inside with Isak trailing behind.

“Nice room.” Even smiled.

“Yeah, it’s a work in progress. I mean I’ve been back in Oslo for like 7 months, but it still needs some decorating, I guess.” Isak shrugged.

“I like it.” Even said. He leaned his hip against Isak’s desk, cluttered with science books.

“Thanks.” Isak said, feeling a bit self conscious.

“Very nerdy.” Even jerked his head at the periodic table of elements above Isak’s desk.

Isak laughed. “Yeah, well.” He shrugged.

The buzzer rang again and Isak stepped out to let in Magnus, Jonas, Mahdi and Elias, Magnus’ friend.

“Even, you’re already here!” Magnus said excitedly, as Even stepped out of Isak’s room.

“Yeah, Isak was just showing me around.”

”Good to see you, man!” Magnus said and wrapped Even into a hug.

”Same, Magnus” Even smiled and then greeted the rest of the guys, introducing himself to Mahdi and Elias.

Jonas and Mahdi each pulled out six-packs of beer and put them on the kitchen counter.

“There are cold ones in the fridge.” Isak said.

”Cool.” Jonas said, as he went to the fridge and took out a cold six-pack, handing out beers to everyone.

“Uh, no thanks.” Isak said, when Jonas held out a beer for him.

“What the fuck, man, are you hung-over?” Magnus said.

“Ugh, yes.”

“Oh yeah, Eva told me, you two were at Elsker last night?” Jonas smiled.

“Yeah.” Isak sighed and pinched his eyebrows in a futile attempt to lessen the pounding in his head.

Magnus opened his beer can, the metal breaking open loudly. “Did you get laid?”

“Uh....” Isak hesitated. He caught Even looking at him out of the corner of his eye.

“Jeez, Mags we just got here.” Jonas said taking a sip of beer.

“Yeah, down, boy.” Mahdi said and opened his beer.

Isak dodged the question by turning on the tv and Playstation, throwing a controller in Magnus’ lap.

“Mags you’re in charge of setting up the tournament.”

Then he opened the lid on his laptop and opened Spotify.

”Even, you’re in charge of the music.”

”Wow, what an honour.” Even sassed.

Isak handed the laptop to Even. ”Yeah well, don’t make me regret it.” He smirked.

”Ooh, sassy.” Magnus commented.

As the first lines of _N*ggas in Paris_ blasted out, Isak started bopping his head to the beat, throwing an approving “nice!” at Even.

“Okay...” Magnus said, tossing a controller to Isak. “...Liverpool-Barca. Let’s do this!”

∙

About an hour into the tournament, they’d ordered a bunch a pizzas and were debating who were going to pick them up.

“Can’t we just have them delivered?” Mahdi argumented.

“How about Isak and Even go get them? It’s like _right_ around the corner. And you’re both out for the next round anyway.” Magnus said turning to Isak and Even.

“Yeah, fuck it, I could use some air anyways.” Isak said, crunching his abs to get up from the couch.

“Sure, let’s go.” Even smiled.

∙

They walked the short distance to the pizza place, opting to wait outside until the pizzas were done.

Isak leaned against the wall, letting out a deep sigh.

“Still hung-over, or?” Even smirked raising his eyebrows.

“Uh, yeah, a bit. But it’s getting better. Slowly.” Isak said.

“So... Elsker?” Even smiled.

“Yeah.”

Even chuckled. “Did you have fun?”

“Yeah, I did.” Isak smiled. “Just not so fun today.”

Even laughed. “No, I can imagine.”

He cast a side-glance at Isak. “Did you hook up with anyone?” he asked casually.

Isak looked up. “Uh...yeah. Kinda.”

“Yeah?” Even said.

Isak shrugged. “Yeah.”

Even smiled, but his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Are you, uh, gonna see him again?”

Isak licked his lip. “Uh, no. I don’t think so.”

“No?”

“No. I’m not really... looking to commit to anyone... you know?” Isak tried.

Even looked at him for a moment before giving him a slight nod. “Okay. Yeah. I get that.”

There was a beat of silence before the pizza guy popped out, “your pizzas are ready.”

“Thanks.” 

They went inside, paid and picked up the pizza.

“Shit, I’m so hungry.” Isak said as they stepped outside in the cold air again and the smell of pizza hit him.

“Yeah, me too.” Even smiled.

∙

They quickly made it back to the apartment and joined the others in the living room, opening the pizzas and digging in.

“So Isak, how’s the hang-over?” Magnus said, holding out an unopened beer can towards Isak. “You think you’re ready for a beer?”

Isak shrugged. “Yeah fuck it, give it here.” He opened the can and took a tentative sip, grimacing slightly.

“You okay, man?” Jonas laughed.

“Yeah, fine.” Isak croaked out.

“Shit, how much did you drink last night?” Magnus asked.

“Enough.”  
  
”Well, did you get laid?” Magnus asked before taking a sip of beer.

”Yeah.”

”Nice. So, who was he?”

”Uh.....” Isak licked his lip, stalling.

”What? You won’t tell us, or you don’t _know_?” Jonas smiled before taking a sip of beer.

”Um, the last one.” Isak said and then bit into a slice of pizza.

”You didn’t get his name, or number or anything?” Mahdi asked.

”No. Or, I mean, he probably told me his name but I don’t remember it.”

”Fuck dude, that’s savage.” Mahdi laughed.

Isak saw Even looking at him, an unreadable expression on his face.

”Hey, I left him a post-it!” Isak said.

”With your number?” Jonas smirked while biting into a slice of pizza.

”Uh no, with a _thank you_.” Isak shrugged.

The guys all laughed.

”Shit, Isak.” Jonas shook his head laughing.

”I can’t believe you did that. Wow. That’s a player move, even for you.” Magnus laughed. 

“Hey, dude is allowed to be picky, he’s good looking” Mahdi said with a shrug.

“Oy, thanks for the unsuspected support, Mahdi.” Isak snorted a surprised laugh.

”Yeah, yeah. Are we playing, or?” Mahdi smirked then nodded at the flatscreen.

Isak took a quick glance at Even, trying to read his expression, but couldn’t.

Magnus grabbed a controller and resumed the game. “Aaaand moving on... Isak and Even, you’re up. Barca vs. Ajax.” Magnus tossed his controller to Isak, and Jonas handed his over to Even.

“Good luck, man. Isak is actually pretty good at FIFA.” Jonas said to Even.

“Yeah?” Even said and then turned to Isak, looking directly at him. “Bring it.”

”Oh, I will.” Isak replied.

∙

Isak and Even were both on the edge of the couch, elbows resting on thighs, clutching controllers tightly, eyes focused on the screen.

”Even, shape up! Isak gets so obnoxious, when he wins.” Mahdi said.

”Shut up, Mahdi.” Isak said.

”Believe me, I’m trying, Mahdi!” Even said.

Isak managed to score a goal on Even, raising his fist triumphantly. ”Yessssss!”

”Noooooo!” Even groaned, throwing his head back in frustration before continuing with the game.

The guys supplied running commentary.

“Shit, Griezmann actually looks a bit like you, Isak.” Magnus commented, eyes on the screen. “Is that why you’re always playing Barca?”

“Oh my God, yeah, it’s true actually!” Jonas agreed.

“What? He doesn’t look like me, what the fuck.” Isak scoffed.

“He’s really short though, check out his stats.” Magnus said.

“Hey, 5’9 is not short!” Jonas said.

“It kinda is, dude.” Isak smirked.

“Whatever.” Jonas said. “How about you focus on your game, huh.”

“Isak has no game.” Magnus laughed, taking a sip of beer.

“Uh, I disagree.” Even said.

“Shit yeah, you’re getting your ass kicked, Even.” Magnus said. Then he continued, turning to Isak, “also, yeah, you must’ve had _some_ game last night with post-it guy.”

Isak smirked.

_I got game._

∙

Around 23:00 the tournament was coming to an end, with Magnus winning to no one’s surprise.

”What did I tell you two? I kicked your asses.” Magnus said triumphantly to Jonas and Isak when he won the finale against Isak. He opened a new beer and took a sip with a smirk.

”I didn’t expect you to take the silver medal though, Issy. Being hungover as fuck and all.” He continued.

”I’ll be sober as fuck next time and then we’ll see who takes the gold.” Isak smirked at Magnus.

”Deal.” Magnus laughed and clinked his beer can against Isak’s.

”Good game though, everyone.” Magnus lifted his beer and they all toasted.

Isak leaned back in the couch next to Even, his thigh resting lightly against Even’s.

”Congrats on second place.” Even smiled and touched his beer can to Isak’s.

”Thanks. Sorry about kicking your ass.” Isak bit his lip sarcastically.

Even laughed, eyes crinkling. “No worries, we’re cool.”

Then Magnus’ phone rang and he picked it up, talking excitedly to one of his friends.

”What I’m doing? I’m kicking everyone’s ass in FIFA. What are you doing? A party…”

When Magnus hung up, it was to pitch a party.

”So guys, Matheo is hosting a party here in Løkka. Are you game? It’s really close to here.”

”Sure, man.” Jonas smiled with Elias and Mahdi joining in.

”Isak? Even?” Magnus turned and shot them both a look.

“Uh, no thanks, I’m beat.” Isak said, leaning back in the couch with a tired smile.

“Yeah me too, I’m just gonna head home. Thanks though.” Even smiled at Magnus.

”Okay, well, your loss.” Magnus said before getting up from the couch with Jonas, Elias and Mahdi joining him in the corridor putting on their outerwear and sneakers.

”Thanks for hosting, Isak.” Magnus said clapping his hand and then drawing him into a quick hug.

”De nada. Have fun at the party. Say hi to Matheo from me.”

”Will do, Issy.”

In a flurry of jackets, beanies and quick goodbye hugs, the four guys left, leaving Isak and Even alone in the corridor. Isak closed the door softly behind the guys and smiled at Even, suddenly appreciating the calm.

“Uh, I can help you clean up a bit. If you want?” Even smiled, jerking his head at the mess of beer cans, plates and empty pizza boxes left out on the table.

“Sure. Thank you.” Isak smiled back.

Walking back to the kitchen, Isak grabbed the laptop and changed the music.

”Ben Howard?” Even said listening to the song.

”Yeah, I felt like listening to something mellow.”

Even nodded and then began collecting the empty beer cans off the table. He stacked them on the kitchen counter next to Isak who was washing up a few glasses and plates.

“Almost like being at work at KB, huh?” Isak smiled.

“Yeah. Except I’m not tipsy at work.” Even chuckled.

“Right.”

“...And you’re not there, when I’m at work.” Even said, glancing over at Isak with a little smile.

Isak paused washing up for a second.

“Hah, no I guess not.”

“You’re welcome to stop by, though. I’m there most Tuesdays and Thursdays. Coffee and cake on me.”

Isak turned to look at him, “...Okay. Sure. Sounds good.” He smiled. “..I’ll try to stop by Tuesday then.”

“Looking forward to it.” Even smiled.

Isak shut off the water, letting the now clean glasses and plates dry on the drying rack. He leaned against the kitchen counter, feeling bone tired. 

“I should head home. You look a little tired.” Even smiled.

“Yeah, I am.” Isak sent him a tired smiled back.

Even went to the corridor with Isak trailing lazily after, and put on his jacket, scarf and beanie, then his shoes.

He raised up to his full height again, smiling softly at Isak. “Sleep tight, Isak.”

“Thanks. You too.” Isak yawned then smiled.

Then Even stepped a couple of steps forward and hugged him, and Isak submitted to the hug, letting his bone tired body lean heavily against Even’s.

_God, you smell so good._

Even rested his chin on Isak’s shoulder, then turned his head, breathing in deeply.

“Mmm citrusy.”

“Huh? What?” Isak chuckled, still leaning against Even.

“You smell good. Citrusy.” Even said lowly.

“What the fuck, are you drunk?” Isak chuckled.

_Or are you a fucking mind reader??_

“Yes. A bit.” Even admitted, his chin still resting on Isak’s shoulder.

Isak couldn’t help feeling flustered.

”I can’t believe you wrote that guy a post-it.” Even then whispered, as he slowly ran his nose along the sensitive skin on Isak’s neck, making him shiver. “You probably broke his heart.”

_What?_

”Goodnight, Isak.” He said quietly. Then he let go of Isak, took a couple of steps back and walked out of the door.


	7. I Wanna Get High

**Sunday 16 February, 2020**

Isak woke up with a strange feeling, immediately recalling the feel of Even’s breath on his neck and his words from last night.

“ _You probably broke his heart_.” 

He stared into the ceiling, lightly tracing the skin on his neck with his fingertips, replaying last night in his mind until he stopped feeling quite so flustered.

Then he picked up his phone. No new messages. 

He thought about texting Even, but didn’t know what to write. 

_Stop making it into a big deal. It’s probably all in your head._

∙

After taking a long shower, _not thinking about Even_ he moved to the kitchen to eat breakfast. He had a few bites of toast, before abandoning it and padding over to Eskild’s room. He knocked lightly.

”Yes?” came the reply

Isak opened the door a bit and popped his head in.

Eskild was sitting in his bed scrolling his phone.

”Hey Eskild. I didn’t know if you were home. You got a minute?”

”Yeah, sure, Isak.” He smiled and patted the bed beside him.

Isak smiled back and stepped into Eskild’s room, sitting down on Eskild’s bed facing him. 

”You’re home early.” Isak said.

”Yeah, Erik was going to brunch with his parents, and I thought it was a little soon for me to meet them.”

”Okay.” Isak nodded.

”So, what’s up, Baby J?” Eskild said.

“Uh. It’s about Even...”

“What about him? He was here at your FIFA thingy last night, right?”

“Yeah. And, I don’t know... he was sorta giving me a strange vibe.”

Eskild straightened up. “How so?”

“Like, when he left, he hugged me and told me I smelled good. And then he made a really weird remark about the guy I hooked up with at Elsker...”

“You told him, you hooked up with someone?”

“Yeah. Well, he asked.”

“Okay. What kind of remark?”

“He said I’d probably broken the guy’s heart by leaving him a _thank you for last night_ on a post-it.” 

“Huh.”

“What?”

“That _was_ a pretty weird remark. Also, did you leave a _post-it_ for your hook-up?” Eskild sniggered.

Isak rolled his eyes. “Ugh, yeah, don’t give me shit about it, the guys already did that yesterday.”

Eskild smiled. “Okay, okay I won’t.” He thought for a moment. “Are you sure, he’s straight? Even.”

“I’ve met his girlfriend, so...” Isak shrugged.

“Oh right, he has a girlfriend...”

“Yeah. But, like, should I text him or something?”

“Depends on what you want?”

“I don’t know. To be friends, I guess. And for things to not be awkward.”

“Don’t text him then. Just play it cool.”

“Okay. Yeah. I can do that. Thanks, Eskild.” Isak smiled and got up.

“ _Guru_ , please.”

Isak rolled his eyes with a smile. “Thanks, _Guru_.”

Then he walked out, softly closed the door to Eskild’s room behind him and packed his backpack with his laptop and a thermo mug of coffee. He rode his bike to the science faculty library for some Sunday studying, clocking in five hours of studying. Then he rode his bike home feeling productive and focused and almost not thinking about Even. Almost.

∙

Thursday morning he still hadn’t heard from Even, and at this point he was wondering who was dodging whom.

He took the tram to campus and walked into Domus Athletica, heading for the changing room, and just as he was about to enter the changing room, Even stepped out.

“Hey!” Even said when he almost bumped into him, eyes wide and surprised. 

_Just play it cool._

“Hey, Even.” Isak smiled. 

“I uh...” Even started, eyes flitting all over Isak’s face. 

_Just think of something_. 

“How many laps?” Isak said.

“Huh?”

“How many laps did you swim today?” Isak jerked his head towards the pool.

“Uh, 40.”

“Impressive.”

“Thanks.” Even smiled. His eyes dropped down and then came back up, meeting Isak’s. “Uh, by the way, I’m gonna be at KB later. If you wanna stop by? Since you stood me up Tuesday...” he raised his eyebrows teasingly at Isak.

 _Good, we’re done being awkward_.

“I didn’t stand you up.”

“No?”

“No. Something came up.” Isak lied.

“Okay, yeah. Sure.” Even pursed his lips, teasingly.

“It’s true!” Isak couldn’t help the smile spreading on his lips. “...Anyway, I’ll stop by later. At like 15:00?”

“Yeah, perfect.”

“Okay, see you later.”

“See you, Isak.”

∙

When Isak opened the door to Kaffebrenneriet, he immediately spotted Even behind the counter, wearing a light purple t-shirt and black jeans, his hair in a gravity defying style, but still looking soft.

Isak walked up to the counter and casually slapped Even’s hand over the counter.

“Hey.”

“Hey, Isak, so nice of you to stop by today.” Even tilted his head teasingly.

“Yeah, well I aim to please.” He smirked back.

Even smiled, his eyes crinkling. “Uh, good to know. Anyway, what can I get yo-”

Even was interrupted by a voice from behind Isak. “Hi Isak.” 

Isak immediately turned around in the direction of the voice, his heart skipping a beat, as he laid eyes on the familiar guy behind him.

_What the fuck?_

“Uh. Mats. Hi.” Isak said, completely taken aback.

“Good to see you, Isak.” He replied with a smile. 

“Uh. Yeah.” Isak stuttered. ”You too.”

Even cleared his throat and stretched his hand out. “Hi, I’m Even.”

Mats briefly shook Even’s hand. 

“Yeah, uh, this is my friend Even. And this is Mats. My, uh. Ex.” Isak cringed.

_What are the fucking odds._

“What are you doing here in Oslo?” Isak managed.

“Long story. Do you wanna get a cup of coffee?” 

“Uh, well I’m already in a coffeeshop, so...yeah.” Isak said with an awkward smile.

Mats turned to Even. “We’ll have two black coffees.” He took out his credit card.

“No need, it’s on me.” Even said.

Isak looked down. 

“Thanks Even, that’s so nice of you.” Mats said smiling sweetly at Even.

”No worries.” Even replied curtly as he began on their coffees, and Isak and Mats migrated to the back of the café, sitting down at a smallish table. 

“It’s really nice to see you.” Mats said, as Isak shrugged out of his jacket. “...You look really good.” He trailed his eyes appreciatively over Isak’s chest.

“Uh, yeah. Same.” Isak said, still reeling from the chock of the unexpected encounter. “...So, what’s the long story?”

“I’m starting my Master’s next semester and I’m thinking of applying to the Master programme in molecular bioscience here at UiO. But UiO is closed for new admissions to that particular programme, so I booked an appointment with the student council tomorrow to talk about my options.” Mats said surely, and Isak suddenly felt uneasy. He looked down at the table, studying the grains of wood on the tabletop.

“Are you, uh...” he wavered, then looked up at Mats. “...Are you following me here?”

At that moment Even came up to the table with their coffees.

“...Everything good here?” Even asked, looking at Isak.

 _Shit, he must’ve heard me_.

“Yeah, fine. Thanks, Even.” Isak smiled, trying to convey that everything was okay.

 _It’s not okay_.

“...Okay.” Even said back, his eyes still locked on Isak’s. “...Well, let me know. If you need anything else, I mean.” His eyes searched Isak’s for a moment before reluctantly turning around and returning behind the counter.

Mats stared at Even’s retreating back. “What’s his deal? How long have you known him?”

“None of your business.” 

“No, I guess not.”

Isak took a careful sip of coffee. “You didn’t answer my question. Are you thinking of transferring to UiO and moving here because of me?”

“No. I’m not. I want to check out my options, Isak.” Mats said as he looked Isak in the eyes. “...I do miss you, though.” He reached out to put his hand on top of Isak’s.

“Don’t.” Isak said, removing his hand from the table and placing it in his lap. Then he looked out of the window at people passing by. “How long are you here for?”

“I’m flying back tomorrow night.”

“Okay.” Isak said, still looking out the window.

A few moments of silence passed, and then Mats spoke up again. 

“Are you happy here?”

Isak turned his face and glared at him. “Yes.”

“Okay.” Mats nodded. “Are you seeing anybody?”

“Wow. That’s _really_ none of your business.” Isak said, looking away, his eyes catching on Even. 

He looked up and back at Isak from behind the counter, plugging in the aux cord from the stereo to his phone. Then he smiled, eyebrows lifting minutely as the music changed.

_Nica Libres at Dusk. The mellow song I played him last Saturday, when we were alone. He remembered._

“...Are you fucking him?” Mats then said, following Isak’s gaze to Even.

Isak snapped his face back to look at Mats. “ _What_? You know what, I think we’re done here. I think you should leave. Now.” He said coldly.

Mats looked at him for a few seconds, then backed down. 

“Well, tell your _friend_ thanks for the coffee.” He stood up and put on his jacket.

Isak looked up at him, “Hey Mats?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t think for a second, there’s gonna be anything between us, if you _do_ transfer here.” He said.

“No, you made that clear. Bye, Isak.”

Isak stared at him as he exited the cafe, pulled up his hood and walked away.

With his heart jackhammering in his chest, Isak swallowed drily and stared out of the window, watching Mats’ retreating back as he walked further down the street.

∙

Isak had spaced out, staring out the window at the rain-wet asphalt, when Even came by his table a few minutes later.

“Are you okay?” Even asked.

He turned his face to look at Even. “Uh, yeah.” He carded a hand through his hair. 

“So. That was your ex?”

“Yes.”

Even nodded. “Okay...” He paused for a second before continuing. “Do you want to get outta here? My shift ends in half an hour.”

“Yes.” Isak said plainly, because _yeah, I don’t really want to be alone_.

“Do you want anything while you wait?” Even smiled softly.

“Yeah, maybe a new cup of coffee. A cappuccino.” 

“Sure.” Even smiled and got up, picking up Isak’s now tepid cup of coffee as well as Mats’ empty cup.

He returned a couple of minutes later with a cappuccino and a cinnamon bun.

“Thanks.” Isak said gratefully, biting into the cinnamon bun.

“You’re welcome. See you in a bit.” Even smiled and returned behind the counter.

∙

Half an hour later, Even came by his table again, already wearing his jacket and scarf. 

“Ready?” He smiled.

“Yes.” Isak said and quickly got up, shrugging into his jacket.

They walked out onto the wet streets, where the rain was still drizzling.

“So. Your ex boyfriend lives in Trondheim but now he’s here?” Even turned his face to look at Isak.

“Yes. Apparently he’s thinking of transferring here next semester for his Master’s.”

“Oh. Okay. How long is he here for?”

“Uh, he has an appointment at UiO tomorrow and then he’s flying back to Trondheim afterwards.” Isak said, eyes on the wet pavement.

”Okay.”

They walked in silence for a few moments.

Isak then turned to face Even with a small smile. “Um, where are we going by the way?”

“We’re going to my place to get really high and watch movies. If you want? I mean, we can totally do something else.” Even smiled at Isak, biting his bottom lip.

“No, it sounds perfect.” Isak smiled.

∙

They took the tram and then walked for a few minutes, finally arriving at Even’s apartment in Tøyen. While Even took up his keys, Isak let his eyes dwell on the little hand-written piece of paper hanging on the door.

 _Mikael & __Mutasim & Even_.

Even then unlocked the door and stepped in with Isak in tow.

“Yo? Anybody in?”

No answer.

“Nice.” Even said with a smile and they both hung their rain soaked jackets in the hallway. 

“Do you want to borrow a shirt?” Even asked, as he pulled his damp hoodie over his head, his t-shirt riding up for the briefest moment, exposing the pale skin just above the waistband of his jeans.

_Damn._

“Uh.” Isak said eloquently, as he tried to take his mind off how it would feel to run his fingers over that smooth, pale skin.

“I’ll fix you a shirt.” Even smiled and walked towards his room, with Isak following him a beat later.

“Cool room.” Isak said as he stepped in. 

“Yeah, you think so?” Even looked at Isak over his shoulder while rummaging through his closet for a shirt.

“Mhmm.” Isak smiled while looking at the posters and drawings on Even’s walls.

Even smiled and then threw a black hoodie with a Wu-Tang print at Isak. “Here.”

“Thanks.” Isak smiled, pulling his own damp hoodie off, hanging it on the back of a chair and putting on Even’s.

When he popped his head out of the hoodie, he caught Even looking at him.

“What?” Isak said, pushing his arms into the sleeves. 

“Uh, nothing.” Even said with a smile, pursing his lips and shrugging into a grey hoodie. Then he turned to his closet again and took out a little plastic box.

“Wanna smoke?”

“Yes. Absolutely.” Isak replied as he sat down on Even’s bed. 

“Cool.” Even smiled and handed Isak his laptop. “Here, you’re in charge of the music.”

“Wow, what a vote of confidence.” Isak sassed, paraphrasing Even’s own words from a few days ago back to him.

He opened up Spotify and then got distracted watching Even roll a joint, his long fingers working quickly and efficiently. 

“Damn, you roll up fast.” Isak said, as Even sealed the joint and handed it to him.

“Yeah well, I have a couple of years on you.” Even smirked before getting up in search of a lighter.

“True.” Isak said, his eyes returning to the screen as he queued songs in Spotify and then pressed play, bopping his head at the dragging hip-hop beat.

I want to get high, so high!  
I want to get high, so high!  
I want to get high, so high!  
I want to get high, so high!

Even laughed. “Oy, Cypress Hill?”

Isak nodded with a smile.

“Nice. I feel like I’m back in high-school.” 

“I thought you only listened to Nas in high-school?” Isak smirked.

“Uh, no I listened to Cypress Hill as well. And John Legend and Gabrielle and a bunch of other stuff...” he trailed off, resuming his search of a lighter.

“Gabrielle?!?” Isak scoffed.

“Yup.” Even smirked, then found a lighter on his desk and sat down on the bed next to Isak. He handed him the lighter and Isak lit up the joint, taking the first hit.

∙

“So, what do you wanna watch?” Even asked.

They were both on their backs side by side in Even’s bed with a coffee mug a makeshift ashtray between them.

“I don’t know. You pick. You’re the movie nerd.”

“Okay.” Even laughed. “How about The Big Lebowski?”

“The Big LeWhat?”

Even giggled and turned his face towards Isak. “The Big Lebowski. You don’t know it?”

“No. Is it like one of those hipster films you analyze in your classes?” Isak asked while inhaling the smoke.

“It is actually.” Even laughed. “Shit, this is perfect. We’re watching it.” He sat up and grabbed his laptop, putting on the movie. Then he fluffed up the pillows in his bed and scooted back, his back against the wall. He patted the sheet next to him, and Isak sat up and joined him, leaning his back against the pillows.

∙

Isak liked the movie. He really did. But he was _so high_. And the weed was messing with his senses, his tactile sense working overtime, making him all too aware of Even sitting right next to him. He couldn’t stop thinking about the feeling of his thigh and shoulder pressing against Even’s, Even’s hand splayed on his own thigh right next to Isak’s, and he wondered how it would feel on his thigh instead. Isak zoned out for a second, looking at Even’s hand and fingers, thinking about how much of his thigh Even’s palm would cover and-

_Fucking be cool, damnit._

“Uh, I’m actually really thirsty. Can we get something to drink?” He asked.

Even paused the movie and smiled. “Yeah, of course. I’ll get us something.” he said getting up from the bed.

Isak took a deep breath.

_Seriously, get it together._

Even came back a moment later with two cans of coke in his hands and two beers sticking up from the pockets of his hoodie, and Isak broke into a laugh.

“Oh my God, you look like a kangaroo, only with beers. A _beergaroo_.”

Even laughed hard, his eyes crinkling. “A _beergaroo_ , wow. No more weed for you...!”

Isak laughed.

“Anyway, I didn’t know if you wanted coke or beer, so...” Even said grinning.

“Uh, I’ll take a coke.” Isak smiled wide, trying to tamp down his laugh.

Even dropped a can of coke in Isak’s lap, as he plopped down next to him, connecting them from thigh to shoulder again. 

Isak opened the coke with a loud pop and took a long swig.

“Ready?” Even smiled, his index finger hovering over the space bar, “now comes the best part.”

“Sure. Hit me with your hipster movie.”

∙

As the end credits rolled, Even turned his head to look at Isak. “So what do you think?”

”Not gonna lie, it was pretty weird…” Isak said, making Even snort a laugh. ”But funny. I liked the Dude.”

Even nodded. ”The Dude is an icon.”

He moved the laptop from his lap.

”Are you hungry? I might have some Grandis in the freezer.”

“Nice. Yes.” Isak said enthusiastically.

“My friends might be home, just so you know.”

Isak laughed. “I’m fine with that.”

Even just looked at him, smiling.

“Are _you_ fine with that, Even?“

“I’m totally fine with that.” Even giggled. 

Even then got up from the bed and Isak sat up straight and looked up at Even, his lips parting slightly on their own accord. 

_Why is he so fucking beautiful._

His lips quirked into a smile when Even stretched his hand out, pulling him up and opened the door for him with an exaggerated gesture. Isak did a clumsy mock courtesy.

“So elegant.” Even sniggered.

“You know it.”

∙  
  
They passed through the living-room on their way to the kitchen.

“Hey Mik.” Even smiled at the dark-haired guy sitting in the couch, who looked up from his phone. “Uh, this is Isak.” 

“Hey.” Isak smiled.

“Hey Isak, cool to finally meet you, man. Even has been talk-“

“Uh, yeah, we’re gonna go find something to eat.” Even said and pulled on his hand, dragging Isak with him to the kitchen. 

Isak leaned his hip against the kitchen counter, while Even squatted down in front of the freezer. Then he pulled out a 2-pack of Grandiosa with a triumphant “yes!” and popped the pizzas in the oven. He stood up, leaning his hip against the kitchen counter mirroring Isak.

“So, have you talked about me? To your friends?” Isak smirked.

Even’s eyes widened for a second. “Uh.”

“You think I’m so cool, you tell your friends about me?” Isak smirked.

“Well, obviously. You’re like the coolest person I know, so…” Even smirked back.

∙

They ate the pizzas in Even’s room and then used up the rest of Even’s stash to roll a last joint. They both flopped down on their backs in Even’s bed, lightning up the joint. Even grabbed his laptop and put Post Malone - Feel on. 

“So... are you ever gonna tell me what happened with your ex?” Even asked before taking a drag and passing the joint to Isak.

“Ugh.” Isak groaned.

Even turned his head and looked at Isak with bright blue eyes.

“Don’t look at me like that.” Isak said quietly. 

“Like what?” Even replied softly.

Isak looked into Even’s eyes getting lost in blue for a moment.

_I’m so fucking high._

“Post Malone? Really?” Isak then deflected, nodding vaguely at the laptop.

“Uh huh. I like this one.” Even shrugged unapologetically. “You can pick the next one.”

“Okay.” Isak smiled and took a drag of the joint, inhaling the smoke, feeling it burn in his chest before passing the joint back to Even. He looked up into the ceiling and took a deep breath.

“So, my ex. He was a teaching assistant at NTNU. I met him the first week I was there.”

“You were a bio physics major, right?” Even passed the joint back to Isak.

“Yes.”

Isak took another drag of the joint.

“He came on to me right away. Like, the first week.” Isak said and looked at Even, finding blue eyes looking intensely back.

“And then uh, we started having sex and spending a lot of time together. And he wanted more, I guess. But I didn’t really want a boyfriend. I was, uh, dealing with some shit.” Isak said, taking another hit of the joint.

“What kind of shit?” Even asked.

“We’ll get to that. Some day.”

“Okay.” Even smiled that smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Anyway, I didn’t want a boyfriend, but somehow, he still ended up becoming my boyfriend. And it was great for a little while. Then, not so great.”

Even raised his eyebrows slightly. “How so?”

Isak took another drag of the joint.

“He became really manipulative and tried to cage me in. You know? Like, he tried to change me, who I was, what I liked, what I wanted.”

Even nodded. “I know what you mean.”

”And it honestly took me forever to see it. How manipulative he really was.”

“But you did.”

“Yeah. Also, he cheated on me. Like, big time.”

Even lifted his eyebrows.

Isak shot him a side-glance. “So I got the fuck out. But he... had trouble letting me go. Even though he was fucking half the campus behind my back. Anyway, I came back here and transferred to UiO.”

Isak shrugged like he hadn’t just let his guard down. Then he passed the joint to Even, who took a long drag. 

“And now he’s transferring here, too?” Even said.

“No. I mean, I hope not.”

Even turned on his side and raised up on his elbow to put the joint in the coffee mug they were using for an ashtray. Then he laid down again, looking at Isak.

Isak turned on his side too. 

“He won’t transfer.”

”What makes you so sure?”

Even shrugged. “I heard you today. I don’t think he’s coming back.”

They lay in silence for a few minutes. 

“I’m sorry your ex-boyfriend is an asshole. I’m sorry he did that to you.” Even said, turning his head to look at Isak.

”Yeah, me too.” Isak snorted, looking into the ceiling. Then he turned to look at Even. “So. I told you about my ex. How about you tell me what’s going on with Sonja?” Isak quirked an eyebrow challengingly at Even.

“Ugh.” Even groaned, covering his eyes with his underarm.

Isak chuckled. “Come on. I showed you mine...”

Even snorted a laugh. “Yeah, okay, fair.” He turned in his side to look at Isak. “So, Sonja and I have been together for seven years.”

Isak nodded.

“But for the past three years, it’s been...Complicated.”

“How so?”

“Like, we’re together, then we’re not. I don’t know, sometimes I feel like I’m only with her because of our history. I mean, we practically grew up together, and she was my first girlfriend and all that. But... I’m not sure I love her anymore. Not like _that_ , anyway.”

_Oh._

“Seven years is a really long time to be committed to someone.” Isak tried.

Even carded a hand through his hair. “Yeah. I don’t know. It’s like she knows me better than I do, sometimes. And then sometimes it’s like she doesn’t know me at all.” He looked at Isak.

“She can never know you better than you know yourself. Only you can truly feel what you feel.”

Even smiled, his eyes darting over Isak’s face.

_Don’t look at me like that._

Isak rolled onto his back.

“Shit, I’m so fucking high”.

“Yeah, me too. Mikael always comes through with the good shit.”

The words _I’m not sure I love her like_ that _anymore_ replayed in Isak’s head as he lay smiling in Even’s bed, his side pressed against Even’s, wearing his hoodie. His eyes started to feel heavy.

Then his phone vibrated in his pocket. 

* * *

**Kollektivet**

22:54

Eskild: Hey Isak, did you by any chance pay the electrical bill?

* * *

Isak was about to slide his phone down in his pocket again, when he noticed the time. 

“Fuck, it’s late. I should probably head home.” he said and lazily sat up.

He swung his legs out and tried to stand up, but his legs were sorta _buzzing?_ Also, they felt a bit like jelly.

”I feel like I’m swimming. In, like, a kiddie pool.” He giggled when he dazedly realized how _high_ he sounded.

Even snorted a laugh. “You’re what, like 6 feet, 6’1? Is it even physically possible for you to swim in a kiddie pool?”

Isak shrugged and giggled. “Fuck do I know..”

Even laughed, then his laugh tapered off into a smile. “You can just crash here, if you want.”

“No, I should get home.”

“Isak, you can barely stand.”

“Pretty sure I have class tomorrow.”

“So do I.” He shrugged.

“Uh.” Isak was out of arguments. He sat down on the bed. Then he leaned back until he was lying next to Even again.

“Maybe I’ll just take a quick nap and then I’ll go.”

“Sure.” Even smiled, eyes crinkling. “Or, you know, just stay.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yes.”

Even sat up and pulled off his hoodie.

“What are you doing?” Isak narrowed his eyes.

“I’m not sleeping in a hoodie. It’s too hot.”

“Good point.” Isak said, sitting up and pulling off the hoodie he borrowed from Even. He lay back down and opened his jeans, shimmying out of them. “I’m not sleeping in jeans.”

Even smiled and opened his own jeans, kicking them off. 

They both flopped back down in t-shirts and boxers.

Even closed the lid on his laptop and turned off the lamp beside the bed. Then he pulled the covers up over both of them.

Isak felt mellow, the weed finally effectively dulling his senses. 

“Thank you for today. It was just what I needed.” He said quietly.

“Thanks for watching a hipster movie with me.” Even smiled.

”It was funny, actually.” Isak managed, his eyes fluttering closed.

”So, are you gonna leave me a post-it and sneak out in the middle of the night?” Even said quietly, pursing his lips.

Isak opened his eyes just enough to squint at Even in the darkness.

”Nah, I don’t leave post-its for my friends.”

“Right.”

“So, unless you wanna be my one-night stand...” Isak trailed off.

Even quirked a tired smile.

”I don’t want to be your one-night stand, Isak.”

”Didn’t think so.”

Isak closed his eyes again and drifted off.


	8. HUMBLE.

**Friday 21 February, 2020**

Isak woke up from a blissfully dreamless sleep, a welcome side effect of smoking weed the night before. He blinked his eyes open and took in the unfamiliar surroundings. He slowly turned his head and saw Even still sleeping peacefully beside him, his blond hair fanning over the pillow, and was hit with momentary confusion and slight panic.

_Why am I in Even’s bed?_

Then he remembered. 

_Right, we hung out and got really high yesterday and I crashed here._

With the slight panic subsiding, Isak allowed himself to look at Even for a moment.   
He was sprawled on his back, his features completely relaxed, and longish strands of blond hair falling over his face. His full lips were parted slightly and looked a little chapped. Isak trailed his eyes further down his chest, where the light purple t-shirt was riding up a bit, revealing sharp hipbones jutting out from the waistband of his boxers and a fine trail of dark blond hair leading down where the covers bunched up, covering him. Even’s body was all lean muscles, hard planes and sharp angles. The dulling effects of the weed now long gone, he wanted to keep looking, fingers aching to touch. He started to feel flustered.

_Get it together, Isak._

He swallowed and looked away, willing his body to calm down and his very unwelcome boner to go away.

A few minutes later, he felt Even stirring beside him, slowly waking up.  
Afraid to be caught staring, he closed his eyes, pretending to be just waking up as well. 

“Hey.” Even said with a deep and raspy morning voice, when Isak slowly opened his eyes. 

_God, his voice._

“Good morning.” Isak said, his own voice a little deeper than usual as well. 

Even rolled onto his side. “Did you sleep well?”

“I did actually.” Isak smiled. “You?”

“Yeah. Except for you taking over the whole bed. Almost regretted letting you crash here.” He teased.

“What, no, I’ve been over here the whole time.”

Even chuckled a raspy laugh, his sleep-tired eyes crinkling a bit. “Okay.”

Isak stretched and picked his phone up from his jeans on the floor. 

“What time is it?” Even asked.

“9:14.”

“Okay. What time do you have class?”

“Uh, 11:00. You?”

“Yeah same.” Even smiled. 

Isak put his phone back on the floor and looked at Even. “Uh, do you think I could borrow your shower?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Cool, thanks.” Isak smiled. Then he sat up, turning his back to Even and picked up his jeans from the floor, quickly getting into them. 

“There are clean towels in the bathroom. I think.” Even said, as Isak headed for the door. 

“Cool.”  
  


∙

Isak went to the bathroom, stripped down, turned on the water and wrapped a hand around himself, getting himself off in record time. He then washed away his release and grabbed a random shampoo, hoping it was Even’s. He lathered up and washed his hair and then let the hot water pour over him for a few minutes before turning it off. 

He grabbed a towel from a stack on a shelf and dried off, then put on his boxers and jeans. He sniffed his t-shirt and grimaced.   
  
_Yeah I’m not wearing this to class._  
  
He walked out of the bathroom shirtless, t-shirt in hand, heading for Even’s room. He passed by the hallway, where Mikael and another dark-haired guy, who he guessed was Even’s other roommate, were toeing into their sneakers and putting on jackets. 

“Hey.” Mikael smiled at Isak as he nodded at them.

The other guy looked up at Isak. “Hey. Uh, did you just come from Even’s room?” His eyes darted to Isak’s bare chest.

“Dude, this is _Isak_...” Mikael dropped his voice low and looked at the other guy while raising his eyebrows in silently conversation.

“Oh! Shit, hey, I’m Mutta.” He smiled at Isak. 

“Uh, hey, I’m Isak. Even’s friend.”

“Nice to meet you, Isak.” 

“Yeah, same.” 

“We should get going, bro.” Mikael said to Mutta. Then he turned to Isak with a smile. “See you, Isak.”

“Yeah, see you around, Isak.” Mutta said.

“Bye.” Isak waved awkwardly as Mutta and Mikael left out the front door. 

_What was that about? What has Even told them about me?_

When Isak opened the door to Even’s room, Even was sitting in bed in sweatpants and the t-shirt he’d slept in, lazily scrolling his phone. He looked up, as Isak entered, his eyes widening for a second as they settled on Isak’s naked chest.

“Any chance I can borrow a t-shirt?” Isak asked. “Cuz this one smells of weed.” He nodded at the crumpled t-shirt in his hand.

“Uh, sure, yeah.” Even said getting up and finding a grey t-shirt in his closet. He threw it to Isak, who caught it with a ”thanks” and put it on.

The t-shirt was a bit oversized on him, the neckline dropping slightly at his collarbones.

“Uh, I’m just gonna take a quick shower too.” Even said, already heading for the door. 

“Okay, cool.” Isak said before sitting down in Even’s bed, picking up his phone from the floor. 

∙

At 10:20 they stepped out of Even’s apartment and took the tram to Blindern, walking towards campus together. It was a sunny day, and Isak zipped down his jacket, reveling in the first early signs of spring.

“You’re still wearing my hoodie from yesterday.” Even smiled. 

Isak looked down. “Huh, yeah. I guess I didn’t think and just put it on. Sorry, you can have it back.”

“Nah it’s ok. You can just give it back the next time I see you. You’re also wearing my t-shirt.” Even smiled. 

“Oh, right. Thanks for letting me borrow your clothes.” Isak smiled.

“No problem. The hoodie probably smells of weed, though.” Even shrugged with a smile. 

Isak sniffed the hoodie. “Shit, yeah. I guess I’ll just have to sit in the back of the auditorium today. Behind the other 100 people.”

“And hang out with the other cool kids.” Even said. 

“There are no cool kids in my year.” Isak deadpanned.

“Well, except for you. Coolest person I know.” Even smirked.

“What can I say, I’m one in a hundred, baby.” Isak winked.

Even barked out a laugh, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “You’re also really modest, wow.”

∙

They walked onto campus and both stopped in front of Institute for Media and Communication.

“So, this is me...” Even said, rocking on the heels of his feet, hands in his pockets. 

“Oh, yeah. I’ve actually never been to this institute before.” Isak smiled, looking at the building. 

Even looked at Isak. “I, uh...” Even bit his lip smiling. Then he looked away. 

“Yeah? What?” Isak smiled.

“Never mind. See you later, Isak.” Even gave him a quick hug before walking in through the doors to the institute. 

Isak looked at Even’s back, spacing out for a few seconds before he started walking toward his own department. He’d made it about ten steps, when he heard an “Issy!” behind him.

Isak turned around at Magnus’ voice.

Magnus hopped off his bike and clapped Isak’s hand. “Hey man.”

“Hey Mags.” Isak smiled.

“So. Did you finally sleep with Even?” Magnus said casually.

“What the fuck? No. Why do you say that?” Isak drew his eyebrows together frowning.

“Uh, it’s 10:30 am and I just saw you walk onto campus together.” Magnus replied innocently. “...Also, you’re wearing his hoodie.”

Isak looked down at the black Wu-Tang hoodie showing under his unzipped jacket. He squinted his eyes at Magnus, “how did you know it’s his hoodie?”

“Uh, I’ve seen him wear it around campus.”

_Oh. Well._

“So, did you guys hook up?” Magnus smiled expectantly at him.

Isak glared back. “Do I really need to remind you, that he’s straight and has a girlfriend? We just hung out and got really high yesterday and I crashed at his place.”

Magnus gave him a wide-eyed look. “Okay, jeez, chill. But, why are you wearing his clothes?”

“Uh. We walked in the rain yesterday and got soaked.”

“Yeah, but that was yesterday.”

“I don’t know man, are you interrogating me or something?”

Magnus smirked. “Nah, but for the record, your ass would probably go to jail if I were. Anyway, I have class in 15 minutes. See you, later, Issy.” He jumped onto his bike.

Isak snorted a laugh. ”Yeah, see you, Mags.”   
  
Then he picked up his pace, walking briskly to the department of chemistry.

∙

Isak made it to the auditorium and found a seat in the back just in time for his 2-hour lecture on intermolecular bonds. 

He had trouble concentrating during the lecture and discreetly pulled up his phone several times to check for messages and scroll his instagram and reddit feeds. 

The lecture finally ended and the professor called out. “That’s it for today, have a good weekend, everybody. Oh, and by the way…” 

Isak looked up.

“The institute is looking to hire lab assistants for the next semester. Come talk to me, if you’re interested.”

As people filed out after the lecture, Isak walked down the stairs of the auditorium, walking past the professor. He looked up, packing his laptop in a bag. “Isak Valtersen, right?”

Isak froze on the spot and turned towards the professor. “Yes?”

“You should really consider applying for the lab assistant position. You’re in the top 2 % of your class, demonstrating a thorough understanding of the concepts of organic chemistry.”

“Uh, thank you. Sir.” Isak said taken aback. 

“Do you think you’d be interested in the lab assistant position? It would look good on your resume if you’re thinking of pursuing a career in research.”

“Yes. Yes, I’m very interested.” Isak managed. 

“Excellent. Can you come to an interview on Tuesday at 14:00? My office in building A.”

“Uh, yeah. Yes.”

The professor nodded. “See you then.” He then picked up his bag and exited the auditorium.

Isak walked out of the auditorium with a smile. 

As he walked towards the tram stop, he pulled up his phone and texted Even.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

13:05

So my professor basically just offered me a job as lab assistant. Apparently I’m in the top 2% of my class.

So I guess I’m more like 1 in 50.....

Hahahaha

Seriously though, that’s really fucking cool, Isak

Thanks

But wait, does this mean I am friends with a genius???

Haven’t you noticed yet? 

[Kendrick Lamar - HUMBLE.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvTRZJ-4EyI)

Haha

I hope your professor couldn’t smell the weed on you.  
Or maybe he did and wants you to hook him up with the good stuff…….

Haha  
I doubt it, he’s like 60.

Haha  
Seriously though, that’s really cool Isak. Like next level nerdy, but awesome. Congratulations:)

Haha thanks. First I have an interview though.

When is it?

Tuesday at 14:00

I’ll cross my fingers for you.  
Not that you need it. You’ll nail it.

* * *

Isak walked to the tram stop feeling invincible. 

∙

When Isak was woken up by his alarm the next morning, he groaned in frustration. He’d been having yet another sex dream, and he desperately wanted to return to the dream. So he squeezed his eyes shut trying to chase the dream, and snippets of the dream flashed on his closed eyelids, as he for once somehow managed to dive back into the dream.

He was pulling blond hair and kissing plush chapped lips, then rucking up a light purple t-shirt to desperately lick at pale skin and suck bruises onto sharp hipbones, moaning _Even, Even, Even_.  
Isak wrapped a hand around himself and reached his climax with a silent scream.

He blinked his eyes open, his chest heaving.   
_  
Fuck._

He lifted his head and looked down at his release pooling stickily on his lower stomach.

_Great. I’m still wearing his t-shirt._

He pulled off the grey t-shirt he’d borrowed from Even yesterday and wiped himself clean with a Kleenex. Then he resolutely got up, got dressed in sweats and packed his laptop and his gym bag and headed straight for the on campus gym, not even bothering with a shower or breakfast. 

∙

He hit the free weights area of the gym _hard_ , choosing heavier weights than usual, and tiring himself out with more repetitions.  
He was determined to exert himself, so he worked out for little over an hour, pushing himself to the limit, and then hit the shower, scrubbing himself clean.

When he stepped out of the gym, he felt relaxed and focused, all tension gone from his body. He rode his bike home and studied for the rest of the day, until Eskild knocked on his door. 

“Isak, come have dinner with me!”

∙

Eskild cooked lasagna for dinner and then made him sit through the last episode of Witcher, bemoaning the loss of Henry Cavill.

“You know, it says on Netflix that season 2 is confirmed, right?” Isak nodded at the screen after the end credits had rolled. 

“Oh, thank God.” Eskild said dramatically from the kitchen, rummaging in a cupboard for snacks.

Then he plopped down in the couch next to Isak with two beers and a bag of chips, turning to Isak with a smirk. “So... how’s it going with _playing it cool_ with Even?”

“Uh. It’s _going_.” Isak said, opening the beer Eskild handed him and taking a sip. “We’re, uh... friends.”

“Okay.” Eskild nodded. “How are your balls? Blue, yet? Judging by how much you’re working out these days, I’d say yes.” He sniggered. 

Isak snorted, rolling his eyes. “Eskild....”

“What?” Eskild leaned back in the couch, looking at Isak.

”Ugh…” Isak took a long sip of beer. ”Actually, I keep having these dreams about him.”

“Sex dreams?”

“Yeah.” Isak admitted.

“Not gonna say _I told you so_ , Isak. But I told you so.” Eskild smirked.

“Yeah, well.” Isak shrugged. “He’s hot. And he’s really nice. And funny. And, like, this dry-spell is apparently driving me crazy.”

“Didn’t you hook up with some guy at Elsker like a week ago?”

“Yeah but now I just want more. Sex, I mean.”

“Jeez, just go on Grindr like everyone else... You’re reasonably handsome, Baby J. I bet you won’t have problems getting dick.”

Isak raised an eyebrow at Eskild. “ _Reasonably handsome_??”

Eskild rolled his eyes. “Ugh, are you really gonna make me say it, Isak? Please, you _know_ you’re hot.”

Isak’s lips pulled into a little smile and he took a sip of beer.

_I don’t want random Grindr dick, though._

He sat the beer can down on his thigh and fidgeted with the ring-pull. Then he looked up at Eskild. 

“Have you ever been attracted to one of your straight friends? Like _really_ attracted?”

“Well, isn’t this just a classic. Isak, _every_ gay man has had a crush on the straight friend...”

Isak took another sip of beer. “Yeah?”

Eskild nodded. “Absolutely. It’s like a cardinal rule in the gay community though, don’t fall for your straight friend...Cuz see the problem with straight guys is that they’re not really that turned on by the idea of fucking another guy.”

Isak snorted a laugh. “Shit, that’s observant, Eskild.”

Eskild smirked. “Right?”

He studied Isak. “Are you in love with him?”

Isak fell silent for a moment.

”I don’t know.”

”No?” Eskild prodded.

”I mean, he’s my friend. And he’s straight, so.” Isak shrugged. “S’not gonna happen anyway.”

”But you’re attracted to him?”

“Yeah. Yes. I’m definitely attracted to him.”

“So, you want to have sex with him?”

”No. Or I mean, yeah, if it was a possibility. Shit, I don’t know what I want anymore.” Isak groaned.

“Does he still have a girlfriend?”

“Yeah.”

“And how long have they been together?”

“Uh, seven years.”

Eskild raised his eyebrows. “Okayyy. How old is he???”

“He just turned 23.”

“Okay, so he’s been with his girlfriend since forever.”

“Yeah. Basically.”

“Yeah, he’s probably straight then. Sorry, Baby J.”

“Well, I’d probably just fuck it up, anyway.” Isak said before taking a swig of beer.

“Why do you say that?” Eskild looked at Isak intensely.

“I don’t know. I’d probably just ruin our friendship by hooking up with him once or twice. I mean, I’m not sure, I’m capable of being in love and having a boyfriend and all that.“

“What do you mean?” Eskild looked at Isak intensely. 

Isak sucked in a breath. “I, uh. I met Mats last Thursday.”

“What? Where? Is he here in Oslo?”

“He was in Oslo for a couple of days, yeah. I met him at KB, when I was hanging out with Even.”

“Fuck.”

Isak laughed dryly. “Yeah, you can say that.”

“What did he say?”

“He said he missed me. Then he asked me, if I was fucking Even.”

Eskild raised his eyebrows.

“Then I told him to fuck off.”

“Good on you, Isak.” Eskild smiled. “What did Even say?”

“Uh, he didn’t hear any of it. But after Mats left, he asked me to hang out with him. So we went to his place and got really high. And then I crashed there.”

“Huh. That was very nice of him.”

“Yeah well. He is a good friend.”

“Or maybe he’s not quite as straight as you think? Does he know you’re gay?”

“Yeah. Ugh.” Isak groaned leaning back in the couch, resting his head on the back of the couch. “I honestly don’t know what to think anymore. He is pretty flirty sometimes, but I think he’s like that with everybody. I think even Magnus has a bit of a crush on him.”

“Ah, yeah. I know the type. Do you ever flirt back?”

“I don’t know. Yeah, a little.”

“But even if you two are flirting, he still has a girlfriend. So.” Eskild said shrugging. “Not that many guys leave their longtime girlfriend cuz they want to experiment a bit with another dude.”

Isak looked into the ceiling.

“Or, you know, that’s just from my experience.” Eskild said.

“Right.”

“Remember, if you want to get over him, just get under someone else...” Eskild winked. “...Grindr, baby.”

Isak snorted a laugh. “Yeah. Thanks for the talk, Eskild. And thanks for the beer.” 

∙

Tuesday morning on his way to the gym, Isak got a message from Even.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

10:22  
  


Your interview is today right?

Yeah

What time?

14:00

Where?

Science faculty, building A.

Why?

* * *

When Even didn’t reply to his message, Isak pocketed his phone and entered the gym determined to blow off some steam to clear his head before his interview.

∙

At 14:30 Isak stepped out of building A after completing the interview with his professor. He opened his jacket, and hoisted his backpack on his back and his gym bag across his chest.  
  
When he stepped outside, he immediately spotted Even waiting outside the building. He beamed when he saw Isak.

“Hey!” Isak smiled as he walked up to him, clapping his hand. “What are you doing here?”

”I thought, I’d buy you coffee after your interview. If you want?” Even smiled. 

”Sure yeah, coffee sounds good.” Isak smiled. ”Thanks.” 

Even started walking, with Isak falling into step.

”The café by the psych department?” Even smiled.

”Yeah, sounds good.”

“Nice button-down.” Even smirked, nodding at the navy button-down shirt showing under Isak’s open jacket.

“Yeah I dunno, what I was thinking.” Isak smiled, shaking his head a bit and zipping up his jacket again, now feeling the fresh winter air.

“No, you look nice.” Even smiled.

“Oh. Thanks.” 

”So, how did it go? Your interview.”

”Uh, good. Great, actually. I got the job.”

“Really?” Even stopped and beamed at Isak.

“Yeah.” Isak raised his eyebrows in slight disbelief, _yeah I’m not sure I understand it myself._

”Shit, congratulations, Isak!” Even stopped and wrapped Isak in a hug, with Isak’s cross-body gym bag getting caught between them. 

”Thanks, Even.” Isak smiled.

Even nodded at Isak’s gym bag, as they separated. ”Do you want me to carry that?”

Isak snorted a laugh. ”What?”

”I mean, you’re carrying two bags, and I’m not carrying any, so…” Even said with a shrug.

”I don’t need you to carry my bag, Even. I’m not your girlfriend.” Isak snorted.

Even burst into a laugh. ”Okay, first of all, what’s with the gender stereotypes? And second: No you can’t really be my _girl_ friend, being a guy and all…you’re a bio major, shouldn’t you know these things? Better read up on this before you start your new job.” He smirked.

“Uh, _biochemistry_ major.” Isak corrected.

“Same.”

“It is not the same!” Isak scoffed.

“Okay, but what defines you as a guy?” Even glanced at Isak, mouth tipped into a smirk.

“Uh, are we all the way back to basics here, or? There’s this thing called a dick...” Isak joked.

Even rolled his eyes hard. “I know what a dick is, Isak.”

“Phew. I was worried there for a second.” Isak smirked. 

Even rolled his eyes with a smile. “No, I meant more like, is it biology or chemistry that defines you as male?”

Isak smiled. ”Okay, now that’s actually an interesting question.” He thought for a second.

“Well, I guess you could say both or either. It’s the production of androgenes like testosterone and dihydrotestosterone in the early gestation stages that develops male genitalia. But then again, the testes, or at least proto-testes are formed before producing androgenes, so....Also, it is possible to produce a high level of androgenes while having female genitalia, or the opposite. You could argue, that there’s actually a whole spectrum of biological and biochemical genders…” He mused.

”A whole spectrum of genders? Like there’s a whole spectrum of sexuality?” Even looked at him.

”Yes. I guess.”

”That’s interesting.”

”It is.”

”Still, you hold onto weird old stereotypes about gender, and who gets to carry whose bag. Just let me carry your fucking bag. Division of labor, _dude_.”

”Huh.” Isak said eloquently.

”What, I left the top 2% genius speechless?” Even smirked.

”…That was a good point, actually.” Isak said. 

”So, you’re gonna let me carry your bag?”

”Ugh, fine.” Isak took his gym bag off, handing it to Even. 

”Thanks.” Even smirked, slinging the bag across his chest.

∙

They walked up to the little café by the psych department, and Even opened the door for Isak.

”Still not your girlfriend.” Isak smirked. 

Even cracked a laugh. ”Again with the stereotypes? Jeez, I can open the door for a guy, if I want to.”

They stepped up to the counter, both smiling and bought coffee from a blond girl. Isak was about to draw up his credit card from his jeans pocket, when Even beat him to it.

”No, it’s on me.” He turned to Isak, ”To celebrate your new job.”

Isak raised his eyebrows slightly and sent him a crooked smile in return.

“Thanks, Even.”

_Is this a date, or?_

A few minutes later their coffee was ready, and they found a table in the back. Isak put down his backpack, while Even took off Isak’s gym bag and sat it down. They shrugged out of jackets and scarves and sat down across from each other.

”Were you planning on going to the pool?” Even nodded at the gym bag. “...Sorry for high jacking you.” He smiled.

”Uh, no, I was at the gym earlier. Before my interwiew.” Isak flushed slightly, as his mind reminded him why he needed to work out so badly. And now that reason was sitting across from him, looking very much like Isak’s literal wet dream. 

”Okay.” Even smiled. “Well, tell me more about your new job.” He said, picking up his coffee cup and leaning back in his chair, spreading his legs and _okay wow_ , Isak had to concentrate on _not looking_ down at where the denim stretched tightly over Even’s crotch and hipbones and.

_Fucking get it together, Isak._

He took a sip of coffee and leaned back.

“Uh, so it’s for first semester organic chemistry.”

“Uh huh?” Even said, taking a sip of coffee.

“...So I’ll basically assist the teacher with labs and stand by for the new students for questions. Since it’s a first semester class, they’ll probably have a lot of questions.”

“So you’ll be the TA?”

“Lab assistant. But yeah, basically.”

“Hot.”

Isak snorted a laugh. “I thought you said it was _next level nerdy_?”

Even shrugged with a smile. “Nerdy can be hot.”

“Yeah. I agree.” Isak smirked.

∙

”Thanks for the coffee.” Isak smiled after they’d both finished their second cup of coffee and were getting ready to leave.

”My pleasure.” Even smiled. 

”Hey, do you wanna go to my place and get faded? Maybe play some FIFA?” Isak smiled.

_I love hanging out with you._

”Sure, sounds good.” Even smiled. 

”Sweet.”

When they stood up, getting ready to leave the café, a pretty, dark-haired guy came by to clear their table. He lingered for a moment, as if hesitant to say something. Isak looked at him for a second, and then felt a vague sense of recognition. 

When Isak caught the guy’s eye, he left their table with a mumbled ”have a good day.”

Isak looked at the guy’s retreating back for a moment, before the realization hit him. 

”Oh, shit.” He said quietly.

”What?” Even smiled, shrugging into his jacket. 

”Uh.” Isak dropped his voice low, ”…I’m pretty sure, that was, uh, _post-it guy_.”

Even raised his eyebrows, looked at Isak and then at the guy, now back behind the counter. 

”He’s…Uh. Handsome.” Even said, his eyes trained on the guy. 

”Why do you sound surprised?”

”I’m not.”

Even looked back at Isak. ”So, he’s a UiO student, too?”

Isak shrugged. “Well, he did have a stack of philosophy books in his room, so I guess, he could be a philosophy major?”

”You remember his philosophy books but not his name?”

“Yeah, I guess. Don’t judge me.”

Even smiled. “I’m not. Do you think he remembers you?”

”I don’t know. Maybe?”

They left out the front door, the guy mumbling a quiet ”bye, Isak” as they walked by. Isak turned around, but the guy didn’t meet his eyes.

When they were outside, Even side-eyed Isak. “So, he remembered you.”

”Yeah, I guess.” 

They started walking towards the tram stop.

”I was gonna say something about my obvious skills in bed, but then I remembered you already hit me with that Kendrick Lamar song once.” Isak quirked a sassy eyebrow. 

Even laughed, then started rapping the lyrics. ” _Bitch, sit down. Be humble_ ”.

Isak laughed.

”Well, maybe he doesn’t remember your amazing skills in bed, maybe he just remembers you as _the guy who left me with nothing but a post-it_ …?” Even said, raising his eyebrows.

”Ouch.” 

∙

Isak unlocked the door to his apartment, and they stepped in and almost collided with Eskild in the narrow corridor.

“Hey, Eskild.” Isak smiled. “Uh, this is Even.” 

“Hi.” Even smiled and stretched out his hand.

Eskild stared wide-eyed at Even, looking him up and down and eventually took his hand. “Hei. Eskild. Enchanté.”

Even smiled. “Nice to meet you.” Then he shrugged out of his jacket and turned to hang it up on a peg on the wall. Eskild caught Isak’s eyes behind Even’s back and mouthed “ _damn_.”

Isak rolled his eyes with a smile, toeing out of his sneakers. 

“Well, I’m going out.” Eskild said while putting on his jacket. “You boys have fun now.” He winked.

“Not the fun, you think Eskild.” Isak deadpanned. 

“What a shame. Nice to meet you, Even.” He blew a kiss at them and walked out the door.

When the door closed behind Eskild, Even turned to Isak with a smile. “Fun roommate.”

“Yeah, don’t mind Eskild. He thinks everyone is gay.” Isak smiled, already walking towards his room with Even following.

∙

Even sat down on Isak’s bed and watched as Isak popped the buttons of his navy button-down and then pulled it off.

”When you asked me if I wanted to get faded and play FIFA, you didn’t mention there’d be stripping.” Even smirked.

Isak looked over his shoulder at Even while searching for a t-shirt in his closet.

“This isn’t stripping, Even. If I was _stripping_ for you, you’d know.” He sassed back.   
  
“Oyyy.” Even smirked. “Wait, did you strip for post-it guy? Maybe that’s why he remembers you!”

 _No. But I’d strip for you_. 

Isak flushed and picked up a Public Enemy t-shirt from his closet, putting it on.

”Shit, you’re blushing. You did strip for him.” Even smiled.

Isak rolled his eyes with a smile and grabbed a little ziplock bag of weed from his closet, then tossed it to Even. 

“Wanna roll up? I’ll get us something to drink.”

”Sure.” Even smiled. 

Isak returned a couple of minutes later with a large bottle of Fanta, two glasses and a lighter, just as Even licked the joint sealing it. Isak felt a dull throb of arousal, as Even smiled up at him, while licking the joint. 

_Nope. Don’t go there._

He sat the glasses and Fanta on his bedside table and pulled up a lighter from his jeans pocket, handing it to Even, “here.”

Then he grabbed his laptop off his desk and placed it in his lap, opening Spotify. He put Kendrick Lamar’s DAMN. album on shuffle.

Even lit up the joint, took a drag and then passed the joint to him.  
He took a deep hit and almost immediately felt the weed dulling his senses.  
  
They passed the joint between them, until it burned down to a stub, and Isak put the stub in an empty glass.

Then he turned to Even with an easy smile, feeling mellow. “So, FIFA? You want a second go at beating me?” 

Even raised his eyebrows. “Uh, _yeah_. Let’s go.”

∙

After about an hour of FIFA with Isak consistently winning, Even tossed the controller on Isak’s bed and flopped down with a groan.

Isak flopped down beside him. “What? You can’t handle me kicking your ass?” He smirked. 

“Holy shit, Isak, how much FIFA have you played??” 

“Uh, a lot.”

Even laughed. “Yeah? Well it shows.”

“I’m the FIFA master.” Isak shrugged nonchalantly.

“Isn’t Magnus the official FIFA master though?” Even smirked at Isak.

“I was _really_ hung-over at that tournament!”

Even nodded, smiling. “Right.”

He looked at Isak. “It was a fun night, by the way. FIFA night.”

“Yeah, it was.” Isak smiled.

They chilled on their backs in comfortable silence, save for the music playing from Isak’s laptop, for a little while. 

“So, how do you know Eskild?” Even then asked.

Isak snorted a laugh. “Yeah, that’s a long story.”

“I’ve got time.” Even smiled.

“Tell you what, I’ll give you the short version.” He turned to look at Even. “I met him while getting shitfaced at a gay bar, when I was sixteen.”

Even turned his head to look at him, raising his eyebrows. “You went to gay bars at sixteen? And they served you alcohol? Is that even legal?”

Isak snorted a laugh. “Fuck do I know. Actually, I just went there once, and that’s when I met Eskild.”

Even widened his eyes, lips parting slightly. “Oh. So, he’s another one of your exes, or?”

“Eskild?!?!” Isak almost choked on air. 

“Yeah?”

“Uh, no. No no no. Definitely not. He’s one of my best friends and sometimes acts like a really annoying older brother, but he’s definitely not my ex.”

“Okay.” Even smiled.

“I can’t believe you thought that. Eskild??” Isak almost shuddered.

Even laughed. “Hey, what do I know. You just told me you met him at a gay bar when you were sixteen...”

“Yeah, okay. I see your point.” Isak smiled.

”Did he try to pick you up, though?” Even smiled.

“Uh. I don’t know... don’t think so.” Isak mused. “I was really drunk the night I met him, and I think he just pitied me and tried to help me out, giving me a place to crash because I didn’t want to go home. Anyway, we’ve never hooked up. Eskild is not my type.”

“What’s your type then?” Even asked quietly, looking at Isak.

_You._

“Uh, I don’t know. I don’t think I have a type, actually.” He swallowed.

“Okay.”

∙

After playing more FIFA, smoking three more joints, eating some Thai leftovers from the fridge and watching half a season of Atlanta, Even reluctantly got up from Isak’s bed at 22.30.

“Ugh, I should get home.”

“You can crash here if you want.” Isak offered.

Even smiled. “Thanks. But I should really get home.”

“Okay.” Isak smiled. “Oh by the way, your clothes...” he grabbed the black Wu-Tang hoodie and the t-shirt he’d borrowed from Even off a chair and handed them to him. 

“Oh, right. Thanks.” Even smiled and put the hoodie on. 

Isak led Even to the corridor and Even put on his jacket and sneakers.

“Thanks for buying me coffee today.” Isak smiled.

“You’re welcome. I just feel blessed that a real-life genius wants to hang out with me.” Even joked.

Isak rolled his eyes with a soft smile.

Even stepped forward and hugged him, and Isak leaned into the hug, the weed making his body heavy and pliant. 

Even then hooked his chin over Isak’s shoulder and held him tight, his eyes fluttering closed. 

They remained still, hugging for a full minute. 

_If I just turned my head a bit, it would be so easy to kiss him.  
_ _  
_Isak mentally shook his head. _  
_

”You give good hugs.” He mumbled.

”So do you.” Even said quietly.

They eventually separated and Even stepped out the door.

”Goodnight, Isak.”  
”Night, Even.”

* * *

  
**Even Bech Næsheim**  
  
23:04

My clothes smell like you. 

I’m sure I washed them.

Still smell like you.

* * *

Isak went to bed feeling flustered, so flustered. 

_Definitely not in love._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I was not kidding, when I used the slowburn tag! Anyway, hope you still like the story and please be patient ❤️


	9. With You

**Wednesday 26 February, 2020**

Isak woke up at 8am from another weed-induced dreamless sleep. He lazily sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes, before grabbing his phone off the bedside table.

No new messages. 

He opened his conversation with Even from last night. 

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

23:04

My clothes smell like you. 

I’m sure I washed them.

Still smell like you.

* * *

Isak hadn’t replied to the last message, since it had left him so flustered, that he was unable to come up with an answer. Too afraid that he’d easily give away his attraction.

 _I liked wearing your clothes, they smelled like you_ somehow didn’t seem like the type of text you’d send to a _friend_. _  
_

But then again neither did Even’s texts really. They carried the implication, that Even knew his smell, that he was smelling him on his clothes. That maybe he liked it.

Unless Even meant something completely different by those texts. Maybe Even felt weird about his clothes smelling of another dude?

Isak decided to stop thinking about last night and what those texts meant, and how it had felt when Even had hugged him so tightly before leaving and how good he smelled and-.

He put his phone down on his bed and got up, padding into the kitchen to make coffee and breakfast.

Eskild was already sitting at the kitchen table eating cornflakes.

“Morning, Isak”

“Good morning.” Isak said heading for the kettle to boil water for his coffee. 

“So, did you have fun with Even last night?” 

“Yeah. We just chilled. Smoked some weed and played FIFA.”

Eskild nodded then smirked. “I have to say, though, I understand if you’re getting blue balls, Issy. Cuz holy _fuck_ , he’s hot.”

Isak grabbed the instant coffee and poured some in his mug.

“Yeah.” He sighed.

_He’s hot and funny and cool and sweet. And straight._

∙

At couple of hours later, Isak sent Even a lame meme, trying to play it cool. So cool.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

10:21

Faded af is faded af backwards *hits blunt*

Cool hanging out with you yesterday.

* * *

It was a while before Even replied. 

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

11:49

Haha 

Same:)

Do you want to hang out on Saturday?

Sorry I can’t, I’m seeing Sonja.

* * *

Isak felt his heart sink. He stared at the words for a moment before typing out a reply with unsure fingers.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

11:50

Alright, cool.

* * *

 _Get it together, Isak_. 

∙

The next day, Isak got up early and went swimming on campus, then attended a lab and a lecture and lunch with Magnus, and then he studied, reading up on biological membranes. _Not thinking about Even_. 

∙

On Friday Isak went to the gym early, because he couldn’t sleep anyway. Then he studied at the library for a few hours and had lunch with Magnus and Jonas, and then attended a lab and then he rode his bike home and had dinner with Eskild and Linn, before tossing and turning in bed for several hours. _Not thinking about Even_. 

∙

On Saturday Isak went swimming again and studied at the library and had lunch with his dad and watched a movie with Eskild and Linn. Then he watched another movie in his room, because he couldn’t fall asleep. _Not thinking about Even_.

∙

Sunday Isak woke up late, because he hadn’t been able to fall asleep until 4am, and he watched Netflix all day. _Not thinking about Even._

He went to bed early but couldn’t turn off his thoughts, despite being beyond tired. 

So in the pursuit of _not thinking about Even_ , and for the sake of his sanity, Isak grabbed his phone off his bedside table and decided to try Eskild’s advice.

As he logged on to Grindr, he immediately received propositions from random guys, and dick picks and dirty messages like “ _top or bottom? You can make me cum any way you want to..._ ”

And because it was late, and he was feeling so high-strung, and he really wanted to calm down and go to sleep, he shoved his hand down his boxers and wrapped it around himself.

He had no problems getting off. The only problem was, that it wasn’t the Grindr dickpicks he envisioned, as he closed his eyes and stroked himself to completion _not_ _thinking about Even._

∙

The next morning Isak got up at 7am, after about four hours of sleep at best. After a long, warm shower, he texted Jonas.

* * *

**Jonas**

7:49

Yo, wanna grab coffee today? My treat.

Sure, what time? I have class at 12:00.

How about now?

Now? It’s not even 8am

Ok, in an hour then?

Sure. You okay, Issy?

Yeah I’m fine.

Ok. I’ll meet you by the campus tram stop in an hour?

See you there.

* * *

Isak walked to the tram, bundled up in layers to keep his tired body warm and AirPods in his ears, skipping every other track on his playlist because it was too upbeat, too sappy or reminded him too much of Even.

He met Jonas by the Blindern tram stop closest to campus, and clapped his hand with a ”hey, man”, as they started walking towards campus together.

”Wanna go to that cafe by the psych department? I heard it’s the best coffee on campus?” Jonas smiled.

”Uh, no.” Isak sighed.

”No…?” Jonas quirked a confused smile at Isak.

Isak looked at him. “Well yeah, the coffee is great, but I’d just rather go somewhere else.” 

”Okay, why?” Jonas smiled.

“Uh. I’ve had sex with one of the baristas.” Isak said dismissively. 

”What?” Jonas laughed.

”Uh, remember when I told you, I’d hooked up with someone and left him a post-it? He works there.”

”Shit, Issy.” Jonas laughed.

“Yeah, I know.” Isak said, his lips quirking into a tired smile.

∙

Isak sighed deeply, when he plopped down on a couch in the small cafe by the department of mathematics, stretching his legs and opening his jacket.

”So, we have to go all the way to the math department now to avoid guys, you’ve had sex with?” Jonas teased as he sat down opposite Isak.

”Ha. Ha. Very funny.”

Jonas smiled and took a sip of coffee.“So, what’s up, man? What was with the _can we have coffee_ now _please_?”

“I didn’t _beg_ you to have coffee with me.” Isak scoffed.

“You kinda did. It’s fine, Issy.” Jonas quirked a smile. ”Are you okay though? You look tired.”

Isak sighed and absentmindedly carded a hand through his hair. “Yeah, I’ve been having trouble sleeping this past week. And I have this weird buzzing thing going on in my body.”

“Okay?” Jonas looked worriedly at him.

Isak looked up. “I think, maybe I’m catching feels. For Even.” He met Jonas’ eyes, gauging his reaction.

Jonas then raised an unsurprised eyebrow and quirked a smile. “Oh. Well, no shit. Haven’t you like had a crush on him, since you first saw him in the cafeteria?”

“Um, no. He’s... We’re... uh. _Friends_.” Isak stuttered. 

“It is actually possible to have a crush on one of your friends, you know.” Jonas said with a knowing smirk.

_Oh. Right._

“Ugh, I don’t know, what the fuck is going on. Like, yeah, maybe I was crushing a bit on him at first, cuz, I mean, he’s hot. But now, it’s like…I can’t stop thinking about him.”

Jonas rolled his eyes smiling. “Man, for a biochemistry major you’re pretty slow.”

”What?”

”Let me lay it out for you.” Jonas counted on his fingers. ”One: You spend all your time with him and you guys text all the time. Two: I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile as much as this past month. Three: you’ve been working out like crazy…”

Isak looked down on his cup of coffee. 

“Do you really need me to continue?” Jonas said.

”Uh. No.” Isak sighed.

“You know what I think? I think you’ve had feelings for him for some time now. And that scares you.” Jonas said plainly.

Isak quietly stirred his coffee, looking intensely at the cup.

After a bit of silence, he spoke up.

”We don’t text all the time. I haven’t heard from him since Wednesday, actually.” He said weakly.

”Okay. And you miss him?” 

”Yeah.”

”Well, can’t you just text him? If you miss him?” Jonas took a sip of coffee.

“I don’t know what to write. The last time I texted him, I asked him if he wanted to hang out Saturday, and he said, that he had plans with his girlfriend.”

Jonas raised his eyebrows. “Oh right, I keep forgetting he has a girlfriend.” 

”Yeah.” Isak bit his lip.

Jonas took another sip of coffee, then leaned back in the sofa. ”Have you ever been in love for real, Issy? Like, more than a crush.”

”Uh, I don’t know.” Isak looked down at his coffee cup.

”What about Mats?”

”I don’t know. Anyway, look where that got me.”

”Isak…”

Isak finally looked up, his eyes brimming with tears. “I think, it kinda fucked me up. The thing with Mats.”

Jonas nodded softly.“Do you think, you’re afraid to fall in love again?”

“Maybe. Yeah.” Isak wiped away a stray tear with his thumb. He felt raw and worn down, the sleeplessness making him on edge.

Jonas nodded.

“Ugh.” Isak leaned his head back on the back rest of the couch. ”I don’t know what to do. I can’t stop thinking about him. Like, what’s he doing right now? When am I gonna see him again? _Fuck_.”

Jonas thought for a moment, drinking a sip of coffee. Then he put the cup down on the table between them and looked at Isak. ”The way I see it, you have two options. Either you tell him how you feel, and hope there’s a chance he’s into you too. But, it might get really awkward between the two of you, if he’s not.”

Isak nodded.

”Or, you distance yourself from him a little bit… Go on dates and stuff. Fall in love with someone else. Who doesn’t have a girlfriend.”

Isak quirked a small smile. “You know, you sound a lot like Eskild, right now. He told me _to get over Even, you just need to get under someone else_ , bla bla bla.” He did a half-hearted parody of Eskild.

Jonas smiled. “He’s right, you know.”

“Yeah, well. I don’t know.” Isak sighed.

“You’ll figure it out, Issy.”

∙

On Thursday morning, after another night of sporadic sleep and still no texts from Even, Isak got up at 9:00. He showered and dressed in his best jeans and a fitted white t-shirt and rode his bike to campus.

At 10:03 he stepped into the cafe by the psych department.

He walked up to the counter, casually greeting the pretty dark-haired guy, known as _post-it guy_ in his mind.

”Hey.”

”Uh, hi.” The guy gave him a confused look.

”I’m sorry, I don’t remember your name.”

”Jakob.” The guy said.

”Hey Jakob. I’m Isak.” Isak smiled, trying for casual, charming. ”We met at Elsker a few weeks ago. I’ve been thinking, do you wanna go grab a beer sometime?”

Jakob looked at him wide-eyed. ”Uh, I remember. And yeah, sure. But um, don’t you have a boyfriend?”

Isak raised his eyebrows in question. “No. Why do you think that?”

”I just thought…Nevermind.”

_What?_

Isak spotted a little pad of paper on the counter. ”Can I borrow a piece of paper?” he smirked.

”Uh, sure”. Jakob ripped off a piece of paper and handed it to Isak.

Isak picked up a pen on the counter and wrote down his phone number, pushing the little piece of paper towards Jakob.

”Text me. If you want to grab a beer.”

”Yeah, I will.” Jakob smiled.

∙

Isak closed the door to the cafe behind him and stepped out onto the pavement. He’d just asked a guy out for the first time in over a year. And he was cute, Jakob. Still, Isak felt indifferent.

He unlocked his bike but decided to walk to the library in stead of riding his bike. The sun was shining after all, and he had time to spend. So he walked in the sunshine, steering his bike with one hand on the saddle, when he felt his phone vibrate against his thigh. He pulled it up from his jeans pocket, expecting it to be Eskild, Jonas or Magnus or even Jakob, texting him about that beer.

He opened his lock screen to a message from Even. He felt his heart in his throat as he opened the message.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

10:07

Are you on campus?

Wanna hang out for a bit?

* * *

Isak swallowed drily. The thought of seeing Even made his palms clammy. After so many days of radio silence he was completely unprepared for a casual hang-out. He bit his lip, taking a second to type out a chill reply, like _no, I haven’t spent the last week thinking about you._

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

10:07

Sure. Meet me by the science library in like 15?

See you there:)

* * *

∙

When he spotted Even by the library 15 minutes later, he felt like the air was immediately punched out of his lungs. Even was leaning against the building scrolling his phone. His jacket was open, and he was wearing ray-bans, looking chill, so chill. And beautiful. 

_Right. Cuz he’s not sleepless because of me._

Isak parked his bike and walked up to Even with a tired smile.

”Hey.”

Even smiled back. ”Hey.”

Isak felt akward.

”Do you want to take a walk with me? The weather is so nice today.” Even smiled.

”It is. Yes.”

They started walking. 

”Are you okay? You look a little pale.” Even said.

_If that wasn’t an understatement._

”Yeah, no, I’m fine.” Isak lied.

They walked side by side in silence for a while, Isak desperately trying to think of something to say. His sleep-deprived brain failing to provide him with anything. 

”Isak, I can almost hear you think.” Even smiled.

”Hah, yeah.” Isak snorted. Then he side-eyed Even. ”So… long time, no see.”

Even was silent for a moment.

”Yeah. Sorry. I had some stuff, I needed to deal with.”

”No, it’s cool. No worries.” Isak said.

 _You’re just friends. He doesn’t owe you anything_.

”Are you okay, though?” He looked at Even.

Even turned to look at Isak. ”Yes. I’m good. Thank you for asking.” he smiled softly.

”Good. Yeah.” Isak said nervously.

They walked for a bit, Isak still failing to come up with something to say, too afraid to blurt out _I’ve missed you, I can’t stop thinking about you, I think maybe, probably, I’m falling in love with you_.

Isak had his eyes trained on the pavement in front of him, when he felt his phone vibrate in his jeans pocket.

He welcomed the distraction and pulled it up.

* * *

**Unknown number**

10:31

Hey. I’d love to grab a beer with you. How about tomorrow?

This is Jakob btw.

* * *

Isak pocketed his phone.

Even turned his head to smile at Isak.

”Do you want to grab some coffee to go?”

Isak looked at Even. “Uh, yeah, sure. Just not from the psych department cafe.”

”Right. Post-it guy.” Even smiled.

”Yeah.” Isak laughed softly. ”Turns out his name is actually Jakob. I just asked him out.”

Even turned to him, a look of surprise on his face. ”Really? Like on a date?”

”Yeah. That was him, who just texted me.”

”Oh. Right. Okay.” Even nodded. ”When are you going out with him?”

”Uh, tomorrow I think.”

”That’s...great, Isak.” Even smiled, his smile not reaching his eyes.

”Yeah? I figured, I’d try to be a nice guy and not just be _the guy who left him with nothing but a post-it._ ” Isak said echoing Even’s words.

”Right. Yeah.” Even said looking down at the pavement.

”Also, I’m taking a friend’s advice to… like, put myself out there.” Isak said.

_Why do I feel like I have to explain myself?_

Even nodded. ”Sure. You should.”

”Yeah. I mean, I think I’ve been sorta guarding myself…?”

Even nodded.

”And I… don’t want to do that anymore.”

Even looked at Isak.

Isak swallowed, feeling his heart beat hard in his chest.

”Since I broke up with Mats last year, I’ve been thinking that I’d never want to fall in love again, like I’d just spare myself the trouble and settle for casual sex. But now I think, maybe I do. Want to fall in love.” He met Even’s eyes then, his cheeks burning hot, his throat tightening. He felt sure, that his words were giving him away.

”I know what you mean.” Even said quietly. 

”Yeah?”

”Yeah.”

_Do you, really?_

∙

They stopped at a random campus cafe and bought coffee to go and kept walking aimlessly around campus side by side. Buying coffee was a welcome break, and Even started talking about his classes, and a new show he was watching for class, and Isak smiled, and talked about Magnus hitting on some girl, and a interesting lab he’d attended on biological membranes and about almost beating Even’s time for swimming 30 laps of freestyle.

Isak made Even laugh, and his heart skipped a beat. 

_Maybe if I just fall in love with Jakob, I can still be friends with Even._

They walked by a trash can and both threw their empty to-go coffee cups in. When they resumed walking, Isak felt the back of Even’s hand brush lightly against his own, and his breath hitched in his throat.

_Maybe not._

∙

They circled around campus and made it back to the science library, coming to a stop in front of the building.

Even pulled his phone up from his pocket and looked at Isak. ”So… I have class in 10 minutes.” 

”Yeah, me too.” 

”It was really good to see you, Isak.” Even smiled softly and stepped forward, drawing Isak into a tight hug. Isak wrapped his arms around Even, reveling in the contact, he’d been craving for the past week. He didn’t want to let go, so he kept his arms around Even for a few moments. 

”You’re shaking. Are you cold?” Even asked quietly with his arms still around him.

”Yes.” Isak lied.

”You should go inside then.” Even squeezed him tightly one last time. “Bye Isak.” He said quietly and then let go, walking in the opposite direction.

Isak was frozen to the spot in a daze, feeling cold, already missing the warmth of Even’s body against his.

∙

Isak made it to class just in time. He found a seat all the way in the back of the auditorium, because he couldn’t think. He couldn’t breathe. He still felt Even’s touch on the back of his hand, on his neck, the feeling of his arms wrapped around him.

_”Bye Isak.”_

The words somehow felt final, and Isak couldn’t handle it.

_Maybe he figured out I’m in love with him and he just let me down easy. Fuck._

Isak zoned out for the entire lecture, not hearing a word the professor said. He stood up, when the 100 other students got up and made his way to the exit and then out of the building. Feeling beyond tired, he decided to leave his bike in the rails and take the tram home.

∙

The next day, Isak woke up at a beep from his phone.

He hastily picked his phone up from the bedside table with trembling hands and unlocked it. 

Then he saw that the message was from Jakob and indifferently opened it, and typed out a quick reply.

* * *

**Jakob (post-it)**

10:01

Hey Isak, can we reschedule and go for beer tomorrow instead?

Sure, no problem.

* * *

Then he went back to sleep.

∙  
When Isak woke up again, it was almost 1 pm. He got up and dragged himself to the couch in the living room, plopping down in front of the tv. At 2 pm he made himself a cup of coffee and tried to eat a bowl of cereal. After eating a few spoonfuls, he pushed the bowl away and resumed watching Netflix.

At 3 pm he received a text from Magnus.

* * *

**Magnus**

**15:12**

Hey Issy, wanna go to a party tonite?

* * *

Isak’s fingers hovered over his screen for a moment. Then he replied.

* * *

**Magnus**

Sure. What time?

Pre-game at 21:00. My place 

Deal.

* * *

Isak dosed off on the couch for a couple of hours, then he got up, took a shower and got dressed in a grey button-up and black jeans. He took the tram to Magnus’ place with a bag of beers and a bottle of vodka.

∙

Magnus smiled, when he opened the door for Isak.

”Hey Issy! Good to see you, man.”

”Yeah, same.” Isak replied weakly. ”Jonas not coming?”

”Nah, he bailed. I think he was meeting some chick.”

”Okay.” Isak said handing over the bag of beers and vodka to Magnus, as he shrugged out of his jacket.

Magnus peered into the bag. ”Shit, Isak, you mean business. Looking to get crunk tonight, or?”

“Yup.” Isak said avoiding Magnus’ eyes.

“You okay man?” Magnus asked as they made their way to the livingroom.

Isak let himself fall heavily into Magnus' couch with an “ugh.”

Magnus leveled him with a look, “what’s up, Issy?”

”I uh...” Isak wavered, then he looked at Magnus. “I think, maybe, I’m in love with Even.”

There was a beat of silence before Magnus spoke up.

”Uh, no shit, Issy. Everyone knows that. Except for you apparently. And Even.”

Isak shrugged and opened a beer. ”He probably knows too.”

”What do you mean?” Magnus said.

”I hung out with him yesterday on campus. And when we said goodbye, I think he was kinda letting me down easy.” Isak took a swig of the beer.

”What do you mean? Did you tell him, you’re into him?”

”No.”

”Then what?”

”I don’t know. I just don’t think I’ll see him again.”

∙

Isak and Magnus made it to the party around 11 pm. Isak already felt tired and tipsy, as he stepped into the apartment, but he figured he’d rather spend a couple of hours getting drunk  _not thinking about Even_ , than tossing and turning in his bed until sunrise.

So, he rallied and they joined the party in the living room, sitting down in one of the couches. Isak pulled up a couple of beers, handing Magnus one, and opening his own can.

Then he  pulled up a bottle of vodka. ”Shots?” he raised his eyebrows challengingly at Magnus.

Magnus wavered for a second, but then caved.

“Fuck it. Sure, hit me, Issy.”

Isak leaned forward and picked up a couple of plastic shot glasses on the table in front of him, and poured up the vodka. He handed a shot glass to Magnus.

“Cheers, bro.”

“Cheers.”  


∙

Isak was pouring up another shot of vodka, when Magnus elbowed him.

“Uh, Isak? Even just walked in. Just thought you’d like to know.”

Isak looked up and saw Even and a dark-haired guy, he recognized as Mutta, Even’s roommate. 

Even was smiling at some guy, looking casually beautiful in the grey t-shirt, Isak had borrowed and returned to him, just before he stopped texting him.

Isak swallowed drily, suddenly feeling  drunk . He put the vodka bottle back down on the table with a clank and stood up with a mumbled “uh, I’m just gonna...” and then pushed his way through the packed living-room to a blissfully empty kitchen.

He futilely searched the kitchen cabinets for a clean glass, but finally found a clean coffee mug and filled it with water, downing half of it in one go.

Then he leaned heavily against the kitchen counter and let his head fall back back against a cabinet. He looked up at the ceiling, as the thudding bass of some dancehall track filled the room.

_Just fucking walk up to him, say hi and act cool._

”Dodging the party again? I’m getting flashbacks.”

Isak’s heart rate immediately picked up at the sound of Even’s deep voice, and he snapped his head to see Even smiling at him, raising his eyebrows teasingly.

“Hah, no.” Isak quirked a smile at their inside joke. “I was just getting a glass of water, actually.” He added, taking a sip for emphasis. His heart beating hard in his ribcage. 

“Okay.” Even nodded with a smile, as walked up next to Isak, leaning his hip against the kitchen counter matching him.

“Uh, what are you doing here? At this party, I mean.” Isak asked, aiming for casual conversation.

Even shrugged. “Mutta knows one of the guys hosting. So I just tagged along to get faded.” 

He then smiled at Isak, frowning lightly. “What are  _you_ doing here, though? Aren’t you supposed to be on a date with post-it guy?”

“Uh, no. He wanted to reschedule last minute.” Isak replied.

“Oh. Okay.” Even nodded. 

There was a beat of silence, tension heavy between them. 

Isak took another sip of water.

Even then looked at Isak, his eyes trained on the grey button-up on Isak’s chest.

“Did you wear this shirt for him, though? You look good. Like really good.” He bit his lip.

_What_?

“Uh. Thanks. You too.” 

Even took a step closer until their chests were almost touching. Then he leaned in, letting his lips graze the shell of Isak’s ear. Isak shivered, sucking in a breath. 

“Don’t go on a date with him, Isak. Please.” He said lowly and pressed a light kiss, barely a touch, to the skin right below Isak’s ear.

Isak looked at Even with parted lips and half-lidded eyes, beyond flustered. He was feeling completely dazed by Even’s proximity, his scent, his touch, the feeling of his lips on his skin. His own heartbeat loud, so loud in his chest.

“Uh, what? Why?” He panted.

“Just. Don’t.” Even whispered, his words humming softly against Isak’s neck, before he moved his head slightly to catch Isak’s lips in a soft kiss.

Isak was embarrassingly aroused at the light touches, and with alcohol and unfiltered  _want_ coursing through his veins, he immediately gave in to what he’d craved for weeks. He kissed Even back with urgency, immediately parting his lips for him. Even moaned low and licked into his mouth, stroking his tongue against Isak’s, turning the kiss wet and messy. Isak pulled back for a second, panting. Then he leaned in again, kissing Even, catching his lower lip between his own and sucking gently, before moving on to his jaw to place wet kisses, revelling in the low-pitched moans coming from Even. When Even fisted a handful of hair at the back of his neck and pulled, Isak was about to burst on the spot.

Even then gripped his hips and backed him up against the kitchen counter, his hands splayed over Isak’s hips, thumbs resting on his hipbones. Isak spread his legs slightly, their chests and hips flush against each other, aligning perfectly. Even leaned in and kissed Isak’s neck, leaving wet open-mouthed kisses and nipping at the sensitive skin before sucking a bruise. Isak let out a broken gasp, bucking his hips, and moaned desperately at the realization, that Even was hard too.

It took a second before Even pulled back, leaving the space between Isak’s thighs. He looked wrecked, his chest heaving, cheeks flushed and lips puffy. 

He looked at Isak with wide eyes and something akin to regret. ”I, Uh. This was… Sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

Isak was frozen to the spot, feeling drunk and stupidly turned on. But as he took in the look on Even’s face, he felt his heart sink.

He suddenly felt sick, Eskild’s words echoing in his mind:

_”Straight guys don’t leave their longtime girlfriend to experiment a bit with another dude.”_

Isak swallowed.

_I’ll never be more than a fucking experiment to him._

”No. You shouldn’t have, Even.” Isak said weakly, before scrambling out to pick up his jacket in the hallway.

He faintly registered the lyrics of a stupid Drake song playing in the living room.

  
It's about us right now, girl, where you going?  
It's about us right now, girl, where you going?  
I'm with you

_  
How’s that for irony_.

Isak grabbed his jacket and hastily exited the apartment altogether.

∙

Isak was halfway to the tram stop, when he had to stop to throw up in a bush. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, feeling the tears sting in his eyes, ignoring his phone vibrating non-stop in his pocket.

∙

It was around 1 am, when Isak heavily plopped down in a seat in the mostly empty tram.

He pulled his phone up and unlocked it.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

00:34

Isak, I’m so sorry.

Where are you?

00:46

Please, can we talk?

3 missed calls from Even Bech Næsheim.

00:52

Isak, please.

* * *

Isak closed the conversation and opened a text from Magnus.

* * *

**Magnus**

00:56

Where are you Issy?

Did you leave? Even is looking for you.

Did something happen?

* * *

  
Isak locked his phone and slid it back into his jeans pocket. He then leaned his face against the window and closed his eyes.   
  



	10. Love$ick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last part of this is pretty smutty, so,y’know feel free to skip that part, if you're not into that.

**Saturday 7 March, 2020**

Isak woke up with a groan, instantly annoyed at the pale light streaming in through his makeshift curtains. He threw his underarm over his face, covering his eyes. He felt hot and his mouth was dry and his head pounded, all contributing to him feeling massively hung-over. 

He kicked off the duvet, lying naked in his bed, but still felt hot. He swallowed drily, as he began to remember last night, and flashes of Even pinning him against a kitchen counter, while he sucked a bruise into his neck, had him embarrassingly aroused in seconds. So, while everything was still dreamlike and hazy and blurred around the edges, he closed his fist around himself and got off to the thought of pressing against Even, of wet kisses on his neck, of Even pulling his hair. 

Wiping himself clean with a kleenex, he was struck by a splitting headache and overwhelming shame.

 _He rejects me, and I still fantasize about him_. _How pathetic is that._

He got up from the bed, feeling lightheaded and nauseous, and pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. Then he picked up his phone from the floor and unlocked it to a message from Even. 

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

08:46

I’m sorry. 

* * *

He stared at the message for 10 seconds not knowing what to reply, before putting his phone in his sweatpants pocket.

Then he slowly made his way to the kitchen, washed his hands and poured a glass of water and a bowl of cereal. He plopped down in the couch in the living room, and made himself eat half of the cereal. The he pushed the bowl away, and leaned his head back against the back rest. He closed his eyes, but couldn’t turn off the flashes from last night. The regretful look on Even’s face kept running in a loop on his closed eyelids. 

The bathroom door opened with a click and he opened his eyes, as Eskild padded out in a bathrobe.

”’Morning, Isak.”

”Uh, hey.” He said hoarsely.

”You got home late last night…?” Eskild asked, drying his hair with a towel.

”Yeah. I was at a party in Blindern. And then I fell asleep on the tram on the way home.”

”Sucks.” Eskild said, plopping down in the lounge chair next to the couch. ”How was the party?”

”Uh… It was… I kissed Even.” He sighed.

Eskild widened his eyes. ”Seriously?”

”…Or well, technically he kissed me.”

”That’s amazing, Isak!” Eskild said enthusiastically.

”Uh, no. Not really.” Isak snorted.

”No? Why not?” Eskild asked with a confused look.

“He pulled back and regretted it.”

“What?”

“Like, he kissed me, and then he backed off, obviously regretting the whole thing.”

Eskild looked intensely at Isak. “I’m gonna need some more details here, Isak. Did he kiss you or did he _kiss_ you? Like, what kind of kiss are we talking about?”

“He kissed me, and I kissed him back, and then we were, uh. Making out.” Isak flushed slightly.

Eskild took in Isak’s flushed cheeks and smirked. ”That good, huh?”

Isak nodded weakly.

”Was he, you know?” Eskild gestured vaguely to his own crotch.

”Are you asking me, if he got hard?” Isak said with raised eyebrows.

“Uh huh.” Eskild said. ”Well, did he?”

“Well, uh. Yeah.”

”Hmm.” Eskild mused.

Isak leaned back in the couch sighing. “But honestly, I feel like he played me. Like, first he told me not to go on a date with Jakob, then he kissed me, and sucked a bruise on my neck, and then he pulled back and regretted the whole thing. But, _he’s_ the one with a girlfriend, and-” Isak rambled.

”Who’s Jakob?” Eskild squinted, trying to keep up.

”Uh, post-it guy.”

”The guy you met at Elsker? I thought you said he was a one-night stand?”

”Yeah well, I met him on campus. And I asked him out.”

”Okay. And Even told you not to go on a date with him?” Eskild frowned.

”Yeah.”

”Okay. So, he kissed you and told you not to go on a date with post-it guy, and then what happened?”

”Then he pulled back and was all regretful like, _uh, I shouldn’t have done this, sorry…_ ”

”And then what?”

”I left.” Isak shrugged.

”Okay.” Eskild nodded. ”But, have you talked to him?”

”No.” Isak frowned, ”I mean, what is there to talk about? He obviously regretted kissing me. I’m not going to be some covert gay experiment, before he goes home and fucks his girlfriend to get rid of the shame.” Isak was riled up.

”Experiment?”

”Yeah, you know... he’s not gonna leave his girlfriend to experiment a bit with another dude.”

”Who told you that?” Eskild squinted.

”Uh, _you_ did.” 

”Oh, right. But, what if he’s not straight?” Eskild said. 

”What, you think he’s bisexual?” Isak frowned.

Eskild shrugged, “I don’t know. Has he told you, that he’s straight?”

”No, I just assumed, since he has a girlfriend…”

”Well, if he were _straight_ -straight, he wouldn’t get hard kissing you, would he? Sure, you’re good-looking and all Baby J, but even you don’t have the power to turn a straight guy on to dick.” 

Isak snorted at that.

“Wow, a smile.”

”Whatever. He still has a girlfriend, so I mean… he still played me.”

Eskild nodded.

Isak’s phone then vibrated in his sweatpants, and he pulled it up and unlocked it.

* * *

**Jakob (post-it)**

10:35 

Hey Isak. What time are we meeting up tonight?

* * *

”Was that him?” Eskild said, peering at the screen.

”Uh, no. Jakob. I’m meeting him tonight for a beer.” Isak said, quickly typing a reply and pocketing his phone.

”You’re going on a date with post-it guy tonight?”

”Yeah.”

Eskild fixed Isak with a look. 

“What?” Isak said exasperated.

“Well, aren’t _you_ kinda playing both post-it guy and Even, though?”

“Huh?” Isak frowned.

“Why are you going on a date with this guy, when you’re in love with Even?”

Isak looked at Eskild. “Uh. I’m…I don’t know…”

“I think, you should talk to Even at least.” Eskild said. “Find out what his deal is. Maybe you overreacted last night.”

Then Eskild got up from the couch and walked towards his room, leaving Isak on the couch.

”Hey, Isak?”

Isak looked up at Eskild. “Yeah?”

“Say, Even is not straight. And he’s into you...”

Isak swallowed. “Yeah?”

“Do you want to be with him?”

“With him? Like...” Isak said weakly.

“Like, in a relationship. As his boyfriend.”

“Uh.”

”Think about what you want, Isak.”

Isak nodded feebly.

∙

A little before 8pm Isak stepped into a bar in Grünerløkka and sat down at a vacant table. The bar was slowly filling with people, and Isak leaned back in the chair, pulling up his phone to pass time. After scrolling through his instagram feed and various subreddits, he opened his conversation with Even.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim  
**08:46

I’m sorry. 

* * *

Isak stared at the words. Then he swallowed and pocketed his phone.

  
“Hey.” 

Isak looked up at the voice and schooled his features into a smile, as Jakob sat down opposite him. “Hey.”

Jakob smiled and looked around the bar. “Cool place. I’ve never been here before.”

“Yeah. I live right around the corner, so…” Isak trailed off. “Anyway, do you want a beer?” 

“Sure.” Jakob nodded.

Isak got up with a nod and bought two beers at the bar, then returned to the table and handed Jakob one of the bottles.

“Thanks.” Jakob smiled. 

“Sure, no problem.”

“Cheers.”

“Cheers.”

Isak clinked his bottle against Jakob’s and took a tentative sip of beer. He swallowed with a grimace.

“Wild night yesterday?” Jakob smirked, as he sat his beer back down on the table. 

“Uh, yeah. Too many shots.” Isak quirked one eyebrow.

“Shit. Yeah, been there. That also explains the love bite.” Jakob nodded at Isak’s neck.

Isak touched his neck, the pads of his fingers lightly skimming, where Even had sucked a bruise into his skin last night.

_Did he mark me for Jakob to see?_

”Uh, yeah.” He said lamely.

Jakob cleared his throat. “Well, thanks for rallying and meeting me anyway.”

“Thanks for accepting my invitation.” Isak sat his beer back down on the table and looked up at Jakob. ”I’m sorry I left you a post-it that night. That was not cool.” He bit his lip apologetically. 

“It’s fine, Isak. Really. I figured you weren’t looking for more than a fuck. I was actually pretty surprised the other day, when you asked me out. Honestly, I thought you were seeing that guy...” Jakob took another sip of beer.

“What guy?” Isak asked, looking confused. 

“You were at the café with him...? Tall, blond. Hot. I kinda thought he was your boyfriend.”

Isak’s heart skipped a beat.

“Oh. Uh, no. He’s... just a friend.”

“Okay.”

∙

Jakob was nice and handsome, and clever and had interesting points about the similarities between philosophy and theoretical physics, and he made Isak smile, and for a while he almost succeeded in making Isak _not think about Even_. Almost. 

∙

Around 10 pm, Isak closed the door to the bar behind him and walked out onto the pavement with Jakob. 

He took a deep breath, enjoying the taste of fresh, cold air after having spent a few hours in a crowded bar.

Jakob zipped up his jacket and smiled at Isak. “So, do you want to come back to my place?”

_Oh._

“Uh, actually, I think I’m just gonna go home. I’m really tired. Too many shots yesterday, remember.” Isak quirked a disarming smile, as he zipped up his puffer jacket. 

Jakob nodded. “Okay, sure. I get that.” 

Then he stepped forward and gave Isak a hug. “Well, thank you for tonight, Isak. I had a really good time.” His lips grazed Isak’s neck, and Isak let out a shaky breath at the contact. 

Jakob pulled back slightly. “Who sucked that bruise on your neck, by the way?”

“Um. Just...uh. A friend.” Isak said weakly. 

Jakob nodded.

”Okay. Well, if you figure out what you want, let me know, Isak.” Jakob said before turning around and walking away. 

_Shit._

Isak was frozen to the spot, looking at Jakob’s retreating back until he disappeared around a corner. Isak let out a breath and leaned against the building, pulling up his phone. He opened the conversation with Even, his fingers hovering over the screen before typing a message.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

22:05

Why did you kiss me Even?

* * *

The reply came almost instantly.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

22:05

Can we talk? 

Okay.

Are you at home?

No.

Where are you? I can meet you, if you want?

By Mir in Løkka. Heading down to Akerselva.

Okay. See you soon.

* * *

∙

Isak walked slowly along the riverbank, his hands deep in his pockets, when Even jogged up to him from behind with flushed cheeks.

“Hey.” Even said, sounding a little out of breath. 

“Hey.” Isak looked at Even, took in his flushed cheeks and heaving chest, breath coming in short puffs. He got instant flashbacks to the night before, and despite being confused and angry with Even, he still felt a throb of arousal.

“What the fuck, did you run here?” He asked, raising his eyebrows at Even. 

“Uh, yeah. I was afraid you’d change your mind.” Even said, still a little out of breath.

“Oh. Yeah. Well. I didn’t.” Isak said lamely.

They walked for a little bit, tension heavy between them. Isak’s eyes were trained on the pavement. He didn’t know what to say, where to start. 

“Were you at Mir?” Even finally asked, breaking the silence.

“Yeah. With Jakob.”

“Oh.” Even’s face fell. “Shit, your date was today?”

“Yeah. He noticed this, by the way.” Isak hooked a finger in his wool scarf, showing Even the bruise on his neck.

“Fuck. I’m so sorry, Isak.” Even looked down at the pavement.

“Did you suck a bruise on my neck so he would see it?” Isak asked, his voice simmering with anger.  
  
“Uh. No.” Even replied lamely.

Isak stopped and looked at Even. “Just…Why did you kiss me, Even?”

Even looked at Isak, ”Uh…”

”I mean, you have a girlfriend. So, was it some kind of fucking experiment to you?” Isak’s voice trembled slightly. He felt raw. Riled up. 

“What?” Even frowned in confusion.

“Like, was it some kind of straight guy experiment? To kiss another dude to see how it felt?” Isak looked at Even.

“What the fuck? _No_.” Even frowned. “Do you think I’d kiss you for some kind of experiment?”

”I don’t know what the fuck to think, Even.” Isak raised his voice in frustration.

”I’d never kiss you as an experiment. And I’m not straight by the way.” Even said, an edge to his voice.

”You’re not straight? What, are you bisexual then?” Isak asked incredulously.

”Yeah. Or pansexual. I don’t really care about the labels.”

_Oh._

Isak felt his heart beating in his throat.

“You never told me.” He said weakly.

“It didn’t come up.”

“Uh, no. I guess not.”

They walked for a bit in silence save for the sounds of the river. The streetlights reflected in the dark water.

”So, do you go around and kiss all your friends, when you get drunk?” Isak finally said. He went for snarky and confident, but insecurity bled through his words.

”Uh, no. Just you.” A low murmur from Even, as he cast a side-glance at Isak.

”Okay.” Isak nodded. ”What does, uh, Sonja think about…” he trailed off, feeling his heart in his throat, bracing himself for the inevitable let down. 

”I don’t think she cares, we’re not together anymore.”

_Wait. What?_

Isak abruptly stopped.

”What?”

”We broke up a few weeks ago. I wanted to tell you that day we walked around on campus, but…” Even shrugged.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Even. Are you okay?”

Even looked at Isak. ”Yeah. I mean, yeah. It’s been a long time coming, so…”

”Okay.” Isak nodded, not knowing what to say, his hands clammy, his heart beating fast.

They walked for a bit more, then Even cleared his throat.

”So to answer your question, I kissed you because I wanted to. I _really_ wanted to.” Even looked at Isak, gauging his reaction.

Isak looked back at Even with parted lips, his breath now coming in short puffs.

”I, uh…”

”But it was rash, and you’re with him now, and… I’m sorry I fucked up our friendship by kissing you.” Even looked down and bit his lip.

”What?” Isak was frozen to the spot, looking at Even, his heart pounding against his ribcage, blood surging through his body.

”And I’m sorry for that shit I said about you not going on a date with him, that was a dick move. Really, I’m sorry. I just couldn’t deal with the thought of you and hi-”

Isak stepped forward, crossing the short distance between them and grabbed the back of Even’s neck, catching his lips in a kiss. Even immediately parted his lips with a broken moan, and it was messy and uncoordinated and _hot._ And Isak wanted nothing more than to hear Even moan for him, so he grabbed a fistful of Even’s hair, and kissed him, like he wanted to wreck him, nudging a thigh between Even’s. Even pressed back against him with a low-pitched moan, and Isak’s head started spinning with lust at the sound and feel of Even’s obvious arousal.

” _Fuck_ , Even.” He panted against Even’s neck.

Even pulled back a fraction to look at him with half-lidded eyes and parted lips. His chest was heaving.

”Shit, Isak, you’re... so fucking hot.” He murmured, his voice raw and deep. So deep. 

Isak licked his lip. ”So, uh, how long did it take you to run here from your place?” he asked breathlessly.

”Um, like 10 minutes.”

Isak grabbed Even’s hand and they started running. 

∙

They ended up half running, half walking to Even’s place, stopping every few minutes to catch their breath, both dizzy with lust. At a red light, Even pulled Isak close for a deep kiss, and when Isak moaned into the kiss, and reached underneath Even’s jacket to hook his thumbs in the waistband of Even’s jeans, they almost missed the green light, running across the street to the sound of car horns. 

∙

They climbed the stairs to Even’s apartment two-by-two and stumbled in through the door, chests heaving. They kicked off their sneakers in the corridor to the sound of some terrible [A$AP Rocky track](https://youtu.be/ZJM4AQSbZDk) and loud voices talking and laughing in the living room.

”You left a party at your house to go meet me?” Isak said, trying to catch his breath. 

”Yeah, of course.” Even rasped out before dragging Isak to his room.

∙

Even closed the door to his room behind them and immediately crowded Isak against it. He leaned in and kissed him, stroking his tongue against Isak’s before pulling off to place a wet kiss on Isak’s neck, making him chase his lips desperately. Even nudged his thigh between Isak’s, and Isak pressed hard up against him, then deftly opened his jeans and palmed him.

Even gripped the hem of Isak’s t-shirt and pulled it over his head, before sinking to his knees and opening Isak’s jeans and yanking his boxers and jeans down his thighs. Even looked up at him with parted lips. “I’m gonna blow you now. That alright with you?”

Isak looked down at him and took in his flushed cheeks, the strands of hair falling over his face, dark eyes looking up at him.

_I can’t believe this is happening._

”Uh, yeah. Fuck, yes.” Isak panted, just before Even closed his lips around him.

∙

“Uh, that was…quick.” Isak said when he’d gotten his breathing under control again, and they were both lying on their backs on the bed smiling. Even snorted a laugh, turning his head to look at Isak. 

“Believe it or not, but I usually have more stamina than that.” Isak said, quirking one eyebrow at Even.

Even laughed, his eyes crinkling. “Well, me too. Shit, I feel like I’m sixteen again.”

Isak laughed. “Yeah…fuck.”

Even then turned on his side and kissed Isak’s cheek and stroked his cheekbone with his thumb. “I guess, I just wanted it too much.”

“Yeah. I think I know what you mean.” Isak smiled before catching Even’s lips in a kiss.

They kissed slowly, languidly, for a while until Isak began softly pulling Even’s hair, and they were both panting into kisses again.

Even turned his head to press wet kisses on Isak’s jaw and neck, his lips softly grazing the bruise from last night, his hand wandering down between their bodies and closing around Isak’s erection. When Even swiped his tongue over the bruise, softly licking the skin, Isak gasped and arched into his touch. Isak’s hand made its way down Even’s body and wrapped around him, Even’s moan reverberating against the damp skin on Isak’s neck.

∙

A few hours later, Isak looked up from his phone, as Even padded back into the room in a t-shirt and sweatpants with two cans of coke, softly closing the door behind him. He smiled at Isak sitting on his bed only in boxers.

”Everyone finally left for some party in Løkka.”

”Sweet.”

”Here, catch” Even smirked, throwing a can of coke to Isak.

Isak caught it with a smile. ”Thanks”.

He pulled the can open, downing half of it in one go, before laying back down, resting on one elbow to look at Even.

Even took a long swig of his own can, and then placed the can on the floor next to the bed, lying back down on his side mirroring Isak. 

”What time is it?” he asked.

Isak checked his phone ”Uh, almost 3 am.” He tossed the phone on top of the pile of his clothes on the floor.

”Shit, it’s late. Do you want to go to sleep?”

”Nah.” Isak smiled suggestively and pushed Even down on his back.

”No?” Even smirked raising his eyebrows.

”No.” Isak said before hooking his thumbs in the waistband of Even’s sweatpants, drawing them down over pale hipbones, making Even moan lowly. Isak then rucked up Even’s t-shirt and moved his head down to place kisses on his stomach and hipbones. Isak looked up at him, ”I’ve been wanting to do this for some time now.” he said before nipping at the skin, sucking a bruise into the sensitive skin stretching over Even’s hipbone. ” _Fuck_.” Even hissed and tried his best not to thrash around, but when Isak licked over the bruise, Even bucked his hips desperately.

”I wanna blow you. Can I do that?” Isak looked up at Even from under his lashes.

”Shit. Yeah. _Yes_.” Even moaned, just before Isak closed his lips around him.

∙

” _Fuck_ , Isak.” Even moaned lowly, as Isak straddled him in the faint morning light and slowly rocked on top of him, a drop of sweat making its way down his collarbones and chest. Even gripped his hips, and Isak let out a soft whimper, letting his head fall back as he rocked faster.

”I’m so close, Even…” he moaned.

”Me too.” came the strangled reply from Even, and Isak let himself get lost in pleasure with Even following him a couple of seconds behind.

Even’s chest was still heaving, when he turned to look at Isak. ”That was…fuck, Isak.”

”Yeah.” Isak panted with a tired smile.

Even raised up on his elbow and lazily cleaned them both up. He then threw the balled up Kleenex on the floor and laid back down.

”I’m really glad you texted me tonight.” Even smiled tiredly, his fingers tracing slow circles on the taut skin on Isak’s chest.

”Yeah, me too.” Isak smiled back and curled into Even.

”So, you wanna go to sleep _now_?” Even smiled.

“Yes. Now we sleep.” Isak yawned.

”Now we sleep.” Even said quietly, kissing Isak’s hair and drawing the covers up to cover them both.


	11. Birthday Sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: panic attacks.

** Sunday 8 March, 2020 **

It was well past noon, when Isak woke up in Even’s bed. He was naked under the covers, and his nose was buried in a pillow breathing in the scent of Even. He slowly blinked his eyes open and discovered that he was alone in bed. He rubbed his eyes, then stretched, the muscles in his thighs, abs and upper body aching pleasurably. He felt sore and  _used_ , and arousal pooled low in his stomach, as he recalled the reason for his aching muscles. 

_Right, we messed around in bed until the sun rose._

He gingerly sat up and looked around Even’s room, taking in the drawings and posters on the walls, and the guitar propped up in the corner, wondering if Even knew how to play, or if it was just a showpiece.

Then he grabbed his jeans and t-shirt from a pile on the floor and put them on, not bothering with boxers. He got up from the bed and padded out of Even’s room, following the sound of Even’s deep laugh coming from the other end of the apartment. 

He made his way to the kitchen, where a Frank Ocean track played softly from a speaker on the kitchen counter, while Even was making eggs in low-slung sweatpants and a white t-shirt. He was chatting casually with his roommates and two other guys, Isak vaguely recognized from a photo on Even’s Facebook profile. They were all sprawled in chairs around a table in the kitchen, looking up at Even, chatting and joking. 

Even had his back to the door and hadn’t noticed him come in yet, so Isak indulged for a moment and leaned against the doorframe, trailing his gaze over Even’s body. He looked at the sharp lines of his shoulder blades moving under the t-shirt,the waistband of his boxers visible above the low-slung sweatpants, and his messy hair curling at the base of his neck. 

_I pulled that hair all night._

Isak’s eyes fell on Even’s jawline, and how his lips quirked into a smile, as he talked to one of the guys lazily sprawled in a chair.

“Just chill, man, I’m sure he-“ Even began, but then Mikael spotted Isak by the door and greeted him with a smile. 

“Hey, dude.”

“Hey.” Isak nodded politely at Mikael.

Even turned around at Isak’s voice and smiled softly when he saw him. ”Hi. Good morning. Or, afternoon.” 

”Hi.” Isak replied and walked into the kitchen, feeling a bit on display as everyone looked at him.

_They probably all heard me moaning last night_.

He walked up to the kitchen counter, leaning against it next to Even. 

”This is Adam and Elias,” Even smiled and nodded at two of the guys. “And you’ve already met Mikael and Mutta, right?”

”Yeah.” Isak nodded and smiled at Adam and Elias. ”Hey, I’m Isak.”

”Hey bro.” Adam said.

”Hey.” Elias smiled. 

Even smiled while stirring the eggs in the pan. ”I was making breakfast for you. But now all these fools want a taste, too.” he joked, nodding at his friends.

“I see.” Isak smiled.

”Dude, your eggs are legendary.” Elias said leaning back in his chair.

”Yeah. And we’re all hungover as fuck.” Mutta added.

”Yup.” Adam said.

Mikael nodded his head, “also, you make great coffee.” He took a sip from his mug. “You bring home that good shit from KB.”

”Yeah, yeah, chill, I got you.” Even smiled at his friends while stirring the eggs.

Then he turned to Isak. “Coffee?” 

“Uh, sure.”

Even poured a cup of coffee and handed it to him. 

”Thanks. You’re so nice.” He smiled at Even.

”I am, actually.” Even smiled softly, tilting his head, his eyes crinkling before leaning in and pecking Isak on the corner of his lips.

_Oh_. 

”Awwww.” The guys cooed in unison.

Isak pulled back with a slight flush.

∙

”So, how was the party last night?” Even asked eating a forkful of eggs, when everyone was seated around the table in the kitchen, digging into eggs and toast, sipping coffee. 

”Bro, it was bangin.” Mutta said around a mouthful of eggs.

”Adam hooked up with some chick, can you believe it?” Elias chewed, jerking his head at Adam.

”Really? Nice, man.” Even smiled at Adam.

”Yeah, bro. She was fucking hot.” Adam beamed. 

“So, how did _you_ get her into bed with  you?” Elias smirked at Adam.

“Uh, hello??” Adam gestured to himself, “obviously, she couldn’t resist me.” The guys all laughed.

Isak caught Even looking at him out of the corner of his eye, and then felt his hand coming to rest discreetly on his thigh under the table. Isak quirked a smile at the touch.

“Also, I hit her with this...” Adam pulled up his phone and changed the music playing from the speaker on the kitchen counter to [Chris Brown - Under The Influence](https://youtu.be/LPnDCTqW7zw). “Worked like a charm.” Adam winked.

Elias and Mutta laughed, while Mikael shook his head. Even rolled his eyes with a smile. “Oh my God, Adam.”

Even turned to Isak. “Remember I told you about one of my friends who actually had an official soundtrack for fucking? Well, meet Adam.” He gestured at Adam.

Isak laughed.

“Aww you told Isak about me?” Adam said.

“He did actually.” Isak smiled.

“Wow, I’m honoured.” Adam said.

”But, does this mean you’ve finally found a replacement for Birthday Sex? Took you long enough, bro.” Elias smirked at Adam.

”Yeah, fuck, that shit was classic…” Adam mused nostalgically. 

Even leaned back in his chair, listening to the song for a moment. Then he raised his eyebrows. “Those lyrics, though... _make you cry like a baby yo, le_ _t’s go pro and make a video_?? Shit. I mean, who actually listens to this...” He shook his head with a smile.

”Ugh Even, can you stop being such a fucking hipster for one moment. Please.” Adam said.

Even snorted. “I’m not a hipster.”

”You’re a hipster, bro.” Mutta said.

“I’m not!” Even said defiantly. “I just have standards...like, who likes Chris Brown?” he trailed off.

“I’m with Even on this one. Chris Brown is fucking terrible.” Mikael said before taking a sip of coffee.

Isak nodded his agreement. “Yeah, I hate Chris Brown, too.”

“Thank you!” Even said.

Isak turned to Adam, scrunching up his nose. “You seriously play this for your hook-ups?”

”Uh huh. For real, chicks go crazy for this shit.” Adam said forking up the last of his eggs. 

”Yeah okay, I wouldn’t know about that.” Isak shrugged.

”No? _Oh_! because you’re…” Adam trailed off, looking at Isak. 

Isak quirked his lip, mouth tipping into a crooked smile. ”Yeah, I’m hella gay, bro.”

Adam smiled. ”That’s cool, man. But, what do you play for your hook-ups, then?”

”Adam…” Elias laughed.

Mikael hid his face in his hands. “Duude.”

“Oh, fuck, right, I can just ask Even.” Adam turned to Even, completely unperturbed. “What did Isak play for you last night?”

Even snorted. ”Adam, man...”

”Well,” Isak chimed in, “..for hooking up I usually play some really aggressive hip-hop… I like to go old-school like N.W.A. or Public Enemy.”

“Really?” Adam looked at Isak incredulously. 

“Nah man, kidding. I don’t need music to get guys into my bed.” Isak smirked.

”Oooooh, bro!” Mikael laughed, fistbumping Isak over the table.

Mutta and Elias laughed. ”Shiiiit, you got served, Adam!”

”Shots fired.” Adam said to Isak.

Isak laughed and then turned to look at Even, who was looking at him intensely.

Isak quirked an eyebrow, and Even abruptly stood up from the table, pulling Isak with him heading for his room, with Adam, Mikael, Elias and Mutta hollering behind them.

∙

Even slammed the door behind them and roughly backed Isak up against it, making Isak’s back hit the door, just as [Birthday Sex](https://youtu.be/vYMxOzxKYYo) started playing obnoxiously loud from the kitchen.

“Shit, that was weirdly hot.” Even murmured against Isak’s neck before catching his lips in a kiss.

Isak pulled off the kiss to quirk an eyebrow. ”Yeah? Me schooling your friends does it for you?” he reached his hand down and palmed the bulge in Even’s sweatpants.

” _You_ do it for me.” Even said, leaning in for another kiss.

”Smooth.” Isak sassed.

Even chuckled softly, the vibrations humming against Isak’s cheekbone and ear. 

”You’re a hard critic.”

” _Hard,_ yeah.” Isak smirked, bucking his hips for emphasis.

Even snorted a laugh and kissed him.

“This fucking song, though...” Isak snarked at the sound of Birthday Sex blaring from the kitchen.

“ _L_ _emme hit that g-spot, g-spot”_ Even sang along lowly, his mouth on Isak’s neck, swaying his hips and making Isak shiver and let out a shaky breath in spite of himself.

“Whaat?” Even pulled back slightly to smirk at him, “Birthday Sex does it for  _you?_ Shit, maybe Adam was onto something…” He raised his eyebrows teasingly. 

Isak wrapped both arms around Even’s neck, his eyes dropping half-lidded to his lips. “Fuck, I don’t know...maybe it was your singing...?”

Even laughed and took Isak’s hand, leading him to his bed and practically tossing him down.

”Ow.” He winced slightly, as he hit the bed bouncing.

It made Even freeze, in the middle of pulling off his own t-shirt. ”Are you okay?”

Isak leaned back on his elbows and looked up at Even. ”Yeah, just a bit sore from last night.”

Even’s eyes widened. ”Oh, shit. Did I…? Was I too..?”

”No! You were…fucking amazing.”

_Best I’ve ever had._

Even smiled and plopped down next to Isak. ”Yeah?”

”Mhmm. Yeah.” He smiled.

“Well, you were pretty amazing, too.” Even said, leaning in to kiss Isak.

They made out slowly, languidly on Even’s bed. Hands softly caressing over t-shirts, taking it slow this time.

“I like your friends. They’re cool.” Isak saidbetween kisses.

“I’m pretty sure they dig you too.” Even smiled before pressing another kiss to his lips.

“Well, I  _ am _ pretty awesome, so…” Isak quirked a smile.

“Uh huh. Pretty and awesome.” Even smiled and traced Isak’s cheekbone with his thumb, then trailed it down over the cupid bow of his lips then his chin and neck, the pad of his thumb pressing lightly at the bruise he’d sucked into his skin two days before. Isak’s breath hitched, as Even leaned in and kissed the bruise, then moving down to his collarbone. Next he pulled off Isak’s t-shirt and let his hand wander down his chest, leaving goosebumps in its wake. Isak kissed Even, while Even let his hands explore his body slowly and curiously. He opened Isak’s jeans, his mouth dropping open, when he realized Isak wasn’t wearing boxers.

“Shit, Isak.” He rasped and closed his fist around Isak’s erection. And despite messing around all night, Isak was moaning desperately into the crook of Even’s neck within a minute.

“Even...” 

Even pulled back for a moment, breathing heavily, his lips puffy, pupils blown. “Tell me what you want.” Voice deep and raspy only adding to Isak’s intense arousal. 

“Want you...” Isak moaned against Even’s lips before kissing him messily, pressing his hips against Even’s.

“Oh my God, Isak… _Fuck_.” Even choked out before quickly stripping Isak of his jeans and kicking off his own sweatpants.

∙

 _“Damn.”_ Isak sighed some twenty minutes later, as he was coming down from his post-orgasm high. He looked at Even, his flushed chest still heaving.

“Yeah.” Even smiled, eyes on the ceiling, exhaling heavily and blowing a long strand of hair away from his eyes.

_ Cute. _

Even then turned his head slightly to look at him. “Guess you weren’t kidding about your stamina.” 

“Yeah, well, I am a couple of years younger than you, so.” Isak winked. 

Even chuckled and threw a wad of kleenex on the floor, lazily picking up his laptop in the process. He opened Spotify and put on music before setting the laptop back down on the floor.

Isak raised his eyebrows at the song. ” [Miguel](https://youtu.be/u_C4onVrr8U), really?”

“Uh huh.” Even smiled. “You know, I was just fucking with you, when I told you I liked Biggie and Wu-Tang, an-“. He said, his eyes glinting.

_“What?_ Well, it was nice knowing you...” Isak joked, half-heartedly getting up from bed.

Even laughed, his eyes crinkling. He grabbed Isak’s shoulder, pulling him back and Isak went willingly, flopping back down with a smile.

“Seriously though, Miguel? Like, what kind of fuckboy are you?” Isak snarked, but his dopey, half-lidded eyes and flushed cheeks took the bite out. 

“Says the guy who plays  _really aggressive hip-hop for all his hook-ups...”_ Even teased. 

“Jealous?” Isak raised an eyebrow. 

“Maybe.”

_Oh_.

Isak’s heart did a weird thing in his chest. 

“Is this your hook-up song, though?” He looked at Even. 

“Well,  _right now_ this is my hook-up song.” Even smiled, softly singing along to “ _...get to taking that off, taking that off for me, 'cause I got the plug, I made the call for green, I'm talking late-night for you, let me lay a great time on you…_ “

Isak rolled his eyes, but he did smile into the kiss, when Even leaned in and pecked him on the lips. 

“I gotta say, I think you’re into my singing.” Even said smugly.

Isak snorted but curled into Even anyway, making their chests stick together tackily.

“Ew.” Isak scrunched up his nose at the feeling of their sticky skin.

Even snorted a laugh. “We should take a shower.”

“Together?” 

“Yeah.” Even raised his eyebrows, “Gotta be environmentally conscious and save water and all that.”

“Save water?” Isak narrowed his eyes.

“Uh huh.”

Isak snorted a laugh. “Sure, I’ll shower with you. Don’t know if we’ll save water though.” He said with a little shrug and a suggestive smile.

Even got up and stretched out his hand for Isak, pulling him up.

∙

After having spent a good half hour in the shower, they padded back to Even’s room,softly closing the door behind them. 

Isak dried his hair with a towel, wearing a pair of Even’s sweatpants and t-shirt. He caught Even looking at him, his damp hair curling a bit and falling over his face, making him look younger. 

Isak swallowed, his heart doing a weird thing in his chest again.

_God, he’s so fucking beautiful_. 

“You’re staring at me.” He deflected.

“Uh, sorry.” Even pursed his lips, unable to stop smiling.

Isak raised an eyebrow in silent question. 

“I dunno, I guess I just like it, when you wear my clothes.” Even said, biting his lip.

Isak suddenly felt weird, his heart beating erratically in his chest.

“Okay.” He swallowed drily. 

Even turned around to pull out a clean t-shirt from his closet, put it on and turned back to Isak with a smile. “Hey, you wanna get faded?”

“Uh, sure.” Isak said, hoping the weed would dull the budding feeling of panic.

∙

The weed did effectively dull Isak’s senses and weird feeling of panic, and they sprawled on Even’s bed, listening to Biggie, talking about random stuff like the new season of Atlanta, the merits of east coast versus west coast rap and whether or not Biggie actually had Tupac murdered. They were three joints in, when Isak took a long drag of the joint and decided to attempt to blow smoke rings. He coughed and failed spectacularly, sending Even into a fit of laughter.

Isak laughed between coughs. “Fuck you, you try, then!”

Even laughed. “You want me to try?”

“Mhmm, yeah.” Isak said, the corner of his mouth tipping into a competitive smile.

“Okay, okay.” Even smiled and inhaled deeply, when Isak held the joint to his lips.

He blew out three perfect smoke rings in succession and turned his head to smirk at Isak. 

“What the fuck you’re cheating!” Isak frowned hard, tiny wrinkles appearing between his eyebrows.

Even laughed, eyes crinkling. “How am I cheating??”

“I don’t know, you’re just…cheating!” Isak shot back, still frowning intensely.

Even kept laughing, Isak eventually joining in and they spent a good few minutes in a fit of giggles, somewhere along the way forgetting what they were laughing about. Their laughter eventually tapered off into smiles, as they lay on their backs side by side.

Even took another drag of the joint, and  Isak’s gaze fixed on his profile, as he hollowed his cheeks and inhaled the smoke. Isak reached out and traced the line of Even’s cheekbone and jaw with his thumb. 

_Wow._

Even blew out the smoke, then turned his head slightly, softly catching Isak’s thumb between his lips and kissing it. 

Isak swallowed drily, as he rested the pad of his thumb on Even’s bottom lip, making him part his lips slightly.

“You know what I’ve never tried?” He asked, his eyes on Even’s lips.

“Is that a trick question?” Even said, eyes glinting.

Isak rolled his eyes with a fond smile. “No.”

“Okay.” Even smiled. “What have you never tried then?”

“Shot gunning.” Isak said, nodding at the joint between Even’s fingers. 

“No?” Even asked. “Wanna try it?”

“Mhmm. Kinda.” Isak licked his lip. “Here’s to being sixteen again and all that.” He raised an eyebrow.

Even looked at him with a soft smile. “I bet you were super cute at sixteen.” 

Isak shrugged, looking at Even from beneath his lashes.

“Shit, Isak, you’re killing me.” Even shook his head, then he took a long drag of the joint, inhaling deeply before leaning in, his lips almost touching Isak’s. Isak immediately parted his lips, letting Even blow smoke into his mouth. He inhaled deeply.

“Again.” He said with half-lidded eyes.

So Even took another drag and blew smoke in Isak’s mouth, Isak inhaling deeply before blowing out the smoke. Even leaned closer, nudging Isak’s lips with his own, coaxing them open, kissing him softly. Isak closed his eyes as he kissed Even, tasting weed on his tongue.

“You’re cute at twenty, too, though.” Even said softly, kissing Isak’s cheekbone. “Like  _really_ fucking cute, baby.”

Isak’s heart skipped a beat, his eyes flying open. “Uh, what did you say?”

Even looked confused. “Um. You’re cute? Baby?”

Isak sat up in bed, the panic from earlier returning, his heart beating uncomfortably hard.

“Isak?” Even sat up and put a hand on his shoulder. Isak shrugged out of the touch, making Even’s hand fall limply on the bed. 

“Uh, I don’t think... I can’t...I have to go.” Isak said and abruptly stood up.

Even looked wide-eyed at Isak. “Are you okay? Did I-.”

“Uh. Yeah. ‘M fine.” Isak said dismissively, grabbing his hoodie off a chair and putting it on already heading for the door.

Even stood up and followed Isak out, a confused look on his face. 

Isak quickly put on his jacket and sneakers, then turned to Even. “Uh, see you, Even.”

“Isak...”

Isak opened the door and stepped out, closing the door behind him, hurrying down the stairs. 

_I can’t breathe_.

He scrambled out the door to the street, feeling nauseous, his heart beating uncontrollably fast. He concentrated on breathing in deeply, counting to six and then releasing his breath, spending a few minutes trying to control his breathing before walking quickly in the direction of his apartment. 

∙

Isak unlocked the door to his place with shaky hands and stepped inside.

“Hey Isa-“ Eskild called from the living room.

“Goodnight, Eskild!” Isak called out shakily, as he hurried inside his room and closed the door behind him.

Foregoing turning the lights on, he quickly stripped his, well  _Even’s_ , clothes off in the dark and crawled into bed, closing his eyes.

His phone beeped in the pocket of the sweatpants he’d just pulled off and thrown in a pile on the floor.

Isak ignored it.

A few minutes later, another beep from his phone had him pulling it up to put it on silence.

3 unread messages from Even Bech Næsheim.

He opened the conversation with unsteady hands.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

21:34

Are you sure you’re okay?

22:03 

Isak? 

22:08

Text me when you feel like it<3

* * *

Isak’s heart was in his throat again.

_I can’t do this._

He closed the conversation and silenced his phone, putting it facedown on his bedside table.

Then he pulled up the covers and closed his eyes, his body feeling bone-tired. Fatigue making him fall asleep almost immediately.

∙

Isak slept more than twelve hours, at some point turning off the alarm he’d set for class, and closing his eyes again, longing for a few more hours of blissful sleep. At 11 am he finally dragged himself up to the bathroom to pee. He flushed the toilet after relieving himself and washed his hands, looking at himself in the mirror. A faint trace of the bruise, Even had sucked into his neck on Friday was still visible. He felt his heart in his throat.

_What the fuck is this. Why can’t I breathe_.

He slowly made his way to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water, sipping it slowly. He considered having something to eat but had no appetite and discarded the idea. He returned to his room and laid down in his bed flat on his back. He closed his eyes and saw flashes of himself and Even, sprawled on Even’s bed, kissing, touching, fucking. Even caressing his face softly. So tenderly.

_Baby_.

He opened his eyes and swallowed, his mouth dry and his heart beating fast. He picked up his phone and opened his conversation with Even. He stared at the words for a few seconds before putting the phone down again, his heart in his throat.

Then he slowly stood up, feeling dizzy and grabbed his laptop off his desk before plopping down on his bed again. He opened a browser, typing in

_Can having a lot of sex cause panic attacks_?

He read a couple of articles on sexual attraction, bonding and love, skipping between paragraphs.

“ _Falling in love can cause surges in dopamine, which can lead to anxiety....A dramatic rise in norepinephrine levels puts the body in fight-or-flight-mode.._.”

He closed the lid on his laptop and laid back down.

_What the fuck is wrong with me_.

∙

For the next two days Isak effectively dodged Even, and everyone else, ditching classes to stay in his room. At night he was back to being sleepless, and during the day he had no appetite but a lot of restless energy. He dodged Eskild and Linn as much as possible, claiming to be busy with a lab report.

He couldn’t stop thinking about Even. He felt like he was in a constant state of arousal mixed with panic, and it was wearing him thin. Opening his messenger conversation with Even several times a day was bordering on obsession, and he felt his heart in his throat, every time he saw the little heart emoji in Even’s last message. He didn’t know what to reply, so he simply didn’t.

∙

On Wednesday morning Isak woke up to a text from Jonas.

* * *

**Jonas**

08:36

What’s up man, you’ve gone awol?

Mags said you bailed from a party on Friday…?

Uh. Yeah. Long story.

Wanna have lunch on campus today?

* * *

Isak thought for a moment before replying. 

_What if I meet Even on campus_.

His heart beat hard at the thought.

* * *

** Jonas **

08:38

Ait. But can we go to the cafeteria in my department though?

Sure. See you there at 12?

👍

* * *

Isak got up from bed and took a shower and felt a little better than the previous days. He could still feel his heart in his throat most of the time, though.

He got dressed in so many layers, and lastly put on his puffer jacket and a snapback before taking the tram to campus. 

Isak met Jonas by the Faculty of Science, walking up to him with a tired “hey.”

Jonas clapped his hand. “Hey.” He raised his eyebrows in concern. “You okay, Issy?”

“I… don’t know.” Isak admitted with a sigh.

“Wanna go off campus for kebab instead?” Jonas tried with a smile.

“Okay.”

∙

“So… what’s the deal?” Jonas asked when they were seated at a table in a little kebab joint just off campus. He took a bite of kebab.

“Uh.” Isak said, chewing on a small bite, his eyes fixed on an oil stain on the table.

Jonas looked at him softly, patiently.

Isak swallowed and put his mostly uneaten kebab back down on the plate.

“Uh. I…Even…I’m just... I don’t know. We messed around all night, and I...I don’t even know him. And he called me _baby_ , and I can’t breathe an-“ Isak rambled.

“Isak, slow down.” Jonas said with a confused frown.

Isak sucked in a shaky breath.

“You slept with Even?”

Isak nodded.

“Okay. When? Last night?”

“Uh, no. Saturday. Sunday.”

“Okay. Wha-, how did that happen?”

“Uh. I met him at a party Friday…”

“The party, Mags said you bailed from?”

“Yeah.” Isak nodded. “So, Even kissed me, but then he sorta pushed me away and regretted it…”

Jonas frowned. “Okay. Then what?”

“Then I went on a date with Jakob Saturday night.”

“Who’s Jakob?”

“Post-, uh, nevermind.” Isak said dismissively.

“Okay. So, you went on a date with this Jakob-dude Saturday?”

“Yeah. But, like I kinda ditched him to meet up with Even…” Isak bit his lip.

“Okay?” Jonas took another bite of his kebab.

“So, I met up with Even… he told me, he’s bisexual, by the way.” He glanced up at Jonas.

Jonas nodded.

“…and that he’s not with his girlfriend anymore.” Isak licked his lip nervously.

Jonas smiled. “Okay. So, he’s into you?”

“Yeah. I mean, I think so.”

“Didn’t you just tell me, you two fucked all weekend?”

“Yeah.” Isak flushed.

“So, I mean, he’s into you.” Jonas smiled.

“Yeah. I guess.” Isak fidgeted with the sleeve of his hoodie pulled all the way down, covering his knuckles.

“So, what’s wrong, Issy?” Jonas asked softly.

“I don’t know.” Isak looked up at Jonas, “I sorta panicked and left him Sunday and I don’t know what to text him.”

“Why did you panic?”

“I don’t know. He was being so fucking  tender and he called me  _baby,_ and I don’t think I can do this...” Isak bit his lip.

“Okay.” Jonas said softly.

“And, like, I can’t sleep. I think about him all the fucking time, and…and shit, I don’t even  know him, like he likes Miguel…! Who likes _Miguel_?!” Isak looked at Jonas before continuing rambling. “Like, is he a total fuckboy, or what the fuck? But he was with Sonja  _ forever, _so he can’t really be a fuckboy, unless he cheated on her… I wonder how many dudes he’s been with, maybe he cheated on Sonja with a bunch of guys. Shit, maybe I’m a rebound… I can’t do thi-“

“Isak!” Jonas put his hand on Isak’s shoulder to ground him. “You need to slow down, Is.”

“I feel like. I can’t breathe.” Isak hyperventilated.

“Hey, look at me.” Jonas said and shook Isak’s shoulder gently. “It’s gonna be okay, Isak.”

Isak closed his eyes for a moment and counted in his mind, his shallow breaths slowly becoming deeper, more controlled.

“Maybe you guys just need to dial things back a little… Like, just take it chill and get to know each other better?”

“Yeah. Maybe.” Isak said weakly, picking at a thread of his hoodie sleeve.

Jonas looked at him, eyes worried, saying the next words softly, carefully.

“What are you scared of, Issy?”

“I don’t know. I can’t... I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me…” Isak carded a hand through his hair. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, man.” Jonas said softly. “Just be honest. Talk to him. Let him know what you want.”

_I don’t know what I want_. 

“Yeah.” Isak said weakly. “Thanks, man.”

“Of course, bro.” Jonas smiled.

∙

“Good seeing you, man.” Jonas said before drawing Isak into a hug at the tram stop.

“Yeah, you too.” Isak said genuinely.

“Don’t go awol on me.”

“Sorry.”

Jonas nodded.

“Just…Talk to him, Issy.”

“Yeah. I will. Thanks.”

Isak pulled back with a “see you” and boarded the tram.

Once he found a seat, he pulled up his phone.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

12:46

Hey Even. I think we need to talk.

* * *

  
  
  



	12. Birthday Sex (Remix)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, this is Even's pov of the previous chapter. There are some repeat scenes, and some scenes are elaborated, including sex scenes. Notice that I upped the rating for this chapter. If that's not your thing, skip it.  
> The next chapter will be up next week.

**Sunday 8 March, 2020**

When Even woke up around 11, he was pressed against Isak, his chest plastered to Isak’s back and his right arm draped over Isak’s waist. The whole length of their upper bodies glued together skin to skin, his groin flush against Isak’s ass. He closed his eyes, reveling in the intimacy; both of them naked, every inch of their skin touching. He kept his eyes closed and nosed at Isak’s neck, letting his lips softly graze the skin, breathing in Isak’s sleep-warm scent.

_I love the way you smell._

He quickly grew hard against Isak and tightened his grip around his waist, drawing him impossibly closer. Keeping still and resisting the urge to move against him, to chase friction, proved difficult, but instead he lightly ran his nose along the base of Isak’s neck, pressing soft kisses to the top of his spine. Isak made a sleep-soft murmur and Even rolled his lip in, feeling butterflies bask wildly, threatening to burst through his stomach, his chest, his heart.

_Can’t believe you’re in my bed._

He stayed in bed pressed against Isak for a few more minutes, his nose resting against Isak’s shoulder blade, his fingers very lightly caressing Isak’s flat stomach. 

Isak kept breathing slow, deep breaths and realizing that he probably wasn’t waking up anytime soon, Even pulled back a little, unable to stop smiling as his chest slowly peeled from Isak’s back.

He softly rolled to the side and got out of bed, covering Isak’s naked back with the duvet. Then he padded quietly to his closet and put on a clean pair of boxers. Grabbing a clean, folded white t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, and draping them over his underarm, he walked out of his room, closing the door softly behind him and walked through the quiet apartment to the bathroom. He peed and flushed and then washed his hands before putting his mouth under the water faucet, gulping down water. He put the clean t-shirt and sweatpants on the closed lid of the toilet and stripped out of his boxers.

Stepping into the shower, he felt tired but still his body softly hummed with energy, even if he’d only slept four or five hours. The muscles of his lower abdomen burned when he lifted his arms to rub shampoo in his hair, and his biceps felt sore too. He ducked his head, running soap over his groin and looked down at the two bruises on his hipbones.

His heart rate picked up at flashes of Isak rucking up his shirt, kissing down his chest, sucking those marks into his skin before pinning him to the bed, closing his lips around him, straddling him…

Even was fully aroused in a matter of seconds and leaned back against the tiled wall, closing his fist around himself. His body hummed a chorus of _Isak, Isak, Isak_ , as he stroked himself and quickly reached his climax. His release trickled down over the bruise on his left hipbone.

He leaned heavily against the wall and exhaled a shaky breath; the orgasm and the warm water making him lightheaded.

When the lightheadedness lifted and his heart rate had slowed down a bit, he soaped up again, rinsed off and then turned the water off. He stepped out of the shower and dried off to the lyrics of that fucking [A$AP Rocky track](https://youtu.be/ZJM4AQSbZDk) replaying in his head.

_I need you. I’m a lovesick fuck. I want you. I’m a lovesick fuck._

∙

After having spent over an hour on the couch in the living room scrolling his phone while waiting for someone to wake up, _and_ having peered through the door to his room a few times to check if Isak was still sleeping, Even got up from the couch and padded to the kitchen. He switched on the wireless speaker on the kitchen counter, turned the volume down low and pulled up his phone from his sweatpants to stream Frank Ocean’s Blonde album to the speaker. _Nikes_ started playing softly and he opened a cabinet to pull out a pan, then moved to another cabinet taking out a bag of coffee beans.

“ _All you want is Nikes, but the real ones just like you, just like me..._ ” He softly sang along, tapping the beat on the kitchen counter, as he poured coffee beans in the coffee grinder and blitzed them quickly. Then he opened the fridge and took out eggs and butter. He pursed his lips smiling, when he saw that they had rømme in the fridge. 

_Perfect_.

He took out the little plastic container of rømme and put it on the counter next to the eggs. Then he took out a bowl and a whisk from a drawer and cracked four eggs in the bowl.

“Hey.” Mikael said drowsily, as he came padding into the kitchen and then plopped down in a chair.

“Hey.” Even smiled. “Oh sorry, did I wake you?”

”Nah, it’s fine man.” Mikael yawned, crossing his arms on the table in front of him, laying his head down on top of them.

Then he looked up at Even. “Why the fuck are you so chipper, man?”

Even pursed his lips, trying to tame his dopey smile. He started whisking eggs together.

Mikael looked up at him. “Oh. _Oh_. Did you make up with Isak? I didn’t hear you come back last night.”

“Yeah. We, uh. _Talked_. Came back here around eleven.” Even smiled.

“Is he still here?” Mikael smiled. 

“Yeah, he’s sleeping. I thought I’d make him breakfa-“

“You’re making breakfast? Niiiiiice, bro!” Elias exclaimed as he walked in with Mutta and Adam, all three lazily plopping down, joining Mikael at the table.

“Not for you, actually.” Even smirked.

“Ah, come on man...” Elias said.

“Please, Even...” Mutta begged, while Adam hit him up with his best puppy dog eyes.

Even laughed. “Okay okay, jeez chill, you can have some of it.” He cracked 4 more eggs into the bowl, whisking them together. 

_Okay, so strike romantic breakfast in bed. For now._

Even smiled to himself, pouring the eggs into the pan, stirring together eggs and rømme on low heat.

“Soooo..” Mutta began, drawing the word out. “You’re cooking breakfast for Isak, then? I take it he’s still here?”

“You knew he was here?” Mikael asked Mutta.

“Uh, _yeah_.” Mutta raised his eyebrows at Mikael, “didn’t you hear them last night?”

“No.” Mikael replied.

“Dude, are you deaf or something?” Mutta said to Mikael.

Even flushed slightly.

“Holy shit man, he must be good in bed for you to look this dopey.” Adam smirked.

 _Fucking amazing_.

“Dude, you know I don’t kiss and tell.” Even winked while still sporting a very dopey expression. 

“Well, when are we going to meet him?” Elias asked.

“Yeah, it’s like noon.” Adam piped up.

“Uh, you guys literally _just_ got up.” Even smiled, eyebrows knitting together.

“Yeah, but like, we were at a party, getting drunk. We crashed here at like 6 am.” Adam argued.

“Yeah well, we didn’t sleep until 6 am, either.” Even said with a shrug.

“Seriously?” Elias asked, eyes wide. “Did you guys fuck all night, or?”

Even pursed his lips, unable to stop smiling.

“Woah, you did!” Mutta laughed. “Shit, I’m glad we left for that party...”

“Seriously though, I want to meet him. Go wake him up, Even!” Adam said enthusiastically.

Even laughed, eyes fixed on Adam. “Chill man, I’m sure he-“ 

“Hey.” Mikael spoke up looking towards the door and the sound of Isak’s responding “hey.” had Even turning around instantly.

His lips moved entirely on their own accord, quirking into a soft smile, as he laid eyes on Isak leaning against the doorframe, all sleep-rumpled and barefoot.

_Why did I agree to cook breakfast for these guys?_

“Hi! Good morning. Or, afternoon.”

“Hi.” Isak said, a light blush on his cheekbones.

He then remembered that Isak didn’t know his friends, that they never got around to say hello last night, lovedrunk stumbling quickly through the corridor to his room, no time for niceties. So he did the polite presentations and Isak said hello and then he was walking right up next to him, leaning against the kitchen counter.

_I could easily back him against the counter, hoist him up and…Shit, cool it like right now. Just concentrate on the eggs or something._

So he stirred the eggs, thinking of something to say that wasn’t _you’re so fucking hot, I kinda want to bend you over this counter and_

“…I was cooking breakfast for you, but now all these fools want a taste too.” He managed.

“I see.” Isak smiled, and the boys all started rambling about his eggs and coffee.

“Coffee?” he turned to Isak.

“Sure.” Isak smiled, so he poured a cup and handed it to him, fingers briefly brushing around the steaming mug.

“Thanks. You’re so nice.” Isak smiled.

Even felt his heart do a double take in his chest at Isak here in his kitchen, sweet, sleep-rumpled, barefooted calling him nice.

“I am, actually.” He said and leaned in, pecking Isak on the corner of his mouth.

_I can’t wait to be alone with you again._

And obviously his friends were being _guys_ and started cooing, like _what had he expected?_ And Isak pulled back, but he did so with a shy smile and a blush high on his cheeks. Even counted it as a victory.

∙

The eggs were done, so he turned the stove off and put the pan on the table along with bread, a stack of plates, a pot of coffee, mugs and a bunch of forks. Then he pulled out a chair for Isak next to his own and they both sat down, joining the others around the table. He fought the urge to let his hand creep up Isak’s thigh. Instead he concentrated on eating and _fucking making conversation_ to stop thinking about ravishing Isak right there in the kitchen.

“So, how was the party last night?” He managed between bites. 

Apparently, it was bangin’ and Adam hooked up with some chick, and Even couldn’t help it; he sneaked a look at Isak’s profile.

_Shit, his jawline. His lips._

He swallowed and very discreetly put his hand on Isak’s thigh under the table, fingers squeezing softly, then dragging upwards to where Isak’s thigh met his hip. He didn’t miss the way Isak’s lips tipped into a smile, tongue darting out to swipe at his lip.

He tuned back into the conversation, when Adam changed the music to fucking Chris Brown and claimed to get chicks into bed by playing it. It made him laugh and he explained the old inside joke to Isak, raising his eyebrows because m _y friends are dorks, sorry_. Isak smiled and they all listened to the terribly suggestive lyrics and he had to speak up and point out how terrible they were, only to be ridiculed for being a hipster.

∙

He ultimately lost his resolve, when Isak scrunched his nose up and gave Adam shit for his song choice, and then all suggestively smirked that he didn’t need music to get guys into bed.

 _Of course you don’t. Look at you. Shit._

Even was gone. He was hard in .3 seconds and even though the thought of Isak with other guys, plural, _guys_ , in bed, made his heart skip a beat, arousal took priority. So he stood up, grabbed Isak’s hand pulling him up and dragging him to his room, ignoring the crude hollering from his friends. He kicked the door shut behind them and backed Isak up against it, kissing him to fucking _Birthday Sex_.

“Shit, that was weirdly hot.” He admitted.

Isak raised an eyebrow to sass him. “Yeah? Me schooling your friends does it for you?”. Isak reached down and cupped him, his palm dragging teasingly slow over Even’s erection.

“You do it for me.”

_You have no idea, what you do to me._

“Smooth.”

_Funny._

“You’re a hard critic”. He smirked.

“ _Hard_ , yeah”. That fucking eyebrow again and _oh, shit_. Isak was _hard_.

His whole body humming with arousal, he leaned in and kissed Isak again. And Isak leaned his head back and popped off to sass about Birthday Sex, which he’d admittedly blocked out, too busy kissing him, grinding against him. When he noticed it, he couldn’t unnotice it, it was _loud_. So he sang along, all the lyrics still memorized from way back at Bakka, when the whole crew was listening to that song, young and stupid, nothing but sex on their minds.

As he mouthed the lyrics into Isak’s neck, pressing hard against him, he wondered if anything had really changed.

Isak’s reaction to him singing, or maybe it wasn’t so much _singing_ , as it was _mouthing dirty lyrics into his skin_ , had him dragging him to the bed and tossing him down intent on wrecking him. But then Isak hit the bed bouncing and actually winced.

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah. Just a bit sore from last night.” Isak said. 

_Fuck._

“Shit, did I..? Was I too...?”

“No! You were… fucking amazing.” Isak bit his lip.

 _Oh_.

He breathed out a sigh of relief and laid down next to Isak.“You were pretty amazing, too.”

Isak looked up at him through his lashes, his lips parting slightly, and he leaned in to kiss him, swiping his tongue against Isak’s tasting the coffee on his tongue.

He wanted him, but he also wanted to make it last, to stay in a suspended state of arousal, so he slowed down and Isak got the memo and they made out slowly, and in silent agreement kept their hands above the waist, lightly caressing each other over t-shirts. But when he raised up on one elbow and kissed Isak’s collarbone and Isak spilled a desperate moan, his arousal kicked into overdrive. He ripped open the buttons of Isak’s jeans and touched him and. Isak was not wearing boxers. He’d been sitting next to him in the kitchen with his friends, casually drinking coffee and eating eggs and being all snarky and _not wearing anything under his jeans_.

“Shit, Isak.” Was all he managed before he skirted his fingers up Isak’s straining erection, feeling all that silky-smooth hardness against the tips of his fingers. Isak let out a broken moan and Even closed his fist around him, keeping the strokes light, teasing. Still, it was barely a minute before he had Isak turned into a moaning mess, lips on Even’s neck, huffing out quick, damp breaths into his skin.

“Even…” Isak moaned.

He pulled back for a second, just enough to look at Isak, slowing his strokes down, just circling him loosely. He trailed his gaze over Isak’s face, his lips puffy and shiny with spit, pupils completely blown. “Tell me what you want.” He rasped out. 

“Want you…” Isak sighed, half-lidded eyes stuck on his lips.

He felt his heartbeat in his groin, beyond aroused at Isak’s words.

“God, Isak. _Fuck_.”

He sat up on his knees, yanking Isak’s jeans down his hips, then thighs and calves, pulling them all the way off. Then he hooked his thumbs in the waistband of his own sweatpants and boxers and pulled both down, leaning down on one elbow to kick them off. He hovered over Isak on his elbows, lips coming together wetly, and Isak arching his hips off the bed to grind filthily into his, eyes fluttering closed at the contact.

“Even, c’mon. Please.” Isak begged and he kicked into gear, stretching his arm out, distractedly searching for lube and a condom on the nightstand, while still kissing sloppily down Isak’s neck and jaw. His hand finally closed around the bottle of lube and a condom and he sat back on his knees as Isak spread his legs, making room for him.

_Your body making room for me._

Isak looked up at him, lips parted, hand closing loosely around himself, as Even popped open the lube, slicking up his fingers before dropping them to Isak’s rim.

“Ready?”

“Yeah, fuck.” Isak breathed, pressing back against Even’s fingers. So he pushed a finger in, and then another one and stroked Isak from the inside, and Isak’s moans were persistent, begging for more.

When Isak was stretched around his fingers, moaning “fuck me, Even, please” he pulled his fingers out and quickly rolled on the condom, slicking up once more before sinking into Isak.

 _Fuck fuck fuck_.

Isak crossed his ankles, his heels sinking into his lower back, and pushed back against him and _holy fuck._

_He’ll ruin me for everyone else._

∙

Even felt so sated, when he gingerly pulled out and flopped down on his back next to Isak. He looked up at the ceiling trying to catch his breath, his heartbeat slowly calming down. He caught Isak looking at him out of the corner of his eye, smiling an equally sated smile, huffing out a “ _damn_.”

A breathy “yeah” was all he managed, mind still blank, riding a post-orgasm high.

Catching his breath, he turned his head slightly to look at Isak. 

“Guess you weren’t kidding about your stamina.”

“Yeah, well I’m a couple of years younger than you, so…” Isak smirked.

He chuckled softly and rolled off the condom, tying a knot and rolling it into a Kleenex. He pulled out a few more Kleenexes and wiped himself and Isak clean, then dropped the whole wad on the floor next to the bed. Song lyrics popped into his head, so he picked up his laptop and opened Spotify.

_Yeah, I don't wanna put no pressure on ya, I just wanna put a blessing on ya…_

He tapped the keyboard for a few moments trying to remember where the lyrics came from.

_Miguel, right._

He put on _Come Through and Chill_ and sat the laptop back down, flopping back into bed.

“Miguel, really” Isak sassed.

“Uh huh.” He couldn’t stop smiling at Isak’s sass. “You know I was only fucking with you, when I told you I liked Biggie and Wu-Tang an-“ he pursed his lips, but failed at containing his smile.

And Isak caught the joke immediately, eyebrows knitting together in a high-pitched, faux-incredulous “what?” jokingly getting up from bed, before he pulled him back down.

They lay in silence for a few moments, both sporting dopey smiles. Then Isak spoke up again.

“Seriously though, Miguel? Like, what kind of fuckboy are you?”

And he just had to sass him back, there was something in the way Isak challenged him, this on-going banter… He took the bait.

“Says the guy who plays _really aggressive hip-hop for all his hook-ups_.”

“Jealous?”

 _Yes_.

“Maybe.”

And then Isak asked him, if it was his hook-up song, and no. But right now, it reminded him of Isak, and he liked the chilled out vibe of the song, and the _I wanna fuck all night_ seemed kinda fitting, so yeah. Right now after having sex with Isak all night and a good part of the afternoon, it was his hook-up song. So he told him and began singing, hoping for some kind of snarky reaction. And Isak didn’t disappoint, he did that eye roll that Even secretly loved, but then Isak curled into him and everything was tender and cute for a moment, before their sticky skin stuck together, and Isak scrunched up his nose with an “ew.”

“We should take a shower.”

“Together?” Isak asked.

“Yeah. Gotta be environmentally conscious and save water and all that.”

_Come on, take the bait._

“Sure, I’ll shower with you. Not sure we’ll save water though.” Isak said, eyebrows raised all suggestively. 

_Yes_.

Sparks of renewed arousal had him pulling Isak up from the bed, and both of them quickly putting on sweatpants for the cross-apartment walk to the bathroom.

They stepped out of his room and moved quickly through the living room, passing by Mutta, Adam and Elias playing FIFA on the couch.

All three guys looked up, as they passed by, both shirtless, sweatpants not really concealing their arousal.

“Um, we’re just gonna shower for a little bit…” He said over his shoulder, unable to wipe the smile off his face.

“Uh huh… _shower_.” Elias said with a smirk.

“Dude, you’re so paying the water bill next month.” Mutta called after him.

∙

Showering with Isak was… Definitely much better than showering alone.

They stumbled inside the shower, mouths colliding, both wearing huge smiles.

“So. Your friends all know, we’re fucking.” Isak said with a smirk, throwing both arms around his neck, one hand reaching up to grab a fistful of his wet hair.

“Uh, _yeah_. They probably heard us before. And last night. You are _not_ quiet.” He teased, backing Isak into the wall, Isak yelping as his back hit the cold tiles. He leaned in and kissed him, Isak melting against him. 

“Well, as I recall you weren’t so quiet either, when I made these…” Isak ducked his head and looked down at the bruises on Even’s hips, trailing his fingers over them, tantalizingly close to Even’s erection. Then he looked up again, drops of water caught on his eyelashes.

Even leaned in, both hands on the tiles on either side of Isak’s face and kissed the smirk off his lips, opening his lips with his own, his tongue stroking messily against Isak’s. When he pulled back an inch, Isak looked completely dazed, his head tipped up a bit leaning against the tiles.

“I actually already showered once today.” Even disclosed with a murmur, moving his mouth to Isak’s neck, hands still braced on either side of Isak’s face, crowding him against the wall.

“Yeah?” Isak said with a breathy sigh.

“Uh huh. This morning. While you were still sleeping.” He kissed down Isak’s neck. “And I was soaping up, and I looked down and saw those bruises…and…” he planted another kiss to Isak’s neck.

“And?”

“And I kinda had to…” another kiss to his neck. “...get myself off…”. Kiss.

Isak pulled back an inch and lifted his eyebrows suggestively. “Yeah? You jerked off thinking about me?”

“Uh huh. Been doing that for quite some time now. Like three weeks or something, I don’t know.” He admitted biting his lip, waiting for Isak’s reaction.

“Fuck, Even.” Isak’s tongue darted out to lick his lip before he leaned in, kissing him sloppily, water getting in their mouths. Then Isak kissed down his neck and chest and sunk to his knees.

Even looked down at Isak, and carded one hand through his wet hair, while using the other to angle the shower head away to avoid the spray of water. His mouth popped open, as Isak closed his lips around his erection, simultaneously wrapping one hand tightly around himself.

Even leaned his head back against the tiles, arousal coiling low in his stomach and building quickly, sending tingles through his groin and down his thighs.

He tried to keep still, but his hips moved on their own accord, thrusting forward, pushing himself deeper into Isak’s mouth, making Isak pull back with a stuttered “ _mmghugh_ ”. Even opened his eyes and looked down at Isak.

“Shit, sorry!”

Isak looked up at him. “S’fine. I just wasn’t prepared.” Isak leaned in again and closed his lips around him, a hand curling around his hip, urging him to thrust into his mouth, but controlling the force of it a bit.

_Holy fuck._

He thrusted into Isak’s mouth, and the tight, wet suction and the sight of Isak stroking himself had him coming hard within a minute.

He leaned heavily against the wall for a second, catching his breath, vision still kinda blurry around the edges. Then he stretched out his hand and pulled Isak up, his erection nudging against Even’s hip.

“Want help with that?” he smirked.

“Please.” Isak breathed. 

He backed Isak against the wall and closed his fist around him, kissing up his neck to his ear. “You're so fucking hot, Isak.”

Isak hitched a breath and moaned. “Fuck, I’m close.”

“Yeah? You liked blowing me?”

“Uh huh. Fuck.” Isak bucked his hips, thrusting into Even’s tight fist and tilted his head to the side, baring his neck for Even to kiss, lick, suck. And despite hot water streaming over his shoulders, Even shivered at the pure _submissiveness_ of it, and kissed and nipped at his skin until Isak’s hips stuttered with him moaning “fuck, fuck, _fuck_.” and he came messily over Even’s hand, Even catching his moans in a kiss.

∙

After spending another 15 minutes in the shower, they lazily padded back to his room. Isak was dressed in a pair of his sweats and t-shirt and he looked fucking amazing, all post-sex flushed cheeks and damp hair. Even couldn’t help staring.

Isak called him out with a “what?”, his eyebrow raised in question.

“I dunno, I just like it, when you wear my clothes.”

_I could so easily get used to seeing you all soft and post-sex glowy in my clothes in my room. Wearing my scent on your skin._

∙ 

Three joints in, and they were listening to Biggie’s _Ready to Die_ album, because of course he wasn’t fucking with him, he’d been a Biggie-fan since he was fifteen, and _Ready to Die_ happened to be the most solid Biggie album. So, he rapped along to Juicy, while Isak took a drag of the joint and inhaled deeply, then frowned. “Shit, isn’t it creepy, how the album is called Ready to Die and then, _boom_ , a couple of years later he was shot. Like what the fuck.”

He turned his face to look at Isak. “You know his second album is titled Life After Death, right? It was released just after he died, like two weeks after.”

“No! What? For real?”

“Uh huh.”

“I didn’t know that. That’s hella creepy. Like, _shit_.”

He chuckled and Isak handed the joint to him, and he took a drag.

“Do you think Biggie killed Tupac?” Isak asked.

“Yeah. Probably.”

Isak pulled up his phone to google Tupac’s discography. His eyes widened.

"Tupac's last album was titled All eyez on me! What the fuck!!"

He chuckled at Isak and held the joint to Isak's lips. He took a long drag and attempted to blow smoke rings but failed and ended up in a coughing fit.

_Oh my God, he’s cute._

“Wow, Isak. So gangsta.” He laughed and laughed.

Isak snorted a laugh, still coughing, “Shut up. You try!”

“You want me to try?”

“Uh huh. Yeah.” 

So he obliged and let Isak hold the joint to his lips and he inhaled and puffed out three smoke rings before turning his head to Isak.

“What?? You’re cheating!”

“How am I cheating??”

He couldn’t help laughing at Isak’s supremely pissed expression, complete with tiny lines between his eyebrows from frowning so hard. 

He laughed and Isak eventually joined in on the laughter, and they were giggling side by side in bed for a while.

The laughter eventually died down, and he grabbed Isak’s hand, bringing it to his face to study it.

“Lemme see your knuckles, you should get _Thug Life_ tattooed on them.”

Isak snorted a laugh. “You think you’re so smart.”

“Uh huh.” He nodded with a smirk and brought Isak’s hand to his lips, kissing his knuckles. 

Isak raised an eyebrow suggestively. “Who says I don’t already have _Thug Life_ tattooed somewhere?”

“Seriously? Where?”

_I’ve just seen him naked. He doesn’t have any tattoos. Does he?_

Isak rolled his eyes with a smirk. “Fuck, _no_ , Even. Kidding. How high are you, jeez?”

He tackled him on the bed. “I don't know, not as high as you, you're the one who's all paranoid about album titles."

“Uh, I’m not paranoid, it was just hella creepy!”

“Uh huh. Yeah.” He teased, smiling softly and leaning in to kiss Isak, lips meeting in a smiley kiss, then another one and another. 

He softly laid back down and took another drag of the joint. He closed his eyes, and let Isak trace his cheekbone and jaw, then rest his thumb on his bottom lip. Then he turned to look at Isak and felt butterflies returning full force despite the weed’s dulling effects. He caught Isak’s thumb between his lips, kissing it, the tip of his tongue darting out to taste his skin.

“You know what I’ve never tried?” Isak asked him, his eyes trained on his lips.

“Is that a trick question?”

“No.” That eye roll again. 

“Okay. What have you never tried?” 

“Shot gunning.”

_I get to be the first to do this with you?_

“No? Wanna try?”

“Yeah. Kinda. Here’s to being sixteen again and all that.”

His mind was quick to supply him with possible images of a young Isak in snapbacks, listening to N.W.A.

“I bet you were super cute at sixteen.”

Isak just shrugged, looking at him under his lashes, lashes fanning out over sharp cheekbones.

“Fuck you’re killing me, Isak.” He took a drag and leaned in, blowing smoke into that pretty mouth, he’d just been kissing, tasting. And Isak inhaled the smoke, lips tantalizing close, and he dropped his eyes, looking half-lidded at him.

“Again.”

So he did it again, only this time, he closed the tiny distance between open lips and kissed Isak, and Isak’s eyes fluttered closed.

“You’re cute at 20, too, though. Like _really_ fucking cute, baby.”

Isak’s eyes flew open and he abruptly sat up, and shied away from Even, like he’d physically hurt him. 

“Are you okay?”

He watched as Isak stood up and pulled on his hoodie and told him _yeah he was fine_. Only obviously he wasn’t and Even knew it, but what could he do? He followed Isak out and watched him put on his sneakers and jacket faster than he’d probably ever seen anyone put on sneakers and a jacket and his fingers were aching to grab his wrist, to ask him to stay, to find out what he’d done wrong, but Isak was shooting him a quick goodbye and all but slammed the door behind him. 

_What the fuck?_

He padded back to his room and picked up his phone, turning it in his hand, wondering what to text him.

_Did I do something?_

He drew his eyebrows together, thinking back on the conversation. 

_“You’re cute at 20, too, though. Like really fucking cute, baby.”_

_“...Uh, what did you say?”_

_“Um,_ baby _?”_

He opened his messenger conversation with Isak and typed out a quick “are you sure you’re okay?”

When he didn’t reply, he texted him a somewhat desperate “Isak?”

_Fucking chill, Even._

Then he wrote a “text me when you feel like it<3” and put his phone away, flopping down on his bed, his hands folded behind his head. 

_What the fuck just happened?_

∙ 

His alarm went off the next morning at 8:00 and he immediately grabbed his phone off the nightstand and looked at the lock screen. No new messages. He closed his eyes for a moment.

_Don’t freak out. He’s probably still sleeping. Did I fuck it up? Did I come on too strong? Is he not…Fuck. Stop freaking out._

∙ 

During the day he pulled his phone up to check for messages roughly every 15 minutes, feeling a pang of disappointment every time, he lit up his lock screen to no new messages.

He sat through the most boring lecture, he’d probably ever been to, looking out the window of the auditorium, effectively not hearing a single word the lecturer said. Though in all honesty it could’ve been the most exciting lecture he’d ever been to, he still wouldn’t had caught a word.

_Did I fuck it up with him?_

He took the tram home in a daze, headphones on, almost forgetting his stop.

∙ 

He unlocked the door to his apartment and shrugged out of his jacket and scarf with a sigh, kicking off his sneakers. He set his backpack on the floor and called out “yo?”

“Yo.” Mikael answered from the living room. Even walked in, heavily plopping down in the couch adjacent to the one Mikael was sitting in, playing Minecraft on their communal Xbox.

“What’s up, man?” Mikael said distractedly, his eyes on the screen, controller clutched in his hand.

“Ugh. I don’t know.” He sighed.

Mikael paused the game and put the controller down, turning to Even. Even leaned his head back on the back rest of the couch. “I don’t know, I think I fucked it up with Isak.”

“What? How?” Mikael frowned.

Even swallowed, still looking into the ceiling.

“I don’t know. Like, things were kinda weird when he left yesterday, and he’s not answering my messages and... ugh. Shit, I don’t know.”

“Weird how?”

“Like, I think he sorta panicked. We were hanging out, smoking and then suddenly he was like, _bye, see you Even_ and left.” He bit his lip.

“Yeah, that’s kinda weird.” Mikael mused. “What were you talking about right before he left?”

“Uh, I actually don’t really remember?” He bit his lip. “We were both really high.”

Mikael nodded. “Okay.”

“But... I do remember calling him baby...”

“You called him baby?”

He looked at Mikael. “Yeah. And I don’t know, maybe he’s freaking out about it.”

“Why would he- _oh_.” Mikael’s mouth dropped open.

“What?”

“Didn’t you say, there was actually this other guy... like, he was going on a date with someone and...”

Even paled. 

“Yeah.” He said quietly.

Mikael just looked at him. “Did you talk about what the deal is with this other guy when you _talked_?”

”Uh, no. Not really.” Even replied weakly.

“And now he’s ghosting you? Bro. You gotta cut him out. Like, if he’s with someone else. That’s not cool.”

Even’s heart dropped. He swallowed drily.

_Is he with somebody else right now?_

He muttered “uh, I don’t-“

Mikael looked at him. “Dude, I like him. He’s cool. But if he’s just fucking around with you while he has someone else, you deserve better.”

_Shit, is he?_

Even nodded weakly, unable to even respond to Mikael. He got up from the couch and walked to his own room, where he flopped down on his bed that still smelled of Isak and pulled up his phone. Still no messages.

His thumbs hovered over the screen, as he considered writing him a message.

~~Are you ghosting me?~~

~~Hey, are you in love with Jakob?~~

~~Was it just sex to you?~~

~~I’m so in love with you but if you’re-~~

He put his phone down beside him and pulled up his laptop, scrolling through his extensive movie library searching for a movie to watch, hoping to distract his thoughts for a few hours. He finally settled on Memento and put on his headphones, immersing himself in another universe for a couple of hours.

∙

Wednesday morning he woke up around 10, and despite not having classes that day, he decided to head to campus to use the on-campus pool.

He still hadn’t heard from Isak, and his body was thrumming with nervous energy.

So, he took the tram to campus, and fast-paced strides took him the last few hundred meters to the on-campus gym.

He entered the building and walked to the changing rooms, his eyes automatically scanning for Isak, for the off chance that maybe he was there too, maybe he also needed to clear his mind, to find an outlet for nervous energy, for missing, for _wanting_. 

But Isak wasn’t there, so Even stripped down, put his clothes in a locker, showered and pulled on his swimming trunks. Then he walked up to the 50-meter pool and resolutely dove in headfirst. He kept up a brutal pace, pulling long quick strokes and swam the first fifteen laps with no breaks. 

When his biceps and shoulders started to burn, and he was breathing hard, he stopped at the end of the pool, leaned his arms on the edge and tried to catch his breath. 

The moment he paused from swimming, his thoughts began looping around Isak.

_What is he doing right now? Should I just text him? What if he doesn’t reply? Well then I’ll know for sure…_

He dove back under and pushed through the water, experimenting with how far he could swim on a single breath. He made it about 15 meters before surfacing to inhale greedy gulps of air.

By lap 38 he’d effectively tired himself out and he gingerly climbed up and walked to the changing rooms. He showered and dressed, pulling the hood of the hoodie over his wet hair and exited the changing rooms. As he walked out of the changing rooms and into the foyer of the building, he noticed a bulletin board. He walked up to it and looked at the random notes about rooms for rent, telemarketer student jobs, books for sale and student clubs open for admission.

He shrugged his backpack off one shoulder, pulled up his sketch book and tore out a page. Then he dug in the bottom of his backpack for a pen, finally found one and quickly wrote a _Text me, Isak. /Even_. He pinned it on the bulletin board and walked towards the exit. As he walked through the doors, his phone vibrated in his pocket.

* * *

**Isak Valtersen**

12:46

Hey Even. I think we need to talk.

* * *

  
He swallowed, looking down at the phone is his hand. He felt his heartbeat in his throat.

 _Fuck_.

He doubled back to the bulletin board, unpinned the note and threw it in a trashcan, as he exited the building.

Then he pulled up his phone again, cold unsteady fingers typing out a shaky reply.

* * *

**Isak Valtersen**

12:49

Okay. When?

* * *


	13. Sure Thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is Isak’s pov and picks up after chapter 11.

**Wednesday 11 March, 2020**

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

12:46

Hey Even. I think we need to talk.

* * *

Isak quickly typed the words and pressed _send_ before he could change his mind.

He slid his phone back in his pocket and leaned against the window of the tram, resting his chin in his palm and looking out on the streets, replaying the conversation he’d just had with Jonas.

_“Maybe you guys just need to dial things back a little… Like, just take it chill and get to know each other better...”_

_"I don’t know if I can do this.”_

_"Just be honest. Talk to him. Let him know what you want.”_

He leaned his head back against the seat and closed his eyes for a moment, thoughts racing.

_Still don’t know what I want. Why can’t I just-_

His thoughts were interrupted, when he felt his phone vibrate against his thigh, and he almost jumped an inch off the seat in shock, body keyed up and nervous.

He scrambled to fish his phone up from his tight jeans, scooting back in his seat to make room enough to get his hand into the creased pocket stretching over his hipbone.

Finally managing to pull his phone up, he almost dropped it his lap, heart in his throat. He hadn’t expected Even to reply almost immediately. 

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

12:49

Okay. When?

* * *

It was kinda cold, but Isak _had_ been kinda ghosting him for the last two days, after they’d spent almost 24 hours in Even’s bed kissing, laughing, touching, exploring each other’s bodies. Fucking.

The thought of seeing Even again made his heart pound violently in his chest. 

He nervously flipped his phone in his hand, fingers tapping on his knee, his body humming with restless energy.

_Fucking norepinephrine._

The tram started to feel crammed, so he got out as soon as the doors opened at the next stop. He zipped up his jacket and picked up his pace, walking quickly towards his apartment.

∙

Fifteen minutes later, he opened the door to his apartment, still clutching his phone in his hand, still hadn’t replied to Even’s message.

He toed out of his shoes and tried to hang his jacket up, but missed the mark and had to pick it up from the floor.

He walked into the living room and right up to Eskild’s door.

“Eskild?” he called.

No answer.

He started pacing the apartment, his thoughts racing. He’d been unable to sleep for the past two nights, so yes, he was pacing, restlessly flipping his phone in his hand. He almost dropped it at one point, as he silently debated with himself what to text back to Even’s _“when?”_

_Maybe I need a few days to get my shit together and figure out what I want?_

_Nah, fuck it, I really want to see him. I need to see him._

_But maybe I should-_

_Fuck it_

He opened the conversation with Even and hastily typed out a reply. 

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

13:32

Are you doing anything now?

* * *

The reply came immediately, and his heart skipped a beat.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

13:32

No. Are you at home?

Yes.

Omw

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Isak opened the door to Even dressed in what looked like a thousand layers, the hood of his jacket pulled over a black beanie. His cheeks, and the tip of his nose and ears flushed rosy from the cold. 

”Hey.”

Even’s deep voice almost made his knees give out. He swallowed drily.

”Hey.” Came his slightly high-pitched answer.

_You make me nervous._

He was frozen to the spot looking at Even, who bounced slightly on his feet and looked down at the rainbow-colored doormat Eskild had purchased a few years ago, when Isak had officially told him he was gay.

He noticed the way Even’s jaw clenched.

_Maybe he's nervous too._

”Uh, come in.” Isak finally managed, stepping aside to let Even in.

Even nodded and stepped in. ”Should I keep my jacket on, or?” He raised his eyebrows, but they held none of the usual mirth.

”Uh. No?” Isak tried.

Even nodded once and pulled his hood down, took off the beanie, shrugged out of his jacket, hanging it on a peg on the wall, then took off his sneakers. He sat his backpack on the floor. 

Isak noticed that his hair was damp.

“Your hair is wet.”

_Brilliant deduction._

“Yeah. I was just at the pool. Needed to clear my head a bit.”

_Because of me?_

“Oh. Okay. Um…” Isak started, then faltered and instead jerked his head towards his room in a silent question. Even followed him to his room and softly closed the door behind him.

They faced each other in the middle of the room, silence heavy between them.

Isak felt his heart pounding way too fast, blood rushing, deafening in his ears.

_I want you, I want you so fucking bad. Just. I don’t know how to-._

His lips parted involuntarily, and he felt lightheaded, the tension between them building and making him breathe hard.

Even’s eyes dropped to his lips, and he swallowed, adam’s apple bobbing in his throat.

And Isak didn’t _think_ , he just stepped forward, a gravitational pull making him almost crush into Even, kissing him desperately.

A broken moan escaped from Even as he kissed him back, one hand curling possessively around his neck, thumb lightly pressing into the skin, like remembering where he’d sucked a bruise some four days ago. The thought had Isak hitching a breath, mind already going cloudy with lust. He licked into Even’s mouth, and grabbed the hem of his hoodie, roughly pulling him closer, hooking his thumbs in Even’s belt loops. Even’s hips knocked flush into his own, aligning perfectly, making them both moan at the contact.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, panic started building again. 

_Shit, pull back, pull back._

Even beat him to it.

“Fuck, Isak, I can’t do this.” Even said, voice deep and raspy as he took a step back and Isak nearly stumbled from the loss of contact.

Even carded a frustrated hand through damp dark-blond locks and looked at him with parted lips, chest heaving a bit. He looked disheveled, like it took all his willpower not to continue kissing him, touching him.

_Same._

They looked at each other, facing each other again, both breathing heavily and aroused to the point that the struggle to pull back was real. 

Isak rubbed a rough hand over his face, letting out a groan at what he was about to say.

“Shit, Even, I’m sorry. We really should talk.”

He motioned for Even to sit down on his bed and Even sat down on the edge of the bed with Isak plopping down next to him, keeping a distance so they didn’t touch.

“I think…maybe we should-“ Isak started, trying to get his heart rate to slow down a bit.

_How did Jonas phrase it?_

“…um, dial it back? Like, go back to being friends.” He said quietly, hesitantly.

Even looked at him, then he looked down at the duvet. “Okay.” He nodded.

Then he turned his head away, looked at the door, looking anywhere but at Isak. Isak noticed his jaw clenching again.

“I, uh... Is it because of…Are you...” Even trailed off, biting his lip, now looking down at socked feet, clearly deliberating what to say. Finally he looked up at Isak.

“Are you in love with him? This thing between us, is it just sex to you?”

_What?_

Isak narrowed his eyes, tilting his head.

“What? In love with who?”

“Jakob. Are you in love with him? I mean, the other day you were on a date with him and that day on campus, you told me you were ready to fall in love and... I guess we didn’t really, um, _talk_ that much the other day...“

Even was biting his lip again, eyes on Isak’s. 

_Oh. What? How can you think that?_

Isak shook his head.

“Even, I left my date with him to meet up with _you_ , remember?”

Even looked at him.

“And that day on campus... it wasn’t _him_ I was falling in love with...” Isak looked intensely at Even, feeling his cheeks flushing, heart in his throat. An admission. 

Even’s mouth dropped open into an _o_ _._

“Uh...” he said, eyes still on Isak’s.

“Yeah.” Isak said quietly and looked down at his hands in his lap.

“So believe me, you and me…it isn’t just sex to me.” He looked up and met Even’s eyes, feeling his heart in his throat. “Is it just sex to you?”

“No.” Even said, gaze locked on Isak’s. “It’s definitely not just sex to me, Isak.”

“No?” Isak asked nervously.

“No.” Even said with a little shake of his head. 

“Okay.” Isak said shakily.

Even’s lips tipped into a small smile. Then he lifted his hand to cradle Isak’s cheek, thumb stroking over his cheekbone. He leaned in, lips softly catching Isak’s. Isak hitched a breath before kissing him back softly.

_I’m so gone for you, but-_

He pulled back a bit, immediately missing Even’s touch. 

“Even, I…”

Even looked at him.

Isak sucked in a breath, bracing himself for what he was about to say.

“I’m not sure I can do this.”

“What do you mean?” Even said softly.

Isak swallowed drily, heart beating hard in his chest. He licked his lip nervously.

Even leaned back a bit. “Just talk to me, Isak.”

Isak looked up. Even was looking at him softly, his eyes blue, so blue.

_Shit, here goes nothing._

“I uh… kinda feel like I can’t breathe. Like…that’s what happened Sunday too.” He said nervously gauging Even’s reaction.

Even looked at him softly, blue eyes intense on his. “Okay.”

“Like, I think about you all the time…and-“ he looked down at Even’s hand resting on the bed next to his own and took it, placing it on his chest, over his racing heart, making Even feel it.

Even splayed his fingers over the soft cotton of the t-shirt and looked at him. “Wow.” He said softly.

“Yeah.” Isak managed a nervous smile.

Even then took their joined hands and placed them over his own heart, making Isak feel the hard thudding in his palm.

Isak ducked his head and licked his lips. And Even’s lips quirked into a small smile, as he automatically dipped his head, searching Isak’s eyes.

“Fucking norepinephrine.” Isak mumbled.

“Huh?” Even asked, eyebrows drawn prettily together.

Isak tipped his head up and looked at Even. “Norepinephrine. It increases your heart rate, blood pressure and blood flow. Levels skyrocket when you’re stressed or aroused or… in love.“ He finished weakly looking at Even.

Even looked at him softly, his thumb stroking over Isak’s knuckles. The tension stretched between them for a few moments, before Even broke it.

“You know, it’s actually kinda hot, when you talk all science nerdy.” He smiled teasingly.

Isak barked out a surprised laugh.

_Way to deflect the tension._

“Well, you ain’t heard nothing yet.” He winked.

Even laughed, his eyes crinkling.

Then the laughter died out, and Even looked at him, the corner of his lips tipped into a small smile.

A silence settled between them.

Isak swallowed.

_Don’t look at me like that._

“I just…I don’t know how to do this. It kinda scares me.” Isak managed quietly, his eyes on the duvet, feeling too raw to look Even in the eye.

“This what?”

“Like, _intimacy_. I don’t know if I can… be what you want…”

“And what do I want?” Even frowned lightly, searching Isak’s eyes.

Isak looked up, heart in his throat.

“This... uh...” high-pitched nervous, he vaguely waved his hand between them. 

“What, Isak?”

“Uh.” Isak looked down, raising an eyebrow.

 _What_ does _he want? How presumptuous of me really to assume he wants a relationship, he just got out of a long relationship with Sonja, and…_

Isak looked down at their socked feet on the floor, somehow having migrated towards each other. There thighs were touching too, just lightly resting against each other.

“What do _you_ want, Isak?” Even looked at him softly.

“I. uh. Don’t know…” Isak looked up at Even again.

“Okay.” Even said simply.

Isak looked down and softly nudged Even’s socked foot with his own.

“For now, I guess to just dial things back a little.…” Isak looked up at Even for his reaction.

“So, you want to be friends?” Even asked, raising his eyebrows, a hint of a smile on his lips.

“Yeah. Kinda. Or shit, I don’t know. I just want to… slow down a bit. Get to know you better.” He bit his lip.

“We can do that.” Even said.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Even smiled softly.

“Okay.” Isak breathed.

A beat of silence.

“I mean, you listen to Miguel and God knows what else, like who _are_ you??” Isak smirked.

It was Even’s turn to bark out a surprised laugh. “Wow, you’re not gonna let that go anytime soon, are you?”

“Nope.” Isak popped the p.

Even laughed and Isak broke into a wide smile.

_Shit, he’s so fucking beautiful._

Isak leaned back letting his back hit the bed and Even followed, lying down next to Isak, their shoulders and thighs lightly touching.

“Well. Good talk.” Even smiled looking into ceiling.

Isak quirked a crooked smile. “I’m glad you think so.”

Even turned his head to look at Isak.

“Considering I came here prepared for you to tell me you were in love with some other dude, and you didn’t want to see me again, I’d say it went pretty well.” He smirked.

Isak rolled his eyes fondly. “I can’t believe you thought I was in love with him. I mean, after Saturday night. And Sunday…” he lifted an eyebrow.

“Well, we didn’t really _talk_ that much.” Even quirked a suggestive smile.

“Right.”

“And you did ghost me for a couple of days.” Even raised his eyebrows lightly, biting into his bottom lip.

“Oh. Yeah. Sorry about that.” He looked Even in the eyes.

_How much do I tell him?_

Then he turned onto his side folding his arm under his head for support. Even mirrored him and scooted closer, their faces inches from each other. Isak sucked in a breath and dropped his gaze to Even’s collarbones, resisting the urge to touch.

“Uh, yeah. Sorry for leaving like that last Sunday. I just...kinda freaked out.” He looked up at Even before dipping his head again and continuing. “I’ve never really… _been_ with someone. I mean, like, had a boyfriend or anything like that. Beside Mats. And that was kinda fucked up, so…” he trailed off. “And uh, I don’t even know if that’s like anything you’d want, to be like in a relationship with me but-“ he continued nervously then looked up at Even. “I just don’t wanna... fuck it up.”

Even looked at him, eyes flitting over his features.  
“I think I’d like that. To be in a relationship with you.” Even said softly, eyes now intense on Isak’s. “But we can be friends for now. Get to know each other better. No rush.”

“Yeah?” Isak smiled. “You’re okay with taking it slow for now?”

“As long as I get to see you, I’m _very_ okay.” Even smiled softly.

∙

A couple of hours later, Even was getting ready to leave, putting on his jacket and sneakers in the corridor, while Isak watched him with a smile. 

He toed into his sneakers and picked up his backpack from the floor, hoisting it on one shoulder and turning to Isak. 

“So… no kissing goodbye, or?” Even smiled softly, eyes darting down to Isak’s lips.

“Uh…” Isak said, eyes dropping to Even’s lips. “Friends don’t kiss goodbye, Even.”

“No. I guess not.” Even replied, eyes still on Isak’s lips.

Isak swallowed as his heart rate picked up.

“Uh, fuck it, we can be friends who kiss. A little bit.”

He leaned in and kissed Even, crossing both arms behind his neck, eyes fluttering closed as soon as his lips met Even’s. 

Even shrugged off his backpack dumping it on the floor, and they spent the next ten minutes kissing against the door, kisses turning more and more heated until Isak’s lips were sore, and the throbbing between his legs became unbearable.

Isak pulled back, causing their lips to separate with an obscene pop.

“Okay, no more kissing.” He said breathily and they separated, putting a bit of distance between them, both panting. Arousal obvious by the bulges in their jeans.

Even bit his lip, then zipped up his jacket.

“So, this is gonna be a fun walk home.” He smirked nodding towards the bulge in his own jeans.

Isak looked down at Even’s crotch, his tongue darting out to wet his bottom lip. Then he dragged his gaze up to Even’s eyes again. “Yeah well, it’s hella cold outside, so I’m guessing you won’t have that problem for long.” He smirked.

Even nodded, eyes crinkling. “Right.”

He leaned in giving Isak one last peck on the lips.

“See you, Isak.” He smiled, eyes sparkling.

“Uh huh. See you.” Isak managed with a dazed smile before Even opened the door and walked out, his footsteps echoing down the stairs.

_Damn._

Isak couldn’t stop smiling as he closed the door and then padded softly back to his room, flopping down on the bed to take care of the situation between his legs.

∙

When Isak walked into the kitchen fifteen minutes later, he was met by Eskild making tea.

“Hey Isak.”

“Hey.” He replied, still kinda glowy, dazed, unable to contain his smile. He took out a glass from an overhead cabinet and poured himself a glass of water, taking a sip.

Eskild leaned against the kitchen counter, smiling at Isak over the rim of the mug.

”What?” Isak said, his lips stretching into an involuntary smile.

”Was that Even?” Eskild smiled, jerking his chin towards the door.

”Uh huh.” Isak said before taking another sip of water.

”So I take it, you two are fucking now?”

Isak almost choked on his water. “Uh…”

”I mean judging by your dopey expression and the fact that you just spent 20 minutes making out with him in the corridor.” Eskild smirked.

”It wasn’t 20 minutes!” Isak scoffed.

Eskild laughed. ”But you’re not denying it?”

Isak shrugged, a smile creeping onto his lips again.

Eskild clapped his hands together. ”Oh my God, I knew it!”

”Knew what?”

”That you’d end up in bed together.” Eskild winked.

”Uh, actually we’re taking it slow for now.”

”What? You haven’t fucked?” Eskild stared at Isak.

”Shit, Eskild, you’re so fucking nosy, anyone ever told you that?” Isak said lifting his eyebrows.

”Uh, yeah, like literally everyone. Just tell me, Baby J…” Eskild said.

”Yeah, we’ve fucked...last weekend but-“

Eskild squealed. “I knew it-“

“But…” Isak continued, “I don’t know, I kinda freaked out. Like not during sex but when we were hanging out after… So for now, we’re just taking it slow… Getting to know each other better.”

Eskild looked at him wide-eyed. “So, what, no fucking?!”

”Uh, no.” Isak mumbled, taking a sip of water.

”Shit, good luck with that, Isak.” Eskild smirked.

Isak rolled his eyes. “Yeah well…”

“No, but seriously though, I think it’s a good thing you’re taking it slow, Issy.” Eskild smiled softly.

“Yeah?” Isak looked at the kitchen counter, fingertips dipping into some drops of water on the counter.

“Yeah, absolutely.” Eskild smiled.

Isak nodded, a soft smile on his lips.

“But, why do you think, you freaked out?” Eskild asked.

“Uh, I don’t know…”

Eskild looked at him.

Isak looked up. “I dunno, I guess, I’m still dealing with some old shit…”

“Your parents?” Eskild asked.

“Yeah. I think so. And you know… Mats.”

Eskild nodded.

“Did you tell him about it?”

“Uh. A bit. Not really.”

“Okay.”

“I will, eventually. We’re getting to know each other, remember?”

“Sure.” Eskild said.

Isak finished his glass of water and put it on the counter. “I’m gonna go study for a bit. Do you want to have dinner together later?”

“Sounds good.” Eskild said.

Isak smiled and walked towards his room.

“How was the sex??” Eskild yelled. “I bet it was amazing because shit, he’s-”

Isak flipped him off with both hands behind his back.

∙

The next morning Isak woke up by the sound of his alarm to messages from Jonas and Magnus in the group chat.

* * *

**Magnus’ crew**

08:12

Magnus: Hey boyyyyyyys wanna grab lunch on campus today?  
@Isak haven’t seen you in forever

Jonas: I’m down

08:20

Sure. Your cafeteria at 12?

Magnus: Yas!

Jonas: Ait

* * *

Isak closed the conversation and checked the UiO student web for information on where his classes were held. Then his phone vibrated in his hand. 

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

08:23

Good morning friend <3

* * *

His lips quirked into a smile, butterflies wild in his chest.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

08:23

Good morning:)

[Miguel - Sure Thing](https://youtu.be/q4GJVOMjCC4)

Cuz I’m starting to realize just how much you love Miguel...

Haha

* * *

Isak pressed the link and the song started playing from his iPhone.

_“Love you like a brother, treat you like a friend, respect you like a lover”_

Isak rolled his eyes with a smile, as he typed.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

08:24

Is Adam looking for a new soundtrack? Cuz that is some Adam-worthy shit right there

Hahaha I’ll let him know  
Anyway, do you have class today?

Yeah, 10:00-12:00. You?

Yes, same. Meet me for lunch?

Actually I’m meeting Mags and Jonas for lunch at the humanities dept cafeteria  
You’re welcome to join

Cool, I will

Sweet. See you there at 12ish?

Yes.  
Can’t wait to see you  
/friend/

* * *

Isak got up, showered and hastily got dressed in jeans, a clean-looking t-shirt he picked up from a pile on a chair, and a hoodie. 

Then he packed his backpack with his laptop and stopped by the kitchen to drink a glass of water and grab a banana for breakfast before exiting his apartment.

He rode his bike to campus, pulling up to the department of chemistry just in time for his lab on advanced microbial techniques.

∙

At 12:06 he walked into the humanities department cafeteria, eyes immediately scanning for Even. He didn’t see him, but he did see Magnus and Jonas sitting at a table, casually leaning back in their chairs, backpacks on the floor beside them. He walked up to the table.

“Hey boyyyys.” He said as he plopped down in a chair, shrugging out of his jacket and zipping down his hoodie.

“Hey man.” Jonas smiled.

“Isaaaak! Long time, no see!” Magnus clapped his hand.

“Yeah, I guess.” He smiled.

“Don’t think I’ve seen you since you bailed from that party last Friday...What happened by the wa-“

Magnus was interrupted by Even, who strolled up to the table, sitting down in the chair next to Isak’s with a “hey.”

“Uh, hey!” Isak said, lips tipping into a surprised smile.

“Hey.” Even said softly, eyes on Isak’s.

“Hey Even, man!” Magnus said excitedly.

Even clapped his hand. “Hey Magnus.” Then he turned to greet Jonas before turning back towards Isak, smiling.

Even’s eyes darted to his chest, lips quirking into a big smile, eyebrows going up. “Is that my t-shirt?”

Isak looked down at himself, immediately flushing.

_I just picked something up from a pile on a chair. Of course it had to be Even’s t-shirt, I borrowed Sunday. Can’t believe my luck._

“Um…” he said eloquently.

Even broke into a soft laugh, eyes crinkling.

“Why are you wearing Even’s t-shirt?” Magnus squinted. “Oh my God, are you two finally fucking?”

_Real subtle, Mags. Thanks._

Jonas snorted a laugh.

“Uh…” Isak said looking from Even to Magnus to Jonas, the awkward silence stretching between them.

“Are we getting lunch, or?” He then squeaked and stood up, resolutely walking towards the buffet with Even’s deep laugh and Magnus’ “Isak??” in the background.

∙

A couple of minutes later they were all seated at the table again with plates of food.

“Soooo….” Magnus said looking between him and Even.

“What?” Isak raised an eyebrow, lips closing around a bite of sandwich.

“Are you two, uh….” Magnus waved his hand between them.

Isak cast a side-glance at Even who was looking at him, a smile playing at the corner of his mouth. Then he felt Even’s hand on his knee under the table, squeezing just slightly.

Isak smiled while chewing his sandwich. Then he looked at Magnus. “We’re friends.”

“Friends or like _friends-friends_?”

Jonas snorted. “Mags, seriously dude…”

Magnus shrugged. “Look at them, man. I mean, _I’m_ friends with Isak, I don’t think he’s ever looked at me like that…”

Even snorted a laugh at that.

Isak was just about to hit Magnus with a sarcastic remark, when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it up and unlocked it.

* * *

**Dad**

12:27

Hey Isak, can you call me when you have time? It’s about your mom

* * *

Just as he was about to slide his phone back into his pocket, it vibrated again.

_What now?_

* * *

**Dad**

12:27

Isak, it’s important

* * *

“Ugh.” He groaned.

“What’s up?” Jonas asked and Isak looked up to see all three pairs of eyes looking at him.

“Uh. Just my dad… he wants me to call.”

“Okay?” Jonas asked. “Your mom?”

“Yeah.” Isak replied.

Jonas nodded solemnly. 

Isak looked at Even, who was watching him.

“Just… My mom is sick…so.” He said dismissively.

“Oh? I’m sorry. Is she…is it serious?” Even asked softly.

“Uh…I don’t know.” Isak said quietly and took a sip of water.

Even nodded.

_I don’t know if I care anymore._

Jonas tapped his fingers on the table before speaking up, effectively changing the subject.

“So, Eva and I got high yesterday and watched the entire first season of Atlanta an-“

Magnus turned to Jonas. “Man, what’s the deal with you and Eva? You’re also _friends_ , or?”

Isak cracked a laugh.

Jonas rolled his eyes. “Oh c’mon, Mags…”

Isak noticed Even’s hand crawl a few centimeters up his thigh, his smile clearly visible in Isak’s peripheral.

∙

About fifteen minutes later, when they’d all cleared their plates, Isak cast a quick glance at Even, and jerked his head minutely towards the exit communicating a subtle _wanna get out of here?_

Even smiled with a little nod, and Isak turned to Magnus and Jonas.

“Well, it was nice seeing you guys.” He stood up to leave, Even standing up a second later.

”Yeah, nice to see you too, bro.” Magnus stood up, clapping Isak’s hand, then Even’s. “I’m gonna split too, I have class in 5 minutes.“

Jonas got up as well. “Yeah, me too. See you, Issy.” Jonas smiled clapping Isak’s hand, then Even’s. “See you around, dude.”

“Bye, guys.” Even smiled, then he turned to Isak nodding towards the exit. “Wanna get coffee and go for a walk around campus?”

“Sure.” Isak smiled.

”Oooh, you guys going on a date, or what?” Magnus smirked.

”Bye, Magnus.” Isak said and walked off with Even, exiting the cafeteria. 

∙  
  
They walked out in the fresh air, jackets open, backpacks on.

“ _Issy_? Cute nickname” Even smiled.

“Uh, yeah. It goes way back…I’ve known Jonas since I was 7.” He smiled back.

“Did you go to school together?”

“Yeah. We sat next to each other first day of school because of our last names – Valtersen and Vasquez, and we’ve been friends ever since.”

“Do I need to be jealous?” Even raised his eyebrows teasingly.

Isak looked at Even, raising an eyebrow cockily. “Nope. Jonas is my best bro, there’s no way you can compete with that.”

Even laughed. “Okay.”

They walked a few steps before Even turned to look at him.

“You know, I’m not exactly planning on being your best _bro_ , so…” he smirked.

“No?” Isak looked at him innocently.

“Nope.” Even popped the p. 

“Okay then.” He couldn’t help his lips tipping into a smile.

∙

They continued walking around campus, searching for a café to buy coffee. Hands occasionally brushing against each other.

He looked over at Even, a soft smile playing at his lips.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked with a smile.

“Right now?” Even looked at him.

“Mhmm.”

“Two things actually…One: I _really_ want to kiss you.” Even looked at Isak.

_Oh. Same._

Isak smiled back. “And two?”

“And two: I really want to get to know you better…”

“Okay, now _that_ we can do something about.” He smirked. “What do you want to know?”

“Uh. I kinda want to know about your parents…” Even bit his lip apologetically.

Isak threw his head back, a little frustrated “ugh” escaping.

_Great timing with that text, dad._

Then he snapped his head back up.

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Even’s eyes locked on his own.

“Okay. Here’s the short version.” He looked Even in the eyes. “My dad left, when I was 16. Mom then went crazy, well _more_ _crazy_ and kicked me out, when she found out I was gay. So I moved in with Eskild and Linn.” He shrugged, eyes on the pavement in front of him.

Even’s mouth dropped into an _o_. “Uh… _What?_ Your mom kicked you out for being gay? She did that to you when you were 16?”

“Yeah. She started obsessing over how homosexuality was an abomination and a sin, and how I’d burn in hell and _blah blah blah_. Actually, maybe I moved out myself… Shit I don’t even remember anymore…”

“I’m so sorry, Isak.”

“It is as it is…” He shrugged. “She’s crazy. Like _clinically_. She’s diagnosed schizophrenic.”

Even’s steps slowed down. “Oh. I’m… that’s…”

Isak stopped up to look at Even.

“Even, it’s fine, really. I got out and moved in with Eskild and he’s basically my mom now. And my dad, and my gay godfather and a _really_ invested friend and…” he smiled. 

Even shot him a smile, that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

∙

They continued walking in silence for a bit and came to a stop in front of a café.

“So, coffee?” Isak asked with a smile.

“Uh, actually I just remembered I have a shift at KB like _now_.” Even looked at him guiltily.

_Seriously? I never should’ve told him._

“For real?” He squinted. “...Or are you just ditching me because of the whole _my-mom-is-crazy-sob-story_?”

Even shook his head. “No for real.”

“Okay.”

“Yeah…So…I kinda have to go.” Even said as he bounced on his heels.

“Okay.”

Even stepped forward and hugged him quickly.

“See you, Isak.”

“Yeah, whatever.” He said quietly and then watched Even walk away.

_Yeah, who wants to be with someone with intimacy issues because mommy doesn’t love them._

He turned on his heel and walked the opposite direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You thought we were done with the drama? Think again, muahaha! 
> 
> Anyway, hope you still like this story. Please leave kudos/comments if you feel like it <3
> 
> Alt er love <3


	14. FACE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter picks up immediately after the previous chapter and is shifting POVs of the same day. I hope it makes sense.

**Thursday 12 March, 2020**

∙

**ISAK**

_“Uh, I just remembered I have a shift at KB. Like now.”_

_“Really? Or are you ditching me because of the whole my-mom-is-crazy-sob-story?”_

_“No, for real.”_

_“Okay.”_

_“See you, Isak.”_

_“Yeah, whatever.”_

∙

Isak watched Even walk away. Then he turned and walked the other way towards his bike, parked at the department of chemistry on the other end of campus.

He walked quickly, his body simmering with regret and anger – at his dad for texting him, at his mom for being sick, at Even for walking away, but mostly at himself.

 _Why the fuck did I tell him about my fucked-up mom and dad? I’m so_ fucking _stupid._

He pulled up his phone to text Jonas, then remembered that he had class now.

_Magnus? No._

_Eva? No._

He slid his phone back in his jeans, stuck his cold hands in the pockets of his jacket and continued walking.

∙

The bike ride home from campus took the edge off his simmering anger, and he was left with a feeling of regret, as he unlocked the door to his apartment and walked in.

“Hey? Eskild?” He called out, as he sat his backpack down, hung up his jacket and toed out of his sneakers.

”Not home.” Came Linn’s reply from the living room.

”Ugh. Okay.” He muttered.

Then he walked through the corridor to the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water.

”Hey, Linn.”

”Hi.” Linn replied from the couch with her eyes on the tv, watching Animal Planet.

He took a sip of water, then put the glass down and filled water in the kettle turning it on. Next he took out the jar of instant coffee from his cabinet og poured some in a mug. He leaned against the counter staring at the kettle, waiting for the water to boil. When the kettle clicked, he poured the water in the mug and walked up to the couch next to the one Linn was sitting in. He plopped down, setting the cup of coffee on the table.

”What are you watching?”

”I don’t know. Something about monkeys.” Linn replied absentmindedly.

”Okay.” Isak took a sip of coffee and leaned back in the couch with a sigh.

He pulled his phone up from his pocket.

No messages from Even.

_What the fuck did I expect?_

Then he opened the text from his dad again.

* * *

**Dad**

12:27

Isak, It’s important.

* * *

He locked his phone and put it on the table with a sigh, leaning his head back on the back rest of the couch, staring blankly into the ceiling.

”Why are you sighing so much?” Linn asked with her eyes still on the tv.

”Ugh. No reason.”

”Okay.”

A moment later, she spoke up again.

”Trouble in paradise?”

”Uh, what?”

”Your boyfriend?”

”Not exactly _paradise_.” He said flatly, then continued “..and he’s not my boyfriend… Ugh, I don’t know.” He sighed again.

Linn nodded, while still watching the tv.

Isak kept staring at the ceiling. “I just… I told him something about myself. And now I regret it. You should never tell people about the fucked-up shit in your life, I guess. I’m so fucking stupid.” He groaned.

“I don’t think you’re stupid.” Linn said airily.

“No?” he snorted.

Linn shrugged. “You’d probably be more stupid _not_ to talk about it, to be honest.”

“Right.” He said unconvinced.

“Look at those monkeys.” She nodded at the screen. Isak slowly lifted his head from the back rest and looked at the tv.

“They probably don’t have a lot of fucked-up shit going on in their lives. Lucky bastards.” She said.

They both looked at the screen for a few moments, zoning out watching a group of monkeys grooming each other, while the narrator droned on about group dynamics.

“Anyway," she continued, "we’re not monkeys, and some of us are bound to have... Baggage.” 

“Yeah, I guess-“

“And if other people can’t handle your baggage, they can just fuck off.” She shrugged.

“Uh…”

“…Seriously, if you don’t open up to other people about the fucked-up shit in your life, you’ll never really connect with anyone, and then you’ll be alone and depressed and probably end up living with, like, nine cats. Or two gay guys who never do the dishes.” She said with her eyes still on the screen.

Isak gaped at her. “Uh, _what_?”

Linn lifted one shoulder in a little shrug.

“Is there, uh, anything you wanna talk about, Linn?” He looked at her.

“Nah.”

“Okay…Well, just let me kno-”

“You really suck at doing the dishes.”

“Okay. I’ll…try to be better?”

Linn nodded.

Isak leaned back in the couch, the corner of his mouth quirking into a small smile as he watched Linn.

After a couple of minutes of silence, Isak crunched his abs to get up from the deep couch, picking up his now empty coffee cup from the table. “I’m going to my room to study for a bit.”

“Okay.” Linn replied noncommittally. 

Isak headed towards his room, walking a couple of steps before turning around to face Linn.

“Hey, Linn?”

“Yeah?” She looked up.

“Thanks for the talk.” He smiled softly. “I know, we’re not close like you and Eskild, but if there’s ever anything you want to talk about, I’m here.”

“Sure. Thanks.” She said, eyes already back on the tv.

∙

Isak softly closed the door to his room and plopped down in the swivel chair by his desk. He took his laptop up from his backpack and opened the data modeling software he used to analyze his lab results. He leaned back in his chair, carding a hand through his hair, then pulled up his phone.

He opened the conversation with Even and started typing.

~~Hey, I’m sorry I told you that shit about my mom, as you’ve probably realized I got hella issues with intimacy an-~~

He deleted the words, closed the conversation and put his phone on the table. He stared at it for a couple of seconds before picking it up again, opening his contacts and scrolling down to “D”. His thumb hovered over the contact for a moment, before he pressed down. His dad picked up almost immediately.

“Isak, hi!”

“Hey dad.”

“So good to hear from you, Isak.”

“Yeah. What’s the important stuff, you wanted to talk about?” he swiveled absentmindedly in his chair, wanting to speed up the conversation as much as possible.

“Oh, yes. Your mom. She’s being transferred to a different care facility. In Lillehammer. So, it’s quite a long drive from Oslo.”

“Okay.” Isak said flatly.

“I was thinking, maybe you’d want to visit her, before she moves to the new facility?”

“Uh…I don’t know.”

“Isak… I think you should-”

“No, dad.” Isak interrupted, “you don’t get to do that. You don’t get to guilt trip me into seeing her.”

“Isak, that wasn’t-“

“It was. So quit it.” Isak replied bitterly.

“Okay.” His father said weakly.

There was an awkward silence on the phone, and Isak was just about to end the call with the acquired polite _bye, take care_ , when his father spoke up.

“How are you doing, Isak?”

_Seriously?_

“Fine. I got a job as a lab assistant next semester…”

“Oh, really? Congratulations, son.”

“Thanks.” Isak said flatly. “Oh, and I met someone.” He tapped a pen on his desk.

“Okay?” his father asked hesitantly.

“Yeah, his name is Even. I’m not sure he wants to be my boyfriend though, or if I’m even able to be in a relationship at this point. You and mom really did a good job of fucking up my childhood and giving me issues. So, thanks for that.” He said sarcastically but surprisingly sure.

“Isak…”

“ _What_?” Isak raised his voice in frustration and was struggling not to yell into the phone.

“Uh, if you decide to visit your mom, maybe don’t tell her-“

Isak rolled his eyes, anger building quickly.

“You know what, dad, I’m ending this conversation now.”

“Isak-“

“Yeah, bye.” Isak ended the call and all but smashed the phone down on his desk. He leaned back in his chair, fuming.

 _What the_ fuck _? I’m so done dealing with this shit._

Then he straightened up in his chair and opened his data modeling software again. Soon realizing he was way too riled up to study, he closed the program, leaving his phone on the desk and moved to his bed, turning on his Playstation to try to get his mind off everything.

∙

∙

∙

**EVEN**

_“Uh, I just remembered I have a shift at KB. Like now.”_

_“Really? Or are you ditching me because of the whole my-mom-is-crazy-sob-story?”_

_“No, for real.”_

_“Okay.”_

_“See you, Isak.”_

_“Yeah, whatever.”_

∙

Even walked towards Kaffebrenneriet with a lump in his throat, feeling a combination of relief and regret that he had to go to work.

_I never should’ve just left him there. He probably hates me now._

He briefly considered shooting Isak a text like, _hey, I didn’t ditch you, I seriously had to go to work, I’m sorry_ but decided against it.

_He’ll think I’m lying anyway._

He slowed down, as he approached Kaffebrenneriet. Isak’s words echoed in his mind.

_"She’s crazy. Like clinically.”_

He turned a corner and walked around the block. His tongue felt too big for his mouth as he swallowed drily, his hands clammy in his pockets.

_His mom hurt him. She was supposed to take care of him, and she hurt him._

_If I tell him about me, he’ll never trust me._

_If I don’t tell him, and I have an episode, he’ll never trust me._

_Fuck._

∙

After a few minutes of stalling, he walked up to the doors to Kaffebrenneriet, took a deep breath and, schooling his features into a smile, he walked in.

“Hey, Ev.” His co-worker Kristoffer greeted him.

“Hey.”

“You’re 10 minutes late.”

“Yeah, sorry about that”. He said weakly as he shrugged out of his backpack and jacket and took off his wool scarf.

“No worries. But uh, are you okay? You look like you saw a ghost or something…”

_Maybe I did._

“Uh, yeah, I’m fine.” Even hung up his jacket and scarf on a peg behind the backdoor and turned to his co-worker. “Busy today?”

“Nah, it’s been pretty chill so far.”

“Okay, cool.” Even replied before walking up to the espresso machine. “I’m just gonna make myself a cup of coffee, you want one?” he asked.

“No thanks, I’m good. You look like you could use one, though.” Kristoffer replied.

“Okay.” Even nodded absentmindedly.

“You sure you’re okay? Girl problems, or?”

Even looked up. “Uh, no. No girl problems. Just give me a second and I’ll be good.” He managed something resembling a smile and hoped it would be enough to placate Kristoffer for the rest of the shift. 

∙

Three hours later after a, thankfully, slow shift, and a minimum of questions from his co-worker, Even put on his jacket, wool scarf and backpack and clapped Kristoffer’s hand with a “see you Tuesday, man.”

Then he walked out into the soft drizzling rain, softly closing the door behind him.

He fished his headphones up from his backpack, put them on, then took up his phone opening Spotify, pressing play on his playlist aptly named _chill stuff_. The first song started playing and he almost snorted at the appropriateness of it. That song. Those lyrics. 

_Tell me what you’re waiting for_

_I just wanna love you_

_Tell me what you’re waiting for_

_I just wanna hold you_

_Tell me what you’re waiting for_

_I just wanna love you, just wanna hold you, never would lie to you_.

([BROCKHAMPTON – FACE](https://youtu.be/_nWYiEq4wd0))

He headed towards the tram, walking in the rain, thinking about Isak, his hand fidgeting with his phone in the pocket of his jacket.

_What the fuck do I text him?_

He walked up to the tram stop and waited in the rain for a few minutes, then he boarded the tram and took his phone up, opening his conversation with Isak.

~~Sorry for bailing today, I’d completely forgotten about my shift at KB~~

~~I swear, I didn’t bail on you because of what you told me, I just-~~

~~Hey, I’m really sorry about your mom and for your dad walking out, you deserve better than that~~

~~Hey Isak, thank you for your honesty. There’s something I need to tell you…~~

He pocketed his phone again.

∙

Even unlocked the door to his apartment and entered with a “hey? Anybody in?”

“Hey, man.” Came Mutta’s reply from the living-room and Even breathed a sigh of relief.

He took off his backpack, jacket, scarf and sneakers and walked into the living-room, plopping down in the other end of the couch where Mutta was sitting with his laptop.

Mutta looked up. “Hey, dude. What’s up?”

Even carded a hand through his hair. “Uh, kinda a long story.”

“Wanna smoke? Just rolled up.” Mutta said with a smile, picking up an unlit joint from an ashtray beside him and offering it to Even along with a lighter.

“Yeah, sure. Thanks.” Even said, accepting the joint and lighting up. He inhaled deeply and leaned back in the chair, stretching his legs, noticing how his damp jeans clung to his thighs.

“So, what’s the deal, man?” Mutta looked at him.

“Uh, Isak…” Even started.

“Shit, it’s a lot of back and forth with him, huh? And not just in the fun sense…” Mutta said with a wink.

Even’s lips tipped into a small smile at Muttas bad pun, before taking another drag of the joint. “Yeah.”

“So, what’s going on with your boy?” Mutta said waving his hand at Even to pass the joint back.

“Don’t think he wants to be my boy.” Even said, leaning forward and passing the joint to Mutta.

“What? Didn’t you just kiss and make up and all that?”

“Yeah kinda but, it’s… complicated.” Even sighed.

“Tell dr. Mutta.” Mutta smirked before taking a drag of the joint. 

Even raised his eyebrows with a slight smirk. “Fuck no, not if you’re gonna call yourself that.”

Mutta laughed, raising his hands in surrender. “Okay okay, fair. Anyway, tell me what’s going on.”

Even tucked a few stray strands of hair behind his ear. “Well, yesterday he told me, he wants to take it slow and get to know each other. Like be friends again, I guess. And that’s cool with me, I mean I want him to feel comfortable, but…”

“But..?” Mutta asked handing the joint back to Even.

“But…” Even took a drag, “I’m afraid if he gets to know me, like _know_ me, I don’t think he’ll want me anymore.”

Mutta frowned. “Why do you say that? You’re an awesome guy, Even.”

Even looked at Mutta, smiling weakly. “Thanks, Mutta.” He raised his eyebrows at the joint and Mutta passed it back to him.

He took a long drag, inhaling the smoke. “His mom kicked him out at 16 for being gay. She’s schizophrenic.”

“Oh. Shit.” Mutta mumbled.

“Yeah.” Another drag of the joint, “I know.”

“He told you this?”

“Yeah, today.”

“Woah, he was serious when he said he wanted you to get to know each other, huh?” Mutta joked weakly.

“Well, I asked him about his parents, so…”

Mutta nodded. “It’s cool that he told you, though. I mean, that’s not an easy thing to reveal to other people.”

Even snorted. “No, tell me about it.”

Even took a last drag of the joint and passed it back to Mutta. He leaned back in the couch, letting his head fall back on the back rest.

“Even… you gotta tell him.” Mutta said softly.

“I know, I just….” Even bit his lip. “I don’t want to lose him.”

“I get that.” Mutta said. “But still… he deserves to know.”

Even pursed his lips.

“And, if he can’t deal with it, then remember that he probably has some fucked-up experiences from his past, but those have nothing to do with you.” Mutta said.

“Yeah.” Even said weakly.

_I’m going to lose him._

“But first, give him some slack, man. If he’s half as in love with you, as you are with him, you won’t lose him…I’ve never seen you so into anyone. Not even Sonja.”

Even looked up. “No, it’s…"

_Unlike anything I've ever felt before._

"...Yeah, I’m so fucking into him.” He sighed.

Mutta nodded.

A few moments passed in silence.

“So… how’d you rate your session with dr. Mutta?” Mutta joked.

“Like 7 out of 10, or something.” Even managed a weak smile.

Mutta chuckled.

Even stood up and grabbed his backpack. “I’m going to go study. Thanks for the talk, doc.” 

“My pleasure, bro.”

∙

Even closed the door to his room and sat down at his desk. He pulled up a book on Fiction Theory and Analysis from his backpack and turned to the chapter he was supposed to read for his morning lecture. He tried to study, really tried concentrating on the methods of analysis, but his thoughts kept straying to Isak.

_Where do we go from here?_

He picked up his phone from the desk and unlocked it. Still no messages from Isak.

_The way I just left him there, I don’t blame him._

He flipped his phone in his hand a few times, then opened his conversation with Isak and spent the next five minutes composing a message.

* * *

**Isak Valtersen**

17:24

Hey Isak. Thanks for telling me about your mom. I’m sorry if I pressured you to tell me about your parents.

And I’m sorry for just leaving you on campus today, but I’d completely forgotten that I had a shift at KB. You can be very distracting:)

* * *

Then he spent another five minutes following it up, because he really wanted to see him again.

* * *

**Isak Valtersen**

17:29

Anyway, if you want, I’d love to hang out again soon. No pressure tho. <3

* * *

He put his phone down and tried focusing on his reading, his heart beating wildly in his chest.

∙

∙

∙

**ISAK**

Isak was hunched over in his bed playing Call of Duty on his PlayStation. He hadn’t played in years, always opting for something casual like FIFA, but today he felt like a violent fast-paced game to take his mind off things.

So, he was currently on his bed clutching a controller, eyes on his tv screen, trying to kill as many enemies as possible, staying focused on the game.

There was a knock on his door, and Eskild popped his head in at Isak’s “yeah?”

“Hey Isak, so, the fridge is completely empty, and I’m not so keen on going shopping...”

“Okay.” Isak said noncommittally, eyes on the screen.

“So, Linn and I were thinking of getting pizzas. Should I order one for you, too, or?”

“Uh, no thanks. I’m not hungry.” Isak didn’t look up from the screen, still focused on the game.

“Okay...” Eskild said skeptically, frowning a bit at Isak, casting a glance at the screen. “Everything okay?”

_Couldn’t be better._

Isak paused the game and finally looked up at Eskild. “Yeah, everything’s great. Except for my mom being sick, my dad guilt tripping me and being a general asshole, and Even ditching me because I got issues... so... yeah.” He said sarcastically.

“Uh, what? Did something happen with your mom? And what do you mean Even ditched you?” Eskild squinted.

“Ugh.” Isak rolled his eyes resignedly. “Actually, I don’t really wanna talk about it.”

“Okay...”

“Yeah.” Isak sighed.

“Well, let me know.”

“Yeah, thanks.” Isak muttered.

Eskild nodded and softly closed the door behind him.

Isak put his controller down and flopped down on the bed, stretching out his back, tired from hours spent hunched over gaming. He lay flat on his back staring into the ceiling for a few moments before standing up rolling his shoulders, stretching his arms. Then he walked the few steps to his desk and picked up his phone, lighting up the lock screen.

2 new messages from Even Bech Næsheim.

His heart rate immediately picked up when he saw Even’s name on the screen.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

17:24

Hey Isak. Thanks for telling me about your mom. I’m sorry if I pressured you to tell me about your parents.

And I’m sorry for just leaving you on campus today, but I’d completely forgotten all about my shift at KB. You can be very distracting:)

17:29

Anyway, if you want, I’d love to hang out again soon. No pressure tho. <3

* * *

Isak’s lips curved into a smile, butterflies returning.

_Maybe he didn’t ditch me after all. Maybe he still wants me even if I’m a little broken._

He replied to Even’s message immediately.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

18:12

It’s okay, Even. I was going to tell you at some point.  
Just didn’t want to scare you away I guess.

I don’t think it’s possible for you to scare me away, Isak.

* * *

Isak looked at Even’s message, his heart skipping a beat, lips quirking into a smile.

_What do I even reply to that?_

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

18:12

Haha uh ok

I’d love to hang out soon by the way.

What are you doing tomorrow?

Nothing. Or I have a lab 13:00-15:00 but afterwards nothing.

You have class until 15:00 on a Friday? That’s rough.

Haha yeah.  
My professor has zero consideration for my social life.

What a dick

Haha I know right?!?

Anyway, do you want to chill at my place after your class?

Yes

Cool. Awesome. See you tomorrow <3

See you Even

* * *

Isak closed the conversation, locked his phone and slid his phone in his jeans pocket with a dopey smile.

_Tomorrow._

∙

The next morning Isak woke up at 8:00 at the sound of his alarm. He turned it off and opened a message from Even.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

07:45

Can’t wait to see you later <3

Had a dream about you btw

* * *

Isak smiled as he typed a reply.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

08:01

A good dream I hope?

Oh it was a very good dream....

Sex dream?

Yeah

* * *

 _Damn_.

Isak dropped a hand to his boxers, palming his morning wood through the cotton.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

08:02 

Sounds hot.

It was.

I’d tell you more about it, but I’m heading to class, and I really don’t want to spring a boner in the tram…

Shame.

* * *

Isak opened the camera app and sent a picture of his hand resting on his thigh, close to his groin. The outline of his erection clearly visible through his boxers.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

08:03

Image sent

Fuck.

Holy fuck Isak. What happened to taking it slow???

Hey you started it!

Now walking onto campus with a boner.

* * *

Isak smirked and put his phone down beside him. He then reached into his boxers, and wrapped a hand around his straining erection. He stroked himself slowly at first, but quickly sped up the pace as mental images of Even waking up from a sex dream about him and touching himself filled his mind. He climaxed with a low moan and spent a moment catching his breath before wiping himself and his hand clean.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

08:09

See you later <3

* * *


	15. LUST.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picks up right after the previous chapter. Isak's POV.

**Friday 13 March, 2020**

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

08:09

See you later <3

* * *

Isak smiled as he typed out the message to Even, feeling bold as he added a little heart in the end to tease him. There was no way Even _didn’t_ know what he’d been doing for the past 5 minutes.

After a few more lazy minutes in bed, he got up and pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. He hit the bathroom and then the kitchen, where he made himself a bowl of cornflakes and a cup of coffee and then retreated to his room. He turned on his laptop, opening his data modeling software and spent the next couple of hours plotting in lab results and running different simulations of his data. This was exactly what he loved about studying; dedicating time to really focus on a specific thing, and research and model the myriad of different outcomes from a single experiment. Every one of his friends had called him out for being nerdy, and in this particular sense, he guessed he was.

His lips quirked into a smile, as he remembered how Even had called him a nerd the first time they met. Even had asked him about his major, and when he’d replied _biochemistry_ , Even's response had been something like “ _that’s really, um. Nerdy_.” Isak smiled to himself as he pictured that first meeting vividly.

_And now we’re… Whatever we are._

He thought about how he'd known Even for a couple of months, but it still felt like half of that time was spent ghosting each other or definitely _not talking._ His heart started beating faster and blood surged to his groin at the thought of how much time they’d spent in bed last weekend _not talking_.

Feeling a weird mix of excitement, arousal and slight panic at his feelings for Even, when they were basically still strangers, he pressed the heel of his palm into the bulge in his sweatpants.

_We’re going to take it slow and get to know each other. I’m not going to make the same fucking mistake twice._

∙

After another hour at his laptop, Isak stood up, stretched his arms and rolled his shoulders. He glanced at the time in the corner of his laptop. 11:34. Time to get moving.

He tugged the t-shirt over his head and stripped off his sweatpants, which in truth were Even’s, the ones he’d borrowed last Sunday when he was staying over at Even’s and had left all panicky in Even’s clothes.

_I’ve gotta remember to wash these and his t-shirt and give them back to him_

He folded the sweatpants and put them on his bed. Then he walked up to his closet, trying to figure out what to wear. He trailed his fingers over a crisp, grey button-down.

_Chill, it’s not a date. Besides, I still have a lab first._

He picked up a fitted white t-shirt, a navy pullover and dark jeans, his go-to outfit when he wanted to feel casually put-together.

_The same thing I wore, when I asked Jakob out for a beer. Shit, I should probably apologize to him or something._

He picked up a clean pair of boxers and socks along with the t-shirt and jeans and then he hit the shower.

∙

Isak felt a little overdressed as he entered the department of chemistry and stepped into the lab, taking off his jacket and pullover. He usually wore slightly oversized t-shirts and hoodies to class, so he definitely looked more _polished_ today. He set his backpack on the table by his chair and nodded a “hey _”_ at a couple of girls and guys from his year.

“Hey Isak. Are you coming to the institute party tonight?” one of the girls asked him with a smile.

“Uh, no. I can’t tonight.” Isak gave her an easy smile back.

“Okay. Are you going on a date? You look kinda dressy…” she smiled at him and Isak quirked an eyebrow trying to decipher whether she was flirting with him.

“Uh, no. No date either. Just hanging out with a friend.” He said casually.

“Okay. Well, you could always bring them to the party…” She smiled, eyes quickly darting down Isak’s body and up to his eyes again.

 _Definitely flirting_.

“Yeah, maybe. I think we’re just going to hang at his place, though.”

“Maybe next time then.” She said hopefully, just as the professor walked in, saving Isak from more awkward flirting.

The professor laid out the basics on the lab they were about to do, and Isak put on his lab coat, grateful to blend in again, and got to work.

∙

Nearly two hours later, Isak finished up, hung up his lab coat and slid his laptop in his backpack. He put on his pullover and his jacket and with a casual “enjoy the party, guys” he walked out the door and into the large glass hall of the building. He pulled his phone up, as he walked towards the exit.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

14:45

Hey, my lab finished a little early. Is it okay if I head straight to your place?

/straight/ ??

* * *

Isak cracked an actual laugh at Even’s terrible joke, then felt like an absolute loser for laughing out loud at his phone. Like tripping over his own feet on the street, he instinctively looked up to check if anyone was watching him. No one looked at him.

He turned back to his phone clutched in his hand and quickly typed out.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

14:45

Ha. Ha. You’re a funny guy Even

Yeah well, like another funny guy once told me: I aim to please…

Good to know.

See you soon

* * *

Isak smiled and slid his phone in his pocket, walking out of the building and towards the nearest tram stop.

∙

He felt nervous and slightly jittery as he walked up to the entrance door to Even’s building. He took a moment outside, running a hand through his hair, trying to smooth his curls, which were already getting longish and sort of unruly again. Then he took a quick look down at himself, wiped his palms on his jeans-clad thighs and sucked in a steadying breath before he buzzed.

He shifted his weight between his feet, trying to control his nervous energy while waiting for the door to open.

 _Why am I so fucking nervous? It’s not a_ date _._

Finally the door buzzed open and Isak hurried inside, bouncing up the stairs, then slowing down thinking that he actually didn’t remember which floor Even’s apartment was on. When he reached the second floor, one of the doors was open and Even was leaning casually against the doorframe. 

Isak’s gaze traveled up Even’s long legs in tight black jeans, then over a fitted grey t-shirt stretching over his chest and finally up to his face, where his hair was swept back in some sort of fucking James Dean wet dream hairstyle.

Even smiled, his eyes crinkling. “Hey.”

Isak’s heart skipped a beat. 

_Right. That’s why I’m so nervous._

“Hi.” He said back breathlessly, eyes locking onto Even’s.

“Did you run up the stairs, or?” Even raised his eyebrows with a smirk.

“Uh. Yeah.”

“Well, come in.” Even smiled, stepping aside and Isak walked in. He sat his backpack on the floor, toed off his sneakers and shrugged out of his jacket. He took off the pullover as well because he felt warm and flushed. He hung up the jacket and pullover and turned to Even, not missing the way Even sunk his teeth into his bottom lip, as his eyes darted down his body. Then Even sucked in his lip and turned his face slightly.

“What?” Isak smirked.

“Uh nothing.” Even looked back at him, smiling.

Isak quirked an eyebrow.

“You just… look _really_ good.” Even then said, his eyes trailing appreciatively over his chest and down his legs again before flicking back up to his eyes.

“Thanks. You too.”

Even smiled and jerked his head towards the kitchen. “Do you want something to drink? A beer or something?”

“Sure, I’ll take a beer.” He smiled and followed Even to the kitchen.

Even opened the fridge and took out two bottles of beer. Then he searched a drawer for a bottle opener but couldn’t find one. Instead he grabbed a spoon and opened the bottles with a loud _pop,_ handing one of the bottles to Isak.

“Cheers.”

“Cheers” Isak smiled clinking his bottle against Even’s and taking a sip.

“Nice trick.” Isak smirked and nodded at the spoon Even had used to open the beers.

“Yeah, you liked it? It’s from my _very_ limited catalogue of party tricks.” Even smiled.

“At least you _have_ a catalogue…” Isak shrugged, setting his beer on the kitchen counter.

“Well, we can’t all be rappers, you know…” Even smirked back.

Isak immediately flushed thinking back to the start-of-the-semester party a couple of months ago, where he’d rapped N.W.A. for Even.

“Shit, you remember. I’d kinda hoped you’d forgotten about that.”

“How could I forget?” Even drew his eyebrows together teasingly.

“Ugh.” Isak groaned and buried his face in his hands. Then he went for his beer, taking a long sip. “I’m going to need more of these, if we keep talking about my rapping.” He quirked an eyebrow.

Even laughed, eyes crinkling at the corners and all, making Isak smile softly.

 _I fucking love making you laugh_.

“Uh, speaking of parties…” Isak said, “..one of the girls from my year invited me to a party tonight. Apparently, there’s a party at my institute…” He rested the beer bottle on his outstretched palm.

“Oh, yeah? Did you- do you want to go?” Even asked before taking a sip of his beer.

“Uh, no. Not unless you want to?”

“I want to be with you.” Even smiled softly.

_Same._

“Uh, okay.” Isak flushed again. “Let’s just stay here.” He took another sip of beer to divert the attention from his flushed cheeks.

“Okay.” Even nodded with a soft smile.

∙

They brought their beers to Even’s room, and both sat down at Even’s desk, synchronically turning to face each other. There was a moment of awkward tension, with both of them smiling at each other, not knowing what to say.

_The last time I was here, we spent almost 24 hours in bed._

Isak swallowed and looked around Even’s room, trying to avoid the tension. Then he spotted the acoustic guitar propped up on a stand in the corner of the room and nodded at it.

“Do you play?” 

“Uh, a bit. Do you?” Even smiled.

“No.” He smiled with a little shake of his head. “Jonas is pretty good though and he tried to teach me, when we were younger, but I never really picked it up.”

Even smiled as he stood up and picked up the guitar, bringing it back to his chair opposite Isak and resting it expertly in his lap. He started strumming the guitar strings, twisting the metal keys to tune them. “It’s been a while since I’ve played.” He said apologetically.

“You know, my first thought about guys who have a guitar in their room is that they don’t actually play, they just, like, _keep it there_ to impress dates.” Isak smirked. 

Even laughed. “Wow. That’s… jaded.”

Isak shrugged with a smirk.

“Well, are you impressed, Isak?” Even said looking into his eyes while his fingers still strummed the individual strings and worked on the metal screws.

Isak felt the tiny hairs on the back of his neck rise at the way, Even said his name.

“Uh.” He said, then quickly bounced back, “well, it depends on whether you can actually play or not.” He looked at Even, then squinted, the corner of his mouth tipping into a smirk. “I’m not your date though.”

“Well. Shit.” Even deadpanned, then he strummed the strings one last time before playing the opening chords of Smells like Teen Spirit. He broke into a laugh when Isak started air drumming.

“Yeah, you know it?” Even smiled. “I thought you only liked hip-hop. And Ben Howard.” He said teasingly.

Isak rolled his eyes with a smile. “Uh, I think _everyone_ knows Smells like Teen Spirit, Even. And, _no_ I don’t _only like hip-hop and Ben Howard_...” He imitated Even’s voice.

“Okay, okay.” Even laughed and slapped the strings with his palm for a clean cut. He rolled his lip in, tapping the body of the guitar with a flat palm, eyebrows drawing together in thought. Then he strummed the strings again, playing a melody Isak didn’t recognize. Isak watched in awe as Even’s fingers slid easily over the strings.

“Do you know this one?” Even asked.

“Uh, no.” He said, eyes slowly trailing from Even’s fingers up to his eyes, trying hard not to think about those long, perfect fingers doing _other things_. He swallowed. 

“It’s Radiohead…but I don’t remember the title.” Even drew his eyebrows together, fingers still effortlessly switching patterns over the strings.

“It’s good. I like it.” Isak managed.

Even smiled and raised his eyebrows teasingly as he switched over to Ben Howard’s Nica Libres at Dusk. “This one you know.”

Isak widened his eyes. “What, you know how to play it?” his eyes fixed at Even’s fingers plucking the strings.

Even nodded with a smile, softly singing along as he played, with Isak eventually joining in. He played for another few minutes before setting the guitar down, leaning it against the desk.

“So…” Even looked back at him. “..Are you impressed now?” he asked jokingly.

Isak lifted his eyebrows. “Uh, _yes_. Not gonna lie, that was fucking hot…you’re really good, Even.”

“Really, you think so?” Even smiled shyly.

Isak nodded, still kinda awestruck.

“Thank you.” Even beamed. “I’m pretty rusty…”

“Could’ve fooled me.” Isak smiled.

Even tilted his head in a crinkly-eyed smile. “I guess it was worth it to keep the guitar in my room, then. I got an electric and an amp as well, but they’re stored in my parents’ basement.”

Isak zoned out for a moment picturing Even playing electric, hair falling into his eyes, looking like a fucking rockstar. _Hot._

He mentally shook his head and took a sip of his beer.

“Who taught you to play?”

Even took a sip of his own beer.

“Uh, my uncle played for me when I was a kid and taught me a few chords … but other than that I’m mostly self-taught. I’ve spent a _lot_ of time on YouTube.”

Isak laughed. “Yeah, me too. Not learning guitar though…. It’s cool, that you taught yourself.”

“If I’d known you’d be this impressed, I would’ve played for you before.” Even winked.

Isak rolled his eyes.

_You don’t need to impress me. I’m so fucking into you._

“So, what did _you_ watch on YouTube then?” Even smiled and took another sip of beer. 

“Shit, a lot of random stuff.” He smiled at Even.

Even smiled back at him. “Like what?”

“Uh, like Call of Duty hacks, skate trick tutorials and music videos with hot guys...” He shrugged.

Even barked a laugh. “ _Music videos with hot guys??_ ”

“Uh, _yeah_! What the fuck, didn’t you?” Isak laughed before taking another sip of beer.

Even smiled. “Sure. But I watched all kinds of music videos. Hot guys or not. Still do, actually.” He reached over and grabbed his laptop, opening YouTube. He lightly tapped his keyboard thinking.

“If you’re gonna put on Miguel, you can just drop it. He’s not my type.” Isak said sassily.

“Chill, no Miguel.” Even smiled. 

“Good.”

Even rested the laptop down on his thighs for a second and looked up at him. “What’s your type, then?”

_You._

“Uh. Someone cooler.”

“Right.” Even smiled as he typed and put on [BROCKHAMPTON – Boy Bye](https://youtu.be/hQoN8Daltfc). The video started playing and Even put the laptop on the table facing it out, so they both could see the screen.

“Shit, there are still people watching music videos?” Isak sassed with a raised eyebrow.

“Uh huh. I do. I like the aesthetics of this one.” Even smiled.

“Of course you do.” He smirked. “What is this hipster hip-hop?” He asked nodding at the screen.

Even smiled. “Brockhampton. Do you know them?”

“No.” He replied, eyes on the screen.

“They’re this pretty cool hip-hop collective from Texas... There’s like a billion different members. But, one of the founding members is gay and some of them are battling with, like, depression and one of them is bipolar.” Even looked at Isak.

Isak nodded, eyes still on the screen. “Okay. This is pretty good, actually. I like his flow.” He nodded at the screen.

“Yeah, that’s Matt Champion.” Even replied looking at the video.

“Kinda hot, too.”

“Oh yeah? Is _he_ your type then? You like dark-haired guys?” Even raised his eyebrows teasingly.

“Nah, I don’t discriminate. I guess I just like his _aesthetic._ ” Isak winked.

∙

About an hour later, they were still showing each other music videos on YouTube. Even had showed him some very _artsy_ music videos bordering on short films, and he’d shown Even a couple of videos with _hot guys,_ as well as some of his old and new favorite songs (hot guys or not) entailing a pretty lengthy discussion on music, hotness and sexuality.

Then he pulled up an [old favourite. ](https://youtu.be/VQs9hco8HVw)

“I’d never admit it to anyone back then, afraid it was too _gay_ or whatever, but I used to watch this all the time, when I was like 14 or 15… Wishing I was that cool dude chilling on his longboard in the pink sunset.”

Even watched the video with a smile. “It does look super chill. Pretty aesthetics.” He winked. “Did you skate when you were younger?”

“A bit. I used to go to the skatepark with Jonas all the time, and I kinda wanted to impress him. But I was always pretty shit at skating, so.” Isak smiled nostalgically at the screen.

“Did you have a crush on him? Jonas?” Even raised his eyebrows teasingly.

Isak flushed slightly as he looked at Even. “Ugh. Yeah. Emphasis on _did have._ But sure, when I was 15-16, I had a crush on him.”

Even nodded.

“What about you?" Isak asked.

"Did I skate? A little bit. Never really excelled." Even smiled.

"No, I mean, have you ever had a crush on one of your friends?” Isak smiled. "Though, now I'm thinking about you skating."

Even smiled and then raised his eyebrows. “Uh, _yeah_. You.”

Isak’s lips tipped into a crooked smile. “Yes okay, but like others...?”

“Uh, yeah. I had a crush on a friend back at Bakka...”

“Yeah?”

“Yup. He was not into guys though. And I was with Sonja back then... “

“Oh. Did you ever...”

“Uh, I tried to kiss him once. And then it got really messy...anyway, long story.” Even smiled the smile that didn’t reach his eyes, so Isak held back and didn’t pressure him.

“Okay.” Isak nodded and picked at the Tuborg-sticker on his beer bottle, watching how the paper peeled. “There’s something I’ve been wondering though...” he asked.

“Yeah?” Even smiled softly.

Isak looked up and met Even's gaze. “So, you’re bisexual... and I take it, that you’ve been with other guys than... me...?” he swallowed, his mind instantly providing him with memories of having sex with Even. In this room. Less than a week ago.

“Yeah.” Even confirmed, his eyes flicking from Isak’s lips back up to his eyes. The air between them suddenly loaded with tension.

_Is he thinking about me, too?_

Isak spent a couple of moments looking at Even’s lips, his cheekbones. He kept his hands palms up in his lap to keep himself from reaching out and touching. And to conceal his slowly building arousal.

“Was that the question? If I’ve been with other guys?” Even said lowly, eyes now trained on his lips. 

“Uh. No. I don’t know, I think I forgot the question.” Isak said, his eyes dropping half-lidded to Even’s lips. He noticed the way Even’s adam’s apple bobbed in his throat and his eyes flitting all over his face, like searching for permission.

Then Isak’s stomach rumbled loudly, effectively killing the tension.

Even flashed him a smile, eyes crinkling. “Wow. Hungry?”

“Uh, yeah. Apparently.” He sent him a surprised smile back.

Even chuckled, stood up and pulled his hand, leading him to the kitchen with a “come on.”

∙

They spent about an hour in the kitchen talking, drinking beer and cooking tacos. Isak half-heartedly helped by chopping vegetables and offering consultation regarding spices, but mostly he chilled, sipped his beer and watched Even, who moved around with ease, chopping tomatoes, marinating chicken, making guacamole.

Isak casually leaned against the counter, looking at Even laying out marinated chicken breasts in a baking tray. “So… You cooking for me? Gotta admit, it kinda looks like a date, Even.” He sassed, taking a sip of beer.

Even turned to him with raised eyebrows, feigning surprise. “What? _I’m_ cooking? I thought we were cooking _together_?” he nodded at a chopping board with coriander, that Isak had abandoned some fifteen minutes ago. 

Isak smiled and rolled his eyes, then stepped up to the cutting board and started chopping coriander. “Still kinda datey…” He shrugged.

“Uh, no. Totally platonic dinner. Just two guys cooking and getting to _know each other_ …” Even smirked.

Isak rolled his eyes with a slight flush.

_Shit, I want to kiss that smirk off._

“Speaking of which, I told Mikael and Mutta they were welcome to join for dinner. Seeing as this is totally platonic.” Even waved a hand between them.

“Sure. Cool. I love platonic dinners.” He smiled.

Even snorted a laugh.

∙

Mikael and Mutta eventually came out from their respective rooms and joined them for dinner, both greeting Isak with a casual “hey, man”. Mikael walked up to one of the cabinets and took out plates and glasses and then grabbed cutlery in a drawer.

Even set the food on the table, then doubled back to the fridge, calling out a “you guys want a beer?” to Mikael and Mutta.

“Sure, I’ll have one.” Mutta replied.

“Uh, no thanks, bro. I’m stopping by my parents tomorrow, and I swear my dad has a sixth sense or something. He always knows if I’ve been drinking. And I’m not up for the whole devout muslim talk.” Mikael said.

“Got it. No haram today.” Even smiled. 

Mutta laughed. “Well, I got no problems with haram.”

Even peeked out behind the door to the fridge and winked at Mutta. Then he turned to Isak, “Isak?”

“Sure. Thanks.” 

Even grabbed three beers from the fridge, and they all sat down at the round table in the kitchen, digging into the food.

“Mmm, looks good.” Mutta said, as he shoveled chicken onto his taco. “Thanks for letting Mik and me crash your date.” He tipped his beer at Even and then Isak.

Isak turned to Even with a smirk and a quirked eyebrow.

∙

“You’re at UiO too, right, Isak?” Mutta asked him around a forkful of guacamole.

Isak nodded, chewing his bite of taco. “Yeah, biochemistry.”

“Wow, that’s cool. What year?”

“Uh, first."

"Okay.” Mutta nodded. “Did you graduate last year?"

"No, I'm from '99, so I graduated in '18. I did a couple of semesters of biophysics at NTNU last year, then switched to biochem when I transferred here.” Isak explained before taking another bite of his taco.

“Yeah? How was NTNU? I considered applying myself for the bio engineering program.” Mutta asked. 

“Uh, it was fine, I guess. What’s your major?” Isak tried to change the subject, because he didn’t really feel like talking about his time at NTNU.

“Medicine.” Mutta then replied proudly.

“Wow, cool. What year? I have a friend who’s studying medicine at UiO as well…” 

“Third year. Who do you know?”

“Her name is Sana, but she’s a second yea-“

“What, you know Sana??” Even spoke up.

Isak turned to Even. “ _You_ know Sana? Sana Bakkoush?”

“Uh yeah. She’s my friend Elias’ little sister…”

“Elias was here last weekend. You had breakfast with him, bro.” Mikael supplied to Isak.

“Oh. Shit, that was Sana’s brother??”

“Yeah.”

“Damn, Oslo is so small sometimes.” Isak quirked an eyebrow.

“Yup.” Mutta nodded.

“That’s so weird, I can’t believe you know Sana…” Even smiled, his eyebrows drawn prettily together.

“Yeah, we went to Nissen together. We were biology partners all through second and third year. I helped her get a 6 on her diploma.” He winked.

“Top 2 percent” Even smirked.

”You know it.” He winked back.

“Okaaaaayyyy?” Mutta said with a confused smile not at all understanding the inside joke, and then looking at Mikael for back-up. Mikael just shrugged. “Fuck if I knew, man.”

Isak then looked from Even to Mikael and Mutta. “Anyway, how do you all know Sana? Or Elias, I guess.”

“We went to Bakka together." Mutta smiled. "...And these two nerds here…” He nodded at Even and Mikael “…even took the film and media line together.”

“Huh.” Isak replied.

_Didn’t he say, he had a crush at a friend back at Bakka?_

Isak looked at Even, trying to decipher if there was something there. Even just smiled at him.

∙

After they’d all finished dinner and Mutta and Mikael had promised to clear the table as a token of appreciation for having _crashed their date_ , earning an eyeroll from Even, they both padded back into Even’s room.

Isak sat on the edge of Even’s bed, and Even joined him, grabbing his laptop and opening Spotify, putting on music and turning the volume down low.

“Can we lie down for just a second? I’m really full. Your tacos were fucking delicious.” He smiled at Even.

“ _Our_ tacos.” Even corrected with a smile, waving a hand between them, and setting the laptop back on the floor. Then he laid down on his back mirroring Isak, resting his head on a folded arm.

“Sure. Mostly your work though.” Isak smiled. “Thanks for the platonic dinner.” He winked.

“You’re welcome.” Even smirked back, turning his head slightly to look at Isak. 

There was a few moments of comfortable silence, as they both lay smiling and full on their backs, looking up at Even’s ceiling.

Then Isak turned slightly to look at Even.

“Was it Mikael? The friend you had a crush on at Bakka?”

“Uh.” Even parted his lips, mouth dropping slightly open.

“It’s fine, Even. I’m just curious.” He smiled.

“Uh. Yes. Yeah. But like, emphasis on _had_ obviously.”

“Sure. And, I mean, he’s handsome, so I don’t really blame you.” Isak joked.

" _What_? You think he’s hot? You _so_ have a thing for dark-haired guys!” Even smirked.

“I said he’s _handsome_!” Isak laughed back. “I mean, come on.”

They both smiled into the ceiling again, until Isak broke the silence.

“ _You’re_ hot, though. Not just handsome. Definitely hot too.” He swallowed, as he looked over at Even.

Even turned to him. “Yeah?”

He turned to look at Even, turning fully onto his side. “Uh huh, I mean, _fuck_. You have no idea, what it takes to not touch you, Even.” He bit his lip.

_I don’t know how long I can fight it._

“Uh, I think I have an idea, this isn’t exactly easy for me either” Even's eyes flitted over his face. “Shit, that photo you sent me this morning…” Even closed his eyes for a second then flicked them back open, pupils blown. He bit his lip.

_Fuck._

“Oh, right. Uh, sorry about that.” Isak grimaced.

Even widened his eyes. “Uh, no, don’t be sorry, Isak. It was so fucking hot.” His eyes strayed to Isak’s lips as he darted his tongue out, swiping his bottom lip.

“Okay. Phew.” Isak smiled, his heart beating hard against his ribcage. Although they weren’t touching, his arousal still built steadily, making his heart beat fast and blood surge between his legs.

Even lifted his hand and gently tucked a curl behind Isak’s ear. The touch was featherlight, but still left goosebumps down his neck.

“Remind me again, why we can’t touch.” Even asked lowly, his voice barely above a whisper. 

“Uh, we can touch. A little bit.” Isak managed.

“Okay.” Even rasped and wasted no time, stroking his hand softly down Isak’s neck and collarbone, his thumb dipping into the hollow and resting there. Isak hitched a breath at the touch. 

“…I just don’t want to, uh.” His eyes fluttered closed as Even thumbed at his collarbone.

_Those fingers._

“What?” Even said lowly.

“Uh, I don’t uh… want to…” He opened his eyes and looked into Even’s, quickly losing his train of thoughts.

Even dipped his head and started pressing kisses to the slight hollow between his collarbones and up his neck.

“Shit, Even.” He moaned.

Even smiled against his neck, pressing a last kiss there before pulling back.

“Sorry, you were saying?”

“Uh.” Isak took a moment to calm down.

_It’s just kisses on the neck._

Then he turned his head to look at Even.

“Uh, I just don’t want to, like… get lost in… sex. I want to _know_ you.”

_I don’t want to make the same mistake twice. I want to know you, before I let go._

Even swallowed visibly, his adam’s apple bobbing. “Okay.”

Isak lifted his hand to card it through Even’s hair, finally messing up that perfect style a bit.

“But, um. We can touch. A bit.”

Even inched closer, their chests almost touching. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes. You don’t have to as-“

Even’s lips pressed against his, and he couldn’t help letting out a moan at the contact.

∙

A few hours later, Isak crunched his abs and sat up in Even’s bed, breathing heavily, arousal throbbing hard and heavy between his legs. He turned his head and looked at Even over his shoulder. He took in his messy hair, flushed cheeks, puffy lips and blown pupils. Then he trailed his eyes down the rumpled t-shirt riding up, exposing a few inches of Even's pale, flat stomach and then down to his crotch where his jeans stretched tightly over an undeniable bulge.

_Damn. Fuck._

He managed to drag his gaze back up to Even’s face and meet his eyes. Even smiled a half-lidded smile back at him. 

Isak let out a shaky breath and carded a hand through his curls.

“Fuck.”

“No, we’re not doing _that_.” Even smirked.

He rolled his eyes with a smile. Then he stood up with great effort and stretched his arms. “I think…I’m gonna head home…” He said, eyes trailing over Even, who was still on his back, resting the back of his head on his forearm. 

“Sure, okay.” Even smiled. “You’re welcome to stay of course…”

He smiled at Even. “Thanks… I don’t think, we’ll be able to _take it slow_ if I stay, though.” He lifted an eyebrow.

Even’s eyes dropped to his crotch. “I think you’re right.”

Isak smirked and nodded towards the laptop, where [Kendrick Lamar – LUST.](https://youtu.be/JYuUOgED1sg) streamed softly.

“Very fitting soundtrack, by the way. Did you get Adam to make you a playlist with like only sexy hook-up songs?”

Even smirked. “You know, I aim to please”.

Isak snorted a laugh.

Then Even sat up, swung his legs out and walked with him to the corridor, where he put on his pullover, sneakers and jacket. He hoisted his backpack on one shoulder and turned to Even.

“So, thanks for today. It’s been very… platonic.” He sassed.

Even lifted his eyebrows and then leaned in, pressing a kiss to his neck, then slowly dragged his tongue along his earlobe, the corner of his jaw, and pressed kisses down his neck. Isak shivered and curled against him, when Even came back up to his ear, voice low and raspy. “ _Fuck_ platonic.”

Isak hitched a breath and then kissed Even against the door for a full ten minutes before physically pushing himself away with a light palm on Even’s chest.

“Shit, I need to go. See you, Even.”

“See you, Isak.” Even gave him a half-lidded smile and lifted Isak’s hand to his lips, dropping a last, soft kiss to his palm.

Isak’s heart skipped a beat at the softness. 

He smiled and turned around, opening the door and bounced down the stairs unable to wipe the dopey smile off his lips. When he stepped outside in the cold, dark March night, his phone vibrated in his pocket.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

23:12

[Kendrick Lamar – LOVE. FEAT. ZACARI.](https://youtu.be/ox7RsX1Ee34)

Better?

Yes.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even's POV of the non-date will probably be up in a few days.


	16. LUST. (Remix)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always find it difficult to write Even's POV, but here it is: Even's POV of the previous chapter. There are some repeat scenes and some elaborated scenes, including a pretty long make out scene in the end. As this is Even's POV of last chapter, this chapter picks up right after chapter 14.
> 
> Next chapter will be up next week.

**Friday 13 March, 2020**

Even stepped out of the tram and onto campus with a persistent boner, thinking about Isak’s last message.

_Shit, that photo._

He’d only taken a quick glance at it in the crowded tram; realizing how nsfw the picture was, he’d quickly closed the conversation and slid his phone back in his pocket. He’d seen enough though for his heart rate to pick up and blood surge to his groin with impressive speed.

_He’s definitely touching himself right now._

As Even headed towards the Institute of Media and Communication, he felt grateful it was still cold enough to wear a bulky winter jacket, providing him with at least _some_ coverage.

He’d almost reached his institute, when his phone vibrated in his jeans pocket again. He pulled it up smiling at Isak’s sweet but teasing _See you later <3_.

He scrolled up the conversation a bit and, discreetly checking that no one was close enough to see what was going on at his screen, he opened the picture from Isak again.

_Damn._

He quickly saved the picture to his camera roll and then slid his phone back in his pocket as he walked up to the doors to his institute, trusting that a two-hour lecture on analytical methods would kill his boner pretty quickly.

∙

His boner disappeared the moment he stepped into the auditorium, and the first hour of the lecture went okay, fine even - he listened to the professor and engaged in a discussion about fiction analysis with some of the other students. There was a short break after the first hour, and when he returned to his seat for the second half of the lecture, his attention went out the window, and all he could think about was Isak. So, he opened the sketchbook he used for notes, sketches, to-do lists, whatever filled his mind really, and began doodling. Doodling had been his go-to stress-reliever since he was in elementary school, and he quickly sketched out a little comic of himself and Isak in his room drinking beer. Then he flicked to a blank page and impatiently tapped his phone to check the time, his knee bouncing restlessly. 

He mentally chastised himself.

_Chill. It’s not a date. Just a hang-out. He wants to take it slow._

Still, he felt butterflies at the thought of seeing Isak. Of hanging out with him in his room, in their own little world.

He picked up his phone and, bypassing the conversation with Isak, because he was _not_ going to deal with another boner in the middle of a lecture, he opened his group chat with Mutta and Mikael.

* * *

**Roomiez**

09:51

Hey guys, don’t know if you’re gonna be home tonight? But anyway, just a heads up: Isak is coming over today at 15:30ish

Mikael: Ok cool

Mutta: Ok. Do we need to like take cover or smth? Are you two going to have loud sex for hours again??

No. We’re just gonna hang out

Mutta: Naked?

Haha. No.  
I mean, I don’t think so. We’re taking it slow.

Mutta: Oh, shit, right. Did you tell him?

No. Not yet.

Mutta: Ok.

Mikael: Tell him what?

@Mikael About me. That I’m bipolar.

Mikael: Oh

Yeah.  
Anyway, you guys got any ideas for dinner? I’m cooking. You’re welcome to join ofc :)

Mikael: Sure, nice.

Mutta: Well, it’s Friday, so…Tacos?

Of course. Thx bro <3

Mutta: I gotchu fam

* * *

Even smiled and put his phone away. Right, tacos, of course, why hadn’t he thought of that. He briefly wondered if Isak liked tacos.

_Who doesn’t like tacos?_

He checked the time again. Still about 20 minutes left of his lecture. He closed his sketchbook and leaned back in his chair, looking up at the projector canvas at the front of the auditorium, his eyes settling on a very texty slide on hermeneutics and trying to tune back in to the voice of the professor.

∙

The moment the lecture ended, Even slid his laptop and sketchbook in his backpack and bounced down the stairs of the auditorium, smiling a quick _see you guys, have a nice weekend_ to some of the other students in his class. He slung his backpack over one shoulder and exited the institute walking out into the sunshine. The March air was still cold, but the sun warmed a bit and carried promises of longer and warmer days. For a moment he imagined walking around campus with Isak, both of them wearing shorts and t-shirts, holding hands. He smiled at the utopian fantasy that he’d someday _be_ with Isak. That he’d be able to call him his boyfriend.

∙

Muscle memory carried him to the tram stop, but he decided to keep walking. The walk home would take him about an hour, but the sun was out, and he had five hours to kill before Isak was done with his classes. So, he walked in the direction of his apartment, stopping in at a KB on the way to get an employee-complimentary cup of coffee to-go from one of his co-workers. He clapped his hand with a smile and a “thanks, man” and then stepped back out on the pavement, continuing his walk home with Wu-Tang playing in his headphones.

A few blocks from his apartment he walked into his local supermarket and bought salad, avocados, chicken, coriander, tomatoes, cucumber and tacos. He also grabbed some beers, because it was Friday and maybe Isak wanted one. At the register he took a pack of condoms from a small rack and put it on the belt along with the rest of his purchases. He pursed his lips, tamping down a smile, as he looked at the items on the belt, and how obvious it looked. _Here’s a guy shopping for a date_. He could never refrain from trying to make sense of other people’s purchases at the supermarket, always spinning small stories about them in his head. Now _he_ was the one with an obvious storyline. Only it wasn’t a date and the condoms were just to have some in stock, because he only had a few left. The food and the condoms were unrelated buys. _At least for now._

He didn’t miss the way the cashier smiled knowingly at him though. He swiped his credit card and started packing his purchases in his backpack.

“Have a good weekend!” she said cheerily, as he put on his backpack and clasped the buckle over his chest.

“Yeah, thanks, you too.” He gave her a bright smile in return before walking out through the sliding doors and onto the sunny pavement. 

∙

Ten minutes later he was back at his apartment unloading the groceries from his backpack and putting them in the fridge. Then he took the condoms to his room and looked around assessing the state of his room. It could use a little clean-up, so he opened the windows, picked up some dirty socks and t-shirts off his floor, threw them in a hamper and made his bed. Then he tidied his desk, plugged in his laptop, stacked some of his books and notebooks and took his used glasses and coffee mugs to the kitchen. He washed them in the sink and then set them to dry on the drying rack. Next he cut open an avocado and sliced some bread, making himself a sandwich for lunch. He sat down at the table in the kitchen with a glass of water and ate his sandwich while aimlessly scrolling his phone. Then he washed the plate and set it to dry, went back to his room and sat down on his bed propped up against the wall with some pillows and his laptop resting on his thighs.

∙

Around 2 pm after he’d been alternatingly studying and chilling in his room for a couple of hours, Even was getting increasingly restless thinking about Isak. He grabbed his phone and opened the conversation with Isak to text him if he liked tacos, or send him a funny meme, anything really, but before he even started typing, his eyes fell on the picture Isak had sent earlier. He clicked on it, his heart rate picking up, as he took his time to really look at the photo.

It was a semi-closeup of Isak’s crotch; he was wearing grey boxers and was clearly hard, his right hand resting tantalizingly close to his erection. Even bit his lip. 

_What did he fantasize about, when he touched himself?_

He swallowed drily and felt himself grow hard. He dropped a hand to the bulge in his jeans and checked the time in the top of his screen. Realizing he still had over an hour until Isak was done with his classes, he opened his jeans and pushed them down his hips, reaching inside his boxers to wrap a hand around his erection. The thought of Isak touching himself blended into memories of Isak in his bed wrapped around him, and after a few minutes Even came messily over his own hand with a low “ _fuck”._

He wiped himself down with a Kleenex, feeling his heart slowing back to normal, all his restless energy momentarily gone. He leaned back in his bed for a moment.

_Maybe now I’ll be able to hang out with him without wanting to jump his bones every two seconds._

A couple of minutes later, he got up from bed, smoothed the covers over and padded to the bathroom, stripping down and hitting the shower.

∙

He turned the shower off and stepped out into the foggy bathroom, feeling relaxed. He dried his hair with a towel and then looked at himself in the mirror, drawing a hand through his damp hair. It was getting kinda long and was curling a bit at the ends. He decided to try to deal with it later and slung a towel around his hips and padded back to his room, walking up to his closet and putting on a clean pair of boxers. Then he stared at his clothes trying to decide what to wear.

_Just pick something. It’s not a date._

He settled on black jeans and a fitted grey t-shirt and then went back to the bathroom to deal with his hair. He looked in the mirror and grabbed a little bottle of hair gel from his shelf, pressed a few drops into his hand, spreading the gel in his palms and then treaded his hands through his hair, swiping it away from his face, trying to style it.

_How the fuck did I used to do this every day?_

When he’d finally made his hair look alright, he washed his hands and walked out into the living room. He heard the front door click and Mikael’s voice calling out a “hey?” from the corridor.

”Hey, man.” He called back.

Mikael padded in, shrugging off his backpack. “Hey, Ev.” He smiled at him and then nodded at his hair, “you look good, bro.”

He smiled, “yeah? thanks.”

Mikael plopped down on the couch, “so… Isak is coming over today?”

“Yeah.” Even picked up his phone to check the time, and just then it vibrated in his hand with a new message from Isak. He opened it and smiled.

* * *

**Isak Valtersen**

14:45

Hey, my lab finished a little early. Is it okay if I head straight to your place?

* * *

“Is it like, a _date_?” Mikael asked.

“Uh, no. We’re just hanging out.” Even couldn’t help smiling at his phone as he texted Isak back, cracking a stupid little joke, just to fuck with him.

“Okay. Is that him now?” Mikael smiled nodding at Even’s phone.

Even looked up at Mikael with a smile, “uh, yeah. He’s on his way.”

Mikael smiled back, his smile tipping into a laugh. “Wow, you got it bad, man.”

“Yeah, shit.” Even agreed because _yeah, he was gone for Isak_ , and there was absolutely no point in trying to downplay it. Mikael knew him too well. 

“I’m happy for you, bro. It’s good, that you two worked your shit out…” Mikael said.

“Yeah.” He smiled and slid his phone back in his pocket.

“But, uh… You haven’t told him about…” Mikael trailed off.

Even looked over at Mikael, “my bipolar? No.”

“Are you going to?”

“Yes.” Even replied curtly, shooting Mikael a look; _dude, this conversation is over._

Mikael got the hint and nodded. “Okay.” Then he got up, walked past Even to the kitchen, took out a glass, filled it with water and took a sip. “You got this, Even.” He said before padding back towards his room. Even looked as the door to Mikael’s room closed behind him with a soft click.

_What the fuck? Did he just use reverse psychology on me?_

∙

About twenty minutes later Isak buzzed the door.

Even leaned against the doorframe waiting for him coming up the stairs, and he couldn’t stop himself from smiling widely as he laid eyes on a pink-cheeked, slightly breathy Isak bouncing up the stairs.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

Isak stepped into his apartment, still slightly out of breath and took off his jacket and shoes, then pulled a pullover over his head and _damn_.

He trailed his gaze down Isak’s body, dwelling a bit too long on the way his white t-shirt stretched over his chest and shoulders and how the crew neck showed off his collarbones, and then he spent a bit too long looking at Isak’s thighs in tight, dark jeans. Restless energy returned full force and he had to look away for a second to control his urge to reach out and _touch_.

_Just a hang-out, just a hang-out, he wants to take it slow._

“What?” Isak asked and Even turned his face back to look at him. Isak had a smirk playing at his pretty lips.

_Did you wear this for me?_

“Uh. Nothing. You just look _really_ good.” He managed, and then tried hard for casual, “do you want something to drink? A beer or something?”

“Sure, I’ll take a beer.” Isak smiled and followed him to the kitchen. 

∙

They took their beers back to his room and sat down at his newly tidied desk. It felt kinda weird sitting straight up across from each other like strangers, but the alternative was the floor, or the bed and he guessed that probably wasn’t so conductive of _taking it slow_. So here they were sitting at his desk facing each other, like two guys meeting for a study session or something. Only, Isak looked kinda nervous, and Even couldn’t help smiling at him.

_You’re so fucking cute._

Then Isak spotted the guitar and asked if he played, and then followed it up with some sassy remark about guys only owning guitars to impress dates. So, of course he had to pick up the guitar and show Isak that he wasn’t that guy. He tuned the guitar and played Smells like Teen Spirit and Isak started air-drumming at the perfect time.

_So fucking adorable._

Then he played a bit of Radiohead and then transitioned into a Ben Howard song, because he knew Isak liked it, and because, thanks to a streak of weed-fueled late nights spent on YouTube last summer, he could actually play it pretty well.

After a couple of minutes, he sat the guitar down and looked at Isak. “So…Are you impressed now?” he asked jokingly, fully expecting Isak to make a sassy comeback.

But Isak lifted his eyebrows, ”uh, yes.” he said genuinely. ”Not gonna lie, that was fucking hot…you’re really good, Even.”

_Oh._

“Really, you think so?” He felt himself flush a bit at Isak’s praise.

Isak nodded.

“Thank you.” 

“Who taught you to play?”

“Uh, my uncle played for me when I was a kid and taught me a few chords … but other than that I’m mostly self-taught. I spent a lot of time on YouTube when I was younger.”

_All those sleepless nights._

Isak laughed. “Yeah, me too. Not learning guitar though…. It’s cool, that you taught yourself.”

”What did you watch on YouTube then?” He smiled at the thought of a younger Isak sitting in front of his laptop watching music videos.

“Uh, like Call of Duty hacks, skate trick tutorials and music videos with hot guys…” Isak shrugged.

_Shit, that’s priceless._

“Music videos with hot guys??” he barked out a laugh.

“Uh, _yeah_! What the fuck, didn’t you?” Isak laughed back.

_Yup. And hot girls, too._

∙

They started talking about YouTube and definitely fell down a rabbit hole of music videos. He showed Isak some of his favorites and explained what he liked about the format and Isak teased him for his love of music video aesthetics. Then he showed Isak the video to [BROCKHAMPTON – Boy Bye](https://youtu.be/hQoN8Daltfc) and told him about the band.

“They’re this pretty cool hip-hop collective from Texas... There’s like a billion different members. But, one of the founding members is gay and some are battling with depression and one of them is bipolar.” He looked at Isak gauging his reaction and for a second he almost admired himself for being so fucking smooth; _Shit, this is the perfect time to tell him, I’ll never make this cool a transition again: So, yeah, one of them is bipolar, and um, so am I…_

But Isak kept his eyes on the screen. ”This is pretty good, actually. I like his flow.”

Even looked at the screen, “yeah that’s Matt Champion.”

“Also he’s kinda hot.” Isak smirked.

The moment was gone.

Even looked at the screen.

“Oh yeah? Is he your type then? You like dark-haired guys?” he teased Isak.

_Come to think of it, both his ex and post-it guy had dark hair, didn’t they?_

“Nah, I don’t discriminate. I guess I just like his _aesthetic_.” Isak winked.

∙

About an hour later, and they were even deeper in the YouTube rabbit hole. They had shared some guilty pleasures - Isak’s being an old Jason Mraz song, though he claimed _he hadn’t listened to it, since he was 16!!_ And Isak had in turn teased him about his love for Gabrielle.

And because he was hella curious, he’d asked Isak to show him some of his favorite videos, taking note of Isak’s taste. It turned out Isak had surprisingly good taste – in both music and guys. With the exception of Jason Mraz.

”Okay, what about this one…” Isak leaned over, opening a new Youtube tab and putting on a [Ben Howard cover of Kiesza](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCHMzYYYKiU&list=RDgCHMzYYYKiU&index=1).

”You got a thing for Ben Howard, or?” He teased him.

”Ugh, just listen to the song, Even.” Isak rolled his eyes with a smile.

So he listened and watched, trying to make sense of the chord patterns and alternative tuning and what must’ve been a delay pedal. ”Shit, yeah, that’s actually really good.” He agreed, eyes on the screen.

”I know, right?” Isak smiled.

“Yeah.” He looked at Isak, “I hope you don’t expect me to play _that_ for you on my guitar, though…”

Isak laughed, “Shit, no, it looks so fucking advanced.” Then he smirked, “would be hot, though.”

He laughed.

”So, what, does this count as one of the music videos with hot guys?” He teased him back.

Isak looked at the screen and thought for a second. ”Uh, good question. I don’t think Ben Howard is that hot…I mean, he’s not _ugly_ but… It’s more that he’s so fucking talented. And that’s crazy hot. You know what I mean?”

”Sure. Absolutely.”

”I guess I’ve always thought it’s really attractive when people are really good at something.” Isak mused.

”Yeah, nerdy is sexy.” He agreed.

Isak laughed. ”Yeah, I guess. Although it’s maybe _slightly_ sexier to play guitar, or football or like skate, or something, than to be a science nerd.” He quirked an eyebrow.

”I don’t know about that. Science can be pretty hot.” Even smirked back.

Isak flushed slightly.

And Even couldn’t help smiling at him.

_I love making you blush._

He looked at Isak for a few moments before leaning forward to type on his laptop “You know Childish Gambino, right?”

“Yeah.” Isak replied.

“Okay. Do you know this one? With Jhené Aiko?” He typed in _[bed peace](https://youtu.be/UoIpx1ZxFeM)_ and put on the official video.

“Uh, no.” Isak said, eyes on the screen, listening. “I like it, though. It’s got a chill vibe.” Then he turned towards Even with a smirk, “shit, you really have a thing for duets… this one and what was the other one you showed me? John Legend and, uh…”

He smiled, “shit, yeah, maybe I do have a thing for duets.”

Isak raised his eyebrows sassily, smirking “is it like a bisexual thing? Like instead of looking up music videos with hot guys and _then_ hot chicks, you just look up duets and, _boom_ , be done with it?” 

Even barked out a laugh, “oh my God, Isak.”

_I love how your mind works._

“What?” Isak shrugged with a smile, “it’s efficient.”

“You know, that’s not actually how it works, right?” Even laughed.

“So, tell me how it works.”

He looked at Isak, who looked back earnestly with a soft smile, all traces of sass gone. 

“Uh. Probably not that different from you. Only, I find both guys and girls hot. Like, I meet someone and find them attractive, and their gender doesn’t really matter to me. It’s their personality that’s attractive. I don’t know…” He looked at Isak and continued, “I used to identify as pansexual when I was younger, I still do I guess, but the labels are not that important to me anymore. And _bisexual_ is definitely easier to explain to people.”

Isak nodded. “Okay. Yeah, I get that.” He thought for a moment, then smiled. “So, personality, huh.”

“Yeah.” He smiled back.

Isak smirked, “so, you find my personality attractive?”

He raised his eyebrows at Isak, because _fuck, yes_. “Yes. Definitely. That, and you’re fucking hot.”

Isak’s lips tipped into a crooked smile, as he looked down on the desk, tracing a grain in the wood with his finger. “Uh. Thanks.”

He couldn’t help smiling at Isak, trying to catch his eyes, but Isak was following his finger on the desk with his eyes.

 _Bed peace_ finished playing and there was a moment of silence before Isak looked up.

“When did you know? That you were bi? Or pan…”

He thought for a second.

“...I don’t know, actually. Maybe I’ve always kinda known? When I was a kid, I had crushes on both boys and girls.”

“Really?” Isak smiled.

“Yeah. I never really thought about it, though, I thought everyone felt that way. Until I was like 13, and all the other guys only talked about girls.” He smiled.

Isak chuckled.

He smiled back at Isak. “What about you? When did you know you were gay?”

Isak squinted, thinking for a second. “When I was like 13 or 14, I guess. But I spent a _lot_ of time trying to convince myself and everyone else, that I was straight…”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, shit. I used to hook up with so many girls…”

“For real?” Even smirked.

“Uh huh.” Isak laughed, then lifted an eyebrow, “what you don’t believe I had game? I had mad game, Even.”

“Uh, no, I believe you, Isak.”

_Look at you. I bet girls were throwing themselves at you._

Isak smiled. “I even had a girlfriend for a few months when I was 17… Emma…” He shook his head with a little smile, “I can’t believe I bothered.”

Even smiled softly at him, “maybe you just weren’t ready to come out?”

“God, no. I was so deep in the closet.” Isak looked up and continued, “when I was 16, me and Jonas used to hang out and smoke weed with this guy, Elias… And he was always on my back, calling me gay and commenting on the music I liked and stuff like that. So, I started listening only to hip-hop and hooking up with a lot of chicks... And I got this douchey player rep, and I was like _okay, sweet_ because then I was home-free, you know?” Isak shrugged.

Even felt a spark of anger. _Who was this homophobic idiot harassing you?_

“That’s… shit, I’m sorry Isak, that guy sounds like a dick.”

Isak snorted, “yeah, he was.”

Even leaned back in his chair and looked at Isak for a second.

_I’m so sorry, you had to go through that shit._

Then Isak leaned forward and typed in _[nothin on my mind](https://youtu.be/VQs9hco8HVw)_ and pressed play to the Youtube video.

“I’d never admit it to anyone back then, afraid it was too _gay_ or whatever, but I used to watch this all the time, when I was like 14 or 15… Wishing I was that cool dude chilling on his longboard in the pink sunset.” He smiled, eyes on the screen.

Even reluctantly tore his eyes away from Isak to look at the video. He smiled. “It does look super chill. Pretty aesthetics.” He winked. “Did you skate when you were younger?”

“A bit. I used to go to the skatepark with Jonas all the time, and I kinda wanted to impress him. But I was always pretty shit at skating, so.” Isak smiled at the screen.

_Oh._

“Did you have a crush on him? Jonas?”

Isak flushed slightly as he looked back at Even. “Ugh. Yeah. Emphasis on _did_. But sure, when I was 15-16, I had a crush on him.”

Even nodded.

“What about you?" Isak asked.

"Did I skate? A little bit. Never really excelled." He smiled.

"No, I mean, have you ever had a crush on one of your friends?” Isak smiled. "Though, now I'm thinking about you skating."

He smiled and then raised his eyebrows at Isak, “uh, I had a crush on you.”

Isak’s lips turned into a crooked smile. “Yes okay, but like others...?”

“Uh, yeah. I had a crush on a friend back at Bakka...”

“Yeah?”

“Yup. He was not into guys though. And I was with Sonja back then... “

“Oh. Right. Did you ever...”

“Uh, I tried to kiss him once. And then it got really messy...anyway, long story.” He deflected because he didn’t really want to get into that.

_I was manic and memorized the entire Quran for him._

“Okay.” Isak said and picked at the sticker on his beer bottle. “There’s something I’ve been wondering though...” He continued.

“Yeah?”

“So, you’re bisexual...” Isak was looking down at the desk, tracing his finger at something again, “…and I take it, that you’ve been with other guys than... me...?” Isak looked up then and absentmindedly licked his lip, eyes locking onto his, his pupils slightly dilated.

“Yeah.” He confirmed, his eyes flicking from Isak’s eyes to his lips and back up to his eyes.

_None of them compare to you, though._

And he couldn’t stop his mind from going _there_ , from seeing quick flashes of himself and Isak in bed; of Isak stretched tight around him, or his lips around him, or the way his eyes squeezed shut in pleasure, or-.

He swallowed and tried to compose himself, _what were we talking about?_

“Was that the question? If I’ve been with other guys?” He then asked, his eyes dropping to Isak’s lips. 

“Uh. No. I don’t know, I think I forgot the real question.” Isak said, eyes dropping half-lidded to his lips.

And he was just about to lean in, to finally do something about the tension between them, that made his palms clammy and his heart beat fast and his mouth dry, _what did Isak say it was? Norepinephrine?_ When Isak’s stomach rumbled loudly, effectively killing the tension.

He couldn’t help cracking a laugh at the impeccable timing. “Wow. Hungry?”

”Uh, yeah, apparently.” Isak widened his eyes, looking like he was caught by surprise by his own body.

Even chuckled and grabbed Isak’s hand pulling him up from the chair with a ”come on.”

∙

They walked into the kitchen, and he grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge and handed one to Isak, who accepted it with a “nice. Thanks.”

Then he turned on the wireless speaker, opened Spotify on his phone and slid it across the counter to Isak. ”You’re dj’ing.”

Isak picked the phone up with a smirk. ”Oy! Sweet.”

Even smiled as Isak scrolled on his phone for a second and then looked up and met his eyes, ”so, I guess you’re not completely scared off by my music taste.”

He smiled at Isak. ”No. You have pretty great taste. Well, the Jason Mraz was maybe a bit-”

”Shut up! I told you, I was, like _16!_ ” Isak laughed. “Besides, I wouldn’t be so smug if I were you, or do you want to get into your Gabrielle-obsession, huh?” Isak raised his eyebrows with a smirk and took a sip of his beer.

He raised his eyebrows back at Isak, “uh, no shame here, I love Gabrielle. I’m pretty _versatile_.” He couldn’t resist to wink at him, because _get it_? 

Isak snorted into his beer, then coughed.

_He got it._

“Oh yeah?” Isak croaked out.

“Uh huh.” He smiled back at Isak and relished the blush spreading on Isak’s cheeks as he looked down, mouth tipped into a crooked smile, dimples and all.

_I want to do everything with you._

“Uh. Good to know.” Isak said, eyes on the kitchen counter, blush still high on his cheekbones. Then he picked up the phone again. “Anyway, where was I…”

Even smiled as he watched Isak intensely scrolling Spotify, tongue darting out to wet his lip while he struggled to put on music. Finally, José Gonzales – Heartbeats started streaming from the speaker.

_Wow, perfect._

“Nice choice.”

“Thanks.” Isak smiled. He glanced down at the screen “next in queue there’s some GZA, then Astrid S and then some old-school Kanye. From there on, it’s a surprise.” He looked at Even smugly. “Is that _versatile_ enough for you?”

“Absolutely.” He smirked and took a sip of his beer.

Then he opened the fridge and took out salad, cucumber and chicken, and then searched the cupboards for spices.

Isak leaned his hip against the counter. “So, what are we cooking?”

“Tacos. I hope you like it?” He smiled back.

“Sure. Who doesn't like tacos? I mean it’s practically the national dish...” 

“Right? I kinda banked on you liking it.” He smiled while taking out a pan, a couple of cutting boards and a mixing bowl.

“So, what do you want me to do?” Isak asked.

He turned to Isak with a smirk, eyebrows quickly up and down. Isak rolled his eyes.

_Too easy._

“Well, you can chop the cucumber?” He smiled innocently, handing Isak a cucumber.

“Okay.” Isak nodded and grabbed the cucumber from his hand, making sure to slap it hard into his own palm, gripping it like, _well_.

_Okay, yeah, I deserved that._

∙

Twenty minutes later, he had a pleasant buzz going from the second beer and was arranging the marinated chicken breasts in a baking tray, with Isak leaning casually against the counter opposite him, watching him. He looked up and caught Isak’s eyes with a smile.

“Soooo…” Isak dragged the word out, “you cooking for me… Gotta admit it kinda looks like a date, Even.” He smirked, then took a sip of beer.

_Yeah, kinda._

“What, _I’m_ cooking? I thought we were cooking _together_?” He smirked and nodded towards the chopping board with coriander, which Isak had abandoned about 15 minutes ago.

Isak gave him a smiley eyeroll and walked up next to him to the chopping board on the counter. He set his beer down and grabbed the knife, chopping the coriander. Their hips almost touched.

“Still kinda datey…” Isak shrugged, a smirk still playing at his lips.

“Uh, no. Totally platonic dinner.” He waved his hand between them, “just two guys cooking and getting to _know each other_.” He joked, because _yeah. this is totally datey, sorry._

Isak rolled his eyes, cheeks flushing slightly.

“Speaking of which, I told Mikael and Mutta they were welcome to join for dinner. Seeing as this is completely platonic.”

“Sure. Cool. I love platonic dinners.” Isak smiled.

He snorted a laugh at Isak’s sass.

∙

Mikael and Mutta did join them for dinner, and Mutta asked Isak about his major and about NTNU and Even shot Mutta a glance over the table, because _jeezes chill with the questions, bro._

But Even did enjoy watching Isak talking with two of his closest friends, it was a relief to see them get along so well, especially because Sonja never really hit it off with his Bakka-crew. She always thought they were too boyish, too crude and a bad influence on him. But Isak seemed to fit in and the guys obviously thought he was cool. He and Mutta could probably talk science for hours. Even smiled as he watched Isak and Mutta, and he took a sip of beer. He almost choked on it though, when he heard Isak mention Sana’s name.

“What? You know Sana??” he blurted out.

Isak turned to him, eyebrows up in surprise, “ _you_ know Sana? Sana Bakkoush?”

“Uh, yeah. She’s my friend Elias’ little sister…”

“Elias was here last weekend. You had breakfast with him, bro.” Mikael supplied, and Isak flushed slightly.

“Oh. Shit, that was Sana’s brother?”

“Yeah.” Mikael smiled.

“Damn, Oslo is so small sometimes.” Isak quirked an eyebrow.

“Yup.” Mutta and Mikael agreed.

“That’s so weird, I can’t believe you know Sana.” He smiled at Isak, while his thoughts were lowkey running wild. 

_I can’t believe you’ve been this close to me the entire time. I can’t believe I didn’t make the connection that day you told me you went to Nissen. I can’t believe you’re the same age as Sana, she’s just a kid. I can’t believe I could’ve met you years ago._

“Yeah, we went to Nissen together. We were biology partners all through second and third year. I helped her get a 6 on her diploma.” Isak said confidently.

“Top 2 percent.”

“You know it.” Isak winked, immediately getting the reference to their inside joke, while Mutta and Mikael didn’t understand anything.

Even’s lips quirked into a smile.

_Our own little world._

∙

After dinner they retreated to Even’s room and flopped down on their backs on his bed, keeping a bit of distance between them. He grabbed his laptop putting on some music and was perfectly content with chilling with Isak on his bed.

After a few moments, Isak spoke up.

“Was it Mikael? The friend you had a crush on at Bakka?” Isak turned to look at him.

“Uh.”

_How the fuck did he know?_

Isak looked at him, smiling softly. “It’s fine, Even. I’m just curious.”

“Uh. Yes. But, emphasis on _had_ , obviously.”

_It was forever ago, believe me._

“Sure.” Isak smiled. ”And, I mean, he’s handsome, so I don’t blame you.” Isak lifted an eyebrow.

" _What_?” He couldn’t help teasing Isak. “You think he’s hot? You _so_ have a thing for dark-haired guys!”

“I said he’s _handsome_!” Isak laughed back. “I mean, come on.”

_Yeah, I guess he is._

They both smiled into the ceiling again, until Isak broke the silence.

“ _You’re_ hot, though. Not just handsome. Definitely hot too.”

He turned to face Isak.

“Yeah?”

Isak turned his head to look at him, then turned fully onto his side. “Uh huh, I mean, _fuck_. You have no idea, what it takes to not touch you, Even.” He bit his lip.

_Are you kidding me?_

“Uh, I think I have an idea. This isn’t exactly easy for me either.” He replied. “Shit, that photo you sent me this morning…” He closed his eyes for a second, thinking back on the photo and how quickly it had made him come. When he opened his eyes again, Isak was biting his lip.

“Oh, right. Uh, sorry about that.” He made a little grimace.

_What, no._

“Uh, no. No don’t be sorry, Isak. It was so fucking hot.”

_I’m probably going to look at that photo a thousand times._

“Okay. Phew.” Isak’s tongue darted out to lick his bottom lip, and Even’s eyes were automatically drawn to the motion.

With great effort he refrained from leaning in and kissing him, but the urge to touch was getting too strong. So, he reached out and gently tucked one of Isak’s curls behind his ear, twirling the soft strands between his fingers. Isak closed his eyes at the light touch, and Even felt his own heart thud hard.

“Remind me again, why we can’t touch.” He asked lowly, his voice barely above a whisper. 

“Uh, we can touch. A little bit.” Isak croaked out.

“Okay.” He softly stroked down Isak’s neck, then skirted his thumb over the hollow at his collarbones resting it there.

He heard Isak hitch a breath at the touch, and his heart rate immediately picked up. He lightly ran the pad of his thumb over Isak’s collarbone. 

“…I just don’t want to, uh.” Isak tried but his eyes fluttered closed at the touch.

“What?” He asked.

“Uh, I don’t uh… want to…” Isak opened his eyes and looked at him, pupils dilated and his lips slightly parted.

He couldn’t resist it anymore, so he dipped his head and kissed the slight hollow between Isak’s collarbones and then up his neck, pressing soft kisses into Isak’s skin.

“Shit, Even.” Isak moaned.

His lips quirked into a smile against Isak’s neck. He pressed a last kiss just below Isak’s ear before pulling back.

“Sorry, you were saying?”

“Uh.” Isak looked dazed, as he turned his head to look at Even. “Uh, I just don’t want to, like… get lost in… sex. I want to _know_ you.”

“Okay.” He managed, feeling his heart in his throat at Isak words. 

“But, um…” Isak said, gently treading his hand through Even’s hair. Even closed his eyes, leaning into the touch. “…We can touch. A bit.” Isak whispered.

Even inched closer until their chests were almost touching. “Can I kiss you?”

_Please, let me kiss you._

“Yes. You don’t have to as-“

He pressed his lips to Isak’s, and for a moment Isak’s words echoed loudly

_I want to know you I want to know you I want to know you_

But when Isak opened his lips up for him with a pretty moan and stroked his tongue against his, the words faded into the background and all he heard was _more, more, more_. So, he kissed Isak _more and more_ until his lips were sore and they were both out of breath. Then he pulled back an inch and carded his hand through Isak’s curls, focusing on the feel of the soft strands slipping through his fingers.

“Fuck, I love your curls.” He said lowly.

“Yeah?” Isak smiled softly at him.

“Yeah.” He slipped his hand through Isak’s curls again. “They were just like this that day we met in the cafeteria. But then you cut them.”

“You remember?” Isak smiled.

“Of course.”

_I remember everything about you._

“I’m so glad you talked to me that day in the cafeteria.” Even smiled.

“Yeah, me too.” Isak smiled back.

He looked at Isak, his face barely an inch away from his own. He let his eyes dwell on the bridge of Isak’s nose, his sharp cheekbones, his eyelashes, the cupid bow of his lips

 _I kinda wish I’d met you before, though._

“What are you thinking about?” Isak asked quietly, his eyes flitting over Even’s face.

_I wish I could’ve been there when you were younger to support you and protect you from homophobic assholes. And your mom._

“Uh, what if we hadn’t met that day in the cafeteria, but [we’d met each other when we were younger. I mean, we both know Sana…](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24950839/chapters/60393931)” He looked at Isak.

Isak shot him a smile, so he continued.

“Like, imagine if we’d met back when you were at Nissen.” He rolled his lip in, looking at Isak for his reaction.

Isak let out a chuckle. “What, like in an alternative universe? Me studying over at Sana’s for the bio mid-term or something, and you hanging out with Elias and the guys?” Isak smiled. 

“Exactly. Oh my God, I would have gotten to see how cute you were at 16…” Even smiled.

Isak flushed slightly. “Uh, I don’t think I would’ve been ready for you back then. I’d probably never had the courage to even talk to you.”

“No?” He trailed a hand through Isak’s curls again, tucking them behind his ear, then letting his thumb skirt down his jaw. 

“Uh, no.” Isak smiled softly. “I probably would’ve just stared at you from afar, and, like fantasized about you.” He gave a little shrug.

Even felt his heart skip a beat.

“Uh…” His hand stalled, mind stuck on the thought of Isak fantasizing about him.

“What?” Isak smiled.

“It just…Sounds kinda hot, actually.” He bit his lip and looked at Isak. “You fantasizing about me…”

“Yeah?”

“Uh huh.”

“So um, what if I told you, I fantasized about you this morning?” Isak licked his lip.

_Fuck._

“Shit, Isak... that picture?”

“Mhmm. Thought about you.” Isak’s eyes dropped to half-lidded, settling on Even’s lips.

Blood surged to his groin with impressive speed and Even was fully hard within seconds.

He leaned in and kissed Isak, then raised up on his elbow hovering over him, and slid a thigh between Isak’s, pressing the length of their bodies flush against each other, letting Isak _feel_ him. And Isak grinded slowly against him, letting him feel his arousal, between his legs and in his tight grip and in his moans.

Soon they were back to _more_ , so he let his hand dance down Isak’s chest, whispering “what do you want, Isak?”

Isak’s only answer was incoherent moans, so he trailed his hand lower down Isak’s chest, making Isak arch his back with a hitched breath. He made it all the way to the waistband of Isak’s jeans before Isak caught his hand, shaking his head _no_ and lacing their fingers together, bringing their hands to his chest and whispering, “if you touch me, I don’t think I can hold back. Can we just…”

_Right, taking it slow. I’ll go slow for him._

“Okay, yeah.” He rasped, splaying his fingers over the cotton of Isak’s t-shirt making sure to keep his hands above the waist. He leaned in and kissed Isak again until his lips tingled, and they were both breathing hard and the sound of Isak’s moans and his own loud heartbeat drowned everything out, even the music playing from his laptop.

He was painfully aroused, and trailing his eyes down Isak’s body to the erection obscenely tenting Isak’s jeans did not exactly help. So, he pulled back a bit, flopping down on his back next to Isak trying to regain some sort of control over his body, to get his breathing and his heart, and the lust currently spinning wild, to slow down.

“You okay?” Isak looked at him, all flushed cheeks and shiny lips.

He nodded, “I’m good, just…”

“Just what?” Isak asked softly.

He lifted his hand to tuck away one of Isak’s stray curls and then trailed his thumb over his lips, resting the pad of his thumb on Isak’s bottom lip. Isak’s lips parted immediately, the tip of his tongue coming out to touch his thumb.

He felt another rush of blood to his groin, making him impossibly harder. 

“Fuck, Isak, you are not making this whole _taking it slow_ thing easy....”

Isak swallowed and dropped his eyes down to his crotch, biting his lip, then squeezed his eyes shut for a second. Even closed his own eyes for a second then opened them back up to Isak looking regretfully at him.

“I’m sorry.” Isak said, I know this is not…”

_Oh. No, baby, don’t apologize._

“No, don’t be sorry.” He smiled softly at Isak, reaching out to caress his cheek. “I’m completely okay with taking it slow. It’s just… hard.” His lips tipped into a grin at his own terrible pun.

Isak cracked a laugh, “yup.”

He smiled softly at Isak.

Isak smiled back and leaned in, kissing him, his tongue stroking against his, his hand coming up to grab a fistful of his hair and tug at the long strands. He gasped into Isak’s mouth at the feeling and they kissed for a few minutes before Isak pulled back and then sat up in bed.

Isak turned his head to look at him over his shoulder, his eyes trailing down to his crotch and then back up to his eyes.

And he boldly met Isak’s eyes, letting him know _yeah, this_ _is_ _all for you._

“ _Fuck_.” Isak said lowly.

“No, we’re not doing _that_.” He smirked, earning another smiley eyeroll for another terrible pun.

Then Isak stood up and stretched his arms. “I think…I’m gonna head home…” He announced, his eyes still trailing over Even’s body.

“Sure, okay.” Even smiled, “you’re welcome to stay of course…”

Isak smiled back, “thanks… I don’t think, we’ll be able to _take it slow_ if I stay, though.” He lifted an eyebrow.

Even’s eyes dropped to Isak’s crotch. “I think you’re right.”

Isak smirked and nodded towards the laptop, and Even, for the first time in a couple of hours, noticed the music.

“Very fitting soundtrack, by the way.” Isak smirked, as [Kendrick Lamar – LUST.](https://youtu.be/JYuUOgED1sg) streamed softly. ”Did you get Adam to make you a playlist with like only sexy hook-up songs?”

_No. Would’ve been next level though. Gotta remember that for next time._

“You know, I aim to please” he joked and Isak snorted a laugh, grabbing his backpack from the floor.

Even stood up and followed Isak to the corridor, where he put on his pullover, sneakers and jacket. He hoisted his backpack on one shoulder and turned to Even.

“So, thanks for today. It’s been very… platonic.” Isak sassed.

Even lifted his eyebrows at the sass and leaned in, pressing a kiss to Isak’s neck, then slowly dragged his tongue along Isak’s earlobe, the corner of his jaw, and down his neck, making Isak shiver and curl against him. He trailed back up to Isak’s ear, his voice low and raspy even to his own ears. “ _Fuck_ platonic.”

Isak sucked in a breath and leaned in and kissed him, immediately opening his lips and dropping one hand down, sliding into the back pocket of his jeans, drawing him closer, and gripping him hard through the fabric. Even in turn grabbed a fistful of Isak’s curls, making him gasp against his lips, and then they were right back where they left off five minutes ago in his bed. Eventually Isak pulled back and pushed Even off with a light palm on his chest. 

“Shit, I need to go. See you, Even.”

“See you, Isak.” He smiled and lifted Isak’s hand to his lips, dropping a last, soft kiss to his palm.

Isak smiled back at him, frozen at the spot for a second before he opened the door and walked out.

Even closed the door behind him with a dopey smile, and padded through the living-room to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

He took his phone up from his pocket and shot Isak a message, sending him a different Kendrick Lamar track, hoping Isak would get the hint.

* * *

**Isak Valtersen**

23:12

[Kendrick Lamar – LOVE. FEAT. ZACARI.](https://youtu.be/ox7RsX1Ee34)

Better?

* * *

_This is more than lust for me. So much more._

Isak’s reply came instantly.

* * *

**Isak Valtersen**

23:12

Yes.

* * *

Even’s lips tipped into a wide smile. He slid his phone down in his pocket and gulped down a glass of water, then refilled it, downing half of that too.

He set the glass down on the counter and turned around at Mutta’s voice behind him.

”So… how was the date?”

Even gave him a very Isak-y smiley eyeroll, ”it wasn’t a date, Mutta.”

”Right.” Mutta smirked, then pulled out a mug from an overhead cupboard, ”so, did you tell him?”

Even’s heart immediately sank.

“Uh, no. But I will. Just…”

Mutta turned to look at him, “just what, bro?”

_I just want to spend some time with him, before I lose him._

“Uh, nothing.”


	17. LOVE.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Featuring Isak wanting to burn off energy™, taking it slow™, texting, a (brief) return of post-it guy aka. Jakob, cake, and Isak opening up to Even.  
> Picks up where chapter 15 ends.

**Friday 13 March, 2020**

Isak covered the walk back to his own apartment in about twenty minutes, the [Kendrick Lamar song](https://youtu.be/ox7RsX1Ee34) Even sent him playing on repeat in his AirPods, and a dopey smiley on his lips, as he replayed the afternoon and evening in his mind.

His own words echoed.  
“ _We can touch. A bit_.”

And he was not entirely sure if a several hours long make out session fell under the category of _taking it slow_ exactly, but when Even had kissed him, there had been no turning back. And at least he hadn’t panicked at the soft touches and kisses and the _intimacy_. So, there was that. He took it as a win.

_Maybe I can do this._

He unlocked the door to his apartment and stepped inside, shrugging off his jacket and backpack. Then he took off his shoes and walked into the living-room. The lights and tv were on, and he spotted the top of Eskild’s head in one of the couches. Still feeling riled up from making out with Even, and way too giddy to go to bed, he walked up to the couch and plopped down in the other end with a soft “hey.”

Eskild paused the movie and looked at him with a smile. “Hey, Baby J. How was your date? You look…” he flicked his wrist at Isak, “…glowy.”

Isak’s lips split into a wide smile. “It wasn’t a date.”

“Really?” Eskild smirked.

Isak shrugged, still smiling. “Well, fuck do I know. Maybe it was.”

“But no sleep-over.” Eskild concluded.

“No. Taking it slow, you know.” Isak smiled at the rhyme. 

“Right, the no-sex thing.” Eskild said. “How’s that going?”

“Ugh.” Isak leaned back in the couch. “It’s... yeah.” He rubbed a hand over his face.

“Hard?” Eskild joked.

Isak snorted a laugh. “That’s what he said.”

Eskild giggled, so Isak had to clarify with a smile, “I mean literally. Even said that.”

“Wow, hot and funny, too.” Eskild smirked.

Isak rolled his eyes with a smile, “yeah, I bet the two of you would hit it off just fine.”

“So, when am I meeting him?” Eskild smiled.

“You already met him, remember?”

“Isak, I was heading out, I met him for a total of _two seconds_. I barely got a look at him.”

Isak smirked, raising an eyebrow, “as I recall, you looked _plenty_ at him.”

“Well, I mean...” Eskild smirked.

Isak smiled.

_Yeah, I know, he’s fucking hot._

“When am I meeting him properly then?” Eskild continued.

“Uh. Good question. I don’t know. Soon?”

“Looking forward to it.” Eskild smirked. 

“Calm down Eskild, he’s mine.” Isak replied with a smirk.

“Yeah, yeah, chill Baby J, he’s all yours.”

Isak smiled.

_All mine._

He slowly stood up from the couch with a smiley “goodnight, Eskild.”

“Goodnight, Isak. _Sweet dreams_.” Eskild winked. 

∙ 

Eskild was probably a fucking mind reader or something, because when Isak woke up the next morning, he was _so_ hard, his heart rate amped way up from a sex dream about Even. He closed his eyes and tried to stay suspended in the sweet spot between dreaming and waking up, chasing the dream. He’d had sex dreams about Even before they were _a thing_ , but this dream was somehow more explicit and more realistic, his subconscious reminding him, that he now knew how Even looked naked, what he sounded like when he came, how he tasted. His subconscious giving him a piece of what he couldn’t have for now.

Isak squeezed his eyes shut and managed to catch snippets of the dream, before it blurred into flashes of making out with Even for hours last night and then into images of having sex with him last weekend. He vividly recalled the feeling of Even’s lips on him and his fingers and the sound Even had made when he’d sinked into him and-.

He pushed a hand into his boxers, wrapped a hand around his straining erection and quickly stroked himself to completion.

When he opened his eyes again, he almost snorted at himself, as he lifted his head and looked down at his release pooling on his stomach.

_Sex dreams again. What am I some fucking sixteen-year-old?_

He dapped a kleenex to clean himself up and then picked up his phone to text Even.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

10:02

Good morning <3

I had a really good time yesterday. I like hanging out with you.

* * *

His fingers hovered over the screen for a moment, before he typed the next message.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

10:02

Just had a dream about you btw

* * *

Even replied immediately.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

10:02

I really like hanging out with you, too <3

And... I dreamt about you too.

Image sent

* * *

He widened his eyes, as he clicked on the picture; it showed Even laying back on his bed, holding himself erect with his right hand.

Isak almost choked on his own spit. And despite just having climaxed, he felt himself starting to get hard again.

_So, I guess I am some fucking sixteen-year-old._

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

10:03

Fuck.

You just made me hard again.

Show me.

* * *

Isak swallowed, another rush of blood heading to his dick as he read Even’s command. _Show me._

So, he wrapped a hand around himself, matching Even’s picture and sent it.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

10:03

Damn Isak

You're so fucking hot.

* * *

Isak put his phone down beside him and thought of Even stroking himself while thinking about him.

It took a little longer this time, but then Isak was coming again, a whispered _Even_ on his lips.

He took a moment to catch his breath and then wiped himself clean again, dropping the balled-up kleenex on the floor next to the other one.

Then he picked up his phone again to a new message from Even.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

10:15

So, I guess sexting is exempted from /taking it slow/?

Yeah, guess so.

Fett <3

* * *

_Sexting is fine. It’s just getting off. Sexting won’t break my heart._

∙ 

After a few more lazy minutes in bed, scrolling his phone, Isak got up and took a shower. Then he had breakfast, studied a bit, had a sandwich for lunch and then studied for a few more hours, texting random stuff with Even the entire afternoon. 

Somewhere along the line, the messages started bordering on suggestive though, and when Even sent him a “ _can’t stop thinking about you. Miss the way you taste_ ”, Isak was about two seconds away from texting Even to just come over and fuck him. No intimacy.

Instead he reached his hand into his boxers for the third time that day.

Afterwards he went to the bathroom to wash his hands and splash some cold water on his face. He took a look at himself in the mirror, chastising himself.

_Get it together, Isak. Take it slow. Don’t get blindsided._

Then he went back to his room and resumed studying, then played FIFA online with Magnus for a couple of hours, before he began feeling restless again, body once again humming with pent-up energy, his fingers itching to text Even, to see him. With great effort he resisted texting him and instead he spent some time making dinner with Eskild and Linn.

Later Eskild’s boyfriend Erik stopped by, and Isak got to talk with him for a bit, finally getting to know the guy Eskild had been seeing for the last few months. And he seemed nice, Erik, and Eskild was absolutely head over heels with him, and Isak smiled to himself, as he watched them give each other a soft, domestic kiss in the kitchen.

_Wouldn’t it be nice._

∙

Sunday rolled around, and Isak’s body continued to hum with energy, and the texting with Even ramped up, with both of them sending music links, pics of what they were doing and just general randomness back and forth in lieu of physically spending time together.

He really wanted to see Even, to hang out with him again, but with the make out session Friday and all the sexting and the _want_ , he didn’t trust his body to take it slow. So, he forced his mind to trump his treacherous body, which apparently had the libido of a sixteen-year-old, and he kept to texting Even random stuff. No sexting or dick picks like yesterday, or _I want you so bad,_ or desperate pleas to meet up. He was being _sensible_ , damnit.

But somehow even the innocent, random texts made him smile stupidly at his phone and his dick stir in his sweatpants. And when the afternoon sunlight streamed in through his makeshift curtains, and the restlessness was getting a little too much, and his resolve nearly broke, and he almost texted Even a suggestive “ _can’t stop thinking about you and your hands and your lips”_ , he finally closed the conversation, slid his phone into his pocket and walked into the living-room hoping to find some sort of distraction. 

∙

“Yo.” He called out to Eskild as he all but bounced into the living-room.

“Jeez, what’s up with you?” Eskild asked from the kitchen, when he began pacing around the living-room. 

“Ugh, I’m just so fucking restless. I don’t know.” He bounced on his feet, then did another round of the living-room, moved to the kitchen, opened the fridge, closed it again, took a glass of water, downed it and sat the empty glass on the counter, tapping his fingers in a staccato rhythm on the counter. 

Eskild shot him a look. “Wow, I didn’t think it was possible, but it seems you’re even more desperate than _before_ you had sex with Even. Although it does kinda make sense; you had a taste of that ass, and now you want more.” He smiled lewdly, dipping a teabag into a mug.

Isak shot him a glare. “Yeah, well. This whole _taking it slow_ -thing is _not_ easy. I feel like I’m fucking sixteen again, I’m so restless.”

“And by _restless_ you mean _horny_?”

“Ugh, yes.”

“So uh, you’re not having sex at all? Like not even handjobs?” Eskild asked, blowing at his cup of tea to cool it down.

“Uh, no. Not since last weekend.” Isak replied, twisting his upper body from side to side, stretching his dorsal muscles then rotating his shoulders.

“Okay.” Eskild looked at him, a slight frown between his eyebrows. “And why is it that you’re not having sex?”

“Uh. Because I sorta panicked last weekend after we’d had sex. So, we’re just like dialing it back a bit. Getting to know each other.”

“Right. You told me.” Eskild nodded as he remembered. “But you never told me _why_ you panicked?”

Isak shrugged, “honestly, I’m not really sure myself. I’m still trying to figure it out.”

“Okay?” Eskild prodded for an elaboration as Isak plopped down on the floor and started doing sit-ups.

“Ugh, I don’t know. It’s like, hanging out and chilling is great. Sex is great. Making out is great. But all of them together, is...too much.” He crunched up and then leaned back, “it’s like I can either do casual sex or casual friendship. When things start to get too intimate, I sorta… panic.” He huffed out, crunching up again.

“Hmm.” Eskild mused, looking down at him.

“...But we did manage to hang out and make out for a few hours yesterday without me panicking, so…” Isak crunched up, “…yay.”

“That’s good, Isak.” Eskild smiled.

“Yeah.” He breathed while crunching up again. “So, we’re just taking it slow, until I get my shit together.”

“Okay.” Eskild nodded. “Sure. So, while you figure it out, you’re not having sex _at all_?”

“No.” Isak said between clenched teeth.

“But you make out?”

“Yeah. And, I mean we’ve been sexting, but-.”

Eskild raised his eyebrows at him.

“Well, no wonder you’re horny.”

“Yeah, it’s… not ideal.” Isak admitted, crunching up again.

“Hey, whatever works for you, Baby J.” Eskild said sarcastically.

Isak frowned hard at Eskild, as he was crunching up again, “does it look like it’s working for me?!”

“Well, now that you mention it…” Eskild said with a little grimace. “Have you tried this little thing called _jerking off_?” He joked, looking down at Isak.

Isak rolled his eyes. “Yes.”

_Have I ever._

“It didn’t help. Either time.” He then gritted out, crunching up, touching his right elbow to his left knee.

“Wow. Okay.” Eskild said with a little grimace, still watching him.

_Yeah, it’s bad._

“Well, it’s not that I don’t appreciate you getting all sweaty on the living-room floor, but maybe you need to hit the gym? Seemed to work about a month ago when you were desperate for Even’s dick. Didn’t you buy a membership?”

_Right. The gym. Burn off some steam. Yes._

“Yeah. That’s... a good idea, actually.” Isak sat up and blew a lock of hair away from his face, pulling his phone up from his pocket. He opened a browser and researched the on-campus gym’s opening hours. “Closed about an hour ago.”

“Oh. Bummer.” Eskild said sympathetically.

Isak flopped back down and resumed doing diagonal sit-ups.

_Maybe tomorrow._

“Ugh, I just really want to see him.” He whined on an exhale.

“Well, if you’re trying to get to know him better, and…” Eskild made quotation marks in the air “… _take it slow_ , then why don’t you just do something with him that doesn’t involve sex? Like go do date stuff or something.”

“Date stuff?” Isak looked up at Eskild, a deep frown appearing between his pinched eyebrows.

“Yeah, like take him out for ice cream or something...”

Isak snorted at Eskild’s suggestion.

“Yeah, I’m _not_ taking him out for ice cream.”

“Why not?” Eskild pouted, “it’s spring, Isak!”

“Yeah.” Isak snorted, “ice cream is just not really my style.” He sat up, pausing his sit-up extravaganza.

“Who doesn’t like ice cream??” Eskild scoffed and Isak shrugged. 

“Well, then something else. Jeez, use your imagination. Find something that’s your _style_ or whatever.”

∙

When Isak slipped into his bed later, he grabbed his phone to set an alarm for next morning and to text Even.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

22:52

Hey, do you want to burn off some energy with me tomorrow morning?

* * *

Text bubbles appeared immediately and Isak bit his lip waiting for Even’s reply. 

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

22:52

Yes.

* * *

Isak smiled at Even’s fast _yes_. Then text bubbles appeared again.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

22:52

What are you suggesting?

The pool at campus.

Hmm

What?

I’m just not so into the idea of popping a boner in a public changing room. 

You can’t handle seeing me naked?

No.

* * *

Isak snorted at that.

_No, I guess it could be awkward._

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

22:53

Okay how about this, I’ll meet you inside the pool? At 9? I’ll make sure to be completely submerged in water...

Haha

Yeah okay. We can do that. It’s a date. Or.. y’know.

Haha

See you tomorrow.

See you <3

* * *

∙

Isak rode his bike to the on-campus gym in the pale morning sunlight, smiling at the thought of seeing Even, silently praising himself for thinking up a way to see him, that was low-pressure. Just hanging out. Taking it slow.

He parked his bike outside the pool and walked in, swiping his membership card. Then he walked into the changing room and quickly found a locker. He scanned the room for Even, but it was near-empty and definitely no trace of any stunning 6’4’’ blondes around.

He quickly stripped down, piled his clothes in his locker and grabbed his swimming trunks heading for the shower.

∙

He had just completed his fourth lap, when he spotted Even in the far end of the pool, wearing black swimming trunks, standing on the edge ready to dive in. Isak placed his heels on the little underwater ledge and leaned back against the tiles, watching Even do a near-perfect head-dive, disappearing under the surface for about 10 or 15 meters. Then his head popped up, and he pulled quick strokes to get to Isak’s end. Twenty seconds later, Even was in his face, his wet hair dark and slicked back, sticking down the back of his neck. Isak wanted to reach out and touch, but he settled for smiling a “hey” and keeping his hands to himself.

“Hey.” Even smiled back, his eyes dropping down to Isak’s collarbones and then down to mid-chest, where the water lapped up.

Then his eyes were back on Isak’s, mouth tipped into a smirk. “So… you wanted to burn off energy?” He raised his eyebrows challengingly.

Isak nodded, “mhmm.”

“Race me?”

Isak smiled, thinking about a month back, when he’d randomly met Even outside the pool.

_“Is it a competition?”_

_“Uh, now it is.”_

Isak looked back at Even with a competitive smile. “Uh huh, yeah, I’ll race you.”

“Think you can keep up?” Even smirked.

“Uh, _yeah_.” Isak replied confidently, because _damnit he was gonna try_. 

“10 laps, best time?” Even asked, moving a meter to the side, allowing them both to swim side by side in the wide empty lane.

“You’re on.” Isak smirked at him competitively.

Even smiled, eyes crinkling. “Okay.” He got into position, “ready? On three.”

Isak nodded, getting into position to push off against the wall.

“One, two, three.” Even counted and Isak pushed off, pulling fast strokes beside Even.

They matched each other stroke for stroke for the first few laps, but Even did perfect tumble turns and took off a bit, eventually completing the tenth lap some fifteen seconds ahead of Isak.

Even triumphantly raised his fist. “Yes!”

Isak groaned a breathy “noooooo! Damnit!”

He leaned his arms on the ledge, looking over at Even, “you’re fast.”

Even gave him a quick eyebrow up-and-down and smirked at him, “want a rematch?”

Isak lifted his arms and rolled his shoulders. “Yeah, fuck it. Let’s go.”

“Yeah?” Even looked at him.

“Yes. On three.”

∙

Even won the rematch as well, and his cheering was even more triumphant the second time around. Isak was definitely out of breath, when he turned to Even.

“Damn, Even.”

Even laughed. “Swim team, baby.” He winked at Isak before diving under, then popping up five meters from Isak, swimming leisurely and jerking his head _come on_.

Isak caught up to him, and they swam a couple of casual breaststroke laps side by side.

After a few more laps, they agreed to get out of the water and Even pulled himself up at the ledge, while Isak opted for the ladder. Even stretched his hand out and clasped Isak’s hand.

“Tired from trying to beat me?” He smiled playfully.

Isak barked out a laugh. “Shut up, you only won because I swam four laps before you even _got_ _here_ , and also, I did like a thousand sit-ups yesterday…”

“A _thousand_ sit-ups? Sounds like a fun afternoon.” Even smirked as he let go of Isak’s hand and they walked towards the changing rooms, the back of Even’s hand still brushing casually against his.

“Uh huh. Was restless. Needed to burn off some energy.” He winked at Even.

Even nodded, pursing his lips.

“Speaking of which, do you think you can handle being in the changing room with me now? I don’t know about you, but I just burned off a _lot_ of energy.” Isak smirked.

“Well, we’re about to find out.” Even smirked back, his eyes quickly darting down Isak’s body. 

∙

They hit the shower, and despite Isak stealthily trailing his gaze down Even’s body while Even had his eyes closed and head tipped back rinsing out the shampoo, and Even afterwards not quite so discreetly trailed his eyes over Isak’s wet body as he lathered soap all over, they both made it through showering without popping inappropriate boners.

After having finished showering, they each wrapped a towel around the waist, leaving their wet hair to drop down their shoulders, as they made their way to the lockers. Even had chosen a different aisle of lockers, so Isak had a few moments to himself, as he dried off and unlocked his locker, taking out his clothes, and pulling on his boxers, then a soft t-shirt, socks and jeans. He smiled to himself, as he dried his hair with his towel and then ran his fingers through the wet curls. He felt relaxed, muscles pleasantly tired out.

He tossed his wet towel, shampoo and swimming trunks in his gym bag and then he took his backpack out of the locker, draped his jacket and sweatshirt over his arm and grabbed his sneakers in the other hand, padding on socked feet to Even’s locker. He plopped down on a wooden bench between the rows of lockers and looked up at a half-dressed Even, who was pulling his t-shirt on, popping his head through the crew neck and smiling down at Isak.

“So…” Isak smiled, “I was thinking of taking you out for cake. As a prize for beating me. Again.”

Even smiled, tilting his head, “are you inviting me out on a coffee non-date?”

“Mhmm.” Isak smiled, “I mean, if you got time? Or do you have class?”

“Not until 13:00.” Even smiled back, as he ran a brush through his wet hair. “I’d love to claim my prize.”

Isak snorted a laugh. “Great. Well, whenever you’re ready, princess…” He teased, gesturing a hand at Even brushing his hair, damp and smooth behind his ears and down his neck. 

Even’s laugh was deep, “wow, _princess_ , really? Shit, I love it when you talk dirty to me, Isak.”

“I wasn’t…talking dirty…” He trailed off, feeling a blush colour his cheeks, as he thought back to the last couple of days, where he’d definitely been dirty talking or _dirty texting_ to Even.

_I’m going to be the one who pops a boner, if we don’t get outta here soon._

Even raised his eyebrows playfully and Isak wondered if he was a fucking mind reader, too. 

Even dropped the brush into his gym bag, and picked up his backpack, shoes, hoodie and jacket from the locker. Then he turned back to Isak.

“All done. Are you ready?”

Isak nodded. “Let’s go.” He hastily stood up, putting on his backpack and slinging the gym bag over his shoulder, walking quickly to the exit doors.

∙

Outside the building, Isak unlocked his bike and walked up to Even, casually steering the bike with a hand on the saddle.

“So, where are we going for the coffee non-date?” Even smiled, “I’m guessing _not_ the psych department café?”

Isak thought for a moment.

“You know what, fuck it. I owe him an apology. He might as well get it today. I’m not planning on steering clear of that café for the rest of my time at UiO. It’s the best coffee on campus...”

Even raised his eyebrows. “You sure?”

“Yeah.”

A few minutes later, they walked up to the café by the psych department and Isak leaned his bike against the building and locked it. He looked in through the windows and saw Jakob behind the counter. He exhaled a breath and looked at Even, who looked softly back at him.

“Yeah?” Even asked with an inquisitive eyebrow raise. 

Isak nodded and they went inside.

Jakob looked up from behind the counter, as they walked in.

“Hey Isak.” Jakob said flatly. Isak caught him looking at Even for a moment, before Even walked further inside, finding a table for them in the back.

“Hey, Jakob.” He leaned his hip against the counter.

“What can I get you?”

“Uh.” Isak said, eyes scanning the cake stand on the counter. “Can I have a piece of lemon pie and a brownie? Oh, and two cups of coffee.”

“Sure.” Jakob said, punching in the total amount on the register and turning the credit card receiver towards Isak.

“Thanks.” He swiped his credit card while trying to figure out what to say next.

He looked at Jakob placing the cake on plates, pouring up coffee, setting everything on a tray.

“Here you go.”

“Look, I’m-.” Isak started.

Jakob put a hand up. “Isak, it’s fine. Really. I get it. I told you to figure your shit out, and I guess you did.”

_Working on it._

“Yeah… I guess you were right, he turned out to be a little more than a friend after all.” Isak nodded in Even’s direction, trying to acknowledge Jakob and his intuition.

Jakob nodded. “It was pretty obvious to be honest.” He quirked a smile.

Isak nodded.

_Yeah, I guess everyone could see it, but me._

“Well, I’m still sorry for leading you on.”

Jakob shrugged. “Fuck it. I’m over you.” He smiled. “Also, congrats, ‘cause I mean, he’s hot...”

Isak quirked a smile and an eyebrow. “I don’t know whether to be offended here, or…?”

Jakob smirked at him briefly before his eyes strayed to someone queuing in line behind Isak.

“Well, see you around, Jakob.” Isak smiled politely.

“Sure. Take care, Isak.”

Isak nodded and picked up the tray, then walked to the back of the café where Even was lounging in an old couch, lazily scrolling his phone, impossibly long legs stretched all the way out. Isak sat the tray down on the table and plopped down in the couch, his thigh bumping into Even’s.

Even slid his phone into his pocket and looked at him.

“So… how did it go?”

“Uh, surprisingly well.” Isak lifted his eyebrows. “He’s over me. Apparently, I’m completely forgettable.” He sighed dramatically.

Even snorted a laugh, then his lips tipped into a soft smile, eyes locking onto Isak’s. “You’re far from forgettable, Isak.”

Isak looked into Even’s eyes, for a moment getting lost in the smile behind the tacky-sweet words. Then he leaned forward reaching for his coffee cup, “yeah, well…” he took a sip of coffee. “You know, back when I asked him out, he thought you were my boyfriend. I had to explain to him that you were just a friend…” He looked at Even.

“Oh yeah?” Even smiled picking up his cup and taking a sip.

“Yeah. So, he wasn’t really that surprised just now, when I told him, that you were maybe a _little bit_ _more than a friend_ …” Isak smiled.

“You told him that?” Even smiled.

“Mhmm.”

Even nodded, a sweet smile on his lips.

A few moments of comfortable silence settled between them. Isak looked down at where their thighs were resting against each other. Then he picked up the plate of brownie, biting into the cake with a deep “ _mmm_ ” - partly at the sweet chocolatey taste, and partly because he hadn’t had breakfast before going to the pool, and apparently, he was way hungrier than he’d thought. 

He caught Even looking at his lips. “Good?”

“Mhmm. Oh my God, yes.” Isak moaned around another bite of brownie.

“Shit, Isak.” Even said lowly, dipping his head with a smile, shaking his head lightly as he picked up his own plate of lemon pie.

“What?” Isak asked innocently.

Even looked up, smiling, his eyes dropping to Isak’s mouth. “Nothing.”

∙

A couple of hours later they stepped out of the café wearing jackets, bags and wide smiles. Even walked with him to his bike and smiled at him, as he unlocked it.

“So. This feels like a deja vu, but thanks for the coffee and cake.” Even pursed his lips, still smiling.

“You’re welcome.” Isak said, thinking back to the first time he’d treated Even to coffee and cake. 

_Feels like forever ago._

He looked at Even and shot him a crooked smile. 

“You know, I’m gonna train _hard_ to beat your swim time, right?” 

_Honestly, I’ll probably end up spending a lot of time at the pool burning off energy for the next weeks._

“Yeah? Bring it, Isak.” Even smirked.

“I will. Gotta burn off all that energy.” He smirked back.

Even bit his lip, “Maybe I’ll join you.”

Isak swallowed, as the meaning behind those words hung between them.

_Burn off energy... because we can’t have sex, yet._

He mentally shook his head and smiled at Even, then jerked his head towards the science faculty library. “I better get to the library. I have a lab report due next week.”

“Yeah. Okay.” Even smiled back, and then he dragged him into a hug, letting one hand settle on the small of his back, pressing him close. Isak rested his cheek on Even’s shoulder and noticed that they were standing right in front of the large window façade to the café. He briefly wondered if Even put his hand there to claim him for his own in front of Jakob. He shivered at the thought, at the possible _possessiveness_ of the touch and pressed closer to Even, smelling the chlorine and shampoo in his still-damp hair.

Even ran his nose along his jawline, making his eyes flutter closed. “When can I see you again?” He asked quietly before pressing a soft kiss below Isak’s ear.

The light touch was enough to leave goosebumps down his neck.

“Uh. I don’t know. Soon.” He managed.

_Taking it slow taking it slow taking it slow._

“Okay.” Even said, the word humming against Isak’s skin. “No pressure. Just let me know.”

Even then left a trail of kisses down his neck, nipping lightly at the skin before pressing a last kiss into his skin and walking off, leaving Isak with a boner in front of the psych department café and Jakob.

∙

A few days rolled by with Isak studying and trying to write on his lab report. His attention span proved to be _shit_ , though, almost constantly thinking about Even.

Thursday he ended up having lunch with Magnus at their usual spot in the Humanities department cafeteria. 

Isak had his phone out, texting Even, when Magnus asked him, “so, how’s it going with Even?” around a chicken drumstick.

He looked up from his phone with a smile and met Magnus’ eyes. “It’s uh. Good. Great.”

Magnus nodded. “Are you guys _together_ now?”

“Uh… No. We’re taking it slow, getting to know each other.”

“Okay. But, like, do you want him to be your boyfriend?”

Isak looked at Magnus, once again taken a bit aback at Magnus’ plain straightforwardness.

He thought for a second.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Awesome.” Magnus smiled and bit into another piece of chicken. “Even is so fucking cool. I bet, he’s an amazing boyfriend.” He said with a mouth full of food.

Isak snorted a laugh, “hey Mags, are you sure you’re not a bit in love with him too?”

“Nah, dude.” He swallowed “…chicks only.”

Isak nodded with a smile before raising a forkful of pasta salad to his mouth.

“But, if I were ever to _go gay_ , it’d be for Even.”

Isak cracked a laugh, “oh my God, Mags. Can I quote you on that?”

Magnus flicked his hand at Isak, “be my guest, Issy.”

Isak laughed and pulled his phone up.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

12:04

Hey, wanna hang out later?

Btw Mags just told me he’d go gay for you…

Wow. That’s. I’m.. honored?

Lol yeah you should be

So, do you want to hang?

I’d love to.

I’m working at KB 13-17 though. But after?

Sure. I have class until 16 and then I’ll stop by KB and chill there until your shift ends?

Perfect. It’s a... non-date. <3

* * *

Isak smiled at their inside no-date joke.

“So, what did he say?”

“Huh?” Isak squinted at Magnus.

Magnus nodded at his phone clutched in his hand.

“Oh. Right. He was honored. I’d go for it, if I were you, Mags.” Isak winked.

∙

At 16:04 Isak strolled up to Kaffebrenneriet, stopping just outside to cast a quick look through the glass door, scanning for Even. His lips quirked into a smile when he saw him; Even was smiling at a woman who looked to be in her thirties while handing her a cup of to-go coffee.

The woman smiled back, and then turned around walking out through the door, passing by Isak and walking onto the pavement. Isak stepped in and strode up to the counter, catching Even’s eyes.

“Hey.” He smiled.

“Hey.” Even smiled back, eyes crinkling a bit.

“Flirting with the customers, or?” Isak joked nodding towards the door.

“Jealous?” Even replied, raising his eyebrows teasingly.

Isak gave him a little shrug and a smirk, “maybe.”

“Okay.” Even nodded with a smile, and they shared a look, eyes locked onto each other. Then someone walked in the door and queued behind Isak, and he remembered, that this was a coffeeshop and Even was at work.

“Uh, yeah, so can I have a… cappuccino?” he stuttered, trying to act cool but obviously failing.

“Sure.” Even chuckled and set to work, weighing the coffee beans and then grinding them, stamping them for the espresso machine. 

Isak drew his credit card up from his pocket, but Even shook his head.

“Just find a table, and I’ll bring you your coffee.” Even smiled.

“Okay. Yeah. Thanks.” He nodded and walked up to a table close to the counter, where he’d be able to see Even. As he walked to the table, he faintly heard the woman behind him in line, “so is coffee free for all customers, or?”

Isak looked up at Even’s deep chuckle. “No, that was a special discount.”

∙ 

A few minutes later, Even walked up to his table, setting down two cappuccinos and a brownie. He plopped down in the chair opposite Isak’s and Isak looked up from his laptop.

“You’re joining me?” he asked, nodding at the second cup of cappuccino.

“Yeah, I saved my break for when you got here.” Even smiled.

“Oh. Nice.” Isak smiled back and took a sip of his coffee and then nodded at the brownie, “share?”

Even smiled. “No, it’s for you.”

Isak tilted his head “That’s nice of you.”

“I can be nice.” Even smiled back, his eyes settling on Isak’s mouth, as Isak took a bite of the brownie and then licked his lips.

∙

A little over an hour later they were walking to the tram stop.

“So, my place or yours?” Even smiled.

Isak thought for a moment.

“Actually, can we go to mine? Eskild really wants to meet you.” He bit his lip with a smile.

“Sure. Let’s do that.” Even smiled.

Isak nodded and pulled his phone up, shooting Eskild a text.

* * *

**Eskild**

17:12

Hey Guru

Bringing Even over. Are you home?

Hey baby J

Won’t be home before 20ish, but I’d love to meet him.

Pizzas?

* * *

Isak smiled and sent Eskild a thumbs up before pocketing his phone and turning to Even.

“Eskild won’t be home until 20, so at least we can have a couple of hours to ourselves.”

“Sounds good.” Even smiled.

∙

They climbed the stairs to Isak’s apartment talking about the weird tiger documentary they had both watched on Netflix, then took off their jackets and shoes in the corridor and moved to Isak’s room.

“So. Desk or bed?” Even asked with a smile.

“Uh. Bed.” Isak decided, grabbing his laptop and plopping down on his bed, flipping the lid open.

Even sat down beside him, leaning his thigh lightly against his, but still kept a bit of distance, palms flat on his thighs, as if keeping his hands to himself.

Isak put on one of his Spotify playlists and set the laptop down on the floor, then turned to face Even. “So…” he started, suddenly feeling flustered at the prospect of being alone with Even again.

 _Maybe I should’ve gone with_ desk _._

The other day at the pool and the café, had felt easy, they were in public and the whole intimacy factor had been taken out of the equation. There had been flirting and touches yes, but it had been a chill hang-out. Nothing to make Isak feel like his heart was beating its way out of his chest.

But now, when they were alone in his room, and Even smiled at him softly, waiting for him to take the lead, he couldn’t really think of anything to do, other than, _well_. The last weeks’ worth of sexual tension flooded the space between them, and Isak _wanted_ , God he _wanted_ , but he did not yet trust himself with his emotions. 

“So…” Even echoed him with a smile.

And as if on cue, Isak remembered that he still had a bit of weed left in his stash.

“Uh, do you wanna smoke?” He smiled, hoping for Even to agree and for the weed to take the edge off his sexual frustration and the fear of panicking again.

“Sure.” Even said easily. So Isak got up with a nod and found a pre-rolled joint in his stash and picked up a lighter and a glass from his untidied desk. He hadn’t exactly planned to hang out with Even when he left for class earlier, so everything was a bit _messy_.

He sat down on the bed again and handed Even the lighter and the joint, “uh sorry for the mess.”

Even lit up and took a drag, hollowing his cheeks and then passed the joint to Isak.

“No worries. My room looks the same.” He smiled.

“Yeah, okay. Cool.” Isak exhaled, all too aware of how his body was thrumming with want.

∙

They passed the joint between them until it burned down to a stub and then they lazily laid down on the bed facing each other. And Isak concluded, that the weed had done nothing to dull his sexual frustration.

“So… what do we do now?” Even asked, his voice deep and raspy from smoking.

“Uh…” Isak said, dropping his eyes to Even’s lips and coming up with nothing.

He noticed Even’s lips tip into a small smile, before Even leaned in and pressed them against his own. His eyes fluttered closed and he opened up for Even, tongues meeting in a slow and sticky dance. Even put a hand on his hip, drawing him closer and he let himself go willingly, the length of his body pressing flush against Even’s.

A few minutes later, they were both panting into kisses, hips moving slowly against each other.

Even pulled back slightly, eyes intense on Isak’s. “Is this… okay? I mean, I can… We can take it slow.”

Isak shrugged with a smile. “Yeah. Or we can just…”

_Fuck it, let’s see how far we can go, before I panic._

He leaned in and kissed Even again, coaxing his lips open, dragging a soft moan from Even, when he stroked his tongue against his. Isak flopped onto his back, pulling Even on top of him, connecting them in all the right places, and Even let out a somewhat surprised-sounding moan. 

It made Isak smile, so he smiled into the kiss he pressed to Even’s neck, and then buried one hand in the soft, long waves curling at the nape of Even’s neck.

Even let out a low moan, as Isak softly pulled his hair, and Isak reveled in discovering those little things, that turned Even on.

Then Even moved his mouth to Isak’s jaw and pressed soft kisses along his jawline and then moved back up his neck and pressed a wet kiss just below Isak’s ear, making him squirm and pant out.

“You liked that?” Even asked, voice low.

“Yeah.” He moaned out.

_I like your lips anywhere on me._

So Even leaned in and did it again, flicking his tongue over Isak’s sensitive skin, and Isak arched into him, his hips knocking flush into Even’s. And he would’ve been a little embarrassed of being so hard already, if it wasn’t for the matching hardness in Even’s jeans. So, he just moaned at the contact and pressed harder against Even, letting his hips rub in slow circles against Even while they made out. Even trailed his thumb along his jawline and when his hips began to rub against him, tantalizingly slow and teasing, Isak hitched a breath and swallowed air.

Even pulled back a couple of centimeters, putting a tiny bit of air between their faces, chests and hips.

“I need you to take the lead here, Isak…” he said, his voice deep and breathless. “You set the pace.” His eyes flitted over Isak’s face, “because I _really_ want you. But I need you to be comfortable.”

Isak nodded, eyes half-lidded on Even’s lips. “I’m very comfortable.”

“Yeah?” Even smiled.

“Mhmm. Well, except for these jeans…So tight.” He joked, knocking his hips flush against Even’s again for emphasis.

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” Even smirked, pressing back against him, letting him feel the hardness there. And Isak had to focus on _taking it slow_ and breathing and let his mind trump over his body and not gasp out something desperate.

∙

A few minutes later, Even had him panting on his back and was working on his zipper while kissing his neck and the sensitive spot below his ear. And Isak was slowly going crazy with lust, harder than he’d probably ever been from a make-out session before, so close to gasp out something desperate.

“You’re so beautiful.” Even said quietly into his ear, and that was seemingly the cue to set Isak’s thoughts spinning, and his heart to start beating uncomfortably hard. And if it wasn’t for the panic, he probably would’ve been a little impressed with his mind’s ability to still form thoughts, when it felt like all his blood has rushed between his legs.

He lightly tapped Even’s chest and managed a hoarse, “okay, time out.”

Even laid down on his back beside him, keeping a few centimeters distance, breathing hard, while Isak looked into the ceiling, trying to control his heart rate, the budding panic and the anger he felt at himself.

_What the fuck is wrong with me._

Even turned his head to look at him. “You okay?”

“Ugh, I don’t know.” He groaned.

“Anything I can do?” Even asked softly.

“Uh, no. I just need a second.”

Even nodded and followed his gaze to the ceiling.

Isak looked at Even out of the corner of his eye. He swallowed drily.

_I should probably talk to him. Like, tell him that I’m trying to figure shit out. Or, tell him anything really. Maybe it’d help to talk._

He cleared his throat. “Um. I... I’m trying to figure my shit out. Really. I just. I need a little time.”

Even turned to look at him, smiling softly. “It’s fine, Isak. Take all the time you need.”

“Ugh. It’s just...”

“Hard?” Even chuckled.

Isak rolled his eyes, smiling a little at Even’s attempt to keep things easy. “Yeah. I want you so fucking much, but...at the same time I’m…uh...” he trailed off.

Even nodded, but then he frowned, suddenly looking worried. “When we had sex last weekend… You panicked, that’s why you left my place, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Did I… Did I do something wrong? Like, did I hurt you?” his eyes were intense on Isak’s.

_No, you were so amazing. And tender and loving. That’s what made me panic._

“No! The sex was amazing. You were. Amazing.”

Even exhaled a breath, “okay.”

They lay in silence for a few minutes. Isak finally calming down a bit, his heart rate finally slowing from frantic to just elevated. 

He turned his face to look at Even. “I uh. I feel like I owe you an explanation, or something. For this…” he waved his hand vaguely at himself.

Even looked back and smiled softly. “You don’t owe me anything, Isak. But I’d be happy to listen to you. Always.” He reached out a hand and stroked Isak’s hair behind his ear, and Isak hitched a breath at the tenderness.

“Uh.” He started, dropping his gaze down, focusing on the inch of pale, flat stomach showing where Even’s t-shirt was riding up. He continued shakily. “I don’t really know why, but sometimes I get these weird thoughts and I start panicking.” He looked up into Even’s eyes, “...and I’ve been trying to figure out why.”

“Okay.” Even said softly.

“I guess… my feelings for you and, like, this kind of _intimacy_ is scaring me. Like, I’ve never really…” he trailed off.

_How much do I tell him?_

Isak turned onto his side, laying his head on his arm. “It’s like… sex has never been a problem for me. Casual sex or Grindr or sexting has never made me panic.”

Even nodded, urging him to continue.

“…And like, when we’re just hanging out, I don’t panic… So, I feel like, I can either do casual sex, or friendship. But when they start to mix, and there’s the whole _intimacy thing_ … that’s what makes me panic.”

“Okay.” Even said quietly. Then he carefully lifted his hand and skirted it softly down Isak’s side. “Is this okay?” He asked softly.

Isak nodded.

“It’s kinda fucked up to admit, that you’ve never really felt intimacy, huh.” He sighed.

Even just looked at him softly. “Your ex… did he… did he hurt you?”

Isak looked up. “Uh. Yeah. I mean, not physically, but. Yeah.”

“Do you want to tell me about it?” Even kept stroking his hand softly down his side and up to his shoulder.

Isak snorted a self-deprecating laugh.

_Not really. I’m so sick of being fucked up._

“Not really. But…” He shrugged minutely.

_Here goes nothing._

“When I met him, I was in a strange place. I’d just come out, but I was not… comfortable. I had been living with Eskild and Linn for two years, and I didn’t really have any contact with my parents. Well, my dad paid my rent and we texted sometimes, but other than that… Nothing. Remember I told you I used to hook up with girls to act straight?”

“Yeah.” Even said softly.

“I guess, I just didn’t want to admit to anyone or myself, that I was gay. Because my mom… Well, she really didn’t make it easy for me. I had a pretty fucked-up childhood. Like, completely dysfunctional family...My sister left for Berlin when I was 15, and then my dad left. So I was left alone with my sick mom. And she never ceased telling me how _wrong_ I was, even before I knew that I was gay, myself. But I guess she always knew...Man, she had so many tantrums, screaming at me. And at first I didn't understand what was going on. She wasn't diagnozed until I was 17 and had moved out."

He drew in a breath and continued.

“So, I hated myself for a good four or five years, deep down thinking there was something wrong with me. That me being gay was some sort of punishment from the universe or God or whatever. And it sounds so crazy now, because I’m not religious _at all_ , but I guess that’s what 15 years of religious bullshit and hate speech does to you. Anyway, I moved in with Eskild and Linn when I was 16, and I finally came out at 18. Well not to my mom, I actually never officially came out to her.” He looked at Even and continued. “Anyway, I came out to my friends, but I was still not comfortable with myself. So, when I graduated from Nissen, I was looking for a change and I was accepted to NTNU and I was like, _yes, finally a fresh start_. I honestly thought, I could reinvent myself or some shit.” He snorted a bitter laugh.

“So, I moved to Trondheim and at first it was really liberating to be hundreds of kilometers away from my parents. But I still wasn’t that comfortable with who I was. Like, I was never really _out and proud_. More like _out and slightly ashamed,_ I guess _._ ” He attempted a joke, and the corner of his lips tipped into a smile, when he saw Even quirked a little smile.

Then he continued.

“Anyway, I met Mats, my ex, the first week in Trondheim. He was my T.A., and we started talking, and he came on to me pretty hard. And I was, I don’t know _honored_ or something, that this good-looking guy in his mid-twenties was coming on to me. So, we started having sex almost right away. He wasn’t my first, but the first who was more than a one-night stand. And I fell for him. Fast.” He looked at Even to gauge his reaction.

“What happened then?” Even asked softly.

“He became my boyfriend after a couple of weeks. I wasn’t really looking for a boyfriend, I was just looking for sex to be honest. Like for so many years I’d been convinced that there was something wrong with me, and I’d tried, really tried to like girls and then when I finally came out, I still felt kinda fucked-up, and I settled for the thought of just having casual sex with guys, because the thought of actually opening up to another person and like, let them in, didn’t feel like something I’d be able to. I was really closed off. I guess in some ways I still am.” He looked up at Even for his reaction. Even swallowed visibly, his eyes flitting all over his face.

Isak continued, because _fuck it, might as well get it all out there_.

“But anyway, Mats sorta became my boyfriend. Only, looking back now, I don’t think he ever really was my boyfriend. Well, if he was, he was a really shitty one. And I don’t know if I ever really loved him, or it was just infatuation. But I let myself fall for him quickly and I told him about myself and my mom and for the first time in my life, I really tried to let someone in. But, as the months went by, he started becoming really manipulative, and he clearly wanted me to be something- or someone else. So, he tried to manipulate me, commenting on what I liked or telling me I should do this or that instead of what I wanted to do. It reminded me of my childhood really, and, like being young and trying to be someone I was not. And I honestly think he was battling with some major shit of his own, like maybe he was projecting some of that on to me. But he never let me in on it, and I feel sorry for him, I really do, but he was just _not_ good for me… He made me feel _wrong_. Just like my mom.”

He looked up at Even with shiny eyes, then dropped his eyes down, settling on Even’s collarbones.

“And then there was the whole cheating thing. He basically fucked half of campus – guys _and_ girls, while telling me he was in love with me, and that I was the only one. And I feel so stupid for believing it and not suspecting anything, but I just… didn’t.” He shrugged.

“So anyway, I decided to come back here and transfer to UiO. But when I told him about it, he… did not take it well. At first, he was really angry, then he started giving me these weird declarations of love and like begged me to stay. When I told him, I was going through with the transfer, he threatened me to stay, telling me how he’d call up my mom, and since I’d never come out to her, he’d personally let her know what a _fag_ I was. And that was when I knew, I really had to get out…” He looked up at Even again with his heart in his throat.

“Shit, Isak.” Even whispered.

Isak swallowed. “So, yeah. The whole thing kinda fucked me up, and when I came back here, I went back to thinking _okay, I’ll just never have a boyfriend, I’ll never let myself fall for anyone again_ and I put my guard up. And then… I met you. And honestly my feelings for you scare the hell out of me, because I don’t _know_ you. I need to _know_ you. I can’t let myself repeat my mistakes.” He looked at Even, his heart beating wildly against his ribcage.

Even swallowed, and looked at Isak, his eyes flitting over his face. “Uh…” he said.

“Yeah.” Isak lifted an eyebrow and dipped his head, escaping Even’s gaze, already regretting telling Even his entire fucking life/sob-story.

_I never should’ve told him._

Then he felt Even’s hand coming up to softly stroke his cheek, and he looked up, meeting his gaze.

Even’s eyes were shiny but sincere, unwavering. “Thank you for telling me. For trusting me with this.” Then he leaned in and kissed him softly, so softly. 

_Oh._

“I am so sorry that happened to you. I am so, so sorry. You are not _wrong_ , Isak. You’re perfect.” He stroked both thumbs carefully over the top of Isak’s cheeks, wiping the tears away.

Isak hitched a breath at the tenderness, feeling more tears pool stickily behind his eyelids.

“Shit, Even, I’m… So in love with you. But I’m scared. That’s why I need to go slow. I need my heart and my body to sync up. And I don’t want to...fuck it up.” He croaked out and then wiped at a stray tear rolling down his cheek with the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

“You won’t fuck it up, Isak.” Even said quietly, his eyes boring into Isak’s. Then he leaned in and kissed him again, his lips so soft, but so steady. 

And Isak’s mind finally quieted down, all traces of panic gone as his lips tipped into a soft smile and he kissed Even back slowly and surely.

∙

It could’ve been minutes or hours later, Even kept kissing him, easing his pain away and healing him with each slow press of lips. Isak had effectively lost track of time, completely immersed in the sensation of kissing Even, so when his phone rang loudly and insistently in his pocket, it took him a moment to pinpoint the sound. He felt like being ripped out of a dream.

Even pulled back a bit, letting him fumble to fish up his phone from his jeans pocket, answering it with a hoarse “hello?”

“Hey, Isak!” Eskild said way too loud and enthusiastically for Isak’s dazed brain.

“Uh. Hey. What’s up?”

“I’m at the pizza place now. What kind of pizza does Even like?”

_Oh. Right. Dinner with Eskild._

Isak smiled and turned his face to Even, “what kind of pizza do you want? Eskild is bringing pizzas home.”

Even smiled, raising his eyebrows slightly, like he’d also completely forgotten about meeting Eskild.

“Uh.....Pineapple?”

“Really? Pineapple??” Isak quirked an eyebrow.

Even shrugged with a smile. “Why are you so skeptical?”

“Jeez, it’s like a fucking hashtag… you find the man of your dreams, and it turns out he likes pineapple pizza...”

Even smiled. “Am I the man of your dreams?”

“Uh.” Isak flushed at his own admission, and then he heard Eskild’s voice through the phone.

“Isaaaaaakkkk? Is it gonna be today?”

_Thank you._

Isak angled his phone back to his mouth.

“Yeah, hey. So, Even wants pineapple.”

“Seriously? Dump him.”

Isak snorted a laugh, “I know right…”

“The usual for you?”

“Yes please.”

“Cool. See you soon. Kisses.” Eskild made a smacking kissy-sound before ending the call.

Isak smiled as he slid his phone back in his pocket, then he looked up at Even.

“Eskild will be home with pizzas in like 15 minutes. Want to kiss me until he gets here?”

“Yes.” Even smiled and leaned in, picking up where they left off.

∙

Dinner with Eskild went smoothly, the three of them settling at the dining table with pizzas and the few beers Eskild managed to dig out from the back of the fridge.

“So, Even. Nice to finally meet you. Isak has been… quite enchanted with you since he first met you.” Eskild smirked.

Isak rolled his eyes. “Eskild…”

“What? I’m just telling Even the truth. You were so enamored with him right from the beginning. You even made me cut your hair, so you could look good for him.”

“I did not…” Isak trailed off, but _yeah. Basically_.

Even raised his eyebrows in surprise, “you cut your curls for me?”

Isak shrugged, “Yeah. Didn’t know you were so into them, though.”

“I’m very into them.”

 _I’m very into_ you _._

Then Eskild proceeded to take on the role as a protective father, despite him only being four years older. And he asked Even questions about his _intentions_ and it made Isak snort a “jeez, Eskild”.

_Well, I guess he’s helped me more in my life, that my dad ever has._

“What, Baby J? I need to know this gorgeous man’s intentions.” He raised his eyebrows lewdly and Isak cracked a laugh.

“Baby J?” Even asked amused.

“Short for Baby Jesus.” Eskild explained.

“Baby _Jesus_?” Even asked again.

“Yeah, long story.” Isak smiled, waving a hand dismissively and picking up another piece of pizza.

∙

After they had finished their pizzas and beer, and Even had shook Eskild’s hand in some sort of weird welcome-to-the-family-ritual, they retreated to Isak’s room, and Isak flopped right back onto his bed, pulling Even with him, with Even landing half on top of him.

They kissed for a while, slowly at first, picking up where they left off before dinner. But after a few minutes, the kisses turned heated and soon Isak was moaning into the kisses, arching up, searching for more of Even’s body.

Even gave him a last kiss, and pulled free with a _pop_ , sitting down beside him.

“I should be getting home.” Even said softly.

“Or. You could stay.” Isak said boldly.

_Maybe my heart finally caught up with my body._

Even smiled at him, lifting his hand to cradle his cheek in his hand, his thumb softly stroking over his cheekbone.

“I’d _love_ to. Believe me. But not tonight.” Even leaned in and kissed him again, easily coaxing his lips open. Isak sighed into the kiss, tasting pineapple and pepperoni and beer on Even’s tongue.

Even softly pulled back and stood up, picking up his hoodie from a chair, and Isak stood up to walk him out.

Even put his jacket and shoes on in the corridor and then he turned to Isak.

“Thank you for today. Thank you for letting me in.” He said quietly, stroking a curl behind Isak’s ear. He leaned in, letting his lips press softly against Isak’s again. Isak deepened the kiss, nipping at Even’s bottom lip and making Even open up for him with a low moan.

They kissed until Even pulled back, cheeks flushed, and pupils dilated, and Isak felt lightheaded.

“Hey, Isak?” Even dropped his voice low.

“Yeah?” he breathed, half-lidded eyes stuck on Even's lips.

“Just in case I haven’t told you… I’m _so_ in love with you, too.”

Then Even turned around and walked out of the door, leaving him flustered, his heart once again beating wildly in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot more was supposed to happen in this chapter, but I decided to cut it at almost 10k words.  
> Stay tuned for more in the next chapter!


	18. Runaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring The Lab Report™, Sana, hanging out at the library, kissing, Oslo Opera House, conversations and Instagram.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is Isak's pov and picks up right after the previous chapter.

**Thursday 19 March, 2020**

_"Hey, Isak?” Even dropped his voice low._

_“Yeah?”_

_“Just in case I haven’t told you… I’m_ so _in love with you, too.”_

Isak closed the door behind Even with a click and leaned his back against it for a moment, trying to calm down. His heart was making a valiant effort to beat its way out of his chest, and he could still feel Even’s soft kisses on his neck. So, he took a deep breath, trying to control his racing heart rate, and then pushed his back off the door and walked back to his room.

He flopped down on the bed with a smile and tried to chase Even’s smell on his pillows, replaying Even’s words.

“ _I’m_ so _in love with you_.”

Isak’s whole body hummed, cheeks warm, butterflies filling his chest.

_Yeah, this definitely isn’t like anything I’ve ever felt before._

∙

Isak woke up the next morning feeling well-rested after around 9 hours of sleep. He couldn’t remember, when he’d last felt so rested.

He spent a couple of minutes lazing in bed, thinking back to last night.

_Can’t believe I told him about my parents. And Mats. Just like that._

He stretched languidly, then sat up and grabbed a t-shirt off the floor, pulling it over his head. He suddenly recalled the words of the school doctor he’d seen back at Nissen, when he was having trouble dealing with all his shit back in second year. She’d advised him to talk to someone. A therapist. Or a friend, at least.

_“Every person is an island. And the only bridges between people are through words.”_

Isak smiled, as he thought back on the words that sounded so cliché back then.

_Guess she was right after all._

∙

“Mornin’ Isak.” Eskild greeted him, as Isak padded into the kitchen in a t-shirt and Even’s sweatpants, which he _probably should give back, but they were loose and comfortable and he lowkey liked the thought of wearing Even’s clothes, so._

“Mornin’.” he replied with an easy smile, as he opened a cabinet and took out a bowl for his cornflakes.

“So… Even, huh…” Eskild smiled.

“Yeah. What about him?” Isak couldn’t wipe the smile off his lips.

“He’s... Wow. Nice catch, Baby J.”

Isak snorted a laugh, “yeah, thanks.”

“I mean, except for the fact that he likes _pineapple_ _pizza_ ,” Eskild shuddered, “…he’s basically perfect.”

“I know.” Isak smiled, as he poured cornflakes into his bowl and sat down opposite Eskild, smiling at nothing, as he shoveled in spoonfuls of cornflakes.

Eskild watched him with a smile.

Isak looked up and snorted a laugh, “what?”

Eskild waved his hand at him, “you just look so… happy.”

“I am.” He smiled.

“Oh I see, you two finally broke the no-sex thing last night, huh?” Eskild winked.

Isak snorted a laugh, “uh, no. It’s not that…We, just, uh. Talked.”

“Okay?” Eskild smiled, taking a sip of coffee.

“Yeah, I finally told him some of my shit, and… It felt good. I feel good.” Isak smiled.

_I feel free._

“That’s great, Isak.” Eskild smiled softly. ”You’ve come a long way, my little godchild. I’m proud of you, you know?” Eskild ruffled his curls.

“Eskild, you’re four years older than me. I’m not _your little godchild_.” Isak frowned.

“You’ll always be my little godchild.” Eskild said plainly. Then he stood up from his chair, bowed down and pecked Isak on the cheek and padded out of the kitchen with a “dips on the shower.”

“But, I have class in an hou-“ Isak futilely called out, as Eskild shut the door to the bathroom behind him.

∙

As soon as his lecture on Applied Spectroscopy ended, Isak slid his laptop into his backpack and rode his bike the few hundred meters to the science institute library, unpacking his laptop again and setting up shop with a thermo mug of coffee, a few granola bars and a water bottle. He had a 20-page lab report due next week, and he was determined to get some work done, since he’d been neglecting it for the past week - his attention span seemingly down the drain, all he could think about was Even.

And now he had six days to finish the report, that would weigh a third of his grade for the course.

 _I can pull it together and stop thinking about Even for a few days,_ damnit _._

So, Isak flipped open the lid of his laptop and opened his almost empty word document. He stared at the 8 lines of words for a few minutes before opening his messenger conversation with Even instead and proceding to spend a good ten minutes texting random stuff with him. He cleverly steered off _suggestive themes_ , though, reserving that for later, when he was alone in his room. A campus library was not the ideal place to deal with a boner, after all.

Another beep came from his laptop, and Isak smiled at his screen, as he read Even’s message.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

13:45

Btw are you doing anything this weekend?

* * *

His first impulse was to text back a flirty “ _you_ ”, but he refrained, instead tapping his fingers lightly on the keyboard debating what to write. He was tempted to answer “ _no”_ , and just go ahead and make plans with Even, definitely feeling butterflies at the prospect of seeing him. But, he really did need to write that lab report, and at this rate, he wouldn’t finish it before the deadline on Thursday. Isak felt frustration seep through his fingers, as he acknowledged the fact that a 20-page beast of a lab report stood in the way of him seeing Even for the next week. But he did care about his course grade and his future career, so he made the _sensible_ choice.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

13:45

Ugh gotta write my lab report. It’s due on Thursday, and I haven’t been able to concentrate for shit this past week, so.

Basically I’m fucked. I got like 0.5 page. Out of 20......

Oh. Shit. Sorry...?

Yup.

* * *

And Isak was just about to text Even that he _should_ be sorry, because _he_ was the reason, he couldn’t concentrate for shit, when-

“Isabell.”

Isak looked up.

“Sanaaaa! Hey!” He smiled. “Long time, no see.”

Sana gave a little shrug, smirking, “I don’t know how it goes down over at biochem, but we med students tend to keep busy.”

He quirked an eyebrow in challenge.

“Same. I got a 20-page lab report due next week.” He nodded at his laptop for emphasis.

“Yeah? How’s that going?” Sana asked, her lips quirking into a teasing smile.

“Ugh. It’s not.”

She snorted a laugh.

“What are you doing here, though? Don’t you have your own fancy library in the other end of campus? Isak smirked.

“Yes, but I had a book reservation here, so. Had to come to your subpar library to pick it up.” She said with a little shrug.

Isak barked a laugh. “Well, you’re welcome to join me…in this subpar establishment.” He patted the chair beside him and smiled, batting his eyes at her.

_Please help._

“Sorry, Isabell, I can’t. I have a lecture on medical ethics in 20 minutes.”

“Sexy.” He smirked.

She rolled her eyes at him.

“I’m here all week.” Isak said, making her crack a laugh.

“Seriously, though. I’m gonna be here until Thursday writing this fucking lab report.” He quirked an eyebrow.

She smiled and pulled up her phone, “tell you what, I’ll join you here for a study session on…” She scanned her screen, “…Sunday? At 10?” she looked up from her phone.

“Deal.” He smiled.

“Great. See you Sunday, Isabell.”

“See you, Sanasol.”

As Sana walked off, Isak turned back to his laptop, looking at his almost empty word document with a sigh. Then he rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck. 

_Fuck it, let’s do this._

∙

Isak’s alarm woke him up at 7:30 Sunday morning, and he bleary-eyed turned it off with a groan. Then he blinked his eyes open and spent a couple of minutes in bed, scrolling his phone, then lazily wrapped a hand around himself and got off rereading some of Even’s texts from the night before. Then he cleaned up, took a quick shower, and dressed in jeans, a hoodie and a snapback, because _fuck it, I’m spending all day at the library, anyway_.

He forgot about breakfast and rode his bike to the science institute library, parking it in the bike racks, right as the library opened at 9 am. Being one of the first students at the library, he had a decent selection of sitting options. He walked up the stairs to the first floor and found a good spot for himself and Sana – right by a window overlooking a little patch of grass, because if he was spending all day at the library, he might as well get some natural light and a little scenery.

He pulled his laptop up from his backpack and opened his data modeling software, then began to plot in results.

About an hour later, he was still focused on plotting in one of his numerous data sets in his software, when Sana stealthily slid down in the chair next to him.

“Hey.” She smiled.

“Hey.” He muttered, barely looking up from the screen. He took a moment to complete the data set, then he saved his progress and finally looked up, shooting her a smile back, “hello.”

“Busy?” She smirked.

“Yeah, fuck.” He sighed.

“What are you working on?” She jerked her chin at his screen, then took up her own laptop.

“Ugh…just trying to make sense of my data sets.”

“What’s the report on?”

“Uh, enzyme concentration and ph as functions of Pyrophosphatase activity.”

She nodded. 

Isak smiled innocently at her.

“Say Sana, do you have any experience working with data visualization in RStudio?”.

“I got here like a minute ago, and you already need me to write your report for you?” She smirked.

_Yes. Please._

“Uh, no. Just wondering if you’d ever used the software…” he said lamely.

She gave him a disbelieving smile, then “no, I work in Stata.”

“Okay. Damn.” He muttered, turning back to his laptop. “I just can’t get the visualization right.”

Sana looked at him raising her eyebrows. “Can’t you just google a tutorial or something?”

“Oh. Right.”

_Why the fuck didn’t I think of that?_

He opened a browser and googled _OLS regression multivariant analysis rstudio_.

“Huh. Thanks.” he said, eyes quickly darting over the screen.

Sana nodded and turned back to her own laptop.

∙

After a couple of hours of data plotting, analyzing and trying to write the introductory paragraph, Isak was getting increasingly unfocused, his hand more than once reaching out to grab his phone, flipping it in his hand, thinking about texting Even. So, he hit ctrl+s and stretched his arms over his head, rotating his torso. Then he took a long swig from his water bottle and turned to Sana.

“Break time?”

“Wow, you biochem students have _no_ stamina.” She smirked, her eyes still on her screen.

“Please, I was here at 9:00, when the doors opened.” He scoffed.

“You want an award for that, or?” She smirked.

“Sure, I love prizes.” Isak sassed back.

Sana closed the lid on her laptop with a smile and turned to him, “we can take a little break. Coffee?”

“Sounds good.” He smiled.

They both stood up and walked down the stairs to the little café on the ground floor of the library, and after buying coffee (and a sandwich and granola bar for Isak, because he hadn’t had breakfast), they returned to their table, and plopped down side by side in their chairs again.

Sana pulled up her phone from her bag and sighed at the screen, then began typing, almost aggressively.

Isak leaned back in his chair, smiling at her over the top of his coffee cup. “What’s up? Is it Yousef?” He nodded at her phone.

“No, just my brother…” She said dismissively.

“What about him?” He took a sip of coffee.

She was still typing, eyes on her screen. “He’s just… so lazy. Most of the time, I can’t believe he’s actually the oldest of us.”

Isak smiled, as Sana put her phone down on the table and picked up her coffee. “He’ll stop by here soon with some car keys, by the way. He borrowed our parents’ car yesterday, but forgot that I’m borrowing it later today, so.” She sighed.

“Okay.” Isak chuckled and peeled the plastic wrap off his sandwich. “How are things with Yousef? What’s he doing today?”

“He’s in Turkey visiting some family, actually. He’ll be back next week.”

Isak nodded. “Okay. And how’s the wedding planning going? I feel like it’s been forever since we’ve talked.”

“Yeah, keeping busy you know.” She smiled and took a sip of coffee. “…But, it’s going really well. Vilde is very invested in the bridesmaid dresses.” She sent him a knowing look.

Isak snorted a laugh, “yeah, I can imagine… Well, I’m definitely looking forward to the party.” He smiled.

“You should.” She smiled back and took another sip of coffee, “how are things with you, Isabell?”

Isak tucked a curl behind his ear and adjusted his snapback. “Good, actually.” He said, immediately thinking about Even, his lips tipping into a soft smile. 

“…Or, I mean they will be, once I submit this fucker on Thursday at 23:59.” He then smirked, nodding at the lab report draft on his laptop screen.

_And I can finally see Even again._

“That report really is the bane of your existence, huh?” Sana smiled.

“Yup.” He popped the p.

She took another sip of coffee. “But speaking of wedding planning, are you bringing a plus one?”

“Wow.” He smirked at her, “… _very_ subtle, Sanasol.” He picked up his coffee cup from the table again and took a sip.

She smiled and shrugged, “it’s important wedding planning business.”

“As I recall, the rsvp date is in June...”

She smirked. “True. I was just wonderi-.”

“Hey nerds.” 

They both looked up at Elias’ voice, and Isak widened his eyes in surprise when he saw Even standing next to Elias.

_What the fuck?_

“Hei!” Isak said all high-pitched, his eyes locked onto Even’s.

“Hey.” Even smiled back, pursing his lips, looking like he was trying hard to fight a laugh. Then he nodded at Sana and smiled, “hey Sana.”

“Hey, Even.” She smiled back easily.

"Uh, what are you doing here?” Isak asked Even, his lips parting into a wide smile, because _seriously what the fuck, what are you doing here?_

“Just hanging with Elias. Dropping off keys.” Even shrugged with a smile. “You getting any work done?” He nodded at Isak’s laptop, raising his eyebrows teasingly.

“Uh. Yeah. A bit.” Isak smiled, still not quite comprehending why Even was standing in front of him in the middle of the science institute library.

Then Elias took up some car keys from the pocket of his hoodie and put them on the table, sliding them towards Sana.

“Here. I parked it on the parking lot right outside. But uh… kinda forgot to fill the tank, so it’s half-empty. Sorry.” He shot Sana an apologetic smile.

Sana rolled her eyes. “I’ll fill the tank. But you better vipps me.”

“Of course, sis.” Elias said, then he turned to Even and jerked his head towards the exit. Even nodded back and then turned to Isak, raising his eyebrows in question, “I’ll see you on Thursday?”

“Uh, Friday. Deadline is Thursday 23:59…”

“Okay.” Even nodded with a smile. “Friday, then.”

Isak nodded back, Even’s eyes still on his, holding his gaze. Isak noticed how Even’s eyes dropped down to his lips for a second. Isak automatically darted his tongue out to wet his bottom lip.

_Can’t wait to see you._

Then Even tore his eyes away and smiled at Sana. “Bye, Sana.”

“Bye, Even. Have fun with my stupid brother.” She replied, making Even snort a laugh.

“Yeah well, you have fun nerding out now.” Elias retorted. Then he smiled a “bye, Isak” before turning around, walking towards the exit.

Even looked back over his shoulder and blew him a kiss, and Isak quirked a crooked smile. He kept staring at Even’s back until he was out of sight.

“I didn’t know you knew Even?” Sana said, picking up the car keys and putting them in her bag.

“Uh, yeah.” He turned back to look at Sana, his heart rate still slightly elevated from seeing Even out of nowhere. “Yeah, I’ve known him for a couple of months. I didn’t know the connection to Elias and you until last weekend, though.”

She smiled. “Okay. Are you guys friends, or?”

“ _Or_.” He shrugged with a smirk.

She shot him a knowing smile.

Isak’s phone then buzzed on the table, and he picked it up with a smile.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

12:27

You look cute in a snapback.

* * *

He rolled his eyes, smile still in place.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

12:27

Thanks.

Btw did you know I was here?

No. I was just chilling with Elias at his place, and he asked me if I wanted to tag along to campus to drop some keys off to Sana.

I saw you like 10 seconds before you saw me:)

Haha okay:) Well it was nice seeing you, even for just a minute.

Same <3

* * *

Isak put his phone down on the table with a dopey smile and looked up to see Sana smirking at him.

“What?” he said, lips parting into a toothy smile.

She looked at him for a second, smiling. Then she flipped open her laptop.

“Break’s over, Isabell.”

∙

The next days, Isak settled into a routine: He’d wake up around 7:00, text a bit with Even, deal with his morning boner, get dressed, ride his bike to campus, hit the on-campus gym to work out the frustration of not seeing Even, attend whatever lecture or lab he had that day and then hit the library and work on his report until the library closed. On his way home, he’d stop by a 7/11 or a late-open supermarket to buy a pasta salad or some ramen and then ride home and crash in his room with his phone in his hand, reaching a hand down his boxers and getting himself off once or twice sexting with Even before finally falling asleep.

∙

Thursday morning Isak once again started his day with a trip to the on-campus gym, hitting the treadmill running. The thought of him soon finishing his lab report and finally seeing Even again had his body humming in anticipation. So, he ran fast, pushing himself hard, heart rate quickly climbing to 180.

He completed the 30-minute uphill run and then switched the treadmill off, taking a quick break to catch his breath and gulp down half of his 750 ml water bottle. Then he moved on to the free weights area and picked up a gym mat, a kettlebell and a couple of hand weights. Since buying a membership to the gym about a month ago, he’d figured out a pretty decent routine to work up a sweat and tire out his muscles, while building strength. He turned the volume in his AirPods way up and launched into a series of squats, deadlifts and lunges.

Some thirty minutes later, when he’d efficiently tired himself out and sweat was dripping down his brow, he picked up his water bottle and gulped down the rest of the water, as he walked up to the locker rooms. He stripped down and made his way to the showers, passing by a floor-to-ceiling mirror, quickly looking himself over.

Working out had never been about changing his looks, but as he looked at himself in the mirror, he admitted to himself, that the lean muscles he’d added to his arms, shoulders, and thighs over the last month, were a nice bonus. He wondered briefly if Even had a type, if he liked fit guys. Then he remembered Even telling him, that he was attracted to personalities, and he quirked a smile remembering Even’s words, when he’d asked him, if he was attracted to his personality.

_“…Definitely. That, and you’re fucking hot.”_

He stepped into the shower smiling stupidly, washing the sweat off his tired body. Then he dressed and rode his bike to the library for the seventh day in a row.

∙

By late afternoon, after spending five hours at the library, things were finally looking up.

Isak quickly scrolled through his 19 pages, then hit the save button and stood up, rotating his shoulders and stretching his arms. He walked down the stairs to the ground floor of the library, where he bought a banana and an energy drink for the home stretch and then walked back up, plopping down in his chair. He took up his phone to shoot Even a text, hoping for a little distraction.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

17:13

I’m so sick of the library. Feels like I’ve spent 1000 hours here this past week.

Also, the coffee is so bad. Had to buy an energy drink.

* * *

The reply came instantly.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

17:13

Haha

Want me to stop by? My shift at KB just ended. I’ll be happy to bring you coffee

Omg yes please. I’m on the top floor.

I’ll find you. See you soon.

* * *

Some twenty minutes later, Isak was squinting at his screen, eyes trailing over and over the same paragraph, trying to proofread.

He looked up, just as Even strolled up to his table with two cups of coffee, looking hot as fuck with his open jacket, fitted grey t-shirt stretching over his chest and dark, faded jeans. He smiled at Isak, as he sat down in a chair next to him and put down one of the coffee cups, setting it in front of Isak.

“Hey.” Isak smiled at him.

“Hey.” Even smiled back, eyes crinkling.

“Thanks. For this.” Isak said, picking up the cup of coffee and taking a sip.

“Anything for you.” Even winked, and it shouldn’t make Isak smile stupidly and his cheeks flush, but. _Well_.

Even pursed his lips smiling, then nodded at the laptop screen, “so, how’s it going?”

“Uh, pretty well, actually. I just need to write an abstract, make some revisions and check all the tables and references again. Oh, and proofread. Easy.” He winked.

Even lifted his eyebrows, “and with still, what…” he looked at his watch, “..a whole six hours to go. Gold star, Isak.” He smirked.

“Ha. Ha.” Isak rolled his eyes with a smile. “I probably just jinxed the whole thing, though, and will now spend the next six hours fixing some crucial mistakes in my data sets or whatever…” He grimaced.

_Ugh, I fucking hope not._

“Nah, you got this.” Even smiled, his eyes settling on Isak’s, holding his gaze. Then his gaze dropped to Isak’s lips, and Isak was getting more flustered by the second. He hadn’t seen Even in a _week_ , except for those two minutes on Sunday with Sana and Elias, and now he was here. At the library with him. Looking at him like _that_ with his dark eyes, and his goddamn lips and his fingers curling around the coffee cup and…

_This may turn out to be more of a distraction, than I was looking for._

Isak took a sip of coffee, trying to get his mind off Even’s lips.

“Mmm, much better than library coffee.” He quirked an eyebrow, “I swear it tastes worse by the hour. I suspect they just make one huge bucket of coffee in the morning and then, like, keep it on the burner all day.”

Even nodded, “sounds plausible. The coffee at the humanities library is fucking terrible, too. They probably use the same burner trick.” 

“I bet all the libraries are in on it. Like a burner syndicate, or something.” Isak mused.

Even cracked a wide laugh, eyes crinkling. “A _burner syndicate_??”

“Yes.” Isak smirked.

“Okay, syndicate, sure." Even nodded, still smiling widely. "Maybe you _have_ been spending too much time here.” He said and took a sip of coffee.

"Uh, _ja_." 

“Anyway, I’m happy to help. Supplying you with better coffee in your time of need.” Even smiled.

“Thank you, Even, you’re so nice.”

Even shrugged, “also, I really wanted to see you.”

“Yeah?”

“Uh huh.” His eyes dropped to Isak’s lips again, and then he was leaning in, lips grazing lightly over Isak’s like asking for permission.

_Yes. Please._

Isak parted his lips and tilted his head back slightly to give Even better access to his mouth.

He felt Even’s smile against his lips, right before he deepened the kiss, stroking his tongue against Isak’s. And Isak couldn’t help himself, it had been a week since he’d last kissed Even, and he was desperate for him, the soft pressure of his lips, his tongue, the taste of him. So, he slid one hand into Even’s hair, tugging on it lightly, and moaned quietly into the kiss, trying to keep it down.

When he finally pulled back to breathe a few minutes later, he was hard, cheeks flushed and curls all over the place.

He smiled dazedly at Even, reveling in the way Even’s pupils were blown, eyes half-lidded on his own. A guy coughed in the background, and Isak remembered that they were in a public place and he suddenly felt a deep appreciation for the table obscuring him from the waist down.

He looked around, noticing the few other students scattered around tables in the large, airy room. A guy sitting a good 10 meters away shot him a look, and Isak raised his eyebrows at him.

_You got a problem?_

The guy turned back to his laptop, and Isak turned back to Even, lips immediately settling into a smile again.

Even lifted his eyebrows in silent question.

“I don’t give a fuck.” Isak whispered with a shrug before he leaned in and kissed Even again.

He kissed him until he felt lightheaded, and he almost swung a leg over Even to straddle him. He pulled back instead though, breathing hard and straining uncomfortably against the zipper of his jeans.

“Yeah, you need to go.” He rasped out, his voice sounding deep and wrecked to his own ears.

“Sure… just. Give me a minute.” Even breathed.

“I’m serious. Go go go go.” Isak shooed his hand at Even.

“Are you _shooing_ at me right now?” Even raised his eyebrows.

“Yes. Go.” Isak said.

_You need to go right now, before I drag you to the bathroom and forget all about my fucking lab report._

Even leaned in and dropped his voice low. “Isak, I’m so fucking hard right now. I need. a. minute.”

Isak felt another throb of arousal, and he trailed his gaze down to Even’s crotch, swallowing drily when he saw the obvious bulge there. He licked his lip, because _so, that bathroom..._

“That’s not really helping…” Even smirked, his eyes on Isak’s lips.

“Uh, sorry.” 

“Can’t you tell me about your lab report or something?”

“Sure.” Isak smirked. “It’s on enzyme concentration and ph as functions of Pyrophosphatase activity.”

“Uh, not working. You’re hot, when you talk nerdy.” Even smiled.

Isak snorted a laugh, and then grabbed his laptop, launching into a very detailed show-and-tell of some of the functions of his data modeling software.

After a minute, Even sent him a soft smile. “Okay, yeah, that helped. Thanks.”

“Happy to help you in your _time of need.”_ Isak smirked.

Even snorted a laugh, as he stood up and zipped up his jacket.

“Have fun with the revisions and the proofreading and the tables an-“ Even teased.

“Yeah, yeah, thanks.” Isak rolled his eyes.

Even bent down to give him one last kiss, then pulled off with an obnoxious _smack_.

“See you tomorrow.”

“See you.” Isak managed, and proceded to look at Even’s back until he was fully out of view.

Then he turned back to his laptop, put his AirPods in his ears and cranked up some [old Kanye](https://youtu.be/Bm5iA4Zupek), gearing up for the final few hours of revising and proofreading.

∙

At 21:30, thirty minutes before the library closed, Isak finally clicked the submit button, uploading his finished report. Then he packed up his notes and laptop, slinging his backpack over one shoulder, as he walked out of the library and found his bike outside at the bike racks. He unlocked it and rode straight home, foregoing the supermarket in favor of getting home quickly.

Once home he took off his shoes and jacket, dumping his backpack on the floor of the corridor. The apartment was silent, so he guessed Eskild was at Erik’s and Linn had probably gone to bed already.

He padded into the kitchen and poured himself a bowl of cereal, taking it with him to his room, where he plopped down on his bed and shoveled in spoonfuls of cereals, clearing the bowl in about a minute. Then he pulled up his phone and texted Even.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

22:08

Done and done.

Good job. Did you submit it yet?

Yeah, 30 mins ago. Just got home.

Wow, 2.5 hrs before deadline. You did deserve that gold star after all;)

You know it;)

Thanks for stopping by w coffee btw

My pleasure, Isak.

* * *

Isak felt a throb of arousal, his body already conditioned to late night sexting with Even. The word _pleasure_ apparently suggestive enough to steer his thoughts in that direction. 

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

22:09

Speaking of pleasure, my bed would be a lot more interesting if you were here.

Can’t wait to see you tomorrow.

* * *

Isak bit his lip as he waited for Even's reply, hoping that he'd get the hint.

_I think I’m ready. I hope I’m ready._

He knew his body was more than ready to have sex with Even again, it had been almost three weeks, since they had sex and with the heated make out sessions and all the texting and sexting, his sexual frustration was running high. The only thing keeping him in check were his morning workouts. And getting off every morning and evening, thinking about Even.

But after opening up to Even about his past, his parents and his fucked-up ex last week, he felt like maybe, just maybe his heart and mind were finally catching up to his body, allowing him to relax and trust Even, and maybe not panic at the intimacy, Even showed him and they could stop _taking it slow_.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

22:12

Tomorrow.

Sleep tight Isak <3

<3

∙

The next morning, Isak celebrated handing in his lab report by starting his Friday sleeping in until 10:00. He didn’t have class until 13:00, so he had plenty of time to chill in bed. He considered texting Even something dirty along the lines of _I want you so bad, can’t wait to see you later_ , but he knew Even had early classes on Fridays and therefore probably wouldn’t play along. So, he scrolled up the conversation instead and made do with some of the dirty pics Even had sent him this past week, and took care of himself.

Then he cleaned up, spent another fifteen minutes in bed, scrolling his phone and finally texted Even an innocent “ _looking forward to later, what’s the plan?_ ”

Even answered before Isak put his phone down.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

10:24

How about I meet you on campus when you’re done with class?

Sounds good:) I’ll be done by 15:00. Chem dept building B.

See you there <3

<3

* * *

Isak got up, took a long shower and walked back to his room with a towel around his waist.

He opened his closet and pulled on a pair of boxers and socks. Then he put on a pair of tight-ish jeans, buttoning them while he looked for a t-shirt. His eyes fell on the grey button-down he’d worn at the party where he’d first kissed Even, and he took it off the hanger with a smile.

 _Fuck it, maybe today it_ is _a date_. 

He shrugged into the shirt and buttoned it up, then put on a decent looking sweatshirt, so he didn’t look too preppy. 

Then he put on his sneakers, jacket and backpack and took the tram to campus, walking up to the department of chemistry for his afternoon lab.

∙

The moment Isak’s lab finished at 14:56, he was sliding his laptop into his backpack and putting on his jacket, walking out of the room with a “see you next week, guys.”

He exited the building and walked out in the sun, unzipping his jacket.

It was one of the first real spring days of the year, the air pleasantly warm at around 15 degrees celsius and the campus was buzzing with students – little groups scattered around on the grass, drinking cheap beers. 

This was one of the things Isak loved about Oslo; how the whole city seemed to come to life on those first few days of spring, where the sun and the air was warm, and it was possible to sit outside and drink coffee or beer. After six months of darkness and cold, the city finally woke up and buzzed with energy.

Isak spotted Even leaning against the building, and though it wasn’t a surprise as he’d made specific plans to meet Even here at this exact location at this exact time, seeing Even was still a stomach-swooping, heart-stuttering experience.

Even leaned casually against the building scrolling his phone, wearing black jeans and ray-bans and a crisp white t-shirt under an open hoodie, jacket draped over his arm. 

Isak made it almost all the way there, before Even looked up, lips immediately tipping into a smile as their eyes met.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Isak smiled back, lightly placing a hand on Even’s hip and leaning in to kiss him.

“Well, hello.” Even smiled, eyes crinkling when their lips popped free. 

“Hi.” Isak smiled softly, eyes stuck on Even’s lips.

Then Even took his hand and started walking, softly pulling him along with a smile.

Isak’s eyes darted down to their hands for a moment, fingers slotting together perfectly. Then he looked back up with a smile. “Where are we going?”

Even shrugged, “you’ll see.”

“Are you gonna take me out for ice-cream?” Isak asked teasingly.

Even chuckled, turning to look at Isak. “Uh, no. Wasn’t the plan.” He drew his eyebrows together smiling, “why, do you want ice-cream?”

“Nah, I’m good.” Isak smiled. 

∙

They walked hand in hand to the campus tram stop and then boarded a tram for the city center.

“Are we going to your place?” Isak guessed.

“No.” Even smiled.

“Where, then?” Isak asked impatiently.

“You’ll just have to wait and see. We’ll be there soon.”

“Yeah, yeah okay.”

When the tram stopped near the central station, Even pried off Isak’s hand from the rail he was holding onto, and clasped it in his own, leading Isak out of the tram. They walked onto the pavement, clasped hands swinging between them.

“Almost there, I promise!” Even smiled.

“So you keep saying.” Isak smirked.

“Jeez, you’re the most impatient 20-year old I know.” Even smiled back with a slight eyebrow raise.

“Me??” Isak scoffed, pointing at himself.

“Yeah, you.” Even smiled.

“Am not.” Isak scoffed, then squinted, “do you know any other 20-year olds, though?”

Even thought for a second.

“Sana. And you’re definitely more impatient than her.” He smirked.

“Pfft. _No._ ”

A few moments later, they walked up to Oslo Opera House and then to the slope leading to the roof, with Even nodding at the top.

“Thought we could chill in the nice weather, enjoy the view?”

Isak smiled. “Sounds good.”

_Honestly, I’d probably follow you anywhere._

They started walking up the slope, making their way towards the rooftop, when Isak raised his eyebrows competitively. “Race you to the top?”

“You looking to burn off energy or something?” Even smirked.

“Maybe.” Isak shrugged, giving Even a crooked smile.

“Okay, sure. Let’s do it.” Even smiled back.

“One, two, THREE.” Isak called out and started running up-hill.

He eventually reached the top a good five seconds before Even and yelled out a breathy but triumphant “yeeeees!”

“Damn, you definitely run faster than you swim.” Even said breathily, taking off his backpack, then zipping down his jacket and shrugging out of it and the hoodie underneath as well. He sat down on the ground stretching out his legs.

“Yeah well, I’ve been working out for a month now. Up-hill running and free weights, baby.” Isak winked, taking off his jacket too and plopping down next to Even.

“Hot.” Even said, eyes trailing down Isak’s chest, lingering over the button-up collar showing under his sweatshirt.   
  
Isak smirked, “yeah? You like the thought of me working out?”

Even raised his eyebrows with a smirk, “do I like the thought of you all sweaty and panting? Yes.”

Isak snorted a laugh, and Even opened his backpack, pulling up two cans of beer handing one to Isak.

“Oyy! Way better than ice-cream.” Isak smirked, before clinking his can to Even’s.

“Cheers.”

“Cheers. Congrats on submitting your lab report.” Even smiled.

“Shit, yeah. Thanks.” Isak snorted a laugh. ”Damn near didn’t finish it because of you.” He lifted an eyebrow at Even.

“Me?” Even pointed at himself, copying Isak’s gesture from earlier.

“Yeah, you!” Isak said, eyes and smile wide.

“Sorry about that.” Even smiled softly, tucking one of Isak’s curls behind his ear.

The corner of Isak’s lip tipped up, as he looked at Even, and then he leaned in and kissed him, lips meeting again and again in soft, sticky pecks.

A few more pecks and then they were pulling apart with soft smiles to look out at the Oslo fjord, the sun glittering prettily in the still water.

“I love this view.” Isak said, lifting his beer to his lips again.

“Yeah, me too.” Even smiled, eyes on the water.

“I used to come here sometimes with Jonas, when we were younger.” Isak smiled.

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm. One time we got really high and tried to skate down the slope. I broke my wrist and had to spent two hours at the emergency room.”

“Shit, that sounds really…young and stupid.” Even smiled.

Isak laughed, “yeah, I was 16 I think...First year at Nissen.” He took another sip of beer. “..We used to do so much dumb shit back in the day…once we got in this huge fight with a russ-crew from some other school.”

“ _You_ were in a fight?” Even raised his eyebrows.

“Uh huh.” Isak nodded and took another sip of beer.

“Wha-, why?”

“Uh...Some guys beat up Jonas, and…” Isak shrugged, “I don’t really remember the details. All I remember is, that there was a beef between one of the russe-busses from Nissen, The Penetrators-”

Even snorted a laugh. “ _The Penetrators_??”

“Yeah, I know, terrible name.” Isak shook his head smiling. “…Anyway, there was a beef between the Penetrators and some guys from another school, who called themselves The Yakuza. And then one of those Yakuza guys beat up Jonas, and all hell broke loose. One guy ended up in the hospital and another guy almost went to jail.”

“Did anything happen to you?”

“Nah. A few cuts over the knuckles, but that was it. I stayed out of it for the most part. I was only there to back Jonas, to be honest. Didn’t care jack shit about that russ-rivalry.”

“Okay.” Even took a sip of beer. “Didn’t know you were such a bad boy. Getting into fist fights and all.” He smirked.

“Weeeell…” Isak shrugged with a smirk. Then he looked at Even, lips quirking into an honest smile. “I’m really not, though. It was my first and hopefully last fight.”

“Phew. Okay. I was worried there for a second.” Even smiled.

“Hah, no. I stay out of fights, don’t worry.” Isak took another sip of beer and looked over the fjord for a moment. His eyes strayed to Even’s profile. He was looking at the water as well.

“What about you? Didn’t you do any dumb stuff when you were younger?”

Even turned his head slightly to look at him. “Shit, yeah. Second year at Bakka, Mikael and I got suspended for a week for smoking weed on school grounds. We did it all the time, but that one time we got caught. And the teacher was really like, _scolding_ us, and we were just so high, couldn’t stop giggling. She probably would’ve let us off with a warning, if we hadn’t been so obnoxious.” Even smiled.

Isak cracked a laugh, “wow, I think you’re the bad boy here, Even. Smoking weed on school property and all. Such a rebel.”

Even snorted a laugh, then lifted his beer, “cheers to that.”

Isak tipped his beer at Even with a smile and took a sip.

_You were probably hot as fuck even back then._

Even took a sip. “We also used to do these stupid videos like dare/prank/reaction stuff… The whole crew just goofing around, smoking, coming up with silly dares to each other. I think Elias and Mutta still do them sometimes.”

“Sounds fun.” Isak smiled.

“Yeah, it was.” Even smiled nostalgically and looked out over the water.

“What about russ? Did you do the whole bus-thing?” Isak asked before lifting his beer to his lips.

“Uh, no. Not really my thing.” Even said plainly and took a sip of beer. “What about you?”

“No, I know what you mean. But yeah actually, Magnus and Mahdi convinced Jonas and me, and we ended up in this crazy bus with a bunch of other guys. We named it The Catlicker.” He looked at Even and lifted an eyebrow, “yeah, don’t ask.”

Even snorted a laugh. “Okay, okay, I won’t. I _am_ imagining you in your russ-overalls now, though.”

“Yeah? I rocked them.”

“I’m sure you did.” Even smiled.

“Actually…” Isak smiled, fishing up his phone from his pocket, “I think a have a picture on my Instagram.”

“Oh my God, yes.”

Isak smiled at Even’s enthusiasm and opened Instagram, scrolling down a few rows and then showing Even the photo of Jonas, Magnus, Mahdi and himself in red russ-overalls, snapback turned backwards, curls peeking out. All smiling, beers in hand. 

“You did rock them.” Even said, his eyes lingering on the photo.

“Thanks.” Isak smirked.

He then took a quick look at his Instagram profile, wondering if there was anything else to show Even. Even peered over at his screen, “you’ve only posted 6 pics on insta since your russ-days?”

“Yeah.” Isak shrugged, “I don’t really use it for that. Do you?”

He looked at Even. “Oh, wait, you probably have some super artsy profile. All about _the aesthetics_.”

Even snorted a laugh, “that’s…actually not wrong.”

“I knew it. Let’s see it then.” Isak smirked.

Even pulled his phone up and opened Instagram, putting his phone in Isak’s hand to scroll freely. “Go nuts.”

“Thanks, I will.”

_I wonder what’s on here, if there are pictures on Sonja or other girls. Or guys, even._

He scrolled down Even’s profile, occasionally opening a picture to look closer, smiling at some of the more _aesthetic_ ones.

There were no pictures of Sonja or anything remotely girlfriend-/boyfriend related, though.

Isak passed the phone back to Even, “I was right. All about the aesthetics. No juicy stuff.”

“What, there was juicy stuff on yours??” Even made grabby hands at Isak’s pocket.

“No!” Isak snorted a laugh, batting Even’s hand away. It settled on his thigh.

Even smiled, then unlocked his own phone again, opening Instagram. “Isakyaki, right? I’m adding you.”

“Sure. See if I’ll accept your request.” Isak smiled back sassily making Even look back at him in faux chock.

He gave him a smiley eye-roll and pulled his phone up, navigating to Instagram and accepting the follow-request, and following back Even’s profile.

Then he angled his phone up, snapping a photo of the view of the fjord. His and Even’s outstretched legs just made it into the bottom of the photo. He adjusted the light a bit and drew his bottom lip in, thinking of a caption.

“Whoa, you’re actually posting something to your deserted insta?” Even joked, nodding at the phone.

“Mhmm.” He smiled. “Trying to think of a caption.”

He emptied the last of his beer, phone still in hand. Then he shrugged, “fuck it. Who even reads captions.”

“Yeah, true.” Even chuckled as Isak uploaded the photo and slid his phone back into his pocket. 

Even took up two more cans of beer from his backpack, reaching one out towards Isak.

“One more?”

“Sure.” Isak smiled, taking the can from Even’s outstretched hand and pulling it open.

“So, the strategy for this date is to get me drunk, or?” He raised his eyebrows at Even with a smirk.

Even smiled, eyebrows knitting together, “uh, no. No real strategy here.” He lifted his beer to his lips and took a sip. Then he turned to Isak. “…I like that we’ve moved on from _non-date_ , though.”

“Yeah.” Isak smiled softly.

_I think I’m finally ready for the whole thing._

“Very datey setting, you’ve picked by the way. Props for that.” Isak nodded at the fjord.

“Very datey outfit, _you’ve_ picked. Props for that.” Even smirked, making Isak snort a laugh.

Then they both turned to look out over the fjord again, both smiling softly.

A few moments of silence passed between them.

“Thought you’d like it here.” Even smiled.

Isak smiled, head turning slightly to look at Even. “I do.”

∙

An hour later, they were walking down the slope of the Opera House, hands brushing until Isak grabbed Even’s hand, clasping it in his own with a smile.

Even smiled back softly. “Do you, uh. Want to come back to mine?”

“Yes.”

∙

They climbed the stairs to Even’s apartment and went straight to his room, not bothering trying to figure out if Mikael or Mutta were home.

Isak plopped down on Even’s bed, letting himself fall back with a sigh.

He looked at Even sitting on the edge of the bed, looking back at him.

"Are you going to join me, or?” Isak smirked.

“Uh, yeah. Yeah.” Even said, lying back down next to Isak.

Isak turned to his side, and Even mirrored his pose. Isak lifted his hand and drew it through Even’s hair, enjoying the feel of the soft, longish strands. His eyes flicked from Even’s eyes to his lips. Then he scooted a bit closer, and leaned in, pressing his lips against Even’s. 

Even sighed softly against his lips, letting out a breath, and Isak nudged his lips open with his own.

Even’s hand settled on his hip, his thumb drawing circles on the denim stretching over his hipbone, as Isak let his tongue play with Even’s.

Isak’s heart rate was picking up fast.

“I’ve missed your taste.” He murmured lowly against Even’s lips.

Even let out a little moan. “Same. Fuck. I’m..-” He faltered and instead pressed his lips to Isak’s again, immediately stroking his tongue against Isak’s.

Isak popped off to suck gently on Even’s plush bottom lip, drawing it lightly between his teeth, making Even gasp out. Isak noticed how Even’s hand curled tightly around his hipbone, and how Even’s hips jerked forward. So he did it again, catching Even’s low-pitched moan with his lips.

“I fucking love your mouth. I’ve been thinking about it all week.”

“Isak…” Even’s voice was deep, words humming against Isak’s lips.

Isak coaxed his lips open again and let his tongue play, licking into Even’s mouth pulling more moans from him.

Isak pressed his hips against Even’s, letting him feel that he was fully hard, had been for some time now. He grinded against Even, then dropped a hand to palm him over his jeans, enjoying the feel of Even’s erection under his palm. Even didn’t press back into his palm though, he kept still, his breath in short huffs against Isak’s neck.

_Right. He’s waiting for me to take the lead._

So, Isak started unbuttoning Even’s jeans, pressing his own erection against Even’s hip, because _yes, I want this_.

Then he curled his fingers around Even, while opening his own jeans with his free hand.

_I want you so fucking bad._

“I think I’m done taking it slow.” He murmured against Even’s lips. He saw the jump of Even’s adam’s apple out of the corner of his eye.

Then he dropped his eyes to Even’s lips. “And I’ve been wondering if you meant it, when you said you were vers? Because I am and I _really_ want to fuck you.”

Even let out a desperate gasp at Isak’s words, his hips jerking forward, pressing him into Isak’s fist.

“Yeah?” Isak breathed out, feeling another rush of blood head south at the thought of fucking Even.

Then Even suddenly pulled back, crunching up to a sitting position.

“Shit, Isak, I can’t do this.”

Isak sat up beside him. “Hey, it’s okay Even, we don’t have to do that, you can top if-“

“No, it’s not that.” Even choked out.

Isak felt his heart drop.

_Did I do something?_

Even turned to look at him, eyes shiny. He swallowed visibly. “There’s something I have to tell you.”

“What?” Isak asked, feeling panic rising.

“I’m, uh...“ Even’s eyes flitted between Isak’s and the bedding. Then he sucked in a breath and looked up at Isak. “I’m bipolar.” he said quietly. “And I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while, but…uh.” He faltered, looking defeated, eyes cast down.

As the words sunk in, Isak felt the familiar feeling of his stomach lurching, panic building in his chest mixing with anger, making it hard to breathe.

_No. I’m. I can’t._

He looked wide-eyed back at Even, panic probably written all over his face, as he slowly shook his head, stammering out a “you’re bipolar? And you tell me this _now_?”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’ve been having _panic attacks_ because I didn’t _know_ you, and you didn’t think it was worth mentioning tha-. No. I can’t. do this.”

Isak’s legs seemed to move on their own accord, as he stood up from Even’s bed and scrambled towards the door. He stopped just short of the door, choking out a “I can’t.”

He felt tears pool behind his eyelids, as he grabbed the door handle and opened the door to the corridor. He couldn’t bring himself to look back at Even.

∙

The door to Even’s building closed behind him with a click and Isak walked out onto the pavement, his eyes brimming with tears, his heart in his throat.

He sucked in an unsteady breath and started walking in the direction of his own apartment.

Stopping at a red light, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket, and he pulled it up with a shaky hand.

He had a new Instagram notification.

**mats_j commented on your photo.**

Isak clicked on the notification, opening Instagram.

 **mats_j:** Nice view. Looking forward to seeing it myself come august.

Isak swallowed and pocketed his phone. He felt numb.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clearly following the SKAM drama curve - it's all good until the end of the chapter, and then, boom.  
> Sorry 💔
> 
> Isak is clearly not dealing well with Even telling him about being bipolar, but remember that Isak has a history of bad experiences from his past, regarding both mental illness (his mom), and "secrets" (Mats), so he is panicking and not seeing clearly. Hopefully that'll change. 
> 
> I'm debating whether to do Even's pov of this chapter next or just move the story forward. Let me know in the comments, if you have an opinion on that ❤


	19. Hurts So Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring: Crying, insomnia, Eskild <3, a car ride to Lillehammer and new conclusions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn’t deal with the angst, so I decided to skip Even’s pov and move the story forward. So, this chapter picks up immediately after the previous and continues with Isak’s pov.
> 
> Tw: panic attacks, homophobia, ableism? Idk

**Friday 27 March, 2020**

Isak unlocked the door to his apartment with shaky hands, his throat tight with the effort of not crying. As he stepped in, he almost collided with Eskild in the corridor, getting ready for a night out.

“Isak, hey!” Eskild said, glittered eyebrows going up in surprise.

“Hei.” Isak muttered quietly, trying to keep his voice from cracking, quickly toeing off his shoes.

“Didn’t you have a date wit-“

“Look, everything is _fucked_ right now. I really don’t want to talk about it.” Isak managed, eyes downcast and voice cracking slightly on the _fucked._

“Okay?” Eskild gave him a confused look, mouth slightly open.

“Yeah. So.” Isak said curtly and then headed for his room, leaving Eskild gaping in the corridor.

∙

Isak closed the door behind him and dropped his jacket and backpack in a heap on the floor.

The second he sat down on his bed, his breath hitched, and he doubled over, hiding his face in his hands and sobbing into his palms. His whole body shook, as he cried, tears streaming down his cheeks while he futilely tried to wipe them away with his sleeve.

After a while, his tears dried up, and his breathing slowly normalized, no more sobs and gasping in gulps of air.

He weakly reached down and dug out his phone from his jacket abandoned on the floor and tapped the screen.

No new messages.

Then he opened his Instagram profile, his heart sinking at the picture of his and Even’s outstretched legs, in front of the beautiful view of the Oslo fjord from just a few hours ago. He noticed how their Nikes were lightly touching, revealing how close they were sitting. His throat clicked as he swallowed and looked at his ex-boyfriend's comment to the photo for a few moments, before closing the app and flopping back on his bed feeling bone tired. He looked at the ceiling and zoned out. Then his eyes slid closed, and he fell into an uneasy sleep, his body exhausted from crying.

∙

When he woke up again, his room was dark, and the apartment was quiet. He tapped his phone to check the time. 22:23. He’d slept almost three hours. _Great._

There were a couple of messages from Magnus and Jonas on his lock screen, that he ignored, and then he got up and went to the bathroom, peed and washed his hands, casting a look at himself in the mirror. His eyes were red and swollen, his long curls messy around his ears and over his forehead.

He padded back to his room and took up his laptop from his backpack, bringing it with him as he sat back in bed with a pillow behind his back. He flipped open the lid of the laptop, opening a browser, typing in _bipolar disorder._ Then he started to read, clicking on to the next article as soon as he’d finished reading one. His eyes quickly scanned down page after page on symptoms, onset, treatment. His throat felt tight, tears once again pooling behind his eyelids.

∙

At 03:24 Isak closed the lid on his laptop, the room going almost completely dark, except for a faint blue light emanating from the power cable to the laptop. He took off his jeans and pulled the covers up, trying to close his eyes. His throat tightened again, as snippets of words from the 20+ articles he’d read on bipolar disorder kept flashing.

_”…Mania may also trigger a break from reality (psychosis) and require hospitalization…”_

_“…Increased libido…”_

_”…Poor decision-making — for example taking sexual risks…”_

_”…Suicidal thoughts and behavior are common among people with bipolar disorder....”_

It was getting increasingly harder to breathe, so Isak sat up in bed to try to breathe deeply.

_Breathe in 1-2-3-4-5-6, hold, and breathe out 1-2-3-4-5-6_

He spent a while controlling his breathing, trying to calm down enough to slow down his racing heart and shake the feeling of suffocating.

When he finally laid back down, his breathing was under control, but he couldn’t close his eyes. So, he lay still staring at the ceiling.

Even’s words started replaying in a loop in his head.

_“I’m uh. Bipolar.”_

His thoughts started spinning again, and he began meticulously backtracking to their first meeting, replaying all the time he’d spent with Even in his head, looking for signs, clues of mania or hypomania.

 _What if I was just bad decision-making on his part? What if he didn’t_ mean _any of it? But he wasn’t manic at any point. Was he? Wouldn’t I have noticed if he was manic or even hypomanic? But then again, I don’t know him that well. Maybe I missed the signs? What if he crashes and has a depressive episode? Is he going to be okay?_

Then his head stuck on fragments of sentences from one of the articles, and he felt his throat constrict again.

_“Break from reality (psychosis)… May require hospitalization…Suicidal thoughts and behavior…”_

He squeezed his eyes shut, sucking in unsteady breaths through his nose.

_I can’t. I can’t deal with all of that again._

∙

At some point during the night, while he lay staring at the ceiling, he heard the sounds of Eskild and his boyfriend coming home from their night out. He heard them stumble drunkenly through the corridor, laughing and shushing each other, lips smacking together loudly.

Isak reached out and grabbed his phone, tapping it for the time. 05:18. He sighed as he laid back down and moved onto his side, grabbing his extra pillow to cover his ear and closed his eyes, trying for sleep yet again. But he still couldn’t turn off his thoughts, and he slowly opened his eyes again. He fixed on the faint blue light emanating from the power cable to his laptop.

_At what wavelength does blue light start to mess with sleep like is it all blue light or where is the limit what about purple light what is the wavelength of that I could probably just google this but then it’d just be more blue light from the screen and_

Isak kept staring at the little blue light, and couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it – neither his thoughts racing, nor the blue light.

∙

The next day, Isak woke up around noon, and proceeded to spend his day in a blur of googling random stuff, then Netflix and occasionally dozing off. He spent the whole day in bed, only venturing out for the bathroom, or something to drink. He had no apettite, so he didn't bother with food. And luck would have it, that Eskild spent most of the day sleeping as well and was way too hungover to seek out his company.

∙

Sunday morning Eskild knocked on his door, and Isak stayed quiet. The door opened slightly, and Isak closed his eyes feigning sleep, as he guessed Eskild must’ve peeked inside to see if he was there. Then the door closed again with a soft click, and Isak let out a quiet sigh.

∙

On Monday, Isak once again woke up late and stayed in his room. He succeeded in avoiding Eskild, until Eskild got home from work around 17:00 and first thing knocked insistently on his door.

Isak was on his bed with his laptop, some mindless Netflix show on, that he wasn’t really watching anyway, when there was a quick double knock on his door.

“What?” Isak muttered hoarsely.

Eskild opened the door and peeked inside, jacket still on. “Hey. Is everything alright with you? I feel like I haven’t seen you since Friday?”

Isak swallowed drily.

_I’m so far from okay._

“Uh.” He dropped his gaze down to the bedding, thinking how he really should change the sheets, because he hadn’t changed them in a while, and he’d made out with Even in these sheets and his scent lingered a tiny bit on the pillows, and it was making it harder to fall asleep, because he couldn’t stop thinking about him and

“Isak?”

He dragged his gaze up to look at Eskild.

“Uh, no. I’m, uh.” He forced out a cough, “I’m sick.”

“Okay?” Eskild said, clearly not believing him.

“Yeah.” Isak muttered.

“Well, do you need anything? Food, or?” Eskild asked gently, “I can pick something up from Rema-“

“Uh, no thanks. I’m good. Thanks though.” Isak forced another little cough out into the sleeve of his hoodie.

Eskild nodded. “Okay. Well, tell me if you need anything.”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

Eskild softly closed the door and Isak turned back to his laptop, zoning out as yet another episode of some crappy Netflix show started.

∙

By Wednesday Isak had completely fucked up his circadian rhythm, falling into an uneasy sleep around 7am and waking up around 12.

He slowly blinked his eyes open, feeling disoriented, and picked up his phone to check the time. 12:03.

No new messages.

He lay back down with a sigh, half-heartedly scrolling his phone, then giving up and putting the phone down beside him.

He wasn’t surprised that he had no new messages from Even, he hadn’t heard anything from him since he left his place Friday, and he didn’t expect to.

_I wouldn’t text me either._

He felt tears well up at the thought of _Friday_ and he squeezed his eyes shut to stop himself from crying.

Then he sat up with a heavy sigh, feeling exhausted, his body aching from spending too many hours lying in bed for the past four days. For a moment he entertained the idea of trying to get ahold of some melatonin tablets to help him sleep, but then he remembered that they were prescription, and he didn’t really feel like going to his doctor to describe his issues with insomnia.

_Hey, so I’m having trouble sleeping because I’m suffering from major heartache because I just found out my boyfriend, well I guess he wasn’t technically my boyfriend but anyway, is bipolar and I just can’t deal with it because my mom is schizophrenic and she really fucked me up, so mental illnesses scare the hell outta me to be honest but I miss him so fucking much and I don’t know what to do and I can’t sleep and oh yeah my abusive ex is moving here from Trondheim and_

Isak felt relatively certain, that his doctor would rather give him a referral for a shrink than prescribe melatonin.

He slowly stood up, legs feeling like jelly after days spent in bed. He pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt and left his room to pee and then get a glass of water.

As he slowly made his way to the kitchen, he saw Eskild leaning against the counter, watching him with a stern look.

“Hey.” Isak muttered, voice hoarse from disuse.

“That’s it, Isak.” Eskild said resolutely, hands on his hips. 

“What?” He said back lamely, reaching for a glass in the overhead cupboard.

“Look, I know you’re not sick. So, either you tell me what’s going on, or I’m staging an intervention. Your choice, baby J.” Eskild tapped his socked foot on the floor.

“Uh.” Isak said weakly, suddenly feeling lightheaded. He sat the glass down and leaned heavily against the counter as his vision blurred and he felt faint.

_When was the last time, I had something to eat?_

“Isak? You okay? Here, sit down.” Came Eskild’s worried voice and he led him to a chair by the table, guiding him with a hand on his shoulder. Isak plopped down, feeling embarrassed that Eskild had to help him like he was a sick child.

_I’m a grown fucking man, why am I so fucked up? I can’t even take care of myself._

He sucked in an unsteady breath and met Eskild’s worried gaze.

“Just sit there.” Eskild said, as he moved to the kitchen, returning a few moments later with a plate with a couple of slices of toast, a banana and a glass of water.

“Here.” He pushed the plate towards Isak with purpose and Isak felt and heard the deep rumbling of his own stomach.

“Thanks.” he muttered and lifted a piece of toast to his mouth taking a small bite, chewing meticulously, forcing himself to swallow, washing the bite down with a sip of water. Chew, swallow, repeat.

After he’d eaten the two slices of toast and half of the banana, he felt slightly better.

“So.” Eskild said, “I was not kidding about the intervention. What the hell is going on, Isak? You’ve been skipping classes and camping out in your room all week.”

Isak let out a deep sigh, eyes cast down at the table.

“Uh, I can’t sleep…”

"Okay? Why not?”

“Uh, Even…” Isak said weakly.

“Yeah? What about him?” Eskild looked at him.

“Uh…He’s. Uh. He’s bipolar.” Isak managed and then looked up to gauge Eskild’s reaction.

“He’s bipolar?”

“Yes.” Isak once again felt his throat constrict.

“Oh. Well. Okay.” Eskild said, looking at Isak, urging him to continue.

“And I just… I don’t know. I don’t think I can deal with it.”

“Okay.” Eskild said quietly. “Did he tell you last Friday? Is that why you skipped out on your date?”

Isak nodded. “Yeah. I just… panicked. Again.” He took another sip of water. “..I thought things were finally going to be good after I’d told him some of my shit, and I thought I was finally ready for _more_ , and we were about to have sex, and then he told me, and I just… I couldn’t deal with it. So, I left.”

“Okay.” Eskild said.

Isak looked down at the table and took another little sip of water. “I don’t know what to think about the whole thing. Like, I feel like he’s kept this major thing from me, even though I told him, I needed to _know_ him. That I couldn’t risk another Mats-situation, like falling for him without really _knowing_ him.” Isak looked at Eskild before continuing, “…and I was finally starting to ease up on the panic and trust him and then he told me _that_ and now I feel like I don’t know him at all.”

Isak had talked himself warm so he continued, “...and also, what if he didn’t mean any of it, like what if he broke up with his girlfriend _of_ _seven years_ and had sex with me just because he was manic? I googled some articles, and increased sex drive and impulsive decisions are some of the signs of mania.” He rambled, thoughts and concerns from the last four days coming out all jumbled. He felt his cheeks flush a bit as he dragged his eyes up to meet Eskild’s.

Eskild leveled him with a look. “First of all, maybe he _kept this thing from you_ , because he was afraid of your reaction after you told him _some of your shit_. I’m guessing you told him about your mom?”

Isak swallowed drily, as he remembered telling Even about his mom. He replayed his own words.

_“She’s crazy. Like clinically.”_

_“…I had a pretty fucked-up childhood…I was alone with my sick mom.”_

_“She really didn’t make it easy for me…”_

_Shit._

“Second,” Eskild continued, “...you’ve known him for a few months now. Has he at any point seemed manic to you?”

_No. But._

“Uh, no. But I don’t know the signs. I don’t _know_ him.” He said resignedly.

Eskild frowned, “didn’t you just say, that impulsiveness and increased libido were some of the signs?

“Yeah.”

“And, you just told me, that you were about to have sex the other day, I’m guessing for the first time in _forever,_ and he actually stopped to tell you about him being bipolar?”

“Uh. Yes.” Isak squinted, his slow, sleep-deprived brain failing to catch up.

Eskild lifted his eyebrows. “Well, that doesn’t seem manic to me. Seems like he very much respects your whole _taking-it-slow-and-getting-to-know-each-other_ business _._ I mean, if you had his dick in your hand, and he stopped to tell you he’s bipolar. That’s… wow. The opposite of _impulsive_ , I’d say.”

_Oh. Right. He actually passed up on sex to tell me._

Eskild continued, ”…also, he didn’t seem all that manic to me, when I met him last week. He just seemed like an awesome guy, who was very much in love with you.”

Isak swallowed, looking down at the table again, as he remembered Even’s words.

” _This isn’t just sex to me._ ”  
 _”I’m so in love with you.”_

”Look, you can’t judge him or put him into a box based on some articles you’ve read on google, Baby J.” Eskild put his hand on Isak’s shoulder, “you don’t know what it’s like for him.” 

Isak looked up, eyebrows knitting together tightly. ”I’m not _judging_ him.”

”You are though. It sounds like you are trying to reduce his feelings to symptoms. Maybe lay off the googling a bit. Though I know, how much you love to google.” He quirked a little teasing smile at Isak, and Isak rolled his eyes. Then he grabbed the glass of water, taking another sip.

Silence settled between them, until Isak spoke up again.

”I’m just… I don’t know if I can handle it. Like, what if he…” Isak trailed off weakly.

“What?”

“What if he just _clicks_ , and I don’t even _recognize_ him, and I can’t help him and…what if he hurts me. Or himself.” His heart pounded against his ribcage.

”Look, Isak, I get that you’re scared. I really do. But Even is not your mom. Or Mats.” Eskild said gently.

Isak felt his stomach lurching, his throat tightening and tears immediately pooling behind his eyelids as Eskild’s words hit home. He hitched a breath and his eyes brimmed over with tears, blurring his vision and then Eskild was next to him pulling him into a tight hug, as he started sobbing, his whole body shaking.

“It’s okay, Isak. It’s going to be fine.” Eskild soothed him, as his tears fell down and soaked Eskild’s t-shirt. 

“I miss him so fucking much. But I don’t know if I can...be with him.” Isak choked out.

Eskild stroked his hair softly. “Have you talked to him?”

“No. I don’t know what to…” Isak trailed off, shaking his head slightly.

“Okay.” Eskild nodded, stroking his hair.

Isak felt exhausted, his body feeling like a ton of bricks, as he slumped against Eskild, a few tears still making a slow crawl down his cheeks.

“I don’t know if he’ll even talk to me. Maybe I fucked it all up Friday, and it’s too late to fix it.” A few more tears made their way down his cheeks, as Eskild kept stroking his hair and soothing him.

After a few minutes, Eskild pulled back a little, forcing Isak to sit up straight.

“Tell you what, I’m going to make a pitcher of Fun Light, just like the old times.” Eskild smiled, “…And you’re going to shower, and then I’m going to fix this mop of hair…” he ruffled Isak’s messy curls, “…and then we’ll watch something terrible on Netflix and order pizzas. How does that sound?”

“Uh. I think I may have completed Netflix.” Isak said drily, making Eskild snort a laugh.

“Okay, then we’ll hack Noora’s HBO account. Her password is probably still _loglady_ or _williamforever,_ or who is that feminist author, she loves so much? The African one? Well, worst case I’ll call her and force the password out of her.”

Isak snorted a little laugh.

Eskild beamed at him. “So, do we have a deal?”

“Okay. Yes.” Isak said with a tired smile. 

“Okay.” Eskild smiled then stood up and pulled up Isak from the chair.

“Hit the shower, baby J. I promise you’ll feel better afterwards.”

∙

A couple of hours later, they were still chilling in the couches with a pitcher of Fun Light, an empty pot of tea and a half-eaten pizza on the coffee table between them. Another episode of Westworld was about to start, when they were hit with the “ _Are you still watching?_ ”-message from HBO. Eskild lazily grabbed the remote to press _yes_.

“Uh, by the way...” Isak started.

“Yeah?” Eskild said, turning to face him, remote in hand.

“Um, Mats is moving here. To Oslo.”

“What?!” Eskild said, turning fully to Isak, dropping the remote on the couch.

“I think he’s transferring to UiO. To do his master’s.”

“What?? How do you know?” Eskild stared at him.

“He commented on my insta.”

“You posted something on insta?” Eskild raised his eyebrows and pulled up his phone, quickly unlocking it.

“Yeah, on Friday. When I was with Even.” Isak said quietly.

_Because it was perfect. The whole day with him was perfect._

Eskild clutched his phone in his hand, reading Mats’ comment out loud. _“…looking forward to seeing it myself come august_.” Then he looked up at Isak, “what the fuck is this?”

Isak shrugged, “fuck do I know. Like I said, I guess he is transferring to UiO after all, and he’ll move here in august for the new semester.”

Eskild raised his eyebrows, as he stared at his screen again. “That is some passive-aggressive commenting. Cute pic, though. Maybe he noticed you weren’t alone.”

“Maybe. Probably”

“Pretty possessive.” Eskild said, taking a last look at his screen and then looking up at Isak.

“Yup. But that’s him, y’know.” Isak said with a little shrug.

“Block him. On insta.” Eskild said plainly.

_Right. Why didn’t I think of that?_

Isak pulled his phone up, navigating to Mats’ Instagram profile and hitting _block_.

“Done.” He said. 

Eskild nodded.

“I really hope you won’t have to deal with him. Oslo is too fucking small sometimes.”

“Yes, absolutely.” Isak raised his eyebrows in agreement.

“I swear, if he so much as looks at you the wrong way, I’m filing a restraining order on your behalf.” Eskild said, puffing his chest out.

Isak snorted a little laugh, “thanks, Guru. Good to have you on my team.”

“Always, baby J.” Eskild winked. 

∙

When Isak went to bed around midnight, he felt a little lighter. Talking to Eskild had given him a sliver of hope. And a long shower, a pizza and a few seasons of Westworld had helped take his mind off everything for a few hours.

But as he stripped off his sweatpants and t-shirt and sat down in bed, running a hand through his newly cut hair, his thoughts immediately strayed to Even again, remembering the feeling of his hands running through his hair, telling him “ _fuck, I love your curls.”_

For a moment he almost regretted agreeing to let Eskild cut his hair.

_Don’t know when I’ll see him again though. Or, if he even wants to see me._

He swallowed tightly and grabbed his phone from the sweatpants pocket. Still no new messages. He opened his conversation with Even, staring at the last texts they’d exchanged.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

27 Mar. 10:24

See you there <3

<3

* * *

He stared at the little hearts for a few seconds, until he felt the familiar feeling of pressure building behind his eyelids. He closed the conversation, and sat an alarm for 8:00 the next morning, intending to attend a lecture at 10am.

_I can’t spend another day in here, thinking about him._

He pulled the covers up and laid down, closing his eyes. But like the previous nights, he couldn’t turn off his thoughts. He replayed the last conversation he’d had with Even on Friday right before he left.

_“I’m uh. Bipolar. I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while, but… uh.”_

_“You tell me this_ now _?”_

_“I’m sorry.”_

He vividly recalled the defeated look on Even’s face, his heart skipping a beat thinking back to how he’d just left him. In the moment he’d been so shocked and angry at Even for not telling him before, but.

_Shit, I wonder how it must’ve felt for him. To tell me. After everything I’ve told him about my mom. And I just left him. I couldn’t even look at him._

A tear rolled down his cheek.

_I fucked it up. He trusted me with this, and I fucked it up._

A few more tears fell down his cheeks, but eventually he managed to fall asleep.

∙

Isak woke up at the sound of his alarm at 8:00, and he groggily blinked his eyes open. He turned the alarm off and made a quick decision, scrolling down his text messages until he found the conversation with his dad. He quickly typed out a message, and his father answered immediately.

* * *

**Dad**

08:02

Hey dad. I don’t know if you have work or whatever, but I was thinking of visiting mom in Lillehammer today.

If you can’t make it, it’s fine, I’ll just take the train. /Isak

Hi Isak, I’ll pick you up at 9?

Yeah, okay. Thanks.

* * *

He spent a few more moments in bed, then he got up, took a quick shower and dressed in jeans and a dark green button-up. As he did the buttons, he thought about how he couldn’t even remember, when was the last time he’d seen his mom.

_When I picked up the last of my stuff in my old room, maybe? Almost four years ago._

He grabbed an old but warm hoodie off a shelf, because with the lack of sleep and food, he constantly felt cold. He pulled the hoodie over his head, just as his phone buzzed in his pocket.

* * *

**Dad**

08:59

I’m outside.

* * *

He sent back a thumbs up and toed into his shoes, grabbed his jacket and locked the door behind him. He pulled the hood of his hoodie over his hair, zipped up his jacket and then he walked out into the grey, overcast morning. 

He spotted his father’s car right at the curb, and he walked up to it, opening the door and sliding into the passenger seat, buckling up with a “hey, dad.”

“Isak! So good to see you!” His father twisted in his seat and leaned over the gear shift to draw him into an awkward sort of hug, that he half-heartedly returned.

Then his father turned on the engine and turned to him with a smile, “did you have breakfast? I was thinking we could stop by a Kaffebrenneriet and get some coffee and pastries for the ride?”

Isak felt his heart drop at _Kaffebrenneriet_. 

“Yeah. Sure.” he replied weakly, feeling almost certain that their route wouldn’t take them past the branch of Kaffebrenneriet, Even worked at.

His father nodded and started the car, typing in a Lillehammer address on the gps, and Isak concluded that he was right, they were taking a route out of Oslo in the completely opposite direction from Even’s branch of Kaffebrenneriet by Colosseum in the other end of town.

∙

Some twenty minutes later, they were pulling onto the highway on their way to Lillehammer. The radio played softly, as Isak cradled his almost-empty to-go cup in his hands, futilely trying to warm his hands. Then he took a last few sips of coffee, emptying the cup and setting it in the cupholder. He zoned out as he looked out the windscreen, a paper bag with a couple of uneaten pastries sitting in his lap. After a few minutes he picked up the bag and placed it in the glove compartment, pulled his hood up and leaned against the window, closing his eyes.

He woke up about an hour later, groggy eyes slowly blinking open and noticing that the weather had gone from grey and overcast to pouring rain. The windscreen wiper was going at full speed, while the radio softly played [Astrid S – Hurts So Good](https://youtu.be/4fqwVBuunxY).

_Baby, I don't know why I try to deny it  
When you show up every night  
I tell you that I want you, but it's complicated  
So complicated_

_When it hurts, but it hurts so good  
Do you take it? Do you break it off?_

The lyrics immediately made him think about Even, so he reached out and turned the volume way down.

His father sent him a smile. “Tired?”

Isak leaned back in his seat, rubbing a hand over his face, “yeah.”

“How are things with you, son?” His father tried.

“Uh, fine.” He said dismissively, looking out the windscreen, staring at the rain pouring down on the road ahead.

_I miss him so much, I can’t eat or sleep._

“How is school?”

“Fine. It’s uh. Interesting. Challenging.”

“Are you still thinking of a career in research?”

“Uh, yeah I think so.”

His dad nodded with a proud smile.

“And how, uh.” His father started, “how are things with your, uh, boyfriend?”

Isak felt his throat close up. He swallowed.

“Not my boyfriend.” He kept his eyes on the road ahead.

“Oh? I thought you said you’d met someone?” His father looked at him briefly before turning back to the road.

“Yeah. It just didn’t, uh, work out.”

_I’m not going to cry in front of him._

Isak felt tears pool behind his eyelids in spite of himself.

“Oh. I’m sorry, son.” 

“Yeah.” He sucked in a breath, turning his face to look out of the window, wiping his nose with his sleeve.

∙

About an hour later, they pulled up to a parking lot outside a two-storey yellow brick house.

His father turned off the engine, and Isak took a deep breath, as he looked at the house and momentarily regretted coming.

Then his father turned to him, “do you want me to come with you, or?”

Isak swallowed. “Actually, I think I’d prefer to see her alone.”

His father nodded. “I’ll wait here.”

Isak opened the door and was about to swing his legs out, when his father spoke up.

“She started a new treatment about a month ago. It’s been a few weeks, since I heard from her, so I don’t know, how she’s responding to it.”

He nodded, then got out of the car and quickly walked to the entrance, hood pulled over his hair to shield himself a bit form the pouring rain. He walked up to the entrance, noticing the official looking sign. _Lillehammer private care facility_. Then he walked in.

A blond woman who looked to be in her late twenties greeted him.

“Hi. Can I help you?”

“Uh, yeah. I’m here to see my mom. Marianne Valtersen.”

“Isak, right?”

“Yes.”

She nodded. “She talks about you from time to time.”

_Really?_

“Uh, how is she?” He scratched the back of this head and ran his hand through his now short curls. 

“She’s doing well and is responding very positively to the combination treatment.”

“Clozapine and…?” Isak asked.

“And ECT. Electroshock therapy.” The woman smiled. “She will most likely be discharged in a couple of months and, if following the treatment back in Oslo, will probably be completely free of symptoms.”

_Oh._

"Okay. Right.” Isak managed.

“Door number 17.” The woman nodded towards an aisle and smiled.

“Yeah, thanks.” Isak gave her a tight smile in return, and then walked down the aisle, finding door number 17. He knocked lightly.

“Yes?” came the female voice from inside, that Isak recognized as his mother’s.

He felt his heart rate pick up.

_Norepinephrine. Fight or flight._

He opened the door and stepped inside.

“Hey, mom.”

His mom was sitting in a couch, wearing a nice dress and a wool cardigan. She looked older than he remembered, but then again it had been four years.

She was doing some sort of needlework, knitting maybe. Or crocheting? He never could tell the difference.

She looked up at him, her lips slowly forming a somewhat detached smile. “Isak! Nice to see you.”

He closed the door behind him and took off his jacket and hoodie, draping them over a chair before walking over to the couch, sitting down in the far end of it. “Hi, mom.”

She smiled. “How are you? I haven’t seen you in a while.”

_Four years._

“Yeah, it’s been a while. I’m good.”

“You look so handsome. Tall.” She said appreciatively, her eyes trailing over his dark green button-up.

“Thanks. You look good too, mom.” 

She nodded.  
  
“Your father tells me, you’re in school?”

“Yes, Oslo University. Biochemistry.”

“You always were an intelligent boy.”

Isak folded his hands in his lap, not knowing what to say, awkward silence filling the room.

Then his mother spoke up and looked at him. “Do you still live with _him_? I never did understand, why you’d leave your own mother and your childhood home to go live with a… _homosexual_.” She said, voice laced with disdain.

Isak looked at her for a moment, then his lip curled into a smile at the absurdity of her words.

 _Here we go_.

“Eskild? Yes, I still live with him. He’s one of my best friends. And, I’m sure you already know, because you told me I was _wrong_ every day for three or four years, but I’m _a homosexual,_ too.” He said surely, voice not wavering the slightest.

His mother pursed her lips. “I never did understand your choices and I never will.” She said coldly, decisively.

“My _choices_? I chose being gay just as much as you _chose_ having a mental illness, mom.” He retorted.

She looked at him.

“You _did_ choose to tell me I was _wrong_ and to hate me for who I am, though. That has nothing to do with your illness. That’s on you.” He said to her, heart in his throat.

“You’re my son, Isak, I could never hate you. I just don’t understand you. Homosexuality _is_ wrong, and I will never understand why my beautiful son chose to be a sinner.” She said plainly, seemingly unaffected, and then picked up her knitting again.

Isak hung his head and shook it lightly, as he looked down on his folded hands.

_I can’t believe I thought anything would’ve changed._

Silence settled between them, and Isak looked up, studying his mother, focusing on her hands expertly wielding the long knitting needles. He tried to feel some sort of compassion or love towards her.

 _She must’ve held me and caressed me with those hands when I was a kid. Before she deemed me_ wrong _._

He zoned out for a few moments, trying to remember his mother loving him; caressing him, comforting him, supporting him, but he couldn’t hold on to the fleeting memories from his early childhood. 

Then he stood up, picking up his hoodie and damp jacket. 

“Lea sends her love.” He lied, trying to remember when he’d last heard from his older sister.

He pulled on the hoodie and then shrugged into his jacket, walking towards the door.

“Goodbye, mom.”

“You take care now, Isak.” She said.

He nodded once and then walked out of her room and towards the exit.

He zipped up his jacket on the way out and nodded a “bye” to the blond woman from before. She sent him a smile in return, and then he walked out, pulling his hood up. He crossed the short distance across the parking lot, the sound of gravel under his feet loud to his ears.

He opened the door to his father’s car and plopped down in the passenger seat with a sigh.

His father turned the radio off and looked at him. “So. How was she? How did it go?”

“Uh.” Isak drew a hand through his hair, suddenly feeling tired, so tired. “Fine, I guess. She’s responding well to the treatment. Was completely lucid. Symptom-free.”

His father nodded and turned the engine on, pulling the car out on the road. Isak looked back at the yellow house in the wing mirror, as they drove away.

“Uh, dad?” he asked, eyes still on the wing mirror.

“Yes?”

“Did you, uh, know about mom’s illness when you met her? I mean I know she wasn’t diagnosed until 4 years ago, but did you know, there was something _off_ when you met her?”

“Not right away, no. I don’t think she knew herself.”

“But you knew before you guys had Lea and me, right?” Isak turned his face to look at his father.

“Yes.” His father kept his eyes on the road.

“Do you ever…” Isak sucked in a breath, trying to steady his voice and keep it from cracking, “-do you ever, uh, regret being with mom?”

“No. I don’t.” His father turned to look at him, “I really loved her. But I couldn’t stay with her.”

Isak nodded, his heart in his throat. He looked out the window.

_Yeah well. She wasn’t easy to live with._

He leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes for a second.

∙

When Isak opened his eyes again, they were nearing central Oslo.

He cleared his throat and pulled down the hood, zipping down his jacket, finally feeling a bit of warmth.

The meeting with his mom replayed in his head, his own words echoing:

_I chose being gay just as much as you chose having a mental illness._

He swallowed drily, heart rate picking up.

“Are you okay, Isak? You seem very tired.” His father said, sounding slightly worried.

“Uh, yeah, I’m fine.” He answered non-committally, casting a look at the digital clock on the dashboard. 15:02.

_What day is it today? Thursday?_

He pulled up his phone to double check. _Thursday_.

“Uh, dad?” he turned his face to look at his father.

“Yeah?”

“Instead of dropping me off at my place, could you drop me off at Kaffebrenneriet by Colosseum?” 

“Sure. Are you meeting a friend?” his father smiled.

“Uh, yeah.” Isak answered, a nervous tremor in his voice.

“Do me a favor and type it in on the gps?” his father asked, nodding towards the gps in the windscreen.

“Yeah, sure.” Isak leaned forward and typed in _Colosseum_ on the gps, feeling his heart skip a beat and his palms go clammy, as the gps adjusted their route. Estimated arrival time 15:11.

∙

Nine minutes later, Isak’s heart was beating wildly in his ribcage, as his dad pulled up to the curb and turned off the engine right outside Kaffebrenneriet.

“So-” his father started.

“Thanks for the ride, dad. I really appreciate it.” Isak said hastily.

“Yeah, no problem, Isak-“

Isak already had a hand on the doorhandle.

“Let me know, if you need anything…”

“Yes. Thanks. I will.” Isak said, feeling his heart in his throat, as he opened the car door and got out. “Bye dad, take care.” He said, then closed the door.

He saw his dad nod at him, and then he started the car and drove off. Isak waited until he couldn’t see the car anymore, then he crossed the last few meters to Kaffebrenneriet. His knees threatened to give out under him, and his palms were so clammy, he wiped them on his jeans-clad thighs, as he walked up to the door. He felt his heartbeat pulsing in his jugular.

He grabbed the door handle and walked in, the bell over the door startling him, nerves on edge. He walked up to the counter.

“Hi. How can I help you?” came the chipper voice of a dark-haired girl behind the counter.

Isak took a quick look around. “Uh, is Even here?”

“No, he called in sick today.”

Isak’s heart dropped.

“..But, he’ll probably be here again Tuesday.” She smiled.

“Okay. Yeah. Thanks.” Isak replied weakly, then turned around and walked out the door.

He pulled his hood up and stuck his hands in his pockets, feeling cold once again.

_Fuck fuck fuck. No._

He made a quick decision and walked up to the tram stop, bouncing impatiently on his feet, as he saw the tram approaching some hundred meters down the road.

∙

Ten minutes later, he got off the tram at Stortinget tram stop and started walking so quickly, he was almost running. He made it to Even’s building in about six minutes, and as he stopped at the entrance door and stared at the little sign, _2 nd floor Mikael & Mutasim & Even _he once again felt his stomach lurch with nerves, palms going clammy.

_Fight or flight._

He buzzed the door, bouncing on his feet again and wrapping his arms tightly around himself, rubbing his hands over his arms to try to warm up.

The door opened with a click and he pushed it open and hurried inside, running up the stairs.

When he made it to Even's floor, the door to his apartment was ajar, so Isak pushed it open and stepped inside. 

"Did you forget your keys again, or?" Even’s tired voice floated from inside the apartment, and then he came padding into the corridor, wearing sweatpants and a black Wu-Tang hoodie, hood pulled up over his hair. He stopped in his tracks the moment he saw Isak.

His lips parted slightly, eyes widening in surprise. “Isak?” his voice was a little hoarse. Deep. He looked tired.

 _Maybe he hasn't been able to sleep either._

Isak swallowed drily at the thought, and felt his heart beat in his throat, as he walked up to Even. He stopped right in front of him, wanting nothing more than to close the distance between them, to wrap his arms around him. To _feel_ him. But he wasn’t sure, if he was allowed to do that anymore.

_Please, don’t let it be too late._

He looked Even in the eyes, his gaze unwavering, even as his voice threatened to crack.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Even.”

_I’m so sorry I fucked everything up. I miss you so fucking much._

He sucked in a breath, afraid that he’d start crying again.

Even blinked. Then he slowly opened his eyes again, swallowing visibly. His eyes flitted over Isak’s face and Isak tentatively stepped forward. Then another little step. And then he stepped into Even’s space, circling his arms loosely around him.

 _Please_.

After a moment he felt Even’s arms settle around his waist, and Isak let out a shaky breath, as Even leaned against him, hooking his chin over his shoulder. Isak hugged him tighter, and gently pulled Even’s hood down to press soft kisses to his hair, his temple, his jaw, quietly murmuring over and over.

“I’m so sorry.”


	20. Runaway/Hurts So Good (Remix)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I couldn't NOT write Even's pov of their week apart, so here it is.  
> This chapter picks up a few hours before the Opera House date (mid chapter 18). 
> 
> <3

**Friday 27 March, 2020**

When Even walked through the doors to the auditorium, he already knew he wouldn’t be able to concentrate for shit, because honestly there was no way he could distract his thoughts today. He’d been on edge since he woke up. Today was the day. His own deadline had crept up on him.

_It has to be today._

He walked to the back of the auditorium and found a seat, plopping down and wondering why he’d even bothered to show up to the lecture, when there was no chance in hell, he’d hear a word the professor said.

 _I have to tell him_ today _._

He sat his backpack down and pulled up his laptop, opening a new OneNote document mostly for show, and as the professor began the lecture on Audiovisual Communication, he predictably zoned out.

His stomach dropped with nerves, as he thought about meeting Isak later.

_I have to be fair to him. Even if it means I’ll lose him._

He’d had this countdown, this deadline, in his mind, since last Thursday night, which was when he’d decided to tell Isak as soon as possible. That night, he’d spent the whole evening in Isak’s room, and Isak had opened up to him, trusting him with his past, his parents, his ex. Why he panicked at intimacy. And Even had been on the verge of tears more than once during Isak’s account, wanting nothing more than to soothe him, convince him that _no, you’re not wrong baby, you’re perfect_. So, he’d tried to soothe Isak with kisses, tried to pour all of his love and affection for him into each kiss, every kiss an attempt at showing him how sorry he was for what he’d gone through. And Isak had hitched a breath and curled into him, and for a moment, everything had been right.

But then Isak had called him _the man of his dreams_ and _blushed_ like Even wasn’t supposed to hear that, and Even had been ripped right out of their little cocoon, his stomach dropping at Isak’s words. At this amazingly beautiful, intelligent and brave guy who trusted him with his heartbreaking story and in return only wanted honesty. Wanted to _know_ him. And shit, how he’d wanted to be the man of his dreams.

Even felt his throat tighten again, thinking back on that conversation. He’d felt like such a cheat, an imposter. _I’m really not the man of your dreams_.

He knew he wasn’t being fair to Isak by not telling him about himself. About him being bipolar. Not when Isak had been adamant about _knowing_ him and considering what he’d told him that night about his mom and his ex-boyfriend, he couldn’t blame him. _I can’t do this to him_.

And he had wanted to tell him then, last Thursday, to just lay it all out and repay Isak with honesty, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t drop that on Isak after everything Isak had just told him. And he couldn’t bear losing him. Not when Isak had curled into him and kissed him like he was the air he needed to breathe.

So, the moment he’d left Isak’s apartment that night, he’d made a decision to tell him about himself, as soon as possible. He’d even sent that text on Friday, asking if he had plans for the weekend, but Isak had that lab report and they’d ended up spending the whole week about, so he could finish his report. And yesterday Isak had finally submitted the report and texted him a “tomorrow <3”.

So, today was the deadline.

It had been a long week of _not telling him_ , but still, Even secretly relished how he got to have an extra week with him, even if he didn’t get to see him for more than half an hour at the library yesterday.

Even took a quick glance up at the slideshow in the front of the auditorium to try to distract himself for a moment. He wiped his palm on his thigh, knee bouncing slightly. Then he looked down at his empty OneNote document before picking up his phone, flipping it in his hand. He hadn’t heard from Isak today, but he knew he’d had a long week writing that lab report and he had looked pretty tired yesterday at the library.

 _He’s probably sleeping in, enjoying having submitted that fucking lab report_.

Just as he put his phone down on the little desk where his laptop sat, it buzzed with a new message, and he picked it up immediately.

* * *

**Isak Valtersen**

10:24

Looking forward to later, what’s the plan?

* * *

He felt his stomach lurch, partly with butterflies at the thought of seeing Isak and partly with nerves.

_“What’s the plan?”_

He rolled in his lip.

_A date. I want to enjoy some hours with you before I tell you._

* * *

**Isak Valtersen**

10:24

How about I meet you on campus when you’re done with class?

Sounds good:) I’ll be done by 15:00. Chem dept building B.

See you there <3

<3

* * *

He pocketed his phone again and checked the time. 10:25. 4,5 hours until meeting Isak.

He looked up at the slideshow again and tried to tune in for the last twenty minutes of the lecture, but since he’d spent the whole lecture _not listening_ , he didn’t understand the context. The only thing he caught was the professor’s last words of the day, as everyone were packing up.

“Remember next Friday’s class is a mandatory mid-crit. If you want to qualify for the oral exam for this course, you need to show up.”

Even pulled up his phone to set a reminder.

Thursday 2 April 21:00 – mandatory class tomorrow 09-11. DON’T MISS!!!

∙

At 14:50 he was outside the chemistry department, building B, waiting for Isak. The weather was amazing. Sunny and warm. A long-awaited spring day, which carried the promise of long, warm summer days and -nights to come. _A perfect day for a date_.

He’d taken off his jacket in the warm spring air, draping it over his arm, while he waited for Isak. He looked at the entrance to the building, then pulled up his phone. 14:50. Right. He was a little early.

He shrugged off his backpack and set it on the ground, the six-pack of beer inside making it a little heavy. He leaned against the building and busied himself with his phone, scrolling through various feeds, actually managing to distract himself for a few moments, not noticing Isak until he was a few steps away, walking up to him with a smile.

“Hey.” He smiled as he laid eyes on Isak, crossing the last few steps between them.

“Hey.” Isak gave him an easy smile back and then he casually leaned in, placing a hand on Even’s hip and kissed him. A soft kiss, like greeting your boyfriend at the end of the day.

Even’s heart fluttered.

“Well, hello.” He said with a surprised smile.

“Hi.” Isak smiled, his eyes stuck on his lips.

_You’re so fucking perfect._

“Let’s go.” He said, taking Isak’s hand and softly pulling him along.

“Where are we going?” Isak smiled as he fell into step.

“You’ll see.”

“Are you gonna take me out for ice cream?” Isak asked with an enigmatic smile.

He turned back to him with a smile, because _what?_

“Uh, no. Wasn’t the plan. Why, do you want ice cream?”

_I’ll take you out for ice cream, if you want._

“Nah, I’m good.” Isak said, the corner of his lips tipping up into a crooked smile.

“Okay.” He smiled, looking at Isak, who sent him a gap-toothed smile and a shrug back. 

∙

Some twenty minutes later they were in front of the Opera House.

There were a few tourists there, but Even felt confident, they could find their own spot on the roof. He nodded towards the rooftop, “thought we could chill in the nice weather, enjoy the view?”

Isak smiled back, “sounds good.”

So, they started walking up the slope, and Isak turned to him all competitive. “Race you to the top?”

“You looking to burn off energy or something?” he smirked back at Isak.

“Maybe,” Isak shrugged.

“Sure. Let’s do it.” He agreed, because _yeah, might calm my nerves as well_.

Isak beat him to the top, and they both plopped down heavily, taking off their jackets as they sat down. Isak wore a grey sweatshirt underneath, the collar of a button-up showing at the neckline. Even trailed his eyes down Isak’s chest, taking him in, as Isak triumphantly told him that he’d been doing up-hill running and free weights training for a month now.

Even let his eyes linger at the button-up collar for a moment. “Hot.” He replied, because _damn_.

“Yeah? you like the thought of me working out?” Isak smirked, catching him looking.

_Uh, fuck yeah._

He raised his eyebrows at him. “Do I like the thought of you all sweaty and panting? Yes.” 

Isak cracked a laugh, and Even smiled, eyes flitting over Isak’s features for a few seconds, trying to commit every little detail to memory: His expressive green eyes twinkling, long dark eyelashes, pretty mouth with the gap between his front teeth, and that cupid bow that drove him wild. He reached his hand out to touch, pad of his thumb lightly skimming the corner of Isak’s lips.

Then he dropped his hand and opened his backpack, pulling up a couple of still semi-cold cans of beer, handing one to Isak with a smile.

“Here you go.”

“Oyyy way better than ice cream.” Isak smiled and dully clinked his can against Even’s.

“Cheers.”

“Cheers. Congrats on submitting your lab report.” Even smiled.

“Shit, yeah. Thanks.” Isak laughed, then raised an accusing eyebrow at him. “Damn near didn’t finish it because of you.”

_I haven’t been able to think about anything but you all week, either._

“Me?” he teased.

“Yeah, you!” Isak smiled widely. He looked free.

“Sorry about that.” Even said back softly and stroked a wild curl behind Isak’s ear.

Isak gave him a little smile in return before leaning in and kissing him softly in the glow from the sunlight reflecting off the still water of the Oslo fjord laid out in front of them.

And Even couldn’t help himself, too many years spent watching and analyzing movies, noticing every little detail. He logged everything in his mind.

_What a perfect fucking scene. The light, the sound of the breeze, the way our lips fit perfectly together._

He let his lips meet Isak’s again and again in sticky little pecks, before they both pulled off, looking out over the fjord. “I love this view.” Isak said softly, then tipped his beer to his mouth.

Even snuck a peek at Isak out of the corner of his eye.

“Yeah, me too.” He agreed.

∙

A little while later, Isak had told him how he’d tried to skate down the slope leading down from the rooftop when he was younger, and they’d shared stories about being young and dumb, and Isak had pulled up his phone to show him a photo from russetid, red overalls and backwards snapback, beer in hand and Even loved it. All of it. Isak looked young and beautiful.

He peered over Isak’s screen as he scrolled down his insta profile and noticed Isak’s instahandle. _Isakyaki. Cute._

“You’ve only posted six pics on insta since your russ-days?” he asked him.

“Yeah.” Isak shrugged, “I don’t really use it for that. Do you?” and then he turned to Even, smirking, eyebrows up, all sass. “Shit, you probably have some super artsy profile. All about _the aesthetics_.”

He snorted a laugh at that, at Isak’s sass, but also, _wow, am I that predictable_.

“That’s… actually not wrong.” He smiled and handed over his phone for Isak to scroll freely. He knew there were no pictures of Sonja or anyone else for that matter. It was mostly about light, angles, _aesthetics_.

Isak passed the phone back a few moments later with a little shrug. “Figures I was right. No juicy stuff.”

“There was juicy stuff on yours??” he grabbed at Isak’s pocket, and Isak playfully batted his hand away with a “no!”

He settled for sending Isak a follow request, resting his hand comfortably on Isak’s thigh, as Isak opened the app again and accepted the request, sent one back and then angled his phone up, snapping a photo of the fjord.

Even noticed with a smile how their outstretched legs made it into the bottom of the frame. 

Then he watched as Isak adjusted the light a bit, and let his thumb hover over _share_.

“Woah, you’re actually posting something to your deserted insta?” he joked.

“Mhmm. Just trying to think of a caption.” Isak smiled, then he gave a little shrug and pressed _share_ , “fuck it, who even reads captions anymore.”

Even agreed with a smile and reached into his backpack for two more beers. “One more?” he stretched a can out towards Isak.

“Sure.”

Even nodded and pulled his beer open, the metal of the ring-pull breaking loudly.

∙

About an hour later, they were completely wrapped up in each other, definitely getting carried away kissing in the bright sunlight, Isak’s breath coming in short damp huffs against Even’s lips, as he threaded his fingers through those longish golden curls. 

“Maybe we should, uh, leave?” Isak finally said, eyes half-lidded, pupils blown.

He agreed, and they both stood up, picking up empty beer cans, shrugging on their backpacks. He dumped the beer cans in a garbage can, and as Isak grabbed his hand on the way down the slope, he felt his throat tighten at the feeling of time running out.

“Do you, uh. Want to come back to mine?” he asked Isak.

“Yes.”

∙

A tram ride and a short walk later, they were climbing the stairs to his apartment, and Even was growing more nervous by the second.

He unlocked the door with shaky hands, and they both dumped their jackets and shoes in the corridor, then he pulled Isak with him to his room, moving quickly, afraid to lose his nerve.

And Isak probably misunderstood his haste, because he plopped down on the bed and smiled seductively up at him. “Are you going to join me, or?”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah.” Even stammered, lying down next to Isak.

_Just a couple of moments more._

Isak reached out and drew a hand through his hair, playing with his long locks, and he let out a heavy exhale at the soothing touch.

_Okay okay just tell him, just-_

Then Isak leaned in and kissed him, nudging his lips open with his own, and he felt himself respond immediately, getting desperately aroused in no time.

“I’ve missed your taste.” Isak murmured lowly against his lips, and Even felt another stab of arousal course red-hot through his body, blood surging to his groin with impressive speed.

He let out a little moan at Isak’s words. “Same. Fuck. I’m..-” He faltered.

_You have no idea._

He pressed his lips to Isak’s again, immediately stroking his tongue against Isak’s, desperately chasing his taste, the feeling of his tongue against his own.

“I fucking love your mouth. I’ve been thinking about it all week.” Isak said lowly.

“Isak…” He tried.

_Please, don’t._

Isak coaxed his lips open again and let his tongue play, licking into his mouth and when he pressed his hips against him and started a slow torturous grind, letting him feel just how hard he was, Even almost lost his resolve. Then Isak dropped a hand to palm him over his jeans, and it took every ounce of self restraint to hold back, to not let himself chase the friction, the prospect of having sex with Isak right _there_. His mind was quickly going cloudy with lust, his promise to himself to _fucking tell him already,_ floated to the back of his head, as the feeling of Isak unbuttoning his jeans while pressing the hard length of his erection against his hip, took center stage.

“I think I’m done taking it slow.” Isak murmured against his lips. Even swallowed tightly.

_There’s nothing I want more right now than to have sex with you._

Isak’s eyes stuck on his lips, half-lidded, and Even felt his heart thump violently in his chest.

“And I’ve been wondering if you meant it, when you said you were vers? Because I am, and I _really_ want to fuck you.” Isak rasped out, the tip of his tongue peeking out to wet his lip.

_Fuck._

Even let out a desperate gasp, beyond aroused at Isak’s words, his hips involuntarily jerking forward, pressing him into Isak’s fist. 

“Yeah?” Isak breathed out, his fingers already at the waistband of his boxers.

_Shit. No. I can’t._

It took all the willpower, he’d probably ever been able to mobilize, but Even managed to sit up, putting a bit of distance between himself and Isak.

“Shit, Isak, I can’t do this.”

Isak sat up beside him. “Hey, it’s okay Even, we don’t have to do that, you can top if-“

“No, it’s not that.”

His heart beat hard against his ribcage, his body still wired with arousal, mixed with nerves.

_This is it._

He turned to look at Isak, swallowing drily. “There’s something I have to tell you.”

“What?”

“I’m, uh...“ He searched Isak’s face, logging the look on his face. Then he looked down at the bed for a moment, the thought of how this could end up being the last time he saw Isak’s face, too much to handle. He drew in a steadying breath, bracing himself, and then he looked back up at Isak. “I’m bipolar.” he said quietly. “And I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while, but…uh.” He faltered, eyes again drifting to the bedding.

_I couldn’t. I couldn’t bear losing you._

When he looked back up, Isak was looking wide-eyed back at him, panic evident on his pretty features. Isak slowly shook his head, stammering out a “you tell me this _now_?”

“I’m sorry.” He said weakly.

_I’m so sorry, Isak. I’m so sorry I can’t be the man, you thought I was._

“I’ve been having _panic attacks_ because I didn’t _know_ you and…” Isak’s voice was high-pitched, close to cracking. “…and you didn’t think it was worth mentioning tha-. No. I can’t. do this.” He stood up abruptly and crossed the few steps to Even’s door, stopping short just in front of it, his back to Even, hand on the door handle. “I can’t.” he said, voice just above a whisper.

Even swallowed, his heart beating in his throat, the sound of blood rushing in his ears. He closed his eyes, squeezing them shut, trying to block everything out for a moment.

When he opened his eyes again, the door to his room closed behind Isak, and then he heard the click of the front door.

_I lost him._

∙

A few hours later, he still hadn’t moved, body feeling like a ton of bricks in his bed, where Isak’s scent was still lingering.

He was staring into the ceiling, when he registered the sound of the front door and Mutta calling out a “hellooooo? Anybody in?”

He stayed quiet, but then there was a knock on his door, and, without waiting for an answer, Mutta popped his head in.

“Hey, Ev. I thought I saw your sneaks in the corridor. What’s up?”

“Uh. Nothing.” He croaked out, his throat tight, eyes still on the ceiling.

“Are you okay?” Mutta asked, leaning against the doorframe.

Even squeezed his eyes together again, then spoke to the ceiling.

“I lost him.”

Mutta looked at him, his face falling. He still leaned against the doorframe, seemingly not knowing whether to step in or step away.

After a few moments of deliberation, he asked Even “Wanna come smoke with me?” Then he faltered, “or maybe, that’s not such a good idea right now…”

“Fuck it.” Even said hoarsely, slowly pulling himself up from bed, because _yeah, the thought of dulling his senses and zoning out sounded like the best fucking idea right now._

He followed Mutta to the living room, and heavily sat down in the couch, while Mutta rummaged in a drawer and finally sat down on the couch with a little bag of weed and rolling paper and a lighter.

“So…” Mutta said as he began expertly rolling a joint, “what happened?”

Even let his head fall back against the backrest of the couch. “I finally told him, and he just. Left.”

Mutta tapped the end of the joint on his palm and then passed the finished joint to Even along with a lighter.

Even lit up and took a drag, hollowing his cheeks, inhaling deeply, letting the smoke fill his lungs. Then he took another drag and passed the joint back to Mutta.

“So, he just left?” Mutta asked before taking a drag of the joint.

“Yes”. Even replied, swallowing drily.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Ev.” Mutta said inhaling and then passing the joint back.

Even nodded and they spent the next ten minutes passing the joint back and forth between them in silence.

When it burned to a stub, Mutta put it out in a coffee mug, and started rolling up again.

Then the sound of the front door, and Mikael’s voice carried from the corridor, “Yo?”

“Hey.” Mutta called out, while Even kept silent, and a minute later Mikael walked into the living room, dumping his backpack, eyeing the joint between Mutta’s fingers.

“We’re smoking? Nice.”

He plopped down in the couch adjacent to the one Even and Mutta were sitting in and leaned forward as Mutta wordlessly passed him the joint.

“Who died? It’s like a funeral or something in here.”

Even caught Mutta looking at him out of the corner of his eye.

Then Mikael looked between them, joint hanging from his lips.

“What’s wrong? Shit, nobody died, right? Right?”

“Uh, no.” Even managed.

“Okay. What’s wrong, then?” Mikael asked before passing the joint to Even.

He took another long drag, feeling the weed starting to dull his senses.

“I, uh. I told Isak. About me.” He said on an exhale.

“Oh, shit.” Mikael said. “And he didn’t take it well?”

_If that isn’t an understatement._

“Uh, no.”

“Well, what-“ Mikael started.

“He said, he couldn’t deal with it. And then he left.” Even said, leaning his head against the backrest of the couch.

“Did he mean he couldn’t deal with it right now, or like ever?” Mikael asked.

“I don’t know.” Even sighed.

“That’s… wow.” Mikael said, an edge to his voice.

“What?” Even lifted his head. 

“I can’t believe he did that. Like what’s his probl-“

“Mik, don’t. Just chill.” Mutta said, shooting Mikael a look.

“No, seriously, that’s fucked up. How can he just leave-?” Mikael said angrily.

“You don’t understand, Mik.” Even said.

”Are you seriously defending him right now?” Mikael asked disbelievingly.

”Mik...” Mutta said.

“Look, you don’t know his story, Mik. His dad left when he was 15 or 16, his mom was diagnosed with schizophrenia when he was 17, and he had a pretty fucked up childhood. And then there’s his ex, whom he fell in love with but who lied to him and threatened him and...” Even trailed off, as Mikael fell silent, looking down.

Even let his head fall back against the backrest again, looking up at the ceiling. “Fuck, I should’ve just told him right away. Like, back before I even kissed him. When we were still friends. Maybe we could’ve stayed friends. Maybe then I wouldn’t have lost him.” He squeezed his eyes shut in frustration.

_Can’t believe I lost him._

Mikael and Mutta fell silent, passing the joint between them, while Even stared at the ceiling. After some twenty minutes, he retreated to his room, feeling numb.

∙

He spent the next day in bed, not bothering to get up for anything else than the bathroom and a few glasses of water. Mutta and Mikael sent him worried looks, which he ignored.

∙

Tuesday afternoon he was in bed texting his boss at Kaffebrenneriet that he was sick and wasn’t coming to work today, when Mutta slammed the door to his room wide open and asked him straight up, “Even, bro, be honest with me right now. Are you heading towards a depressive episode? Do I need to call your mom?”

He swallowed, running a hand through his hair. For the last three days he’d done everything he could to avoid _feeling anything_ , and here Mutta was, asking him to tap into his emotions. To _feel_. And he guessed he kinda owed it to him, and to himself, to try to find out what was going on. How bad it was. He tried to remember how it had felt the last time he was having a depressive episode.

“Uh. I don’t know.” He said looking up at Mutta. “I don’t think so.”

Mutta nodded. “Just heartbreak, then?”

He snorted at Mutta’s straightforwardness. “Just heartbreak, I think.”

_Worst fucking heartbreak ever._

“Okay. But maybe, uh, you should talk to your therapist. Just in case. Kinda.” Mutta tried.

He almost rolled his eyes at him, but then he saw and acknowledged the worried look in Mutta’s eyes.

_He’s seen me through some tough shit, after all._

He gave him a nod. “Yeah. I will.”

“Okay.” Mutta smiled. “Tell Mik or me, if you need anything, yeah?”

“Yeah, thanks.” He said and Mutta stepped out, softly closing the door behind him.

He let out a sigh and then pulled up his phone, tapping his lock screen.

No messages.

His thumb hovered over his contacts, but instead he opened Instagram, navigating to Isak’s profile. He clicked on the photo Isak had posted on their date last Friday, trailing his eyes over the little details; the light glittering on the water of the fjord, the blue of the sky, the smudges of dirt on his and Isak’s sneakers resting against each other in the bottom of the picture.

_At least he hasn’t taken down the picture._

Then he thought about how Isak wasn’t really active on Instagram, and that he probably couldn’t ascribe any kind of meaning as to why he hadn’t deleted the picture.

He looked at the picture again, then trailed his eyes over the comments.

**mats_j: Nice view. Looking forward to seeing it myself come august.**

He stared at the comment for a moment.

_mats_j._

He clicked on the name and scrolled down the guy’s profile, immediately recognizing him from that day a few weeks ago, where he’d met him while being at work at Kaffebrenneriet.

_It’s definitely him. Isak’s ex-boyfriend._

The ex who Isak had told him had made him feel wrong and almost threatened him to stay in Trondheim. The one who was considering transferring to UiO and moving to Oslo.

_“…looking forward to seeing it myself come august.”_

He swallowed.

_Shit. Looks like he may be transferring anyway._

He closed the app and scrolled down his contacts until he found the number to his therapist. He dialed the number and made an appointment for the next day.

_Just in case._

∙

The next morning Even got up at the sound of his alarm at 9:00 and forced himself to take a shower and get dressed in something else than sweats. He drank a glass of water and then filled up a bottle to take with him to the therapist, because therapy always made him so fucking thirsty. He skipped breakfast, as he didn’t really have an appetite, hadn’t felt like eating the last few days.

He put on his jacket and his shoes and grabbed his keys and phone before walking out the door and slowly making his way to the tram stop.

Fifteen minutes later he buzzed the door to his therapist, pushing the door open as it unlocked with a click.

He walked up the stairs and stopped in front on the door with the little golden sign, he hadn’t seen in a few months.

Espen Dahl, psychologist.

He took a deep breath and opened the door, stepping in and after announcing his arrival to the receptionist, he plopped down in a deep couch, absentmindedly scrolling his phone until his therapist greeted him with a “Hey, Even. Please, come in.”

He nodded a “yeah, thanks.” and stepped into his therapist’s office, shrugging off his jacket and draping it on the back of the comfortable chair before sitting down across from his therapist.

“So. First of all how are you, Even? And what do you want to talk about today?” his therapist said with a kind smile.

Even looked at him for a moment, focusing on the greying hair at his temples, the glasses resting on the bridge of his nose.

_How weird that I’ve told him pretty much everything about myself through the past three years. And I don’t know anything about him except for his name._

He dropped his gaze down to the coffee table and the resident box of Kleenex.

“Uh.” he started, then faltered. He picked up his water bottle from his jacket pocket and took a sip, throat already dry.

His therapist looked at him with a kind smile, waiting for him to continue.

“Uh, I’m not great, to be honest.” He managed.

“No? And why is that, do you think? Has anything happened?”

“Uh. I met someone.” Even started, taking a moment to steady himself. “Isak.”

His therapist nodded, looking down at the page in the notebook between his hands, “…the same Isak you told me about, the last time you were here?”

“Yes. I had just met him back then. And now I’m...so fucking in love with him.” He sighed.

His therapist nodded, so he continued.

”Like, it’s different from when I was with Sonja. Way different.” He looked at his therapist for his reaction.

“Different how?”

Even rolled in his lip, thinking. “I don’t know. I can’t really explain it. I haven’t been in love like this before. It’s like. We just _fit_.”

His therapist nodded. “And does he have the same feelings for you?”

“Yes. I mean, he told me he was in love with me.” Even said, his throat tightening at the thought.

 _He_ was _in love with me_.

His therapist nodded “that’s good.”

“Yeah. Or, well.”

 _It was_.

Even rolled his lip in again. Then he took another sip of water.

“How did you meet him?” His therapist asked.

“Uh, at uni. And we were just friends to begin with. But then we started, uh…” Even felt a heat creep into his cheeks, “…being _more than friends_ …But I didn’t tell him about myself. About my bipolar.”

“Okay.” His therapist said patiently.

“I just. I was afraid to lose him. I knew I’d lose him.” Even said, choking up. “But then he told me about himself, like, he really opened up to me. And I couldn’t keep it from him anymore, it wasn’t fair. So, I told him last week. And then. He, uh. Left.” His breath hitched. “I lost him.”

“Why do you think he left?” His therapist asked calmly.

“Because I’m not the guy he wants me to be.” Even said, his throat tight with the effort of not crying.

_Because I’m not the man of his dreams._

“I see.”

“I’m just… I miss him so fucking much.” Even choked out, a few tears slipping out.

“That is very understandable, Even. Heartbreak is never easy.” His therapist said gently, leaning forward to hand Even the box of Kleenex from the table.

Even picked up a tissue, drying his tears and clutching the tissue in his hand.

“And are you worried this may onset a depressive episode? Have you been noticing changes in your behavior?”

Even quirked a tiny smile behind tears, because _what kind of stupid fucking question is that? Changes in my behavior? I can’t eat or sleep_.

“Honestly I don’t know. I mean, I feel like shit, but I don’t know if it’s the start of an episode, or I’m just-“

“Heartbroken?” his therapist supplied.

“Yes.”

“Well, I think it’s definitely a positive thing, that you found the energy to come here today and talk to me. You’re managing really well, Even.” His therapist said kindly and then proceeded to tell him, how the symptoms for depression and heartache were pretty much the same, and from what he’d told him, there was no real reason to believe, that he was spiraling into a depressive episode. But of course with his diagnosis, he needed to pay attention to his feelings. 

“Try to stick with your routines, Even. Sleep is important and try to eat three meals a day. When you feel a bit better, maybe go for some long walks or go swimming. And lay off the marijuana for a bit.”

Even quirked a tiny smile at his therapist’s use of the word _marijuana_.

_Yes, mom._

“So, how does that sound? Do you think seven hours of sleep and three meals a day is doable?” His therapist asked.

“Probably not right now, but…” Even shrugged.

“Try. And if, in two weeks’ time, you still can’t sleep or you still don’t have an appetite, call Maria and set up a new appointment. I can always push things around a bit to squeeze you in.”

Even nodded. “Yes. Okay. Thanks.” Then he stood up and pulled on his jacket. “Thank you for today.” He said genuinely.

_It was nice to talk to someone._

“I’m glad you made this appointment, Even.” His therapist smiled.

Even was almost at the door when

“Even?”

“Yes?” he looked back at his therapist over his shoulder.

“You’ll get through this.” His therapist smiled kindly.

Even nodded and walked out the door.

 _Well, at least I’m not spiraling into depression. Just all-consuming heartache_. 

∙

The next morning, he woke at the alarm he’d set for 8am the night before, intending to go for a walk and maybe, _maybe,_ attend classes. But he felt groggy and sluggish, body and mind tired after yet another night of interrupted sleep. The past week he’d developed a weird pattern of waking in the middle of the night obsessively checking his phone for messages from Isak. Every time he swiped at his lock screen and found no new messages, his heart sank, and he had trouble falling asleep again, reliving the heartache all over again each time. And last night had been no different, he’d fallen asleep around 2 am and had then proceeded to wake up every hour, reaching out for his phone to check for messages. On top of that, he’d dreamed of Isak, the phantom feeling of him still present. 

He turned his alarm off and immediately dropped the notion of attending classes. Then he remembered that he had a shift at KB at 12:00-17:00, and he quickly fired a text to his boss telling her that he was still sick and couldn’t make his shift today either.

_There’s no way I’ll be able to make it through a whole day of smiling and acting like I’m not falling apart. I’m not ready yet._

He scrolled his phone for a few minutes, then lay back down, turning onto his side. He managed to fall asleep again, eventually getting another three hours of restless sleep.

∙

When he woke up again, it was around 11am, and faint sunlight streamed in through his blinds. He pulled himself up with a sigh and put on a pair of sweats and a black Wu-Tang hoodie, pulling the hood over his hair in a somewhat futile attempt to block out the world, which seemed too bright and too loud today. He wanted to just cocoon himself.

He padded to the bathroom to pee.

Next he walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water, and then he padded into the living room, because he was sick of his own room, and Mutta and Mikael probably weren’t home anyway. Only, when he stepped into the living room, Mikael was lounging on the couch playing Minecraft.

“Uh, hey.” Even said plopping down in the other couch, with his glass of water.

“Hey.” Mikael said, pausing the game to look at Even. “Skipping class?”

“Yeah.” Even sighed, voice raspy. “You too?”

“Nah. My professor rescheduled today’s lecture for 15:30”

Even nodded and took a sip of water.

“How are you, man?” Mikael asked.

“Um.” Even said, setting the glass on the coffee table. “Not that great.”

“I’m sorry, Ev.” Mikael said softly.

Even detected the hint of worry in his voice.

“Yeah. But the good news is my therapist doesn’t think it’s the start of a depressive episode, so there’s that.” He said drily.

“That’s something, man.” Mikael quirked a little smile, and Even noticed the subtle shift in his voice. _Relief_.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“By the way, I saved some leftover pizza for you last night. It’s in the fridge, if you want?” Mikael said.

“Uh, I’m not hungry. Thanks, though.” He managed a tiny smile at Mikael.

“Okay.”

Mikael looked at him, like there was more he wanted to say.

“What are you working on?” Even deflected, nodding at the screen where Mikael’s game of Minecraft was paused.

“Uh, right now I’m trying to recreate the Eiffel Tower. In pink.” Mikael said picking up the controller and unpausing the game.

“Oh yeah?” Even asked, quirking a little smile. “How’s that working out?”

“I’m playing survival mode, so it’s gonna take _forever_.” Mikael said.

Even snorted a laugh and zoned out watching Mikael play Minecraft, placing pink bricks on his, _very slowly,_ growing Eiffel Tower.

After a while, he lay down on the couch, and closed his eyes, drifting off to the somewhat meditative Minecraft music, the sound of the PlayStation controller and Mikael’s soft exclamations of “ugh.” and “motherfucker.” at the screen.

∙

When he woke up again, Mikael was rummaging around in the living room, packing his backpack and the tv was off. Even sat up, feeling a bit disoriented.

“So, I had to eat a couple of slices of the pizza for lunch, but there’s still some slices left.” Mikael said, grabbing a power cable and dumping it in his laptop.

“Thanks.” Even rasped out, voice sleep-rough.

“No worries, man.” Mikael said with a smile, quickly shrugging into his jacket and then hoisting on his backpack. “Okay, well. See you later, Even.”

“Yeah, see you.” Even replied, and then Mikael was out the door, the door closing behind him with a click.

Even leaned back against the couch cushions for a moment. Then he picked up his phone. 15:23. He mindlessly scrolled his phone for a few moments before sliding it back into the pocket of his sweatpants. Then he stood up, grabbed his empty glass from the coffee table and padded to the kitchen for a refill.

He had just turned on the tap, when the door buzzed. He left his empty glass on the counter and went to the corridor, buzzing the entrance door open, pretty sure it was Mikael having forgotten his keys once again.

_He could probably use to lay off the weed a bit too._

He slowly padded back to the kitchen, and filled up his glass with water, taking a sip. He called out a “did you forget your keys again, or?"

When he didn’t hear a sound, he put his glass down on the counter and walked towards the corridor, hoping it was Mikael and not some intruder, because _shit, I’m way too tired to fight anyone at this point_.

He rounded the corner stepping into the corridor, and stopped in his tracks, when he saw him. Isak.

He looked like he was dressed in a thousand layers, his jacket, and his hair, which Even noticed was shorter than last Friday, was wet.

Even swallowed hard, feeling his heart beat erratically against his ribcage, his whole body immediately feeling wired, despite being tired, so tired.

“Isak?” He said, voice still a bit hoarse and sleep-rough. 

_What are you doing here?_

Isak was frozen on the spot, looking at him from a few meters away, and Even fleetingly had a feeling, that maybe Isak had regretted showing up.

But then Isak stepped forward and walked up to him, stopping a few feet in front of him.

Even sucked in a breath at Isak’s proximity, his heartbeat loud in his ears.

Isak met his gaze surely, but his voice revealed that he was nervous, too.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Even.”

He looked at Isak for a few moments, his brain failing to understand the meaning of his words. He closed his eyes for a second, trying to process the sentence.

_Are you sorry for leaving last Friday, or are you sorry because you’ve come here to break up with me? Because you can’t be with me?_

He slowly opened his eyes again and searched Isak’s face for the answer. Isak swallowed visibly and then took a small step forward. Then another little step. And then he stepped into his space, circling his arms loosely around him. Even heard Isak suck in a breath, felt his fingers tentatively splay over the small of his back, and he finally understood Isak’s words. He let out a heavy exhale as everything clicked into place, and he let his arms settle around Isak’s waist, feeling the warmth of Isak’s shaky breath against his neck, as he hooked his chin over Isak’s shoulder.

Isak’s arms tightened around him, and then he softly pulled down the hood that had been cocooning him all day, to press soft kisses to his hair, his temple, his jaw, murmuring over and over 

“I’m so sorry.”

And Even let out a sigh and let his body sag heavily against Isak’s, all tension leaving his body, as he burrowed deeper into the crook of Isak’s neck, nosing at the place where his neck met his shoulder. He pressed a kiss into Isak’s skin.

_You’re here. I didn't lose you._


	21. Drunk In Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring: Talking, talking, talking, Indian take-out, spooning, Mikael, cooking, SEX and ❤️❤️❤️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is Isak's pov and picks up immediately after the previous chapter. 
> 
> It's a beast of a chapter - almost 12k words, sorry! I considered splitting it into two separate chapters, but felt like it worked better as one chapter. Also, note that the second half of this is smutty, like SMUTTY. Explicit. If that's not your thing, skip to the ending <3
> 
> Tw: mentions of bipolar and (non-explicit mention of) suicide attempt.

**Thursday 2 April, 2020.**

”I’m sorry, Even. I’m so sorry.” He repeated over and over, pressing soft kisses to Even’s hair, his temple, his jaw.

_I’m so sorry for leaving last Friday and for how I reacted when you told me about yourself and for not texting you this past week and_

Then he felt Even respond by pressing a soft kiss to the juncture between his neck and shoulder and his heart soared.

They remained silent, hugging tightly in Even’s corridor for a few minutes, before Even softly pulled back a few inches and jerked his head towards his room in silent question.

Isak nodded and quickly took off his sneakers and damp jacket, hanging it on the wall before following Even into his room.

Even closed the door softly behind them and turned to look at him, and he noticed that Even’s hair reached his shoulders when it was down like this, longish strands curling slightly at the ends. He looked young. And kinda apprehensive. Nervous.

Isak took a step forward, catching Even’s hand in his own and slotted their fingers together, then he backed to Even’s bed, softly pulling Even with him. They both flopped down, landing on their backs, and he immediately curled into Even, laying his head on his chest, breathing out a content sigh. 

Even’s fingers traced lightly over his shoulder, down his arm, up again to his collarbone, softly drawing patterns over the fabric of his sweatshirt with his fingertips. Then he felt Even press a soft kiss to his hair.

”I can’t believe you’re here.” Even murmured.

”I’m here.” He replied quietly, splaying his fingers over Even’s chest.

A few moments of silence passed between them.

“You cut your curls.” Even then said, burying his nose in his hair.

He quirked a little smile against the soft hoodie on Even’s chest. “Uh, yeah. Eskild thought they were getting too long and messy.”

He felt Even press another kiss to the top of his head and then draw his other hand, the one not occupied with tracing lazy patterns on his shoulder, through his now short curls. “I like it like this, too.”

“Thanks.” He smiled softly.

A few more moments of silence passed with him nosing at the soft cotton of Even’s hoodie, breathing in the scent of him, and Even kissed his hair, running his nose through it, pressing soft kisses to his short curls.

_I missed you so much._

“I, uh, went to see my mom today. In Lillehammer. My dad gave me a ride.” He said.

“Oh yeah?”

“Mhmm.” He hummed against the soft cotton on Even’s chest. “Hadn’t seen her in four years.”

“That’s a really long time.” Even said softly, still tracing his fingertips lightly over his sweatshirt.

“Yeah.” He agreed. Then he looked up at Even. “I finally came out to her today. I mean, she’s known _forever_ , but I finally said the words to her.”

“Yeah?” Even raised his eyebrows. “How did it go?”

“Exactly as I knew it would, to be honest.” He shrugged. “…She was completely lucid; apparently she’s responding very well to the treatment. But she still maintained that _homosexuality is a sin_ and blah blah blah. Nothing had changed. Absolutely nothing.”

“Shit. I’m sorry.” Even said softly, drawing him even closer to him.

“Nah, it’s okay. It was kinda a relief, in a way. Knowing that she’ll never change. Like, that’s just the way she is, you know? It has nothing to do with her illness.”

“Yeah. I get that.” Even said, his hand still caressing him softly.

“I had a talk with my dad as well. Asked him some questions.” He continued.

“Yeah? What kind of questions?” Even asked softly.

“Like how it was being with my mom… With her illness and all. If he’d ever regretted being with her. Stuff like that.”

He felt Even’s hand pause for a second. Then it started back up, touching him softly again.

“And what did he say?” 

Isak lifted his head to look up at Even, looking him in the eyes. “He said no, he’d never regretted it. He’d really loved her once.”

He felt Even let out a breath, so he laid his head back down on Even’s chest.

“It’s uh. Probably not always going to be easy. Being with me.” Even then said quietly.

_I don’t care._

He turned lightly in Even’s arms, just enough to lift his head and look up at him again.

“Look, Even, I don’t know what’s going to happen in a year from now or five years from now or whatever. I can’t promise you that I’ll always know what to do, or how to be a good boyfriend. It’s probably going to be a pretty steep learning curve for me, to be honest. But I know I want to try. I want to try with you.”

Even’s eyes searched his.

“I really want to be with you. I mean, if you’ll still have me.” he added. 

Even’s lips then quirked into a soft little smile. “Are you kidding? _Yes_. I really want to be with you, too, Isak.”

He let out a breath and then Even leaned forward and caught his lips in a soft kiss. And he kissed him back gently, no heat, just soft, soft, soft.

Even rested his forehead against his and breathed out, gently nudging his nose with his own.

“I’ve never…felt anything like this before.”

Isak’s eyes fell closed. He felt his heartbeat everywhere.

“Me neither.” He whispered.

_I’m so fucking in love with you._

He sucked in a breath and let his lips slide softly against Even’s again, lips slowly meeting again and again the next few minutes.

Then they softly pulled apart, and Even rolled his lip in. “I, uh. Saw my therapist yesterday.”

“Yeah?”

Even nodded. ”Last week was quite… shit. So, I had to do the responsible thing and try to find out, whether I was heading towards depression or it was just heartache.”

“Oh.” He replied weakly,“…So, uh. Which one was it?”

Even quirked a small smile. “Heartache most likely. And I’m guessing he was right, because I feel much better now that you’re here.” He stroked his hand through Isak’s hair, curling his fingers against his scalp, massaging lightly.

Isak breathed a sigh of relief.

_I feel so much better, too._

“I’m sorry for leaving last Friday. I’m so sorry, Even. If it’s any consolation, I had a shit week, too.” He offered.

Even quirked a little smile, “not really a consolation.”

Isak smiled. “No? Well.”

Even stroked his fingers from his hair down his neck, “you don’t need to keep apologizing. It’s okay. I mean, I understand why you left last Friday. I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you before. About me.”

“No, it’s...” Isak started. “I, uh, didn’t make it easy for you. With everything I told you about my mom.”

Even looked down “I just… I was afraid I’d lose you.”

“You didn’t lose me.” He whispered and then leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to Even’s lips.

They spent the next minutes in silence. Hands stroking softly over sweatshirts. Lips meeting in gentle kisses.

Then Isak pulled back a bit, biting his lip. “So, um, I googled some stuff about bipolar disorder…”

Even quirked a smile, eyebrows going up. “You _googled some stuff_?”

He nodded. ”Don’t think I’ve done much else for the past week to be honest. Google and Netflix.”

Even snorted a little laugh. “And what did dr. Google say?”

He cleared his throat. “Uh, that lithium is the first choice in prophylactic treatment…”

Even lifted his eyebrows.

Isak continued, “…and that cognitive-behavioral therapy and sticking with routines like, um, regular sleep and stuff can help with managing, uh, mood swings.”

Even nodded. “Sounds about right.”

“So, uh…” Isak trailed off, “is that, uh…”

“Is that what I’m doing? It’s okay, Isak, you can ask me stuff.”

Isak nodded, _yes, I want to know_.

“Well, the short version is yes. I started on lithium when I was first diagnosed, but I’m currently not taking it. Or any other medication for that matter. I try to stick with routines, and Mutta and Mikael keep an eye on me and let me know, if they think I’m acting weird.” Even took a breath and continued, “I have monthly therapy sessions, and additional ones if I feel like I need it. That was why I went to see my therapist yesterday, actually. To check in about what I’ve been feeling recently.”

“Okay.” Isak nodded.

Even rolled his lip in, “sticking with routines has been a bit difficult this past week, to be honest. Haven’t really been sleeping that well. No appetite, either.” 

“No, I know what you mean.” Isak agreed, “Again, I don’t know if it’s any consolation, but…”

“It really isn’t.” Even smiled.

“Sorry.” Isak smiled back.

Even then flopped back onto his back, and Isak followed, laying his head on Even’s chest again, resuming their earlier position. They lay in silence for a couple of moments, Even’s hand tracing soft patterns on his sweatshirt again.

“I’m kinda hungry now, though.” Even then smiled, fingers dancing down Isak’s arm.

“Yeah, me too.” He smiled back, suddenly feeling his stomach rumble at the mention of food.

“There’s a pretty good Pakistani/Indian place around the corner, if you want to get some take out?” Even smiled, eyebrows going up.

Isak nodded, “sounds good. I could go for some butter chicken.”

“Let’s go then.” Even got up from bed, pulling Isak by the hand and linking their fingers together. They walked to the corridor hand in hand, only letting go to put on jackets and sneakers. Then Even grabbed his hand and linked their fingers together again, hands clasped tightly as they closed the door behind them and walked down the stairs and out on the street heading to the Indian place.

∙

Half an hour later they were back in Even’s corridor with a brown paper bag full of food and a couple of mango lassis. They let go of each other to quickly take off jackets and shoes, and then their fingers slotted together again and they walked back to Even’s room with Even lightly swinging the bag of food and mango lassis in his free hand.

They settled on Even’s unmade bed, cross legged across from each other, knees touching. Isak put his hand on Even’s knee, as Even reached into the bag and took up a large naan bread from the bag and put it between them to share. Then he handed over a plastic box of butter chicken and a mango lassi to Isak. 

“Thanks.” Isak smiled and balanced the box on his thigh, immediately taking the lid off and digging into the butter chicken and rice with a fork. His left hand settled back on Even’s knee.

Even opened his own food and shoveled up a spoonful of rice and chicken vindaloo, his free hand coming up on top of Isak’s.

“Fy faen, this is so good.” Isak moaned around a piece of chicken in rich curry sauce.

_Shit, I can’t remember when I was last this hungry._

”Right?” Even smiled shoveling another spoonful of chicken vindaloo into his mouth. “Mutta’s Pakistani grandma even approved of the place, when we took her there a couple of months ago.”

“Well, you can’t go wrong with granny-approved food…” Isak smiled back and took a sip of his mango lassi. “Is Mutta Pakistani?”

“Uh, he’s born here in Oslo. But yeah, I think his mom is originally from Pakistan, and his dad from Morocco.” Even said, eyebrows drawing together in thought.

“Well, Moroccan food is amazing, too.”

“Yeah, definitely.” Even agreed, “I used to eat at Elias’ and Sana’s house all the time, back in the day.”

“Yeah? I had dinner there a few times myself, back when I was at Nissen.” He smiled.

“You did?” Even said, eyebrows up. “I can’t believe we never met there.” he added, with a disbelieving little shake of his head.

“No, it’s kinda weird that our paths never crossed. But maybe it’s better this way.” Isak said with a little shrug.

 _I_ definitely _wasn’t ready for you back then._

Even nodded, and they spent a few moments just shoveling food into their mouths, taking sips of their mango lassis.

Even tore off a piece of naan. ”I can cook Moroccan for you some day, though, if you want? I picked up some tricks from Mama Bakkoush back in the day.” He smiled.

“Yeah?” Isak smiled back, swiping his thumb at the corner of his lip to wipe off a bit of sauce.

“Sure.” Even said easily, handing him a piece of naan.

“It’s a date.” Isak smiled flipping his hand on Even’s knee and slotting their fingers together in a make-shift handshake.

∙

After having wolfed down their food and emptied the mango lassis, they dumped the empty plastic containers back in the bag and both flopped down on the bed again, turning on their sides to face each other.

He spent a little while just looking at Even and then lifted a hand to stroke his thumb over his cheekbone, down to his lips. Even pursed his lips to kiss the pad of his thumb and his heart started beating faster.

He sucked in a breath, his gaze locked on Even’s. “So, is there anything else I should know? I promise I won’t leave.”

Even looked back at him. “What do you want to know?”

“About you? Everything.”

”Everything?” Even asked seriously.

”Yes.”

”Okay.” Even nodded then bit his lip, eyes down and settling on Isak’s chest for a moment. Then he looked back up, meeting his eyes.

He looked back at Even calmly, his hand settling on Even’s hip.

_I want to know. I need to know._

Even took a breath.

”My birthday is February 12, ’97, but you already know that. I’m an only child. Grew up here in Oslo. My parents are still happily married and live 20 minutes from here. I was really close with my mom’s younger sister, June, when I was a kid, but she killed herself when I was seven. I still miss her sometimes.” He looked at Isak for a moment before continuing. “I’ve had two girlfriends, Sonja and a girl named Kajsa. No boyfriends. Yet.” His lips quirked into a little smile, as he looked at Isak for a moment. Then he continued.

”I was 19, when I got diagnosed with bipolar 1. I was originally diagnosed with ADHD at like 13 or 14, but it was always sorta…” He rolled his lip in, thinking, “…a tentative diagnosis, I guess. Never really seemed to fit.” He took a breath then continued. “I had the first manic episode during my third year at Bakka. It was pretty bad… And when I crashed, I… tried to commit suicide.” Even looked at him then, searching his eyes.

Isak felt his heart skip a beat at the word. _Suicide_. He swallowed drily. Then he squeezed Even’s hip for support, afraid to say the wrong thing if he opened his mouth.

_This isn’t about me, it’s your story._

Even dropped his gaze for a moment, then he looked back up at him, meeting his eyes again.

“…I just… I didn’t understand anything, and I was so ashamed of myself, and…well, everything. But…” he shrugged, “…after _that_ happened, I finally got the right diagnosis and medication and therapy. So, in a way, I’m glad it happened, even if it’s kinda fucked up to think about now.” He pursed his lips.

Isak gave him a tiny nod.

_I’m just so happy you’re here._

He lifted his hand to tuck a strand of Even’s hair behind his ear, and Even closed his eyes for a second, leaning into the touch.

Then Even looked back at him. “So, because of that manic episode and everything that followed, I ended up having to redo my last year of school. I actually considered transferring to Nissen to do my third year there, but I stuck with Bakka.”

He took a breath and then continued.

“…So I _finally_ graduated in ’17. A year after all my friends. And it _sucked._ ” He rolled his lip in. “I kinda had a fallout with my friends after that first episode and then seeing them all graduate and move on with their lives while I was stuck at school having to redo a whole year, was like a constant reminder of that first episode. So, I stayed away, I guess.”

Isak nodded softly. “I get that.”

Even continued “…But eventually I started talking to them again, and Mikael and Mutta forgave me for some of the shit I’d done when I was sick, and Sonja even took me back, and I managed.” He drew in a breath.

Isak felt his heart drop at the mention of Sonja.

“So, I’ve been sticking with therapy since then. And routines and all that.” Even looked at him,” And except for once, I’ve stayed clear of major episodes.”

He nodded, his heart still beating fast at what Even had just told him.

“Even, I…um.” He wet his lip, trying to find the words.

_I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through._

“Too much?” Even asked, his gaze dropping, settling somewhere on Isak’s chest.

“No!” He said quickly, not wanting Even to regret being honest with him.

“…No. Thank you for telling me.” He softly drew his hand through Even’s hair, trying to convey _I’m just a little overwhelmed, but thank you for trusting me with this. With the truth._

“I know it’s a lot, but…” Even gave a little shrug, then lifted his gaze up to look Isak in the eyes again, “you said you wanted to know _everything_ , so.”

Isak nodded. “I did. I do. Thank you so much for telling me.”

 _This was exactly what I needed. To_ know _you._

He scooted closer to press his lips softly against Even’s.

“I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through.” He whispered against Even’s lips, stroking his hand softly down his cheek.

Even closed his eyes at the touch, pursing his lips, like in thought. Then he slowly opened his eyes again.

“After my first episode and the suicide attempt and all that, I remember I started to think that I’d probably, like, fuck it up with everyone because of my bipolar.” He looked at Isak. “Like, I was sure, people would only see me as _the crazy guy_. And I guess that’s why I stayed with Sonja for so long.” His shoulder pulled up in a little shrug, “in a way, it was easy with her, because she knew about me; she was there from the beginning.”

_Right. She was there from the beginning. Accepting you._

“Oh. Yeah. I understand.” He replied, dropping his gaze.

Even continued, “but that’s not what I want anymore.”

Isak looked up, “no?”

“No.” Even quirked a little smile then pressed his lips against his. 

Isak kissed him back, then “so, you don’t, uh, regret breaking up with Sonja. To be with… me?” he said quietly.

Even quirked another little smile, pretty eyebrows going up a bit, “ _Regret_ _it_? Nei. I want to be with you. More than anything.”

Isak sucked in a breath. Then he scooted closer, needing to feel Even’s lips against his own again. To ground himself.

“Thank you for telling me _everything_. Really.” He managed between kisses, and they spent the next minutes kissing, lips meeting in soft, sticky pecks. Then he curled into Even again with a content sigh and a yawn, suddenly feeling the last week of sleeplessness catching up to him. He felt bone tired. 

“Shit, sorry.” He apologized for yawning, but then Even broke into a yawn of his own.

“S’fine. I’m so fucking tired, too.” Even smiled. “Stay the night?”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Isak replied quietly.

Even gave him a little smile and sat up to take off his hoodie and t-shirt, and setting an alarm on his phone.

Isak followed suit, lazily pulling off his own hoodie, then popping the buttons of his button-up, shrugging it off. Then they both lay back down and shimmied out of their pants. Even turned onto his side with his back to Isak, reaching for Isak’s arm and draping it over his own waist. And Isak got the memo and tightened his arms around Even, spooning him, his chest plastered to Even’s warm back, as his eyes fell closed and he drifted off to sleep.

∙

When Isak blinked his eyes open again, it was completely light outside and his back was pressed against Even’s chest, a strong arm locked around his waist. Then came the deafening sound of Even’s alarm, and the strong arm disappeared for a second.

The alarm stopped, and Isak let out a sigh of content when Even’s arm returned around him and he felt Even nose at the hair in the back of his neck, pressing soft kisses there and down his shoulder.

“Good morning. Sleep well?” Even said, his voice deep and rough from sleep. 

“Mornin’…and yes.” He smiled, one hand coming up to stroke down the length of Even’s forearm, feeling the light sprinkling of blond hair there. “What time is it?”

“8.” Even replied, “we slept for over 11 hours.”

Isak snorted a deep, sleepy laugh. “Wow. Guess we had some catching up to do.”

“Yeah.” Even agreed and then Isak felt his lips against his shoulder blade, pressing a soft kiss there. Then another one. And another one. He melted back against Even’s chest.

_I could get used to waking up in your arms._

“But, uh…Are you okay, though?” Even asked quietly, nose against his skin, “…with everything I told you last night, I mean…”

Isak took a moment to think about what Even had told him about being bipolar, the suicide attempt. Everything. And he felt surprisingly okay, no spiraling thoughts, no building panic. He just felt warm and safe in Even’s arms. 

He turned around in Even’s arms and faced him.

“Yeah.” he nodded.

“You’re not, like, freaked out?”

_Surprisingly not, no._

“No.” he smiled softly at Even, _“_ I’m just glad you told me, I guess. That you were honest with me.”

Even looked at him with a soft smile. “So am I.”

Then Even lifted a hand to softly stroke down his cheek.

“So… we’re okay?”

Isak’s heart fluttered.

“We’re okay.”

He scooted a bit closer, kissing Even softly, lips sliding together in a slow dance for a few moments.

But when Even nudged his lips open, turning the kisses heated with a stroke of his tongue and pulled him closer by the hip, causing their chests and hips to knock flush together, Isak’s heart rate picked up fast.

And when Even started to roll his hips in a slow grind against him, Isak grew fully hard in 2 seconds flat and moaned into the kiss at the feeling of Even pressing hard up against him.

_Fuck, I’ve missed this._

Even broke the kiss with a frustrated groan against his neck. “Ugh. I have to get up.” His hips still worked slow circles against him. “…I have a mandatory class in an hour.” He pulled back to look at Isak.

“You should go then.” Isak nodded back, faux-serious, hitching his thigh over Even’s hip, giving himself a bit of leverage to grind back.

“I should.” Even dropped his voice low, as he lightly trailed his hand over Isak’s thigh then grabbed it hard enough to leave white finger imprints. He followed the movement with his eyes. Isak sucked in a breath at the touch.

Then Even leaned in and started to press wet kisses down his neck, while slowly dragging his hand up his thigh towards his erection straining against the cotton of his boxers, and Isak was about two seconds from just grabbing Even’s hand and placing it where he needed it the most, when Even pulled back with a frustrated groan. 

“Shit, I really have to go. Need to attend this class, or I won’t qualify for the exam.” He rolled away, getting out of bed.

“Ugh. Sucks.” Isak matched his groan, because _shit, there’s nothing I want more right now than to get off with you._

Instead he flopped onto his back, put his hands under his head, and watched Even walk to his closet. He shamelessly trailed his gaze down Even’s body, settling on the erection obscenely tenting his boxers. 

_Damn._

He watched as Even put on a clean t-shirt and socks, then stripped off his boxers and stepped into a new pair, pulling them up over his erection, readjusting himself.

Isak licked his lip.

Then Even pulled on a pair of jeans, struggling a bit with zipping them.

Isak raised his eyebrows and smirked at him.

Even raised his eyebrows back and finally zipped them. Then he walked back to the bed, bending down and kissing the smirk off Isak’s lips. And Isak responded immediately, parting his lips and throwing his arms around Even’s neck. He wrapped a leg around Even’s waist, dragging him on top of him, heel digging into his lower back to keep him in place on top of himself. 

“Isak…” Even whined, hips starting to grind slowly against him again.

“Even.” He replied with another kiss.

“Fuck, how am I supposed to leave for class when you’re-” Even cut himself short by kissing him again. And again.

Then Isak pushed him off with a palm to his chest, smiling “go, go.”

Even sat up, kneeling next to Isak, trailing his eyes over him, lingering at the bulge in his boxers.

“Go! I’ll make it up to you later.”

“Oh, you will?” Even raised his eyebrows with a smirk.

“Mhmm. I’ll take you out on a date and everything.”

“Yeah? Looking forward to it.” Even smiled and finally stood up, rummaging around his room, picking up his laptop and putting it in his backpack.

He turned back to Isak. “You’re welcome to stay here, if you want. My classes end at 12:00.”

Isak smiled back, stretched and then crunched up. “Thanks, but I better get home and shower and study for a bit. I have a lab at 13:00.”

“Shit, right. The Friday afternoon delight.” Even smiled.

Isak snorted a laugh, “afternoon delight, indeed.”

Even zipped his backpack and put on a clean hoodie, before walking over to the bed again, bending down to kiss him again.

“So, I’ll see you later?”

“Yes.” Isak smiled.

Even nodded with a smile and stood up, hoisting his backpack over his shoulder and then he walked to his door, blowing him a kiss and walking out, softly closing the door behind him.

Isak spent a few more minutes in Even’s bed, for a moment considering wrapping a hand around himself and getting off but decided against it.

Instead he picked up his phone, lazily scrolling through his feeds. He saw the messages from Jonas and Magnus, he never replied to last week, and shot Jonas a quick text.

* * *

**Jonas**

08:34

Hey man, wanna grab lunch on campus today? I have a 1pm lab.

Hey Issy. Sure. Humanities cafeteria at 12?

Ait

* * *

Then he got up, picked up his jeans from the floor and put them on. Next he picked up his button-up and shrugged into it, buttoning it while he studied one of the posters on Even’s wall.

_Feels kinda weird being here in his room without him._

Then he quirked a little smile at the thought that Even trusted him with his room, his personal stuff, his _everything_.

He did a little tour of the room, looking closely at the posters and drawings on Even’s wall and the books on the wooden shelves above his desk. There were a few sketchbooks on the desk, and he ran his finger over the cover of one of them but didn’t open any of them. Then he walked to Even’s closet and peeked inside, picking up a t-shirt and smelling it to try to catch Even’s scent.

He put the t-shirt back on the shelf and grabbed his own hoodie from where he’d discarded it on the floor last night. He put it on and walked out of Even’s room, closing the door behind him and walked to the corridor to put on his jacket and sneakers.

He was just toeing into his sneakers, when Mikael padded into the corridor.

“Hey.” Isak smiled politely at Mikael.

”Hey.” Mikael leaned against the wall, studying him. “…You’re still here.”

“Uh, yeah...?” He replied bending down to tie his laces.

_What’s your problem?_

“So, I figure the two of you talked?” Mikael asked.

“Yes.” He replied curtly because _I don’t see how this is any of your business._

“Look, Isak,” Mikael said, “Even is...” he faltered. 

“What?” he replied, standing back up and straightening to his full height making him tower 3 or 4 inches over Mikael. He looked him dead in the eyes.

“Just, he’s so fucking into you, man. Like. I’ve never seen him like this before. _Ever_.” Mikael stared him down.

_Oh._

“So, I guess, what I’m saying is... I like you man, and I get that you have some shit of your own to deal with. But if you don’t want to be with Even, if you can’t _handle_ him or whatever, I strongly suggest you get out now. Cuz I really don’t want to see him crash in a couple of months when he’s even deeper in it.”

Isak’s lips fell open at Mikael’s words, and he stood still gaping at him. “Uh.”

Then he closed his mouth. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

_I’m so fucking in love with him, too._

He stood his ground, looking back at Mikael.

“Okay.” Mikael said sounding unconvinced.

Isak took down his jacket from a peg on the wall and shrugged into it. “Look, I don’t need to explain myself to you.”

“No. You don’t.” Mikael agreed, looking down at his sneakers.

Isak looked at him for a second, recognizing the love and care for Even there. He eased up.

“Well. Things have been a bit... unsteady, yeah.” He admitted to Mikael, “...But it’s different now. I’ve dealt with some of my shit. And we’ve, uh. Talked.” He zipped up his jacket. 

_No more secrets._

Mikael looked at him for a few moments. Then he spoke up, his features softening.

“Okay. Just...Even...”

Isak searched Mikael’s eyes and nodded “I know.”

_I get it, you love him. So do I._

He opened the door, quirking a disarming smile at Mikael.

“See you, Mikael.”

“See you, Isak.” Mikael said back with a nod.

∙

A few hours later, he was freshly showered, backpack over his shoulder, tapping his fingers against his thigh to the beat of [Hypnotize](https://youtu.be/wk4ftn4PArg) playing in his AirPods, walking onto campus to meet Jonas for lunch before his afternoon lab.

He went in through the doors to the humanities cafeteria, immediately spotting Jonas and walked up to him with a smile, taking out his AirPods and then sliding down in a chair, clapping Jonas’ hand with a “hey man.”

“Hey dude.” Jonas smiled back at him. “What’s up?”

“Uh, not much.” He smiled, “what about you?”

“Nah, not much either. Just had the most boring 2-hour lecture on _anthropological methods_ …”

Isak snorted a laugh, “shit, yeah, sounds boring.” He jerked his head towards the buffet behind them. “Lunch?”

“Sure.” Jonas said, getting up from his chair.

They returned to the table a few minutes later, sliding into their chairs with plates of sandwiches and bottles of mineral water.

Jonas took a bite of his sandwich. “So, are you coming to Alfred’s party tonight?”

“Uh, no. I’m hanging with Even later.”

He couldn’t stop the smile spreading on his lips, corners of his mouth pulling up on their own accord.

“Oh yeah?” Jonas smiled, “how’s that going?”

“Uh, it’s uh…” He started, then he felt his phone vibrate against his thigh and pulled it up, smiling stupidly at the screen when he saw Even’s name on the lock screen.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

12:21

Can’t wait to see you later <3

What’s the plan?

* * *

“Wow, dude.” Jonas smirked.

Isak glanced up from his screen. “Hmm? What?”

“That was him, right?” Jonas asked, nodding at Isak’s screen.

“Uh, yeah.” Isak smiled, “he’s asking what we’re doing later.”

“Okay.” Jonas smiled, “so, what are you doing later?”.

“Uh… I don’t know.” Isak smiled back, lifting his eyebrows.

“Is it like date, or?”

“Yeah, I guess. I sorta said I’d take him out on a date.” Isak took a bite of his sandwich.

“Well, what do _you_ want to do?” Jonas asked him.

Isak tilted his head, sending Jonas a crooked smile. “Honestly?”

_I can think of a few things._

Jonas snorted a laugh, “ahhh I see. That kind of date, huh?”

“Yes.” He admitted with a smirk.

Jonas laughed. “Just ask him to come over to your place then. Done.”

“Yeah? That’s not too…” he asked, fingers hovering over the keyboard on his screen.

“What, _forward_? Haven’t you guys had sex already?” Jonas said taking a sip of his water.

“Uh, yeah. Like a month ago, but then we agreed to take it slow. So. Yeah.”

“A _month_ ago?? Fucking just text him to come over, Issy.” Jonas smirked.

“Right.” Isak said, feeling a spark of arousal simmer low in his belly.

_This is going to be the longest afternoon of my life._

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

12:23

I was thinking you+me+your bed?

Solid plan <3 At 15ish?

Yes <3

<3

* * *

Isak slid his phone back in his pocket, a wide smile playing at his lips. “Done.”

Jonas nodded with a smile. “So, I take it things between you and Even are good?”

Isak smiled. “Yes. We’re good.” He took a sip of his water. “I told him about my mom…and Mats.”

Jonas nodded.

“And he, uh… told me some stuff, too.” he said, hesitant to elaborate

_It’s his story to tell after all._

“That’s good, Issy. You look happy.” Jonas smiled.

“I am-”

“Fucking _obnoxiously_ _drunk_ _in love_ , but happy.” Jonas teased.

Isak rolled his eyes with a smile.

_I am._

∙

Two hours later Isak was tapping his foot impatiently listening to his professor drone on and on about the concepts of spectroscopy, while he was basically just waiting for the fucking lab to end, so he could take the tram to Even’s apartment.

He discreetly pulled his phone up to check the time. 14:25. Still thirty minutes to go.

He was just about to slide his phone back into his pocket, when it vibrated with a message from Even.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

14:25

Can’t wait to have you in my bed again.

* * *

He swallowed, immediately feeling a surge of blood to his groin at Even’s words. He licked his lip typing out a reply.

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

14:25

Can’t wait to have you inside me again.

* * *

He slid his phone into his pocket again and started tapping his fingers against his thigh.

_Yeah, this is the longest afternoon ever…_

∙

The moment his lab ended, and the professor called out a “have a nice weekend, everybody.” Isak was out the door, almost running to the tram.

Luckily the tram arrived almost immediately, and even though it was a short tram ride, he still tapped his foot impatiently, before finally getting out at Even’s stop. He then speed-walked the rest of the way to Even’s apartment, coming to a stop in front of the entrance door to the building. He took a moment to catch his breath and zip down his jacket. The thought that Even was _right up there_ , and he was about to finally have sex with him again made his body hum in anticipation and he felt blood surge between his legs, as he started to grow hard in his jeans. He sucked in a breath and then buzzed the little button next to the sign reading _Mikael & Mutasim & Even_ and the door clicked open immediately. His lips pulled into a smile at the thought that Even was probably as impatient as himself.

He ran up the stairs, climbing two at a time, for a moment feeling grateful for his gym membership and all the squats and lunges he’d done for the past month. 

He quickly made it to the second floor, and his eyes settled on Even leaning against the doorframe, in tight jeans and a t-shirt, his hair swept back, looking like a fucking wet dream. Only he wasn’t a dream, he was very real, and Isak was about two meters away from fucking up that perfect fucking hair.

“Hey.” Even said, voice low.

“Hey.” Isak rasped out, quickly crossing the last couple of meters and then he almost crashed into Even, lips immediately finding his in a messy kiss.

Even responded instantly, parting his lips for him and stroking his tongue against his, and Isak reached a hand into that perfect hair, running his hands through the soft strands, messing it up to the sound of Even moaning into the kiss.

Even crowded him against the doorframe and they made out in the wide-open doorway for a moment, before Even grabbed his hand and dragged him inside, knocking the door closed with his hip. His hands slid up to Isak’s shoulders, sliding the backpack and jacket off and dropping them in a pile on the floor. Isak kicked his sneakers off and then Even pulled on his hand and they quickly made their way to Even’s room.

As soon as the door closed behind them, Even backed him up against it, pressing his hips against his, letting him feel the hardness there.

“I’ve been hard since you sent me that text about an hour ago.” Even said lowly, lips skimming over the skin on his neck while he grinded against him.

“Fuck, Even.” He breathed, fingers moving quickly to the fly of Even’s jeans, opening his zipper, while he pressed his own erection against Even’s thigh.

He finally got the zipper open and reached a hand down Even’s boxers, closing his fist around him, making Even thrust against him desperately.

_Not enough._

“Bed.” He managed, pulling his hand up from Even’s tight boxers and moving towards the bed, tearing his own hoodie and t-shirt off by the collar. He caught Even looking at him for a second, biting his lip, before he pulled off his own t-shirt and shimmied his already open jeans down his hips, kicking them off, as Isak got to work on opening his own jeans.

Even sat down on the edge of the bed and grabbed his hips, zipping his jeans down and then pulled them down his hips while looking up at him, pupils completely blown. Isak kicked his jeans the rest of the way off, and then Even’s thumbs hooked into the waistband of his boxers, sliding them down his hips and thighs. Isak kicked those off as well, and then Even grabbed his hips to steady him as he licked a long stripe up his erection, settling at the head, drawing it into his mouth and sucking, hollowing his cheeks.

“ _Fuck!_ ” Isak snapped his head back at the feeling, trying to keep his hips from fucking into Even’s mouth. When he looked down again and saw Even looking up at him with hollowed cheeks, sharp cheekbones and pretty full lips stretched around him, he almost came on the spot.

“Fuck, Even, I’m so not going to last.” He moaned, pulling back a bit, and then Even grabbed his hand, and they both flopped down on Even’s bed, lips meeting in messy kisses.

Even was still wearing boxers, so Isak made quick work of pulling them off, and then he closed his fist around Even, smearing the wetness at the tip down his length. He went straight for a steady and fast stroke; too worked up to take it slow. Even moaned against his lips and Isak parted them for him and licked into Even’s mouth, catching his moans with his tongue, as he rutted against Even’s thigh, leaving a wet spot there.

Then Even started thrusting into his fist, meeting his strokes, and he felt a sharp throb of arousal at Even’s desperate moans.

“Shit, Isak, I’m gonna-“

“Yeah, c’mon.” He managed, sucking on Even’s bottom lip.

Even’s hips jerked forward in short, fast thrusts and then he was coming all over Isak’s hand with a low drawn out moan. Isak looked up at Even’s face and was mesmerized by the sight; the way his pretty features contorted in pleasure, his mouth dropping open and his eyebrows drawn tightly together. The sight was almost, but not quite enough to tip him over the edge.

So, he closed his fist around himself, using Even’s cum to make the glide easier, and started stroking, quick and dirty. Even raised up on an elbow and batted his hand away, taking him into his slightly larger palm and closing it around him. And all it took were three or four fast strokes and then he was coming too, a low “fuck, _fuck, Even._ ” spilling from his lips.

He flopped back on the bed, and Even leaned in kissing his cheeks and then his lips before he flopped down on his back beside him.

“Shit, that was… so fucking quick.” Isak snorted a laugh.

“Yeah, well. It’s been what… a month?” Even turned his head slightly to smile at him. “Guess we _had some catching up to do_ …” He echoed Isak’s words from this morning.

Isak snorted a laugh “Yeah. Guess so.”

Even picked up a box of Kleenex and pulled out some tissues, handing a couple over to him.

“Thanks.” He smiled and wiped off the wetness on his hand.

He looked over at Even wiping himself clean and then turning his head slightly to look at him.

“But, uh, I don’t know about you, but I don’t have any plans today, so…” Even quirked a suggestive smile at him, eyebrows going up and then he darted his eyes down Isak’s naked body.

“You don’t?” Isak smirked back, placing one hand behind his head, stretching and putting himself on display for Even.

Even bit his bottom lip, eyes trailing over Isak’s body. “No.”

Then he looked Isak in the eyes, “…Or, I mean, I _was_ going on a date, but…” his lips quirked into a teasing smile.

Isak lifted his eyebrows with a smirk, “you want to go out on a date? I’ll take you out on a date.”

Even snorted a laugh, eyes crinkling. Then his laugh tapered into a smile. “No, I’m good.”

“How about we just stay here, then?” Isak asked with a smile, lifting a hand to trail down Even’s chest.

Even sucked in a breath. “Yeah, here is good.”

Isak nodded and curled into Even, pressing his lips to Even’s, kissing him slow and deep, tongue stroking wetly against Even’s, as he let his hand roam over his chest and further down over his hipbone and down his thigh.

Even trailed his hand down his back and smiled into the kiss when he grabbed a handful of Isak’s ass and squeezed. Then he inched his fingers closer to Isak’s rim, and Isak hitched a breath.

_Yes._

Isak let his hand trail up Even’s thigh again, thumbing over his hipbone and then back up his chest, lightly circling his nipples and tracing the pebbling skin. Then he popped his thumb into his mouth and swiped it over Even’s nipple. Even’s lips parted in a gasp.

He ran the pad of his thumb over Even’s other nipple, and he started squirming beneath him. Isak looked down and noticed with a smirk, that Even was starting to get hard again.

“Yeah?” he breathed, thumbing over Even’s nipple, _so, you like me playing with your nipples?_

“Uh, fuck. Yes.” Even moaned, eyes falling shut.

Isak moved his face down to lick over Even’s nipple, closing his lips around the hard bud. When he swirled his tongue around it, he felt Even’s hand tangle in his hair to grab a fistful and pull.

He let out a low moan at the feeling and then he looked up to see Even’s blown pupils looking down at him, tongue swiping over his bottom lip.

Blood surged to his groin with impressive speed considering it had barely been fifteen minutes since he climaxed, but well, _it had been a month._ He moved to straddle Even, grabbing his hands to pin them above his head and grinded down on him.

Even let out a low moan, “fuck, Isak.”

Then he bent down, kissing down Even’s neck, moving down to his collarbones, licking them and then down to his nipples again, lavishing them with broad, wet swipes of his tongue before moving back up to Even’s face.

He kissed up his neck to his ear, then whispered “I want to feel you inside me.”

He heard Even hitch a breath and then his hands broke free from where Isak was pinning them to the bed. He felt them smooth down his spine and then settle on his ass cheeks, grabbing two handfuls and kneading the flesh before dropping one hand to his rim, fingers skimming over it.

“Yes. Fuck. Me, too.” Even rasped out.

Isak grew fully hard at the touch and pressed back against Even’s fingers, and it seemed to spur Even into motion. Two seconds later, Even had flipped him over, pinning him to the bed while he stretched his arm out and grabbed a bottle of lube and a condom from his bedside table.

Even sat back on his heels and opened the bottle of lube, squeezing some onto his fingers and rubbing them together to warm it up.

Then he dropped his fingers to Isak’s rim, “ready?”

“Oh my god, yes.” he moaned.

And Even slipped a finger in, stretching him, and then another one, wiggling his fingers a bit, and then started rubbing the pads of his fingers against _oh._

Isak arched his back, when Even found his prostate, fingers rubbing in little circles over it.

“There?” Even breathed, and Isak nodded violently, _yes, yes, fuck yes_.

“God, you’re so fucking hot like this, Isak.” Even moaned, and Isak opened his eyes to look at him, his hair falling over his forehead, cheeks flushed, the muscles in his arm straining, his dick so hard for him.

 _Same_.

He closed his eyes again, afraid he’d come at the sight and feeling of Even working him open with his fingers, rubbing against his prostate.

“Need you inside me, Even. Now.” He pleaded, and then he felt the fingers inside him still and then they were slowly pulled out, and he opened his eyes to see Even wipe his lube-covered fingers on his own thigh, then rip open a condom foil, quickly rolling on the condom. He slicked up with some more lube, and then there was the pressure of the blunt head of his dick breaching him, and Even slowly sank in inch for inch, bottoming out.

“So fucking tight.” Even gritted out, eyes down at where he was slowly drawing out and then pushing back in.

“You can go faster. I can take it.” he breathed out.

“Sure?” Even looked up.

“Yea-“ he managed before Even hitched his leg up and picked up the pace, jabbing against his prostate on almost every thrust.

_Oh my god fuck yes._

“Yes yes yes” he chanted, hips working to meet Even’s hard thrusts and when Even rasped out “touch yourself”, he closed his fist around himself and stroked in time with Even’s thrusts.

“Fuck, Even, I’m close…” he moaned out.

“Come for me, Isak.” Even said, sounding completely wrecked, and he finally tipped over, painting himself and Even’s stomach with his release. And that seemed to tip Even over as well, his thrusts becoming erratic and his mouth dropping into an _o_ as he chased his own orgasm and finally came with a low-pitched moan.

Then Even flopped down on top of him for a moment, breathing heavily into his ear, leaning all his weight on him.

Isak pushed him off with an “oomph.” and Even rolled off him with a sated smile, flopping onto his back next to him.

“Holy _fuck_.” Isak said hoarsely, when Even slowly pulled off the condom and tied a knot.

“Yeah.” Even breathed out, turning his head slightly to send him a dazed smile.

“Almost worth a month’s wait.”

Even snorted a little laugh.  
“Almost, yeah. Damn.”

∙

It was nearing 20:00 when they agreed to leave the bed and get something to eat after having spent all afternoon in bed. Though to be fair, they’d probably spent about an hour in the shower, too.

Isak got up from bed and pulled on a pair of Even’s sweatpants and a t-shirt and watched as Even pulled on a pair of sweats, not bothering with boxers.

“Going commando?” he smirked. “A bit presumptuous…”

Even called his bluff, raising his eyebrows with a smirk, “ _really_?”

Isak immediately caved, snorting a laugh. “Uh, no. Considering the past four hours, not really, I guess.”

Even cracked a laugh and grabbed his hand pulling him with him to the kitchen.

Once they reached the kitchen, Isak leaned against the kitchen counter, while Even opened the fridge, eyes scanning over the shelves, absentmindedly pursing his lips.

_Cute._

He turned to Isak. “Beer?”

“Sure.” Isak smiled back easily, and then Even handed him a can of Tuborg, pulling one open for himself as well.

“Cheers.”

“Cheers.” He took a sip and smiled, as Even turned back to the fridge and took out an onion, a garlic, a glass of capers and a hard cheese.

Then he opened a cupboard and took out a can of tomatoes and some pasta, placing them on the kitchen counter next to Isak, then leaning in and placing a soft kiss on Isak’s lips.

A few more soft pecks, and then Even moved to another cupboard, took out a pot, filled it with water and then cranked up the stove.

“Where are Mikael and Mutta tonight?” Isak asked, watching Even take out a chopping board and then chop the onion.

“Uh, probably at Elias’… I texted them you were coming over, so.” Even smiled.

“So they fled.”

“I might have told them to get the fuck out.” Even smirked.

“So presumptuous.” Isak winked.

Even raised his eyebrows, widening his eyes, “uh, it was you who texted me _you+me+your bed_.”

Isak snorted a laugh, “shit, right. Damn.”

Even sent him a crinkly-eyed smile back and then nodded at a cupboard. “Can you grab a pan and pour some oil in it?”

“Sure.” He said, pushing off the kitchen counter and moving to the cupboard, taking out a pan and putting it on the stove, drizzling some olive oil on it.

Even stepped up next to him and dropped the chopped onion and some chopped garlic into the pan. Then he pressed a soft kiss to Isak’s cheek and handed him a spatula.

“Stir it around a bit.”

“Yes, chef.” Isak smirked back, stirring the onions.

“Wow, you’re so good at taking orders, Isak.” Even smirked, and _oh._

Isak blushed.

Even noticed and stepped closer with a smile. “Are you blushing?”

“Uh, I don’t know. Maybe?” he replied, because _what the fuck??_

Even leaned in and kissed him, and Isak parted his lips for him, tasting the beer on his tongue.

Then Even pulled back a few centimeters, dropping his voice low. “So, do you like me telling you what to do? Or…” Even let his lips slide against his for a moment, “…do you like me praising you?”

Isak felt his heart skip a beat, arousal simmering low in his stomach again.

“Uh,” he felt himself blush harder, “both, I think.”

“Hot.” Even whispered, lips skimming along his jaw, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Then he stepped back, “now stir the onions.” he smirked.

“Yes. Chef.” Isak rolled his eyes with a smile and stirred the onions in the pan.

Even then opened the can of tomatoes and poured them into the pan. Then he poured pasta in the boiling water in the pot and leaned against the counter.

“You can chill with the stirring now.” He smiled.

“Cool.” Isak replied and placed the spatula on the ledge of the pan. Then he leaned against the kitchen counter and picked up his beer.

“I, uh, met Mikael this morning.”

“Yeah?” Even asked.

“Yeah. He, uh… didn’t seem too happy with me. With us.”

Even rolled his eyes. “Mikael is… very protective.”

Isak nodded. “I get that.”

“What did he say? Mikael.” Even asked.

“Uh, he basically told me to stop seeing you, I guess.”

“ _What_?” Even turned to him widening his eyes.

“No, I mean… He said, something like if I wasn’t serious about being with you, like if I couldn’t accept you, _all of you,”_ he sent Even a look, “…then I should just fuck off.”

“What the fuck, Mikael said that to you?”

He shrugged “yeah. but I mean, I get where he’s coming from. He loves you.”

_So do I._

“Yeah, I guess, but I still can’t believe he said that to you.” Even said, carding a hand through his hair.

Isak took a step closer, putting his hand on Even’s hip.

“It’s fine. I told him I wasn’t going anywhere.”

Even looked him in the eyes.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I want you, Even. All of you.”

He noticed Even’s Adam’s apple bob in his throat and then he stepped into Even’s space, throwing his arms around his neck and catching his lips in a soft kiss.

“Isak, I-“ Even said quietly but the loud sizzle of pasta water boiling over made him step away, turning to the stove to turn the temperature down and stir the pasta. Isak walked up to him and hip-checked him, grabbing the spatula from his hand.

“Here, let me. I’m the stirring master.”

Even snorted a laugh, taking a step to the side, gesturing at the pot. “By all means. Stir away.”

∙

Isak forked up the last of his pasta, putting it in his mouth with a content sigh.

“Mmm, that was really good.”

“I’m glad you liked it.” Even smiled, forking up the last of his pasta as well and then taking a sip of beer.

“Mhmm. You’re an excellent chef.”

Even tilted his head with a smile, “thanks. You’re an excellent help. The stirring in particular was… stellar.”

Isak snorted a laugh, “yeah, well. I _am_ the stirring master, so.” He downed the last of his beer and stretched his leg out under the table, letting his foot meet Even’s and then crawl a bit up Even’s calf.

“So, do you wanna chill and watch a movie or something?” Even smiled.

He looked at Even for a moment, then he let his foot crawl higher up Even’s leg and noticed how Even spread his legs wide, his eyes falling shut for a second, as his foot reached the inside of his thigh.

“ _Or something._ ” He smirked.

∙

“ _Fuck_ , Isak.” Even moaned out, eyes falling shut as Isak slowly worked another finger inside him.

“Too much?” Isak said breathlessly, because _fuck_ , Even on his back with his legs spread wide, hand wrapped around himself, chest damp with sweat, hair falling into his eyes and biting his lip while Isak was slowly working a third finger inside him was definitely _a sight_.

“No. Please, just. Ungh, fuck.” Even moaned incoherently, and then Isak changed the angle a bit, and started searching for Even’s prostate. He knew he’d found it, when Even began thrashing desperately underneath him, hips lifting off the bed, moaning a string of _fuckfuckfuckyes_. 

Isak reached a hand down to his own erection and gripped himself tightly at the base.

“Please what, Even?” he breathed.

“Fuck. Me.” Even moaned out, his voice deep and _wrecked_.

Hearing Even speak the words sparked Isak’s arousal into overdrive, and he wasted no time, carefully pulling his fingers out, rolling on a condom and slicking up with some extra lube.

“Ready?” he asked Even, holding himself at the base, nudging at Even’s rim.

Even nodded, then bit his lip. “Yeah. But uh… go slow. It’s been forever.”

“Right. Yeah. Of course.” He said and slowly started to push inside, and

_Ohmygodfuckyes._

∙

When Isak woke up the next morning, he was alone in Even’s bed, and sunlight streamed in through the gaps in Even’s blinds. He sat up, feeling well-rested, but a little sore; the muscles of his abs, thighs and arms aching slightly. He grabbed his phone off the bedside table and did the quick math.

 _10:04_. _Almost ten hours of sleep._

He stretched languidly and then got up, pulling on a pair of Even’s sweatpants and a t-shirt.

Then he stepped out from Even’s room and hit the bathroom to pee and borrow Even’s toothbrush.

After having brushed his teeth, he walked through the empty apartment, following the sound of music streaming. He padded towards the kitchen and stopped in the doorframe, smiling at the sight of Even wearing nothing but boxers, wet strands of hair dripping onto his shoulders. He was stirring eggs in a pan, his back to Isak and obviously hadn’t noticed him come in. So, Isak quietly padded up to him and dragged a hand across his lower back, just above the waistband of his boxers.

Even turned his head to smile at him, “good morning.”

“Good morning.” He smiled back, leaning against the kitchen counter.

“Sleep well?” Even asked.

“Mhmm. I think you wore me out yesterday.” He smirked.

_How many times did I come yesterday?_

Even turned to him, pointing a finger at himself, “ _I_ wore _you_ out?” he smirked.

Isak pulled one shoulder up in a lazy shrug, “fuck it, maybe it was a joined effort.” He smirked.

“Definitely.” Even nodded with a smile before leaning in to kiss him, soft lips tasting like coffee and a hint of toothpaste. And well, Even.

“Mmm” Isak smiled into the kiss, and then pulled back with a little _pop._ “You taste good.”

Even smiled back, tilting his head a bit, “so do you. Minty. Did you borrow my toothbrush?”

“I did, yeah.”

“Okay.” Even smiled and then turned back to the eggs and turned the heat down, then he opened the fridge and took out some bacon, putting it in a smaller pan and onto the stove.

“I thought I’d cook you breakfast.”

Isak smiled back at him, “that’s a first.”

Even closed the fridge and looked at him, “no one has ever made you breakfast before?”

“Uh, no. Well, Eskild. And you. About a month ago.” He smiled.

Even crossed the distance between them and gave him a soft kiss. “Right.”

Then he stroked a strand of Isak’s messy bed hair behind his ear and smiled. “So, I originally wanted to serve you breakfast in bed, but then I thought about all the stuff we did in that bed yesterday and…” he scrunched up his nose, “I think we’re probably better off at the table…”

Isak snorted a laugh, “yeah, you’re probably right. Table it is.”

Even nodded, “table it is.”

He turned back to the stove and turned it off, then grabbed a couple of plates from an overhead cupboard and plated the eggs and the bacon along with some slices of bread and tomatoes. Then he poured coffee into two mugs and picked up one of the mugs as well as the plates, balancing one on his forearm and the other in his hand, walking over to the table.

“Can you grab the other mug and some cutlery?” he asked, setting down the mug and plates on the table.

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Isak replied, taking out cutlery from a drawer and then picking up the coffee mug and walking over to the table. He plopped down in a chair next to Even and handed him a knife and fork.

“Nice trick with the plates.” He smiled, nodding at Even’s forearm.

Even smiled back. “Yeah? Three years at Kaffebrenneriet will teach you a trick or two.”

“I can imagine.” Isak smiled back and then dug into the eggs and bacon, suddenly feeling ravenous.

“Mmmm.” He moaned around a forkful of eggs.

“Shit, I love it when you do that.” Even smiled, eyes zeroed in on his mouth.

“Hmm? Do what?”

“The way you moan, when you eat.”

“Oh.” the corner of his lips tipped into a soft smile.

_I didn’t even know I did that._

Even smiled and forked up some eggs, “Is it good?”

“Mhmm. Yes.” He nodded, shoveling another forkful of eggs into his mouth. “Thank you for cooking me breakfast.” He smiled at Even.

“You’re welcome.” Even smiled, taking a bite of bread and leaning back in his chair. “So, what are your plans today?”

“I don’t know…” Isak looked up, “…I was thinking about taking you out on a date.”

“Oh? Like a _real_ date, or a _bed date_?” Even smiled teasingly, eyes crinkling.

“I didn’t hear you complain about the _bed date_ yesterday…” Isak raised his eyebrows with a smirk.

“Uh, fuck no. Best date ever.” 

Isak smiled back.

_Yeah, I think so, too._

“But if you must know, I was thinking a _real date._ ” He said, picking up his cup of coffee and taking a sip.

“Okay. Sounds good.” Even smiled.

“I mean, with the option to continue the date in bed.”

Even dropped his eyes to his lips, “even better.”

∙

Sunday night around 19:00, Isak was in Even’s corridor toeing into his sneakers and putting on his jacket, getting ready to head home after having spent the entire weekend in Even’s bed.

With the exception of yesterday afternoon, where they’d ventured out on a date, buying lunch and a couple of beers from a sandwich place and then climbed the top of the Opera House again, and Isak had taken Even to Tim Wendelboe’s café for some fancy coffee, because _I know you hipsters are all about the handpicked, hand roasted Colombian coffee grown on love and classical music or whatever_ and they’d then hung out in a sunny park for a few hours, until Isak almost straddled Even in the middle of the park, and they decided to _continue the date in bed,_ they hadn’t really left Even’s bed all weekend.

Now Isak was heading home though. To study. And rest.

He turned to Even, zipping up his jacket.

“So…”

“So…” Even echoed and then leaned in, effectively crowding him against the door. He trailed his lips down Isak’s neck leaving goosebumps, following up with soft kisses.

“Even…” He let out a little moan, “I have to go.”

“Or, you could just stay the night.” Even murmured against his neck, one hand curling around his hip, thumb skirting over his hipbone, drawing tiny circles over his jeans.

And even though he’d spent literally all weekend in Even’s bed, and he’d lost count of how many orgasms he’d had the past two days, that small touch still made him shiver and sent a throb of arousal to his groin. He leaned into the touch and chased Even’s lips, catching them in a somewhat messy kiss.

“You’re not sick of me yet?” He said against Even’s lips.

“Nei.” Even replied, eyebrows drawing together. Then he leaned in and kissed him, whispering “stay.”

“No, I should get home. I have an early lecture tomorrow. I need to study for a bit.”

“So, study here.” Even said lowly.

And that made him pull back with a snort, “Study _here_? How am I supposed to study with you looking at me?” he raised his eyebrows at Even, because, _seriously? If I stay we both know we’ll end up in bed again in .3 seconds_.

“I won’t look at you.” Even tried, but then his lips curved into a smile, “well. Maybe a little bit.”

Isak rolled his eyes with a smile and zipped up his jacket, picking up his backpack from the floor and hoisting it on his shoulder.

“See you, Even.” He smiled and leaned in, pecking Even on the lips before grabbing the doorhandle and determinedly skipping down the stairs. 

∙

The next morning Isak woke up at his 7:30 alarm. He turned it off and stretched in bed, quirking a smile at the thought that he’d spent all weekend in Even’s bed. In Even. Stretched around him.

He dropped a hand to deal with his morning wood and quickly got off remembering how hot and tight Even had felt stretched around him. Then he wiped his hand with a Kleenex and got up, showered, dressed and rode his bike to campus for his 9 o’clock lecture. He slid into a seat in the back of the auditorium and picked up his phone, flipping it in his hand.

_Is it desperate to text him? Is it desperate to miss him already? Fuck it._

* * *

**Even Bech Næsheim**

09:04

In class but can’t stop thinking about you. Meet me for lunch on campus? Chem dept at 12?

Yes <3

Ps. Same. Can’t stop thinking about you.

* * *

He smiled softly at his screen and then slid his phone back in his pocket, leaning back in his seat and looking up at the lecturer, zoning out.

∙

His lecture ended a little early, and at 11:40 he was walking towards the chem department cafeteria, when his phone buzzed.

* * *

**Magnus’ Crew**

11:41

Magnus: Yo what’s up guys? My afternoon lecture got cancelled, wanna have lunch together?

Jonas: Yeah okay

I’m meeting Even for lunch

Jonas: [Drunk In Love.....](https://youtu.be/p1JPKLa-Ofc)

Magnus: Hahahaha

* * *

He quirked a smile and rolled his eyes at Jonas’ message. It was an old inside joke; every time one of the guys in the crew got a little too caught up with a new girlfriend, someone would hit him with Beyoncé's Drunk In Love to tease him.

* * *

**Magnus’ Crew:**

11:41

Yeah yeah whatever  
You guys are welcome to join…chem dept in 20 mins

Magnus:👍

Jonas: 👍

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, he slid into a chair in the chemistry department café, a small but cozy café, which was quickly filling up with other hungry science students looking to grab lunch.

Jonas was the first to join him, plopping down in a chair and clapping his hand. “Hey Iss.” 

Then Magnus walked up to the table with a smile and sat down across from him. “Yo man, what’s up?” He clapped his hand casually. “Where’s Even?”

He smiled at Magnus. “Dunno. On his way, probably.”

A moment later Even walked up from behind and plopped down in a chair next to him.

“Hey.” Even said and leaned in for a soft kiss. 

“Hey.” He said back with an easy smile, meeting Even’s lips in a few more soft kisses.

Even sent him a crinkly-eyed smile before turning to Jonas and Magnus. “Hey guys.”

“Uh.” Magnus said, eyes darting back and forth between them, “are you, uh…”

Isak rolled his eyes with a smile, “ _Yes_ , Mags. We’re together.”

“Hah! Fucking _finally_!” Magnus exclaimed. “You two were seriously playing the long game, but shit, this proves that I am in fact the best wingman.”

Jonas snorted a laugh. 

Even drew his eyebrows together with a confused smile. “Huh?”

Magnus looked at Even. “Even, man, if I hadn’t dared Isak to flirt with you that day in the cafeteria, he probably never would’ve had the balls to talk to you. So basically, you owe all of _this_ …” Magnus waved his hand between them “…to me.”

“Oh my God, Mags.” Isak exclaimed.

Jonas snorted another laugh. “Duuuuude.”

“You dared Isak to speak to me?” Even smiled at Magnus, moving his hand to Isak’s thigh under the table and squeezing.

“Uh, _yeah._ ” Magnus widened his eyes. “He was so fucking grumpy and desperate for dick…”

Even looked over at Isak with a smirk, and Isak felt himself blush slightly.

“I wasn’t desperate…” He said weakly.

“Uh, yeah, you were.” Magnus replied and then continued, looking at Even, “…And as the good friend I am, I offered to be his wingman. Help him find a guy. But he was bragging that he had _lots of game_ and I was like _okay fuck it, I’ll just dare him to flirt with the most attractive guy I can find_ … And that was you, man!” he said enthusiastically.

“Wow, I’m flattered, Magnus.” Even smiled.

“Well, I mean.” Magnus said, gesturing his hand at Even, like it was an obvious truth that Even was fucking hot.

_Well, I guess it is._

“And I’ll admit you did have some game, Isak…” Magnus said turning to him, “…But then you were about to fuck it all up because _uh, he’s probably straight_ , and I had to swoop in and wing the shit out of it.”

Even snorted a laugh, then placed a hand over his heart, “well, from the bottom of my heart I thank you, Mags. Thank you for winging the shit out of it.”

Isak rolled his eyes at Even’s theatrics, but when Even leaned in and kissed him, sliding his lips against his, smiling into the kiss, and Magnus said a “you’re welcome, man.” and Jonas hummed Drunk in Love in the background, he couldn’t help but feel really fucking grateful for Magnus winging the shit out of it, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we're nearing the end, folks. I wanted to stop at 21/21 (!) but there's still one more to chapter/epilogue to go.
> 
> Thank you for reading and leaving kudos, it means a lot to know you're enjoying the story ❤️


	22. In Love With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring 11k words of fluff™, summer memories, an unexpected run-in, suits, a wedding, dancing, sex, and a tie ❤️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This last chapter/epilogue takes place about 5 months after chap 21 and is Isak's POV.

**Monday 24 August 2020**

At 7:30 came the deafening sound of Isak’s alarm for the first time in over two months. Well, to be fair it wasn’t so much a _deafening sound_ as it was a gentle harp melody courtesy of Apple, but Isak nevertheless startled at the sound. He’d gotten used to the gentle _crashing waves_ of Even’s alarm, but he hadn’t set his own alarm since the last exam of the semester in mid-June. So, he was momentarily confused as he blinked his eyes open and slid his arm out from under Even’s neck, rolling over to locate the sound and more importantly to make it stop.

He scrambled a bit to pick up his phone from the bedside table and finally killed the alarm. Then he squinted at his screen. 7:30. Monday August 24th.

_Right. The first day of the new semester._

Sunlight filtered in through the makeshift orange curtains, bathing the room in a warm glow, as he lay back down with a little groan, pressing his naked chest against Even’s back and slinging his arm around his waist, fingers splaying wide over Even’s chest.

“Mmm, good mornin’” Even purred, deep and throaty, as he pressed back against him, and then lazily lifted Isak’s hand to his lips and kissed the fingertips of his index- and middle finger.

The simple press of lips to his fingers made Isak smile against Even’s shoulder, cheeks growing warm as he thought back to last night and just how long he’d kept Even on edge with his fingers before he’d slid into him and-.

“Good morning.” He replied against Even’s shoulder blade, pressing his quickly growing erection against the swell of Even’s ass. “…Sorry to wake you.”

“It’s fine, babe.” Even rasped, voice hoarse and deep with sleep, “…I think I got my 7 or 8 hours.” 

“True.” Isak smiled. “But you don’t have classes today, right?” he moved his hips lazily against Even’s ass.

“No. Tomorrow.”

“Okay.” He kissed the base of Even’s neck. “Do you have plans today? You’re welcome to chill here, if you want. I’m done at 13:00.”

“Thanks.” Even said, pressing another light kiss to Isak’s fingers. “I think I’ll swing by the pool for a few laps, though. Maybe hit the library to study.”

“Nerd.” Isak deadpanned.

Even slowly turned around in his arms to face him, giving him a sleepy smile but managing a teasing eyebrow raise anyway.

“ _Nerd_? Uh, _you’re_ the one starting his top 2% lab assistant job today, baby.”

Isak snorted a little laugh. “Right. Yeah.” Then he pulled a little grimace. “Ugh, don’t remind me.”

Even stroked his hand over Isak’s collarbones and down his chest.

“Nervous?” he smiled softly, sliding his hand lower down Isak’s chest.

“Uh, yeah. What if I haven’t studied enough and I can’t answer their, uh.” Isak stuttered and sucked in a breath when Even’s hand reached the v of his hips, thumbing at his hipbone, drawing little circles there, so close to his morning wood.

“Hm?” Even smiled, leaning in to kiss the sensitive spot under his ear, pressing his own erection against Isak’s thigh.

“Their, uh...” Isak struggled, and when Even closed his fist around him and started stroking him with long, slow pulls, his eyes slipped shut in pleasure.

“Uh, uh. Fuck it.”

∙

Thirty minutes later, Isak walked out of the bathroom with Even in tow, both wearing shorts and t-shirts and huge smiles, fingers linked loosely.

Isak’s curls, which were getting long again because _no, baby don’t cut them_ , dripped down on his otherwise crisp white t-shirt. 

Eskild looked up from the table, as they padded into the kitchen on bare feet.

“‘Morning, lovebirds.” He smirked, raising a rainbow-colored coffee mug to his lips.

“Good morning, Eskild.” Even smiled.

“Hey Guru.” Isak smiled.

“There’s coffee and breakfast on the counter.” Eskild chin-pointed to a couple of plates with eggs and sausages. “Cuz _you -_ ” he looked back at Isak “- need food for your first day at work”.

“Hey, I thought it was _my_ job to make breakfast?” Even raised his eyebrows teasingly at Eskild.

“Yeah, well…” Eskild lifted one eyebrow, all sass. “...judging from the sounds coming from the shower, I figured _you_ were too busy to cook breakfast.”

Even barked a deep laugh, eyes crinkling a bit at the corners. “Right.”

Isak shook his head with a smile, trying to clear his mind of the images of Even towering over him in the shower, his erection hitting the back of his throat.

 _Yeah, Even had been busy alright_.

Isak picked the plates off the counter, and Even filled two cups with coffee and grabbed some cutlery, and then they joined Eskild at the table.

“Thanks for making breakfast, Eskild.” Isak said with a grateful smile, before digging into a healthy serving of eggs and sausage.

“No problem, Issy.”

Isak wolfed down his breakfast, zoning out as Even and Eskild small-talked about school and work. Then he poured himself another cup of coffee and a glass of water and gulped it down. He drew up his phone from the pocket in his shorts, to check the time.

8:17. 43 minutes to go.

He stood up from the table and brought his empty plate to the sink, rinsed it off and put it in the dishwasher. Then he started to pace a little bit with nervous energy.

“You okay there, baby J?” Eskild said.

“Yeah, uh huh.” he replied, absentmindedly staring at a couple droplets of water on the kitchen counter. Then he looked at Eskild and Even watching him from the table, still eating breakfast and drinking coffee. “...just getting kinda nervous about the first day I guess.”

Even sent him a soft smile. “You’ll do great, baby. You’re gonna kill the TA’ing thing.”

Eskild nodded his agreement. “You’re so smart, baby Jesus.”

The corner of Isak’s lips pulled up into a crooked smile. “Thanks for the support. You’re both pretty biased, though. I mean, as my boyfriend and my… _guru._ ”

“Biased? _Whaaat?_ ” Even joked, mouth opening in faux shock.

“Look, I love that you’re my fucking cheer squad, bu-“

“ _Queer_ squad.” Eskild said with a snicker.

Even snorted a laugh. “Nice.”

“I try.” Eskild shrugged with a satisfied smile.

Isak rolled his eyes with a smile, raising his hands in defeat. “Okay, yeah. I see how it is.”

Then he walked to his room to pick up his backpack and laptop and returned to the kitchen a moment later, shrugging his backpack on over his t-shirt, grabbing his AirPods off the kitchen counter. He crossed over to the table and bent down to kiss Even.

“See you later?”

“Yeah.” Even smiled, one hand coming up to curl around his neck. “When did you say you were done today?”

“Uh, 13:00.” he replied, chasing Even’s lips.

“Okay. I’ll meet you at that little green patch by your department when you’re done?”

Isak nodded. “Okay. Yeah. Sounds good.” He stole another little peck, and then he straightened up and grabbed an apple off the kitchen counter, heading for the door.

“Bye, Guru.” He called out over his shoulder.

“Good luck today, baby J.”

“Thanks.”

∙

The air caressed Isak’s skin, as he stepped out of the tram and walked onto campus. It looked to be yet another warm and sunny day in a long line of warm days.

The summer had been exceptionally hot and sunny for Oslo; according to NRK it was the hottest summer in 31 years, and Isak quirked a smile as he thought back on the past three months. He’d been living a summer fantasy, spending every free moment with Even, only being apart when Even had shifts at Kaffebrenneriet, and that one weekend about a month ago Even had spent with his family in Drammen for his grandmother’s 75th birthday. Even had invited him to come, but Isak hadn’t felt up to meeting all of Even’s extended family yet, so he’d stayed in Oslo, counting down the hours to Even’s return. And when Even finally showed up at his door a late Sunday evening after two days apart, they’d wasted no time, frantically pulling each other’s clothes off to feel skin against skin. The sex had been fucking amazing, desperation seeping through every pore even if they’d only been apart for two days. Isak was in love like he’d never been before and two days had felt almost unbearably long when he otherwise spent every day with his hot as fuck boyfriend.

Yeah, the past three months were a pink-dusted blur of quintessential summer memories; hanging out with Even and their by-now mixing friend groups, bathing and chilling at Sørenga, going to crazy garden parties with enough alcohol to last for days, picnics in the park just him and Even, kissing under the shade of the huge chestnut trees until their lips felt numb. Celebrating Pride in the streets of downtown Oslo and then his 21st birthday in Urraparken with all their friends, day drinking turned into just plain drinking and barbequing until they were all thrown out by a park guard, when the park closed at 11pm and the sky was still a light pastel pink because it was summer solstice and the sun didn’t really set. And then they’d continued the party at Kollektivet, where Eskild had popped a couple magnum bottles of champagne and then lined up shot after shot of tequila, and they’d partied until 6am, when Isak finally passed out on the couch on top of Even.

Shortly after his birthday came _the almost-episode_ , though. A few consecutive days of partying, smoking weed and staying up late, and Isak noticed how Even’s energy-levels suddenly soared. Then came fast-paced talks about aesthetics and music and art and Mikael had pulled Isak to the side and told him _Even needs to see his therapist. Like_ now _. Pretty sure he’s hypomanic._

So, Isak and Mikael had convinced Even to see his therapist the same day and thankfully the hypomania hadn’t evolved into a full-blown manic episode. Still, Even had been down for a while after, sleeping up to 14 hours a day and still looking tired.

Isak had curled up against him in bed and stroked the sweaty strands of hair away from his face, and when Even said “you should go. I don’t want you to waste your time in here with me.” Isak had simply told him “I’m not going anywhere.”

It had been tough to see Even so depleted, but Isak had stayed by his side and after four or five days, Even had started to regain his energy. Isak had then impulsively suggested to borrow Eva’s mother’s cabin on the west coast, south of Bergen, to escape the city during the mid-July heatwave and Even had wholeheartedly agreed. They had spent nine days there doing nothing but bathing in the fjord, hiking, barbequing over open fire and having sex. It had been fucking amazing. 

Best summer of his life.

But as he now walked onto campus and saw the hordes of new first-semester students, he realized that summer was quickly winding down, making way for fall and a brand-new semester. Back to everyday life. Only now he had an amazing boyfriend. And a job. As lab assistant for first-semester organic chemistry.

It hit him that this was his first real job, a job that demanded something of him. A job that could potentially help his future career.

_If I don’t fuck it up._

His palms started to feel a bit clammy as he walked closer to department of chemistry, so he wiped them on his dark green linen shorts.

_What if I suck at it? What if I don’t know how to answer their questions? What if-_

The buzz of his phone from his pocket made him stop obsessing for a second and he picked it up, instantly quirking a smile when he saw it was a message from Even.

* * *

**Even <3**

08:49

Good luck today <3

Remember you’re the top 2%, baby

Also, thank you for this morning…

[Miguel - Coffee (F***ing) ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-7nzDmC9fY)

* * *

Isak snorted a quiet laugh at the link and fished up his AirPods from his shorts. He clicked on the link and listened to the first thirty seconds of the song, almost rolling his eyes at the very Miguel-y lyrics.

 _Love play, turns in to gun play_ _  
Gun play turns into pillow talk  
Pillow talk turns into sweet dreams  
Sweet dreams turn into fucking in the morning (fucking in the morning)_

* * *

**Even <3**

08:49

Okay, no more morning sex for you...

Really?

No.

Haha

See you later baby <3

<3

* * *

He walked in through the doors to the department of chemistry with a smile on his lips.

∙

Four hours later, at 12:58, Isak walked out one of the side exits of the department of chemistry and into the warm August air. He felt a weird mix of tired and wired - four hours of introductory organic chem labs with 30 very eager first-semester students had been a… challenge. But it had been interesting as well, and they’d definitely kept him on his toes.

_Well, at least I was able to answer almost all their questions._

He clasped the backpack chest strap over his chest and walked around the corner of the building to meet Even at the little green patch of grass and birch trees.

Even wasn’t there though, so Isak leaned against a tree and took up his phone, scrolling through his various feeds while waiting for Even to show up. He opened an instastory from Jonas from a couple of hours ago. It was a boomerang video of Magnus in front of the department of humanities, doing the most unenthusiastic thumbs up, Isak had ever seen. The caption read _Hyped for the new semester._ Isak smiled and sent a quick _100_ reaction back.

A few minutes later, he was thumbing down some random ScienceNews article on his phone, when

“Fancy meeting you here…”

He looked up at the voice and even though he was somewhat prepared to run into him at some point; he knew he was transferring, and the science faculty of UiO wasn’t _that_ large after all, his heart still skipped a beat at the surprise of standing face to face with his ex-boyfriend. In his city. On his campus. On the first fucking day of the semester. 

“Uh, hi Mats.” He replied, straightening up to his full height making him eye-level with his ex.

“Hey Isak.”

“So, you transferred from NTNU?” Isak asked flatly, pocketing his phone.

“Yes. For my master’s in Molecular bioscience.” Mats smiled and then opened his arms wide. “First day of school.”

Isak nodded, already at a loss for words.

_I’d say welcome to Oslo, but._

“Well, I, uh-“ Isak started, trying to cut the conversation short, because _I really don’t have anything to say to you anymore_ when Mats spoke up.

“Do you want to grab a beer sometime? Catch up?” He raked his eyes blatantly down Isak’s body, over his shoulders and chest and down, down, down.

Isak lifted his eyebrows at the obvious come-on.

_Really? Honestly, I’d prefer to never see you again._

Before Isak could open his mouth to tell him _no, you and me are_ never _having beers or sex ever again,_ he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder, as Even walked up to him from behind, coming to a stop right beside him.

He turned to Even with a “hey!”, his voice coming out slightly weird and high-pitched because _honestly this is awkward as fuck, did you just hear my ex come on to me??_

“Hey.” Even smiled at him calmly, one hand sliding down and settling at his hip, palm splaying wide over his hipbone.

Isak relaxed at the touch, melting into Even’s side.

Then he looked back at Mats, his gaze unwavering.

“This is my boyfriend Even.”

Mats looked at Even. “Yeah, we’ve met. At Kaffebrenneriet. Back in February, if I’m correct.”

“Right.” Even said curtly. 

Mats then tilted his head and looked back at Isak. “So, I guess you _were_ fucking him after all, huh?” his gaze dropped to where Even was holding onto Isak’s hip, “…or, he’s fucking you, whatever.”

It made Isak’s blood boil.

“What the _fuck_? You know what, that’s none of your fucking business. My whole life is _none of your business_ anymore.” He hissed, feeling his pulse in his neck. Then he felt Even tighten his hold around him, hand moving to his waist to press him into his side, thumb stroking softly, reassuringly, over his t-shirt.

Isak took a breath, then continued, looking his ex-boyfriend in the eyes. “…So to answer your question, _no_ , I don’t want to grab a beer with you. Ever. Stay the fuck away from me. “

Mats looked at him for a moment. Then he shrugged nonchalantly. “Yeah, well. You have my number, if you change your mind.” 

Isak snorted bitterly at his ex’s bravado. _Wow, you really don’t get it, do you._

“Actually, I don’t. And I won’t. You and I are so fucking done.” Isak said and then grabbed Even’s hand, slotting their fingers together and then turned around walking away.

They walked in silence for a few hundred meters, Isak’s heart still beating wildly in his chest with rage.

_What the fuck just happened._

Then Even looked at him. “So. He transferred?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you okay?”

Isak sucked in a breath. “Yeah. No. I don’t know.”

Even stopped walking and drew him into a close hug. And Isak went willingly, crashing into Even’s warm body and letting him soothe him with a hand down his spine.

“I’m just. Like, what the _fuck_?” he gritted out against Even’s shoulder, “I’m so fucking pissed. Like, what did he _think_ –“ His body simmered with anger, as he let out a shaky breath against Even’s shoulder.

Even didn’t say anything, just kept stroking his hand down Isak’s spine, smoothing the thin cotton of his t-shirt over his back, anchoring him.

A few minutes and some deep breaths later, Isak felt his heart rate slow down to normal and his anger dissipating, as he relaxed against Even.

“You okay?” Even asked softly.

“Yeah.” Isak nodded. “Yes.”

_Now I am._

“Wanna get a cup of coffee and tell me about your first day of work?” Even asked, running his nose over Isak’s cheek, then pressing a kiss there.

“Yeah.” Isak said queitly.

“Yeah?” Even smiled.

“Yeah.” His lips quirked into a soft smile. 

∙

Ten minutes later they stepped into an on-campus café and bought iced coffee. Then they walked up to a huge grass lawn dotted with groups of new first-semester students and found a free spot of grass where they plopped down side by side, shorts-clad thighs resting against each other.

”Hey.” Even smiled softly.

Isak got the hint. _Let’s start the afternoon over_.

”Hi.” he breathed out and smiled, letting himself look at Even, trailing his gaze over the black Nike football shorts, which were actually _his_ , the soft grey t-shirt with RayBans hanging from the collar, pulling the neckline down a bit and exposing his collarbones. His slightly damp hair, softly curling at the shoulders.

Isak lifted a hand to card through it. 

“Have you been to the pool?”

“Yeah, I skipped the library and hung out with Eskild for a couple of hours instead. Then I hit the pool. Borrowed your swim trunks, I hope that’s okay?”

Isak nodded with a smile, “of course.” Then he treaded a hand through Even’s hair again, tracking the movement with his eyes.

Even sent him a smile. “Eskild offered to cut my hair today…”

“ _No, baby, don’t cut it_.” Isak parodied what Even had said to him a few days ago with a crooked smile.

Even snorted a laugh. “That’s not how I said it…!”

“It was. Exactly like that.” Isak nodded confidently.

“No.”

“Ye-”

Isak didn’t get to finish before Even gave him a smiley eyebrow raise, and leaned in for a kiss, effectively ending the discussion. Isak smiled into the kiss, breathing out a “it was.” against Even’s lips. Even smiled back, lips sliding softly over his, as he shook his head slightly.

A few more slow, deep kisses, and then they broke apart smiling.

“It is getting kinda long, though.” Even said, carding a hand through his own hair.

“Yeah I guess…” Isak admitted looking at Even’s hair. “…But if you cut it, I won’t be able to do this.” He twirled a handful of Even’s thick, soft hair around his fist, pulling slightly.

Even let out a quiet gasp at the feeling, beautiful plush lips parting slightly and Isak took advantage and leaned in for a kiss, slipping him a little tongue and tasting the iced coffee on Even’s tongue. He gave Even’s hair another pull and was awarded with a low moan.

Even’s hand settled just above his knee, fingers sneaking in under his shorts, touching skin. Then he inched his fingers a few centimeters up towards his crotch, and Isak sucked in a breath, arousal already simmering low in his stomach. 

He let go of Even’s hair and pulled back a little. They were in the middle of campus and surrounded by brand-new first-year students after all. Perhaps even some of Isak’s students. So, Isak reeled it in a little, trying to keep it PG.

Even got the memo and slid his hand back on Isak’s knee, kisses tapering off into unhurried, sticky pecks. 

“So, how did your first day at your new job go?” Even smiled, when they finally broke apart. 

“Really good, actually.” Isak smiled back. “…I was a pretty decent lab assistant, if I say so myself. Managed to answer like 98 % of the questions.”

Even smiled, eyes crinkling. “Of course. I knew you’d be so fucking good at it.”

Isak shrugged with a smile. “I was decent. I mean, there’s always more to read up on an-“

“I bet you were awesome, baby.” Even smiled, lifting a hand to tuck one of Isak’s curls behind his ear. “…And now all those fresh-out-of-school first-semester students are drooling over you, like…” Even pitched his voice higher, “… _wow, smart_ and _hot, who_ is _this Isak Valtersen_ …”

Isak snorted a laugh. “ _What_? And, was that supposed to be a girl’s voice?”

Even laughed back, “yeah, I don’t know…”

“Too bad I’m not into girls then.” Isak smirked.

Even raised his eyebrows, “oh I’m sure there are some guys drooling over you, too.”

“You think so?” Isak flirted back.

“Yes.” Even smiled at him. “…Can’t say I blame them.”

Isak’s lips tipped into a crooked smile and then he leaned in for a kiss.

“Best cheerleader ever.”

“Well, I aim to please.” Even said against his lips.

“Is that so?”

“Uh huh.” Even nodded, chasing Isak’s lips.

“Want to go back to my place and prove it?” Isak smirked.

“Yes.” Even breathed against his lips.

∙

Thirty minutes later they scrambled in through the door to Kollektivet, both breathing hard, arousal obvious by the matching bulges in their shorts.

They both kicked off their sneakers in the corridor, then shrugged off their backpacks dumping them on the floor before making their way towards Isak’s room, hands already clawing at each other’s t-shirts, lips locked in messy kisses.

“Hey Baby J, how was your first day?“ Eskild’s voice floated from the living-room.

“Uh, yeah, uh later Eskild.” Isak muttered distractedly between heated kisses.

“Jeezus.” Eskild said from the living-room, and Isak shut the door to his room with his hip, crowding Even against it and attacking his neck with wet kisses, pressing the hard length of his erection against Even’s hip.

Even slipped a hand into the back pocket of his shorts, grabbing a handful of his ass through the fabric, drawing him closer and making him press harder up against him. He found Even’s lips and gave him another messy kiss, a needy groan escaping when Even tightened his grip on his ass.

Then Even broke the kiss and pushed him off with a palm on his chest. “Bed. C’mon.”

Isak obliged, backing to the bed while holding onto Even’s hand.

Even almost threw him down on the bed and Isak leaned back on his elbows, watching as Even roughly pulled his own t-shirt off by the collar and then stripped off his shorts. Isak licked his lip as his eyes settled on the erection straining against the grey cotton of Even’s boxers.

Even raised his eyebrows flirtingly at him before he bent over to open Isak’s shorts, dragging them down his hips and then off. Then he pulled off Isak’s boxers and smoothed his hands over his naked thighs.

“Sit up.” he ordered, and Isak crunched up and let him pull his t-shirt over his head and throw it on the floor. Then he grabbed the back of Even’s neck and drew him in for a kiss, and Even trailed his hand down his chest to his erection, closing his fist around him and stroking him a few times. Isak closed his eyes at the feeling.

“Lie down on your stomach.” Even then said hoarsely, letting go of his erection.

Isak struggled to open his eyes, then finally managed to look at him with half-lidded eyes, lust-dazed brain taking a few moments to process the words. Even lifted his eyebrows, and Isak obeyed, finally laying back down and turning onto his stomach. He moaned at the friction on his dick, valiantly trying to resist the urge to grind against the sheets. Then he heard the click of the bottle of lube opening and felt Even spread his cheeks.

Isak hitched a breath at the first lick at his rim.

”Oh my God, fuck, Even.” he moaned and bucked back against Even, chasing the feeling of his tongue inside him.

He felt Even’s deep chuckle vibrate against his rim. ”Feels good?”

”Fuck yes.” he gasped breathily.

”Good.” Even said, voice raspy before he swiped his tongue over Isak’s rim again, then slipped in a finger alongside the tip of his tongue.

 _Ohmygodfuckyes_.

∙

”Holy _fuck_.” Isak breathed with a sated smile some twenty minutes later, when Even gingerly pulled out and dropped a kiss to his right ass cheek and then flopped down onto his back next to him, still breathing hard. Even then turned his head and shot him a dopey smile, and Isak shot him one back before he lazily turned onto his back.

“Dammmn.” Even smiled, eyes on the ceiling, still trying to catch his breath.

“Mhmm.” Isak agreed smilingly, looking at Even’s face.

“So…” Even shot him a side-glance. “…Did I prove it?”

“Huh? What?”

“…That I aim to please you?” he smirked.

Isak snorted a little laugh. “Yes. Definitely. You definitely _pleased_ me, baby. _Fuck_.”

“Good.” Even smiled as he languidly stretched after the Kleenex box on the bedside table.

∙

“So, _now_ do you have time to tell your guru about your first day at work?” Eskild piped up from where he was sitting on the couch scrolling his phone, when Isak and Even padded into the living-room fresh from the shower about fifteen minutes later.

“Hey Even.” Eskild added with a nod.

“Hey.” Even smiled and let go of Isak’s hand to continue to the kitchen.

Isak sat down in the couch adjacent to the one Eskild was sitting in, sending him a smile. “I do, yeah. It went really well in fact.”

“That’s good, Isa-“

“Until I met Mats right outside the building.” Isak continued, folding one leg up under himself.

“What?” Eskild widened his eyes. Then he dropped his voice, “…does, uh…” he jerked his chin towards Even in the kitchen.

“Yeah yeah, he knows. He was there.”

“Oh. Okay. Wow. A bit awkward.” Eskild grimaced.

Isak snorted. “Yeah, you can say that.”

“Well, what did he say? Your asshole ex.” Eskild asked.

Even plopped down next to Isak in the couch, handing him a glass of water, putting a banana on the coffee table.

“Thanks.” Isak smiled at Even and took a sip of water then turned back to Eskild. “Uh, he asked me if I wanted to grab a beer with him and _catch up.”_

“Seriously?” Eskild said. “…He came on to you?”

“Yup.” Isak said, peeling the banana and taking a bite.

“Wow, what a dick move. Also, did he _not_ see this hot piece of ass beside you?” Eskild turned to look at Even. “You’re so much hotter than that guy, oh my God.”

Even quirked a laugh. “Thanks, Eskild.”

Isak turned his face to send Even a smirk, “it’s true, you are.”

“Thank you. I’m glad you think so.” Even smiled and squeezed his thigh.

“But what did you say to him? What happeeened??” Eskild asked impatiently.

“Well, he came on to me, then Even showed up. And then he was like _text me if you change your mind_ , and I was like _fuck no, you and I are done_. Then I told him to stay the fuck away from me. And then we left.” He said, placing his hand on top of Even’s resting on his thigh, fingers slipping in between Even’s.

Eskild nodded. “Good comeback. I just hope he gets the memo and stays the fuck away.”

“Yeah, me too.” Isak agreed.

“You know I meant it about that fucking restraining order, right?” Eskild said, leaning forward to grab a glass of iced tea on the table.

“Restraining order?” Even said, a worried edge to his voice as he looked between Eskild and Isak.

Isak rolled his eyes at Eskild, then looked at Even.

“He’s kidding. No need for a restraining order.”

“I fucking hope not.” Eskild snapped his fingers.

“Chill, Guru, I got this.” Isak said, sending Eskild a look. 

“Okay okay.” Eskild said, sensing that the conversation about Mats was over. Then he turned to Even to make casual conversation. “How was the pool?”

“It was good.” Even smiled back at Eskild. “2k in 32 minutes.”

“Wow. Pretty good time.” Isak smiled approvingly.

“Uh, is that fast, or?” Eskild asked obliviously, looking between them.

“It was alright.” Even smiled at Eskild, “…Isak is starting to catch up to me, so I thought I’d push myself a bit. Amp up the exercise.”

“Told you I’d beat your time someday.” Isak winked at Even.

“Yeah yeah, we’ll see about that.” Even smirked back, “you haven’t beaten it just yet.”

“And here I thought you two were both getting _plenty_ of exercise, but what do I know…” Eskild smirked.

“I’m not complaining.” Isak smirked back, then looked at Even, catching his eyes.

“Me neither.” Even smiled.

* * *

**Four days later - Friday 28 August 2020**

Friday at 12:03 Isak stepped into the cafeteria of the humanities department, where he was meeting the guys and Even for lunch. His week had been blissfully Mats-free since he met him Monday, and Isak felt great. It was Friday, the sun was shining, and he had great weekend plans.

He scanned the large area of the cafeteria and quickly spotted Even sitting at a table with Jonas and Magnus. He quirked a smile at how effortlessly Even had slipped into his group of friends.

 _Well he_ is _fucking charming._

Isak strode up to the table and pulled out a chair next to Even, sitting down with a “hey” directed at Jonas and Magnus and then he turned to Even with a soft smile and an even softer “ _hey_.”

“Hey, babe.” Even smiled back and gave him a sweet kiss, hand casually settling at the base of his neck, fingertips softly caressing the skin. Isak leaned into the touch.

“So, are you guys ready for tomorrow?” Magnus said before biting into a sandwich.

“Yeah, I think so.” Even smiled.

“Mhmm. All set.” Isak smiled. “What about you guys?”

“Sure.” Jonas said casually.

“Yeah, man! Picked up my suit yesterday and it looks pretty dope.” Magnus smiled.

“Cool.” Isak smiled. “…I still can’t believe you both managed to crash your way into Sana’s wedding, though.”

“Eva needed a plus one, so.” Jonas shrugged, a smirk playing at his lips.

“So did Vilde.” Magnus said.

“You guys are such freeloaders.” Isak squinted his eyes teasingly at Jonas and Magnus.

“Um hello, aren’t _you_ Even’s plus one??” Magnus then said, waving his hand at Even.

“No. Sana invited me _and_ a plus one back in February.” Isak smirked, leaning back in his seat.

“Oh.” Magnus said. “Wait, so neither of you two is bringing a plus one?”

“No.” Even smiled.

“Hah!” Magnus then said triumphantly, “…so because of my wingman-skills, Sana and Yousef are actually saving money on your guys’ plus ones! Think about _that_!”

“Uh, I guess-“ Isak smiled at Magnus’ logic.

“Not such a freeloader now, huh.” Magnus smirked.

Even snorted a laugh and Isak rolled his eyes with a smile, as Magnus turned to Jonas “…my wingman skills paid for you and me, bro.” and Jonas clapped Magnus’ hand, “right, dude. Thanks for that.”

“No problem, bro.” Magnus smiled at Jonas.

Even then picked up his phone from his pocket, looking down at the screen with a smile and then back up.

“Sorry guys, I have to split. The old Bakka-crew are meeting to give Yousef a proper send-off.”

“Like a bachelor party? Sounds fun.” Magnus said enthusiastically.

“Yeah…” Even smiled. “…It’s going to be really chill though, because Sana would probably kill us all, if Yousef showed up with a hangover tomorrow.”

“Right. She’s badass.” Jonas laughed.

“Absolutely.” Even agreed with a smile.

“So, no stripper?” Magnus said.

Even snorted a laugh, “ _definitely_ no stripper.”

“Can’t really picture Yousef with a stripper, either…” Isak mused.

“No.” Even smiled, “…so not his thing. Adam would’ve been stoked, though.”

Isak laughed. “Shit yeah.”

“But, uh question…“ Magnus said, looking at Even “…does Yousef even drink alcohol? Isn’t he Muslim?”

“Dude, you had beers with him at my birthday.” Isak said.

“Yeah, but…” Magnus said, not quite comprehending.

“His parents are Muslim, but Yousef is not religious.” Even clarified.

“Oh.” Magnus said. “What about the rest of the guys? I mean, I’ve seen them drink beer and smoke weed too, but I kinda thought they were all Muslim…?”

“Well, they are. Still like to party, though.” Even smiled, then stood up, shrugging on his backpack, “anyway, I’m meeting the guys at a hookah-café in Grønland in 20 minutes, so I gotta go.”

“Have fun. Say hi to everyone from me.” Isak smiled up at him, and Even bent down to kiss him.

“Thanks, I will.” _Kiss._ “I’ll…” _Kiss_. “Pick you up…” _Kiss_. “At 11:00.” _Kiss_. “Tomorrow.” _Kiss_.

“Deal.” Isak nodded, then another few kisses, and then Even pulled back with a smile, shooting Magnus and Jonas a “bye, guys, see you tomorrow.”

“Have a good night, man.”

“See you tomorrow, Even.”

Even walked away, blowing Isak one last kiss over his shoulder, then a wink.

Isak smiled at him until he reached the exit doors, then he turned back to Jonas and Magnus with a dazed smile. 

“Shit, you guys are disgustingly cute. Like, _wow_.” Magnus said, shaking his head slightly.

“You jealous or something?” Isak smirked, raising one eyebrow.

“Nah, I’m happy for you, Issy.” Magnus smiled.

“Aw. Thanks, Mags.” Isak tilted his head.

“ _I’ve been drinkin’, watermelon…_ ” Jonas started singing jokingly and Isak rolled his eyes with a smile.

“Shut up, man.”

“ _Druuuuuuuuuuuuuunk in looooooooove_.” Magnus continued loudly.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Isak said with no bite as his lips quirked into a wide smile and he felt a slight blush creep up.

_Fuck it. Yes. I am._

∙

The next morning at 10:26 Isak was freshly showered and shaved, spritzing on a few drops of cologne, when it hit him that he didn’t have a black tie and _did Magnus ever return the navy one he borrowed for new year’s?_

He rummaged through his closet but couldn’t find any ties.

He strode into the living-room in boxers and a white dress shirt, yelling out a slightly panicked “Eskiiiiiiild??”

“Yes?” came Eskild’s muted answer from his room, and Isak walked up to his door and popped his head in. “Hey. Do you by any chance have a black tie I can borrow today for Sana and Yousef’s wedding?”

Eskild looked at him, eyes scanning down over his white dress shirt. “What color suit are you wearing?”

“Uh, black.”

“Nice. Classic.” Eskild said approvingly, then stood up and walked to his closet, opening it and looking inside.

“Hmm, don’t think I have a black tie, actually.”

He took out a selection of 5-6 ties, most of them with vivid patterns. There was a pink one, too.

“Shit. Okay.” Isak said, drawing a frustrated hand through damp curls.

“But wait a second…” Eskild said and reached inside his closet again and drew out a slim dark-green silk tie. “What about this one?” he held the tie up and then draped it around Isak’s neck. “It’s dark enough to go with your suit, and the green will bring out your eyes.”

Isak looked down at the tie hanging loosely around his neck. “Yeah, looks good. Thanks, Guru.”

Eskild nodded. “You’re welcome. Just take good care of it. It’s silk, you know. Can’t even remember how many guys I’ve tied to the bed with it-”

“Yeah, that’s…” Isak’s hand flew to the tie, unwinding it from around his neck with a grimace.

“Kidding! Jeeesus.” Eskild smirked.

Isak rolled his eyes and walked out of the door, slinging the silk tie around his neck again. “Thanks, Eskild.”

“Have fun! With the wedding I mean, not the tie.” Eskild yelled after him.

∙

Twenty minutes later, he was still barefoot in boxers and a dress shirt, on his fifth attempt of tying the tie. His hair looked good though, so there was that.

The door buzzed loudly, so he paused the YouTube tie tutorial on his laptop and quickly walked to the door, tie slung loosely around his neck, shirt unbuttoned at the collar.

He opened the door and “oh.” was all he could say, as his jaw dropped almost cartoonishly.

Even leaned against the doorframe, looking absurdly hot in a tailored black suit, black dress shoes, a white button-down and a slim black tie. His hair was swept back and looked soft, so soft. It also looked a bit shorter than yesterday.

“Hey.” Even smiled, eyes crinkling a little at the corners as he looked at Isak in boxers and a dress shirt, tie hanging untied around his neck.

“Sorry I’m early.” He smiled as he stepped in, shrugging off the suit jacket and draping it over his arm.

“I’m not sorry.” Isak smirked, as he raked his eyes down Even again.

 _Holy_ shit _._

Even caught him looking with a smile, “you like it?”

Isak licked his bottom lip, eyes lingering on Even’s legs, then his crotch and chest and shoulders before he dragged them all the way up to meet Even’s eyes. “Fuck yes. You look amazing.”

“Thanks.” Even smiled and leaned in for a kiss, and Isak instantly parted his lips, wanting to taste him. He stroked his tongue against Even’s, grabbing a handful of his ass over the smooth suit pants.

Before the kiss could turn really heated though, Even pulled back with a smirk, “need help with that?” he nodded at the untied tie around Isak’s neck.

“That, and-“ Isak pressed his semi against Even’s thigh, “…this.”

Even gave him a flirty eyebrow raise then took a quick look at his watch, “don’t think I’m early enough for that.”

“Damn.” Isak said.

_Later._

“Well, help me with this fucking tie, then.” he sassed.

Even snorted a laugh. “Sure.”

Isak grabbed his hand and they walked back to his room, where Even leaned against Isak’s messy desk watching him, while he put on socks and the fitted, black suit pants. He tucked his white shirt down his pants and put on black dress shoes.

Even trailed his eyes over him, rolling his lip in.

“Wow.”

“Yeah?” Isak smiled, walking up to Even.

“Shit, yeah. You look so fucking hot.” Even swiped his tongue over his lip. “Here, let me…” his hands settled on the loose tie around Isak’s neck and he started to tie it.

Isak smirked at Even’s slightly fumbling hands. “You having problems there?”

Even raised his eyebrows, eyes still focused on the tie in his hands. “Uh, _yeah_. You’re standing right there looking like _that_ , and you smell fucking amazing, so yeah.”

Isak leaned forward slightly, grazing Even’s jaw with his lips, as he whispered, “how would you feel about tying me to the bed with this tie?”

Even’s hand stalled on the tie, and Isak almost felt the jump of his Adam’s apple. Then Even let out a breath. “Don’t fucking tempt me.”

Isak pressed his knee between Even’s thighs and smirked when he felt Even was starting to get hard.

He didn’t grind against him, though, because _we’re not going to be late to Sana’s wedding, because we couldn’t keep our hands off each other_.

Instead he pulled back slightly and watched Even bite his own lip in concentration as he finally tied the tie with a half Windsor knot.

_Later._

“There.” Even said, adjusting the tie around Isak’s neck, folding down the collar and buttoning the collar buttons. He pulled back to admire his work and then he leaned back in, dropping his voice low, seductive. “By the way, can’t wait to tie you up with it later.”

Isak swallowed drily.

 _Later later later_.

∙

After Eskild had spent a few minutes gaping at the both of them in their suits and insisted on taking photos even though Isak had rolled his eyes hard with a “quit it with the pictures, Eskild, we’re not going to _prom_ or whatever…” and Eskild had then slipped something into Even’s breast pocket with a smirk and proceeded to give them both a goodbye-kiss on the cheek, they were finally bouncing down the stairs.

“What did Eskild slip into your pocket?” Isak smiled as they reached the ground floor.

“Maybe you’ll find out later.” Even replied with a smirk, then grabbed his hand and led him to the car, smoothly opening the door for him.

“Such a gentleman.” Isak smirked, sliding down in the passenger seat, suit jacket draped over his arm in the warm August air.

“You know it, baby.” Even winked before closing the door and walking around the car, sliding into the driver’s seat, folding his suit jacket and putting it in the back. Then he started the engine and pulled the car out on the street, heading for Oslo City Hall.

“So, did you have fun with Yousef and the guys yesterday?” Isak asked, hand settling casually on Even’s right thigh as they pulled up to a red light.

“Yeah. It’s been a while since the whole crew has gotten together. You know, there’s always one or two who can’t make it. But yesterday everyone showed up and it was kinda like the old times back at Bakka.” Even smiled. “…Well, except we weren’t drunk or high out of minds.”

“Right.” Isak smiled.

“Probably smoked like ten heads of shisha, though.”

Isak laughed. “Yeah, I thought you tasted a bit weird. Not bad, just...Fruity.”

“Yeah.” Even nodded with a smile, “Apple tobacco. Yousef’s pick.”

“Of course.” Isak smiled and leaned back in his seat, looking over at Even with a smile as the light turned green again and Even shifted gears.

He let his eyes linger on him, on his shoulders and chest in the fitted white button-down, his hand casually gripping the wheel. Then he let his eyes trail up to his face, studying his profile. The sharp jaw and cheekbones, his full lips. His dirty-blonde hair artfully swept back.

“Did you cut your hair?” Isak smiled.

Even smirked, eyes still on the street ahead of them. “Yeah. I had Mikael trim it a little bit this morning. Wanted to look sharp for the wedding.”

“You do look sharp.” Isak said approvingly. “…And it’s still long enough for me to pull. So.” He smirked.

Even smiled.

Isak reached a hand out to touch Even’s hair, but Even dodged his hand, moving his head out of Isak’s reach.

“Nuh uh. I spent like half an hour on it, you’re not messing it up now. Also, I’m driving, babe.”

Isak pouted.

_Later._

∙

The ceremony at City Hall was short and sweet, but the following ceremony at the mosque was beautiful. And even though he didn’t understand the Quran verses being recited, and he wasn’t that big on religion, Isak still teared up at how stunning Sana looked in her white dress and hijab, and how happy she and Yousef looked together. Even shot him a beautiful smile and gave his hand a little squeeze, and Isak had to wipe his shirt sleeve at the single tear that ran down his cheek.

∙

After the ceremony Isak and Even took the car to the Bakkoushs’, where the wedding party was being held, with Mikael in a grey suit and Adam in a traditional Moroccan djellaba, hitching a ride on the backseat.

Even parked the car a few blocks from the Bakkoushs’, because the street was already packed with cars, and then they climbed the stairs of the building to the large rooftop terrace on top.

Isak let out a quiet “wow”, when they reached the top.

The rooftop terrace was huge, big enough for 70+ wedding guests, and the whole place was decked out with string lights, beautiful wildflower arrangements, and a massive buffet of homemade Moroccan food.

A young woman in a striking yellow kaftan and hijab welcomed them with a traditional appetizer of dates and a glass of almond milk with a hint of orange juice. Even accepted his with a smile and a “ _shukran.”,_ making the woman smile back at him sweetly, answering something in Arabic.

Isak bit into a date and looked over at him. “You speak Arabic?”   
  
Even smiled back at him. “Just a tiny bit.”   
  
“Huh.” Isak nodded with a surprised smile.

When they’d finished the dates and almond milk, they found Sana and Yousef and greeted them with cheek kisses and “congratulations!” before finding a spot at one of the long tables, sitting down next to Jonas, Eva, Mutta, Adam and Noora and digging into the buffet. 

“Mmm, delicious.” Even smiled, closing his lips around the forkful of chicken in a spicy lemony sauce, Isak fed him.

“Mhmm, it’s so good.” Isak agreed, reloading the fork with food and popping it in his own mouth with a little moan.

Even watched him with a smile.

“Hey, you haven’t cooked Moroccan for me, yet…” Isak then said, raising an eyebrow faux-accusingly at Even.

“Shit no, you’re right.” Even smiled. “How about next weekend? We can shop herbs and spices in Grønland and then go back to my place and I’ll cook for you?”

“Deal.” Isak said with a smile, as Even shook his hand.

“It’s a date.”

“It’s a date, baby.”

∙

Later, when the sun was setting and the sky turned pastel blue with streaks of pink, some of the long tables were moved up against a wall to make room for a large dance floor in the middle of the terrace, and a little makeshift dj stand in one of the corners. At around 22 degrees celsius, the air was still pleasantly warm, and Isak had draped his suit jacket over the back of a chair and was now busy staring at Even across the terrace. Even was talking to Sana’s mom, smiling and laughing, and Isak noticed how Even had loosened his tie and rolled up his shirt sleeves a bit.

Isak was so focused on watching Even, that he didn’t even notice Jonas walk right up to him.

“Hey, bro.” Jonas smiled.

Isak turned his head to look at Jonas with a smile. “Hey, man.”

Jonas jerked his chin in Even’s direction, “he looks good in a suit.”

Isak followed Jonas’s gaze to Even. “Yeah, shit.”

 _He looks so fucking hot_. _Like_ damn.

Then he turned back to Jonas, giving him a crooked smile.

“You clean up well too, bro.”

“Thanks. You too, Iss-“

“…Well, the shoes are maybe a bit…” Isak smirked as he looked down at Jonas’ black-and-white checkered Vans.

Jonas laughed, “shut up, I cleaned them!”

Isak snorted a laugh, then clinked his glass of sparkly peach and cranberry punch to Jonas’ and took a sip. 

Then he looked out over the dance floor and spotted Eva dancing with Noora, Vilde and Sana. Eva was laughing as she twirled Sana around to some Ariana Grande song.

Isak jerked his chin in Eva’s direction, “so, what’s the deal with you and Eva?”

Jonas took another sip of punch, then lifted his eyebrows. “ _Deal_ , what do you mean? There’s no _deal_.”

Isak quirked an eyebrow at him. “Really?”

“I don’t know, man.” Jonas shrugged, still a wide smile at his lips.

“Okay.” Isak nodded with a smile.

“Ask me again in a couple of weeks.” Jonas said enigmatically.

“Oy.” Isak smiled. “Are you in love with her?”

“Was I ever not?” Jonas said back, his eyes on Eva as she made her way towards them.

Isak nodded, and then Eva was right in front of them, stretching her hand out to Jonas.

“Come on, Jonas!” she grinned as Beyoncé’s _All the Single Ladies_ started playing.

“Nei.” Jonas shook his head with a smile.

She let go of his hand with a quick pout, then turned to Isak, “Isak?”

“Ehhhhh…” Isak wavered.

“Come on, Issy, it’s Beyoncé! And Jonas never wants to dance with me!”

“Uh, yeah, okay whatever...” Isak shrugged, sending Jonas an apologetic smile, as Eva dragged him off to the dancefloor.

“Isak prefers _Drunk in Love_ …” Jonas called out after them, and Isak laughed, almost raising a hand to flip him off, but then remembered he was at a wedding.

They stepped onto the dancefloor and he half-heartedly joined in on the choreography to _All the Single Ladies,_ letting Eva lead him even though he towered 5 inches over her. He looked over the top of Eva’s head and caught Even looking at him from across the rooftop, where he was now hanging out with Elias and Mutta. He met his eyes and Even flashed him a surprised smile. Isak raised his eyebrows with a smirk. _What? I dance sometimes._

Then he turned back to look at Eva.

“So, what’s up with you and Jonas?” he leaned in and asked her over the music.

“We’re friends. Ish.” She smiled.

“ _Ish_?” Isak smiled.

“Yeah, I mean we have sex sometimes, too.”

“Okay.” he nodded with a smile, “…Aaand he’s your plus one…”

“Yeah. So?” She looked up at him with an innocent smile.

“Nothing.” Isak smiled back at her and they danced to All the Single Ladies, with Noora, Chris and Vilde eventually joining in. 

Then the music faded into [_I Feel it Coming_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFLhGq0060w) and Isak smiled when he spotted Sana and Yousef dancing closely together.

He trailed his eyes over the dancefloor and saw Even walk up to him and the girls. Even shot him a dazzling smile then turned to Eva, tilting his head. “Hey Eva, mind if I cut in…?”

“No, you can have him.” She smiled at Even, who shot her a smiley “thanks.” back.

Even grabbed his hand and placed his other hand between his shoulder blades, and Isak leaned into his warm body as they swayed together.

“Mmm, you smell good.” Isak said, as he nosed at Even’s neck, smelling a heady mix of cologne and Even’s own scent.

“So do you.” Even replied as he buried his nose in Isak’s hair. “…Also, sweet moves to _All the Single Ladies_ …” he sent him a teasing, crinkly-eyed smile.

Isak snorted a laugh then shrugged nonchalantly, “I’m the dance master…”

Even laughed, “uh no, that would be Yousef…” he nodded over at Sana and Yousef dancing and Yousef freestyling some dance moves.

“Oh. Shit, yeah.” Isak said with a surprised smile. “I didn’t know Yousef could dance…”

“He can dance. He used to take dance classes at a studio in Løkka back in the days.” Even smiled.

“Cool.” Isak said, lips quirking into a wide smile, as he watched Sana laugh at some of Yousef’s more elaborate dance moves.

Then he turned back to Even and let him twirl him around before leaning in for a kiss.

“I can’t believe Sana and Yousef are married now. Like _married_. Sana isn’t even 21 yet.” Isak said, somewhat awestruck.

“I don’t know, I think it’s kinda romantic. Getting married young.” Even rolled his lip in, smiling almost shyly.

“Of course you do.” Isak smirked back.

“Hmm? What?” Even drew his eyebrows together with a soft smile.

“Just… you’re the most romantic person, ever.”

“I’m not.” Even smiled.

“Uh, _yeah_!” Isak said assertively. “You are.” He leaned in and kissed Even again. “I dig it, though. It’s cute.”

“Yeah?” Even smiled.

“Mhmm. Yeah.” Isak nodded, lips tipping into a smile.

“Okay.” Even sent him a dazzling smile.

∙

A little while later, Isak left Even with Jonas, Mutta and the girls and went down to the Bakkoushs’ apartment to pee. When he exited the bathroom and walked towards the front door to go back to the rooftop, he passed by a room with an open door.

“Isaaaak!” came Adam’s enthusiastic voice and Isak stepped inside what he guessed what Elias’ old room; a couple of Dr.Dre and Snoop Dogg posters still on the wall. 

Adam, Mikael and Magnus were in there, passing a joint between them in front of an open window. 

“Hey guys.” Isak smiled at Adam and Mikael sitting in the windowsill and then he walked up next to Magnus, clapping his hand. “Yo Mags. You hanging out with the cool kids?”

Magnus took a drag of the joint. “Yeah. Jonas is busy with Eva, and you’re busy with Even.” 

“Yeah, I guess…But where’s Vilde? You know, _your plus one_.” Isak sassed.

“Uh…” Magnus took another drag of the joint, inhaling deeply, “…last time I saw her, she was flirting with Mutta.”

Adam and Mikael cracked a laugh.

“Ouch, bro.” Adam said, as Magnus passed the joint back to Mikael.

Isak snorted a laugh. “Rest in peace, Mags… Mutta is hella charming.”

“Yeah, I know. Well…” Magnus shrugged. “…At least I have you guys…” He nodded at Mikael, “…and Mikael’s grade A weed.”

Mikael smiled as he took a drag of the joint, then offered it to Isak.

“You want?”

“No thanks, I’m good.” Isak smiled.

“Oh. Right. Even?” Mikael said.

Isak nodded.

“Even won’t let you smoke?” Magnus asked obliviously.

“No no, Even is fine with me smoking… we’re just both laying off the weed a bit.” Isak explained.

“Oh. Okay.” Magnus said. “Well, your loss, Issy, cuz this is some goooood shit.”

“I’m sure it is.” Isak nodded with a smile.

A couple minutes of small talk later, and Isak had gotten some more details about the Bakka-guys’-hookah-bar-night-out yesterday, and the joint had burned to a stub and Adam started bopping his head to the beat of some Major Lazer song coming in loud and clear through the open window.

“Nice!” he said appreciatively and nodded towards the roof, “you guys coming?”

“Yeah, sure, man.” Magnus nodded and made his way to the door with Adam. Then he stopped in his tracks. “Hey, do you guys think Vilde is flirting with Mutta to make me jealous??”

“Could be, man. Some chicks do that.” Adam said.

“I know, right?” Magnus said enthusiastically and then he and Adam were out the door, leaving Mikael and Isak chuckling.

Mikael looked at Isak for a second, then cast his eyes down at the floor before looking back up.

Isak leaned against the desk looking over at Mikael with a smile. “What’s up, Mik?”

“Nah, nothing, man.” Mikael smiled back. Then “…I just wanted to apologize, I guess.”

“Hm? For what?” Isak drew his eyebrows together.

“For how I acted back in the spring. When you and Even were still brand-new.”

Isak thought back to what Mikael could possibly have said or done. Then he remembered.

 _“If you don’t want to be with Even, if you can’t_ handle _him or whatever, I strongly suggest you get out now…”_

“I’m sorry Isak. I was wrong about you.” Mikael said. “…And I shouldn’t have judged you or tried to interfere. I mean, you’re _so_ good for him.”

_Oh._

Isak felt his heart skip a beat at Mikael’s unexpected words. He looked down.

“Uh, thanks. I’m…”

Then he looked back up at Mikael.

“I love him.”

Mikael smiled “I know.” and a comfortable silence settled between them for a few moments.

  
They had just agreed to go back to the party, when Even walked in through the door with a soft smile, eyes crinkling when he saw Isak.

“So, this is where you guys are hiding?” he said as he walked up to Isak and then curled a hand around his hip.

“We weren’t _hiding_.” Isak smiled.

Even tilted his head, looking between Isak and Mikael, “uh judging by how much it smells of weed in here, I’d say _someone_ was definitely hiding…”

“That would’ve been Adam and Magnus.” Mikael said plainly. “…And me a little bit. Not Isak though.”

“Okay.” Even smiled, giving Isak’s hip a little squeeze.

Mikael hopped off the windowsill and made his way to the door with a smile.

“See you guys upstairs.”

Then he was out the door and Isak and Even were alone.

“Hey.” Even smiled softly and leaned in for a kiss.

“Hey.” Isak smiled back against Even’s lips and then parted his lips, deepening the kiss. He let his tongue play with Even’s, one hand settling around Even’s neck, blunt fingernails raking over the skin at the base of his neck. Even’s quiet moan vibrated against his lips.

Then Even pulled back an inch, resting his forehead against Isak’s and smiling with half-lidded eyes. “Have I told you how fucking sexy you look in that suit?”

“Once or twice, yeah.” Isak smirked.

“Good. Cuz you deserve to know. You look _so_ _fucking_ _hot_ , Isak.”

Even pulled back to rake his eyes down his body, and the look he gave Isak when he met his eyes again, wiped the smirk off Isak’s lips.

Isak felt his heart skip a beat and had to swallow drily, as blood started to surge between his legs with impressive speed.

He didn’t really think, just backed Even up against the windowsill and started kissing him messily, taking a moment to breathe out a “have you seen yourself, Even. Holy _shit.”_

He felt Even suck in a breath and then he pressed up hard against him, nudging a leg between his thighs, and _oh_.

“I want you so fucking bad.” Even breathed in his ear, and Isak shivered, eyes falling shut, as Even bucked his hips against him.

“Same. Fuck.”

Even leaned in and kissed him again, kisses growing more and more heated and desperate until Isak had to pull back to breathe.

He opened his eyes and they fell on a Snoop Dogg poster hanging on the wall right next to Even.

Then he took a step back with a smile, shaking his head slightly. “No, we’re not having sex in Elias’ old room.”

“No?” Even smirked, dropping his eyes to Isak’s crotch and then back up, pupils blown.

“No.” Isak shook his head. “…People could come in, and… no.”

“You sure? I got lube.” Even smirked and patted his chest pocket.

Isak snorted a laugh. “That’s what Eskild slipped into your pocket?”

“Yes.” Even smiled.

Isak rolled his eyes with a smile. “Jeez.”

Even pulled on his hand and he crashed back into him, chests and hips and lips connecting again. A minute later and Even started grinding in slow circles against him again and Isak popped off Even’s lips, throwing his head back with a frustrated “ugh.” Then he snapped his head back and made a point of taking a couple of steps back, putting some distance between them.

“Nei. Not happening.” He smiled.

“Bummer.” Even said with no bite, flicking his tongue over his lip. They both took a moment to calm down and readjust themselves in tight suit pants. Then Even grabbed Isak’s hand, heading for the door and the stairs to the rooftop. “Dance with me?” he smiled.

“I can do that.” Isak smiled back and they made their way back to the rooftop and onto the crowded dancefloor just as the music faded into a slow [Erykah Badu song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIvBGpO0uB0).

_”I'm in love with you, in love with you, in love with you, in love with you_   
_I'm in love with you, in love with you, in love with you, in love with you, yeah_   
_I'm so in love, baby…”_

“Perfect.” Even smiled softly, nodding at the music and Isak rolled his eyes fondly, then let himself curl into Even, breathing him in.

They swayed gently to the music, and Isak rested his chin on Even’s shoulder.

“Uh…I’ve been, uh, meaning to ask you something, actually...” he said nervously.

Even pulled back slightly to look at him. “Are you proposing to me?” he joked, eyebrows raising cheekily.

Isak gave him another smiley eyeroll, feeling a little less nervous. “Wasn’t the plan, no. But way to ruin the surprise if I were…” he said drily.

“Right.” Even snorted a little laugh. “Sorry.”

“No, I was thinking...” Isak sucked in a breath, looking at Even, “…since we spend all our time together anyway... maybe... I don’t know… we could find a place together...?”

A beat of silence and then 

“You want to move in together?” Even raised his eyebrows with a smile.

“Yeah.” Isak nodded. “...I already spoke with my dad and he’s willing to lend us some money for the down payment. I mean, if you want to. Move in together...”

“Yes.” Even beamed. “Yes! I’d love that.”

“Okay. Yeah. Cool.” Isak nodded, trying to reign in the huge smile spreading on his lips and the feeling of butterflies going wild in his chest.

They kept swaying to the slow song.

Then Even quietly said “But um… there are going to be times when it’s probably not going to be easy… living with me.”

“I don’t care, Even. I love you.” Isak replied plainly, then realizing this was the first time he’d said those words to Even. To anyone.

He swallowed drily and then met Even’s eyes.

And Even looked at him wide-eyed for a couple of long moments and then his lips tipped into a soft smile.

“I love you too, Isak. So much.”

Isak’s heart skipped a beat at the words.

∙

It was around 2am, when they finally stumbled into Even’s apartment kissing messily. Mikael and Mutta had passed up on a ride home, opting to stay at the party, so Isak and Even had the apartment to themselves. And Isak was _not_ quiet, when Even pressed him up against the front door as soon as it closed behind them and bucked his hips against him. Then Even’s hands were at his shoulders under the suit jacket, pushing it off.

“Fuck I love this suit on you, but it has to go…” he rasped out.

Isak nodded hastily and took off his suit jacket, then pushed Even’s off his shoulders. Both suit jackets ended on the floor, and Isak thought about hanging them up for a total of 1 second, then Even’s fingers were at the button of his pants and he forgot all about it. Even made quick work of sliding Isak’s suit pants and boxers down his hips, and then he unceremoniously dropped to his knees, taking him into his mouth.

The back of Isak’s head hit the door behind him with a dull thud, but he had to look. Had to see Even on his knees in front of him in a suit and tie. So he snapped his head back and looked down at Even, and _holy fuck yes that’s fucking hot_. The sight of Even’s pink lips stretched around him, jaw working to take him deeper, collarbones just visible where he’d loosened his tie and unbuttoned his collar, and the obscene bulge tenting his suit pants made Isak almost unbearably hard. He finally buried his fingers in Even’s soft hair, gripping a fistful of silky strands and messing up that perfect hairdo. He felt Even’s moan around his dick, and the sound and feel of it made him leak into Even’s mouth and _damn, if I don’t calm down right now, this is going to be over in less than a minute_ …

He pulled back a little bit, erection popping out wetly from between Even’s lips, and Even looked up at him, pupils completely blown.

“What do you want?” Even said hoarsely.

“You.” Isak managed and stretched his hand down to Even, pulling him up.

They quickly made their way to Even’s room, fingers fumbling to pop the buttons on each other’s shirts while kissing. Once inside his room, Even apparently lost his patience and quickly stripped off his half-open shirt, tie, suit pants, socks and boxers. Isak got the hint and hastily took off his own clothes, almost tripping trying to take off his suit pants while looking at Even.

Even gave him a quick smile, then he licked his lip, eyes going dark again. “So, that tie…?”

_Oh. Fuck, yeah._

Isak almost ripped the tie from his neck and handed it to Even.

“Get on the bed. Now.” Even ordered and Isak sucked in a breath, growing even harder at Even’s words.

He laid down on his back and licked his lip, looking up at Even climbing over his body, and leaning forward to pin his wrists over his head and tie them tightly together with the dark green silk tie.

Isak swallowed at the feeling, testing the tight knot out by trying to wriggle his wrists.

“Okay?” Even asked him lowly, sitting back on his heels.

“Mmh. Tight. But good.” Isak managed, overwhelmed with lust, eyes darting from Even’s eyes and down to his erection straining against his flat stomach.

Even nodded and then stretched his hand out to the bottle of lube on the bedside table, and Isak noticed how he opened the lid with slightly trembling fingers.

Then Even rubbed his fingers together and dropped them to Isak’s rim and Isak’s eyes fell shut, as Even worked him open. When Even started rubbing his prostate, Isak’s eyes flew open, hands scrambling for purchase where they were tied tightly together above his head.

”Look at you... so good for me, Isak...” Even rasped out, and Isak started moaning unabashedly at Even’s praise, the feeling of Even mercilessly rubbing his sweet spot and of being tied up, completely laid out for Even to take.

“Fuckfuckfuckfuck, baby, please.” He whimpered.

“Please what?” Even asked hoarsely.

“Fuck me.” Isak breathed out and started bucking back, fucking himself on Even’s fingers. Even kept his arm still and sat back and just watched him, the blue in his eyes completely swallowed by black.

Then he rasped out a low “fuck, Isak.” and carefully withdrew his fingers, slicking himself up with lube before sliding all the way into him, bottoming out.

∙

Isak was still enjoying his post-orgasmic high, when Even leaned over him to untie his hands and rub carefully at his wrists. Then he bent down to press a few kisses there, and Isak lifted his arms and shook them a bit to get rid of the weird pins and needles feeling in his bi- and triceps.

“Are you okay?” Even asked as he flopped back down beside him.

“Yeah.” Isak sent him a dazed smile. “I’m more than okay…”

“Okay. Good.” Even smiled, eyes crinkling.

“What about you?” Isak smiled softly.

Even raised his eyebrows slightly, “uh, _yeah._ That was…so fucking hot, baby.”

“Yeah.” Isak agreed with a sleepy smile, staring at the ceiling for a few moments.

Then Even pulled the covers up and pushed lightly at Isak, maneuvering him into spooning position. Isak closed his eyes, feeling happy and sated and warm with Even’s chest pressed up against his back, his arm draped over his waist.

And he was just about to drift off, when Even whispered “I would’ve said yes, by the way.”

_Said yes to wha-_

_Oh._

Isak felt himself blush slightly and for a moment felt glad his back was to Even so he couldn’t see his flushed cheeks. But then again, he probably could have blamed it on the sex.

“Jeez, Even, I’m not getting married at 21.” He scoffed quietly to deflect.

“But you _are_ getting married?”

Isak heard the smile in Even’s voice.

“Dunno. Maybe.” he pulled a little shrug, going for nonchalant.

“Okay.” Even said, then whispered “I can wait.”

Isak smiled against the pillow, his heart beating a little faster, despite feeling bone-tired and sated. Then his eyes fluttered closed again.

“Hey Is?” Even said quietly.

“Yeah?”

“Don’t give Eskild the tie back.”

Isak quirked a little smile. “I won’t.”

He felt Even press a light kiss to his shoulder blade and then he drifted off to sleep.

_Fin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. This is it for this fic. 😭 I had something quite different planned in my head to begin with (tbt me 5 months ago: I’ll just write a cute and fluffy lil’ 30k story of sassy!Isak...Lol) but this fic sorta took on a life of its own and wrote itself from chapter to chapter, taking some turns that I had not planned, lol. I’m still quite happy with how it turned out, though. 
> 
> A big thank you to everyone leaving kudos and/or comments, you guys rock and gave me inspiration and made it worth posting this story!❤️❤️❤️
> 
> Also, I may have a couple of (vague) ideas for new stories (think: sassy!Isak, S1!Isak, first times and pink sunsets.) I don’t know if I’ll get around to write them, but I hope so.
> 
> Alt er love. ❤️

**Author's Note:**

> So, this fic is currently unbeta’ed and could really use some more editing, but I just wanted to get it out there.
> 
> I hope you like it ❤️


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